A Modest Proposal – Kate Paulk
A Modest Proposal (With apologies to Jonathan Swift)
Given the appalling decision-making powers of the political elites, and the equally appalling spectacle displayed by the recent primary contests in this nation, it becomes essential to propose a simple solution to the destruction of our essential liberties by means of a simple proposal designed to respect the disabilities of those responsible for such poor choices while enabling those of us retaining the capacity for independent thought to continue to enjoy our freedom without doing harm to any other free person.
Whereas the Thirteenth Amendment forbids involuntary servitude of any form save as penalty for commission of a crime, it becomes us to enact involuntary servitude as the penalty for the following crimes:
The offering of; and acceptance of bribes, be they in the form of lobbyist ‘gifts’, financial remuneration, quid-pro-quo understandings, or any other action commonly understood as corrupt.
The use of blackmail; such that a person would reasonably fear for his reputation upon public knowledge of an act that is both legal and meets common understanding of ethics.
That the blackmail of an unconvicted guilty party should expose the guilt and enable prosecution may be considered a fortuitous event.
That the act of knowingly accumulating debt for which payment in full can never be made be considered an act of fraud, and as such, subject to penal servitude similar to that for corruption and blackmail seems only reasonable, and may, with judicious use of auction facilities, assist in the reclamation of this nation’s alarming foreign debt.
We understand that this may cause hardship to those unaccustomed to labor, yet we consider this to be advantageous; in that those most likely to find themselves sentenced to auction are those who, by their decisions and actions, have demonstrated that they are wholly in favor of slavery and desire nothing so much as a benevolent master to serve.
We wish them good fortune in finding such a paragon.