I’m not depressed right now. At least I don’t think I am.
I keep losing track of the time and what I’m doing, but I think it’s just the ADD running wild, as it does, you know? Yeah, I need to get help for that (got massively worse after menopause,) but I keep forgetting too.
The ADD is problem enough because I drop things on the floor and don’t even remember I started them till I stumble on them months later.
But it’s not depression. Which frankly is new.
I don’t know how much of the depression was first hypothyroidism and then side effects of singulair.
But I remember depression. Vividly. And I have friends who are fighting it.
Today has got away from me, mostly catching up on a 100 things at once (Ah, ADD!) but a friend just said he couldn’t do something or other due to crippling depression.
And I want to point out that’s one of the best ways to FIGHT depression. Look, I know, I’ve been there. The black dog wants you paralyzed, unmoving, the better to lie to you about being a worthless human being.
The black dog lies.
Do something today. Do it even though you think you can, even though the dog snaps and snarls at you every time you try.
It might be small and stupid. Can’t write a novel? Write a paragraph. Can’t draw a comic? Draw a sphere. Just a sphere.
And then when the black dog lies and says it’s nothing, realize it’s a lot. You did that against those ice-cold teeth fastened on your heart, and that evil mocking voice in your ears.
Sure, if you were free, it would be nothing. But you’re not free. None of us is. And some are more crippled than others.
Pat yourself on the back. You did SOMETHING. Tomorrow you’ll do more. For now, kick the black dog in the teeth. You called him the liar he is.
Tomorrow you’ll continue doing things. Soon you’ll be so busy you won’t have time to listen to that evil, mocking voice. You’ll have run away.
But it takes time. And patience. And you’re wounded. And sometimes you’ll backslide. And that’s okay.
Just remember, the black dog can’t keep you prisoner without your cooperation. Don’t give him that cooperation.
Rage against the dying of the light, sure. But light a lot of little pin point lights, too.
Enough of those and the black dog will vanish. Clear away.
Baby steps. Start now. And be patient with yourself.