First of all, judging by some panicked messages I got, you all got ENTIRELY the wrong idea. I’m not “seriously ill” and nowhere near the point I would consider ER. (Or Dan would consider ER, even.) I’m actually — still — not even sure it’s a “bug” at all and not “merely” auto-immune. Right now, what I have is EXTREME tiredness, some cough (but mostly sneezing) and probably (though I can’t find the thermometer) very mild fever. All of these, alas, are in the repertoire of my auto-immune. Much worse is in the repertoire of my auto-immune, in fact. I have reason to believe one of my doctors, for about ten years, diagnosed me with pneumonia when they were in fact severe auto-immune attacks. (When he retired, the next health care practitioner (actually a male NP) looked at me and said “Oh, it’s auto-immune” and gave me prednisone, which cleared it all right up like magic.)
This is not severe, though, except for my feeling like I’d like to sleep a lot, and like everything is a great deal of effort and also (the almost for sure mild fever) my tendency to get “lost” in the middle of doing something, and the truly weird dreams. (Also the too-hot too cold which alternated all night.)
Also, for those suspecting Wuflu, not only haven’t I lost my sense of smell and taste, but they seem HIDEOUSLY magnified. I put a few grains of pepper on dinner, and suddenly it’s too hot. A no-sugar lemonade mix I normally love suddenly tastes too “artificial” to endure. There is a weird smell in the hallway, undetected by everyone else, which is driving me BONKERS. Etc.
Also, the tests for Wuflu are PRC tests and massively unreliable. I’ll still have one, if I still have symptoms on Monday, simply because it’s courtesy not to join a meeting (on Friday) when I might be contagious.
Right now, I’m trying to get rid of whatever this is by boring it. By which I mean sleeping a lot, or at least lying down in the dark, with my eyes closed. Normally it works.
However I feel slightly cheated, since when I’m in this state my dreams tend to be wonderful fodder for stories. In fact I have an entire space opera earmarked to write from one of those dreams a few months ago.
Last night, otoh, I had a dream entirely in German. This worries me, because I no longer understand German well enough to translate it accurately. (No, I don’t know how I can dream in a language I can’t remember, but indeed I did.) As far as I can tell, one of those dreams kept telling me to “look in the kitchen.” And “It’s important to make cookies.” All of which achieved a magnified, horrific meaning in my dreams. I really don’t feel like making or eating cookies, except maybe meringue, and that’s the fault of one of you (you know very well who you are.)
Oh, yeah, I also had this amazingly detailed dream in which I scripted AND DREW a comic called “Lawdog Takes On The Sharks.” Some of you also probably know why.
It was rather charming. Lawdog was an old-West sheriff in a town populated by shifters who, most of the time, didn’t bother to get out of their animal forms. (Of note here, Lawdog’s Lady was a very cute white kitten, with black markings that gave the effect of a 20s short and sexy haircut, and she wore a dress with little hearts on it, and was the town’s school marm. So, my brain is weird.) The town is invaded by a gang of shifter-sharks, who can in fact breathe air and walk on their fins. (Yes, landsharks.) The cover, which I spent about half the night drawing and painting, was full color of a fox in a vest and gun belt squaring off against a shark standing on his tailfins.
Okay, fine, so I did dream stories, just probably not one I can use. I will confess I’m now wondering if I still have enough art skill left to in fact draw the comic.
Anyway, the reason this might be an autoimmune attack, is that I was trying to get Darkship Renegades out in time, and y’all remember what Amazon put me through last time, right?
It took me longer, because I realized that the front end still read as bizarrely stilted to me as I was afraid it was. So, that got re-written at least some. It still should have been two novels — if I were writing it now — but you know what? Having read it through and sent it out for a last minute typo hunt, it’s not bad at all. It’s not as good as I could make it now, but then again, what is?
However, it was a bunch of contretemps right up to the wire, including having to upload the manuscript for print version four times, before I realized there was no way, with Atticus, to have a page called acknowledgements without it being too long. (I couldn’t change the type for just one page.) So I have a page childishly called “thank you.”
And then, to crown it all, after I uploaded the book, I had absolute and total radio silence from Amazon. Being paranoid by nature, I sat here going “Are they not even going to reject it? Just ignore it.” And then, without even asking for proof of reversal (To be fair, the reversal letter I uploaded before had all the books in it) it just approved them. I’m now wondering if changing the first ten and enlarging the last ten pages did it. Perhaps their bot only checks those?
Anyway, I already feel better, which means I might have been making myself ill with worry about whether it would go through before the end of the month (I’m trying to have at least one book out — re-release or new — a month. Note that I will probably start having two, because I’m writing short novels for the months with re-releases. We’ll see. I’m coming up to speed s-l-o-w-ly, but still better than I was. And yes, it’s absolutely mental to get myself so nervous over Amazon approving the release that I make myself ill. Do you think I do it on purpose? I very much try to stay calm, but I think all I’ve achieved in almost sixty years is to tell myself I’m perfectly calm, while the freakout makes me ill.
At any rate, the whole thing seems to have gone through very easily, so I feel even dumber. I’m baffled, but relieved. It’s here, if you guys feel a need to get it. I’ll put it on the book promo, with my associate link later.
Now I need to finish revising bowl of red to send to betas. But not just now. There’s a nap calling my name. Also I’ve been desperately craving creamy soup and crusty bread. The soup is easy (I’ve bought cauliflower for thickening) but the crusty bread takes some effort, as I have to make it from einkorn, or it will mess up the autoimmune even more. I don’t know if I feel up to it/will feel up to it for a while. We’ll see after the nap.
Sorry for the long, surreal post. More coherent tomorrow for sure. At any rate, don’t worry. I’m fine, just really tired, and only wanting to eat things with barely any taste.