Freedom

tramp

The first time I tried to run away from home, I was ten.  I took the essentials: my books, in a shoulder bag, and the family’s Siamese cat under one arm.  I think I made it halfway to the train stop down the street before mom caught up with me.

I no longer remember WHY I’d decided to run away from home, but it probably had something to do with either shoes (I liked work boots, mom didn’t) or the fact mom disapproved of how much I read.

Anyway, in retrospect it’s a good thing I didn’t manage to make a getaway.  It was, after all, unlikely anyone would give a ten year old a job, even a ten year old with her bag stuffed full of books that were much too grown up for her.  And besides, I didn’t even have a change of underwear.

Why am I telling you this story?  Because in a way it’s time to run away from home, again, this time with better preparation and supplies than that ten year old had.

No, you shouldn’t worry for my marriage or my family.  That is not what this is all about.  In fact we celebrated our thirty second anniversary yesterday (the second yearly anniversary, the religious one, and the one we consider “real.”  We had two weddings due to a complex matter of dealing with two sets of laws.)

I have recently, looking over the zombie career come to a conclusion that my husband’s oft-repeated, poliannish saying of “Everything happens for the best” might be right.  Oh, not in everything.  Horrible things happen in the world that cannot possibly be for the best. I love my darling, but he has a decided sunny outlook on the world. Probably good to balance my stormy weather, but not precisely right, just like mine isn’t most of the day.

But seriously, in the case of my career, and even accounting for survivor’s bias, he has something to it.

For instance, take the complete fiasco of my first three books, written as literary science ficiton, very well reviewed and a complete financial failure.  Well, okay, not complete, because they did (all of them) earn out, and were taken out of print the next day.  Somehow I suspect they weren’t meant to earn out.  Why not?  I don’t know.  Publishing houses play games, of which you and your book are only a minor part.  (Someday, eventually I’ll have a post called “lying with numbers.”)  Perhaps it was only the fact they’d given me a small advance, and therefore I wasn’t supposed to do well.

To be honest, there was no way I could do well, and it had nothing to do — even — with the tiny market for literary fantasy (which it is) but with the fact that my book came out, hard cover, by an unknown, with no discernible publicity (and for some reason without a “position” in their catalogue, more under “oh, there’s also this) a month after nine eleven.

Now I’m not accusing the publisher of planning and running 9/11 to ruin my career.  They didn’t actually have to.  If a book is slotted to “fail” there’s ways to make that happen without big national disasters.  The big national disaster was just “helpful.”

So the books failed, and the publishing house got someone willing/desperate to work under another name at beginners’ advances for eight books and five years.

Now I have no clue why they have books slotted to fail.  I just know they must have. The publicist who took up the first musketeer’s book as a side project, ran with it and made it a success was fired just before the third book was published with a cover so close to the first, it would fail.

I am, however, fairly sure, that at beginner advances the books still made them a lot of money (no, I don’t buy how much it costs to publish a book.  You see, I’ve done it myself now) and I suspect it was some accounting thing.  Plus a pliable, desperate author they could use as long as they wanted.

But if those books hadn’t failed, I’d have been “stuck” in literary fantasy, which, besides not paying much, I later found makes me depressed as h*ll in writing it.

As it happened, that failure at that time — and not, say, two years later, which would have happened, if I’d got two other proposals ready in time, and hadn’t been seized with an immense and unavailing lassitude that prevented me from writing ANYTHING for three months — allowed me to jump sideways into Baen.

Where Draw One In The Dark got the worst cover anyone has ever seen for a light, funny, Urban fantasy.  (Well, the paperback one is no great shakes, being a dark dragon, but the hard cover one was so bad I didn’t want to be SEEN with it, and friends who bought it stripped off the wrap-around.)

In the end, this was good, too, because it made me try my space opera, which is so far my most successful venture.

And the fact the statements for the furniture refinishing mysteries were wonky is good too.  They couldn’t buy more because that would cause them to admit they were a success.  And if they admitted so, they’d have to pay me more.  (No, seriously wonky.  The print run changed up and down according to need.  Yes, down.)  Sooner or later (turned out later) after years of paying me the absolute minimum to stay in their hands, they had to let go.  Which is good because the reprints did really well, and soon there will be a fourth.  Sorry it’s been delayed by a year of truly strange and stressful events, where I often didn’t have a half brain to give to writing.

I mean to write more indie books this year. Well, to finish three of them which are almost written.

For almost three years now I’ve been getting that feeling that it’s time to pivot my career to MOSTLY indie.  There are things I’ll do for Baen, and of course they own the DST series for the foreseeable future, so if I want to finish it, it will have to be through them.

My reasons are better defined than the ones for running away from home at 10, but nothing I particularly want to write about, for various reasons including friendship.  And anyway, I’m not running away from home completely.

At any rate the feeling goes well beyond anything happening or not happening in my career.  It’s mostly akin to the feeling that sent me careening out of the political closet: as though some great cosmic force, some — pardon me for sounding loony — something bigger than myself is applying boot to fundament and saying “do it now, or we make you.”  And the events do seem to be conspiring towards the “make you” which would leave me at a disadvantage and cost me relationships I’ve valued.

It seems to be something in the nature of a … cycle of life (cue Lion King.)  In the same way that the kids are growing, moving away, emotionally if not yet financially or physically (for one or the other) there is something pushing me to leave home, to tread the untried path, to set off into the sunset.

I might visit home, come back for Sunday dinner, hang out with my siblings, etc.  In fact, it will happen.

But I need to move my center of gravity elsewhere.

And like on that now rather distant day when I actually did move away from home, packing my bags, buying a ticket to NY, leaving behind everything I knew and all my contacts, and my innate notion of how things worked, I’m scared spitless.

Sure, I’ve done one indie book.  It did well.  But it was years ago, and it might have been a fluke.  To actually count on it for tuition (younger son) and food (older son) is…. ah… scary making.

To not try to get any more contracts and instead to say “I’m going to strike out on my own.  I’ll try to do one book for Baen a year, but that is not where I’m going to put my emotional investment” is …. probably insane.  Certainly foolhardy.

But there is that strong sense of “do it, or we’ll make you do it.”  And the things I’m made to do usually come about through disasters.  I have neither the time nor the financial room for disaster.

I do have — metaphorically speaking — my muse under my arm and my assets — craft and mind and imagination, the columnist gig at PJMedia — in a bag.

Of course we all know the tarot card for the fool is a person walking blindfolded off the edge of a cliff.  And that freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

And yet, I must try.  The feeling is that strong.

A year ago I told Cynthia Felice, it’s very sad that the indie opportunity came about now, when I’m in my fifties and tired.  Yes, I am that much of a fool, since I think she’s ten or fifteen years older than I.  She reminded me it would be much more difficult in ten or fifteen years.

And she’s right.  So I’d better try now.

Freedom is beautiful and terrifying.  But at some point one puts one’s work where one’s mouth is.

It’s a new year (almost.)  My resolution is to shift my center of gravity to indie.  And if my health holds out, that will happen.

Wish me luck.  It might not help to wish it, but I have a feeling I’m going to need it.

 

HRC: The Russians Did It – Amanda S. Green

vodka-937680

HRC: The Russians Did It – Amanda S. Green

As we near the end of HRC’s book, we finally get to see what she thinks about the Russians and the 2016 election. I could sum it all up with “Bad Putin, Worse Trump” but that wouldn’t make for a very interesting post. Besides, there is sooo much more there. Starting with the fact that, within four paragraphs, she blames our lack of faith in institutions like the media and academia, the Mercer family, the Koch brothers, Trump and Vladimir Putin for her loss. Again, what happens is everyone else’s fault but her own.

In 2016 our democracy was assaulted by a foreign adversary determined to mislead our people, enflame our divisions, and throw an election to its preferred candidate. (pg 326)

Standing on its own, that statement could be seen as a condemnation for what the Democratic National Committee did with regard to the Bernie Sanders campaign. Except HRC means the Russians, in particular Putin. Funny how she could sit there and dictate this with a straight face, knowing how her own campaign and the DNC leadership had done all it could to steal the nomination from Sanders and his supporters. But, as we’ve discussed before, the rules don’t apply to HRC. She is above it all, in her own mind at least.

Many Americans had lost faith in the institutions that previous generations relied on for objective information, including government, academia, and the press, leaving them vulnerable to a sophisticated misinformation campaign. (pg 326)

Gee, Hils, why have we lost faith in those so-called institutions? Could it be because they are no longer objective? It’s difficult to trust a press that is more interested in making the news instead of reporting it, a press that has shown its bias over and over again. Don’t believe me? Look at the recent headlines concerning our First Lady. As for trusting the government, you mean the government like the Obama Administration that is now under attack for the way it turned a blind eye to sexual misconduct on the Hill? Of course, you yourself are guilty of that, aren’t you, Hils? And as for academia, sorry, but I don’t want to trust the socialist leaning higher learning institutions to tell me how to help preserve the country I love so much. Nope, that’s not going to happen.

It is in this turmoil of mistrust that Putin, according to HRC, began his assault on our country, one aimed at making sure she didn’t become our next president. Why would he not want her sitting in the Oval Office, you ask. She’s happy to answer. “Our relationship has been sour for a long time. Putin doesn’t respect women and despises anyone who stands up to him, so I’m a double problem.” (pg 327) Not that she can point to anything other than criticizing some of his policies. But that, in her mind, is standing up to him.

Of course, this is also the woman who has delusions about her place in government after the 2008 election. If you ever had any doubt about it, this comment should erase it. “When President Obama and I came into office in 2009.” Think about that for a moment. On the surface, the statement seems innocent enough but then look deeper. The statement implies she was elected to office along with Obama, if not as co-president then as vice president. She wasn’t. She didn’t hold elected office and she didn’t come “into office” in that manner. She was appointed and had to be confirmed. That’s a bit different from having a mandate from the electorate. But she doesn’t see the difference, and that should worry all of us.

As does her belief that, had she remained Secretary of State, things wouldn’t have gotten worse where Putin’s concerned. In fact, she claims they went from “bad to worse” (pg 330) We’re not just talking about US relations with Russia but things inside of Russia itself. She spends several pages discussing how bad Putin is and how she could see it all. Funny, I don’t remember her spending too much time talking about what she would have done during those years. She didn’t come out and offer to help the Obama Administration deal with someone she saw as a serious world threat. No, she kept quiet and Putin only became the Devil on Earth when she needed another person to blame for her loss.

Of course, bad as Putin is, Trump is worse. Never, ever forget that or she will remind you. In fact, she writes about his “budding bromance” with Putin (pg 333). “He doesn’t just like Putin – he seems to want to be like Putin, a white authoritarian leader who could put down dissenters, repress minorities, disenfranchise voters, weaken the press and amass untold billions for himself. He dreams of Moscow on the Potomac.”

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry as I read that. She managed to get race into her attack on the President. She, who spent so much time attacking the white working class voters, basically saying they weren’t good enough to vote for her. A tactic that could also be seen as repressing a part of the electorate. And let’s not forget about her attacks on women who didn’t vote for her – repression and disenfranchising voters. She’s spent the entire book talking about how evil the media was to her and how there should be rules in place to prevent such bias in reporting. Couldn’t that be seen as weakening the press? And can anyone say “Clinton Foundation”? As for Moscow on the Hudson, hasn’t the DNC been trying to instill socialism in our land for generations?

Trump has a long-standing worldview that aligns well with Putin’s agenda. He is suspicious of American allies, doesn’t think values should play a role in foreign policy, and doesn’t seem to believe the United States should continue carrying the mantle of global leadership. . . urging America to stop defending allies who should be taking care of themselves. Trump said the world was taking advantage of the United States and laughing at us. (pp334-335)

Considering how Obama treated our allies, our real allies, and did so while Clinton was SecState, I find it ironic that she can write the above. Which allies are she talking about? The ones who share our ideals of freedom and trade? No. Absolutely not. She is more worried about those who stand with hands out, more than happy to take our money while plotting our downfall. I’ve no doubt she was one of those who decried Ambassador Haley’s speech to the United Nations, that bastion of money grabbers and anti-American sentiment. Well, to hell with them. We can’t afford to continue supporting those nations that want nothing more than to see the United States fail. I wonder, has HRC ever heard the adage, “Charity begins at home”? Perhaps it is time to turn our sights to fixing the problems here before we worry about what’s happening elsewhere.

Ah, but the blame game doesn’t end with Putin. HRC throws in WikiLeaks as well.

On July 22, WikiLeaks published about twenty thousand stolen DNC emails. It highlighted a handful of messages that included offensive comments about Bernie Sanders. (pg 339) Not once does she apologize for those offensive comments. Nor does she admit the cards had been stacked against Bernie by the DNC and members of her own campaign. Oh no, instead she complains because the leaks set off his supporters who were still upset he hadn’t won the nomination and claims the leak was to drive a wedge in the party, insuring Trump’s win.

“In my view, Assange is a hypocrite who deserves to be held accountable for his actions.” (pg 343) Am I the only one to see the irony in this statement? She wants Assange held accountable for the hacking of the DNC servers and the leaking of documents but she continues to do a song and dance to obscure her own role in the deaths of our people in Benghazi. She decries any attempt to hold her husband – or herself – responsible for Slick Willie’s sexual antics, behavior that from anyone else she would call sexual assault. She who erased how many emails off her server instead of letting someone else determine if they might have been germane to the investigation of her actions as SecState. But she wants Assange held responsible for his actions. Why? Because they weren’t what she approved of. That’s why. Go against the queen and face beheading, figuratively if not literally.

I felt physically ill to read the following: As Secretary of State, I was responsible for the safety of our officers around the world, and I knew that releasing those confidential reports put not only them in danger but also their foreign contacts. . . .(pg 344)

How dare she? How dare she! The only safety she is or has been concerned with is her own. She’s proven that time and again over the years.

HRC spends more than 40 pages laying out her case that she lost because of the Russians, because we were too foolish as voters not to see what really mattered. But she has a solution. First, we have to end “the war on truth”. Pardon me while I laugh hysterically for a moment. The thought of her recognizing the truth and not her own perverted version of it is more than a bit comic.

First, we need to get to the bottom of what really happened in 2016. (pg 370). That’s easy, Hils. You lost. You can’t admit it or accept it but you LOST and you still aren’t president. Ironic, isn’t it, that the media she’s been blaming for being so mean to her is who she wants to keep digging to make sure the “truth” comes out.

Second, we need to get serious about cyber warfare. Government and the private sector need to work together more closely to improve our defenses. (pg 370) That is one thing I can agree with her on. But I have one question for her. Why wasn’t she screaming from the highest rafters about this when she was SecState? Why didn’t she raise this concern after leaving office and before becoming a candidate? Why now? Oh, I know, because she lost and she has to find a reason why that doesn’t involve her own failings.

Third, we need to get tough with Putin. . .The Obama administration proved with crippling sanctions against Iran that this kind of pressure can force our adversaries to change course. (pg 371) That’s right, Obama’s administration was sooooo successful in dealing with our enemies. And she wants us to put what sort of sanctions on Russia? We’re to do this by strengthening NATO and helping our allies reduce their energy dependence on Russia. But she doesn’t say how – or how we’re supposed to pay for it because you know she wants the US to foot the bill.

Fourth, we need to beat back the assault on truth and reason here at home and rebuild trust in our institutions. . . Companies like Facebook, Twitter, and Google have already begun taking steps – adjusting algorithms, deactivating bot networks and partnering with fact-checkers – but they must do more. . . The mainstream media also has a responsibility to do more to debunk the lies infecting our public life and more directly hoe the liars accountable. (pg 372)

Let’s see. How have Facebook, Twitter and Google been doing? They’ve silenced conservative voices. I guess that’s a check in HRC’s column. They have no problem showing ISIS and similar groups torturing and beheading their victims but heaven help anyone posting against those groups. Another check as far as HRC is concerned. MSM – well, you know my feelings about the mainstream media and it bias. HRC doesn’t want the bias gone. She wants it strengthened and guaranteed to back her even stronger than it has before.

But that’s okay. They are “our institutions” and we, as voters, should trust them. Riiiight.

Except it is so wrong.

HRC lives in her own world, that much is clear. It’s a world I’m glad I don’t live in. It is a world where she continues to angle for power. She is not going to go gently into the night. This book, as well as her public appearances since the election, prove it. She can’t forgive the American electorate for not putting her into power. It’s our fault we denied her dream and she’s going to make us pay for it – one way or the other.

(You can find the other installments in this series at the following links: What Happened or How I Suffered for this Blog and had to Share, Grit and Gratitude, HRC Gets Caught Trying, A New Deal, A Square Deal or How She Wanted to be the Next Roosevelt, It’s All His Fault, Turning Mourning into a Movement, HRC: Idealism and Realism, HRC: Making History and HRC: Those Damn Emails.)

[I know this is hard to watch, imagine what it must be like to read the book.  If you want to help finance Amanda’s liquor bill, use this address  Send the woman a drink-SAH]

The White Lady of Christmas

THEWHITELADYOFCHRISTMASCOVER

(Sorry this took so long to finish.  The flu keeps kicking me back to stage one where writing becomes impossible, even when the story is in my head.  For those wondering what this is all about, this is a prequel to Alien Curse, starring little Art Arcana all grown up which I SHOULD be able to bring out sometime next month – SAH.)

The White Lady of Christmas

by Sarah A. Hoyt

© Sarah A. Hoyt 2017 – All rights reserved.

 

It was snowing – thick, white, fluffy flakes – when I came across the beauty with empty eyes.

This was rare, because it didn’t normally snow in LA.  In fact the last large snow storm worthy of the name had been in 1949, over a hundred years ago.

But then again, we were in the vicinity of the spaceport, and once the space magicians had started doing their thing in this neighborhood, the weather – and just about everything else – had gone to hell.  It was about as normal to wake up to a hundred degrees as to freezing weather on Christmas morning.  Or midsummer.

On the other hand, it made the neighborhood really cheap for a barely-surviving PI like me.  Lately frankly more attuned to the barely than the surviving.  The rent was late again, I hadn’t had a decent meal in three days, and the holes in my soles which I’d plugged up with cardboard were letting snow in to freeze and wet my shoes.  And there would be no jobs till after Christmas.

For some reason, cheating spouses, crooked business partners and evil warlocks might not take a break at Christmas, but those who wish to catch them seem to.  It’s as though for the duration of the season, people want to believe the best of everyone around them.  Which meant that people like me, who made a living off the worst in humanity starved.  I’d be going to the soup kitchen for Christmas dinner at this rate.

My mind was on my problems, my heart in the vicinity of the holes in my shoes, when I saw her.  She was tall and beautiful, like the lost dreams of youth, with pale blond hair, big blue eyes, and the kind of lips that made you think of frozen raspberries.

I thought I was hallucinating her, and stood, my eyes wide open, staring, as a man does who walked into a dream.  In this weather, she was wearing a form-fitting white dress of sparkling  white silk.  Snow flakes clustered in her pale hair.  Her eyes were thoroughly empty.

She stared at me without blinking, and then the frozen raspberry lips formed two words: help me!

I tried to say “with what?” but my throat was dry, and I couldn’t summon words.

She put her hand out and touched mine.  Her hand was ice cold. And then she was gone, walking very fast, past me, her heels clicking rhythmically on the pavement, somehow not at all muffled by the snow.

I’d seen those empty eyes before.  A PI comes across all sorts of things, but eventually we always come across necromancers.  My first case had been a necromancer who used the residents of entire cemeteries as workers in his factories.

For just a moment, under the unnatural snow, I considered running to St. Joe’s down the street.  I wasn’t very prone to religion, but there are things in this business that make even an atheist want to cross himself and bathe in holy water.

Worse, after the shock wore off, I realized that not only did I know what those empty eyes meant, I knew who that woman was.  Myrene Myrreile had smiled at me from a hundred movie screens, her expressive face reflecting whatever the movie plot called for.

The hair rose at the back of my head.  Someone in Hollywood was playing with necromancy.

***

There are many things a PI can do when trying to figure out who is breaking the law.  It depends on the law being broken.  But when it’s a magical law being broken, there’s only one thing you can do, and that’s to use your magical power.  Because even the simplest case of infidelity can involve illusions and cases of fraud can involve mind-manipulation.  So the only way to crack a big case is magic.

I have magic.  Don’t get me wrong.  I even had some instruction on how to use it.  Okay, it was a correspondence course, but so was my PI license.  All the non-magicians in the business were run off in the two thousand and twenties, when magic returned.

The problem is that if you use magic while you’re starving you might kill yourself.  And I wasn’t going to kill myself over a case no one was paying me for.

I could, of course, forget it all, and go in search of a meal.

But I remembered those empty eyes, and the dark lips mouthing “help me.”

So—

So I did what gumshoes did before they had magical power.  Incidentally, also, it might get me a meal.

I walked away from the vicinity of the spaceport.  The snow storm continued, which was strange.

You can’t get anywhere in LA on foot.  At least not far enough.  The skies were crowded with broom fliers.  There were magical carriages pulling passenger carts hurrying down the palm-lined boulevards.  Of course, I was limited to those boulevards I could take on foot. It didn’t seem to me like the snow was impairing anything, though it lent verisimilitude to the choir of Victorian children a Boulevard Magician had conjured up.

LA is full of these aspirants.  They come out to work for the spaceport as space magicians, or to work for the movies, but instead, they end up doing magic on the boulevards for thrown coins, or, of course, becoming PIs and living on the edge of starvation.

The Victorian children were very realistic, easily rivaling the magical effects in the movies of Art Arcana himself.  Little plump faces, and rich clothing, and singing about peace on Earth in a bubble of light in which you saw just a glimpse of Victorian London and behind it the whole yellowed and softened like a romantic vision.

The magician himself wore full Victorian gentleman’s regalia, waistcoat, watch chain, top hat and everything.  Only if you squinted really hard and used mage vision did you see, beneath the glamour of the suit, a very worn Hawaiian shirt and shorts.  He had to be colder than I was.

If I’d had any coins, I’d have dropped them in front of him.  As it was I said, “That’s amazing work.  The best I’ve seen outside the movies.”

He opened his mouth, for a moment as though to answer, then gave a little smile and bowed, slightly.

He really was very good.  For him, the dream of a studio seeing him and perhaps hiring him on the spot might very well come true, as it never could for the rest of us.

A block down from him, there was the hotel where I sometimes worked security during the screening and festival season.  They would be empty two days before Christmas, because few people chose to holiday then.

But the doorman there, Tom Michaels,  knew all the gossip, including the gossip from much better hotels, like those the stars stayed at.  I didn’t know how he did it.  Perhaps he ran a rumor spell on his radio and listened to all the gossip, like others listen to radio programs.

Or perhaps he just had a vast network of friends.

In a way I was one of them, on the far fringes, a guy he could count on for some hot gossip, and to whom he gave some information when needed.

He was at his post under the snow and greeted me with a grin, “Sam.  Long time no see, my man.”

I grinned back at him.  He was wearing his impeccable blue uniform, had a fresh haircut, and looked far more respectable than I did.  He registered this with “You look like you haven’t got much work recently.”

I made a face.  “You know how it is around this time of year.”

He nodded sagely, then shoved his hands in his pocket.    He pursed his lips, as though he were considering how much to tell me, then said, “I’d think otherwise, with the SBI in town and all.”

“The SBI?” I said, stupidly.  Yes, of course, I’d heard of the Supernatural Bureau of Investigations before.   But I couldn’t figure out either what the SBI would be doing in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve, or what that would have to do with me.

“Well, I thought you might be nibbling at the edges of the same case,”  Tom said.  He leaned closer and told me “They say—”  Paused, either hesitating or trying to entice me, to make me eager for his confidences.  “They say that someone up there,” a movement of the shoulder either towards Hollywood or towards heaven, which in this city might as well be the same, honestly.  “Has been playing at necromancy.  They say that all this is a result of that.”  He waved around at the snow.  “The weather magicians can’t fix the disturbance, and they got the SBI on the lookout for what might be causing it.”

Normally I would have questioned the idea that there was necromancy in LA.  Sure, all the other crimes, including enthralling women into sex.  But necromancy?

Necromancy takes more work, more energy, more sheer raw magical ability than almost any other magical art.  It is also, honestly, far more “wrong” than even lovespells or the other minor, inconsequential dark magic that has become common.  Most people feel when they’re transgressing with that kind of dark power.  They have to be half mad to start down that road, and because of the spells and the power draws involved, even if they aren’t, they will become so.

I would normally have said no one in LA could be a necromancer, because on a town that ran on gossip, we would have heard of someone who was that absolutely raving lunatic.

Only I remembered the woman in the snow, with her vacant eyes, and her lips like frozen raspberries, and I said, “Um.” And then, “Have you… That is, do you have any idea who that could be?  Because no one sane would be working with dead people.  And anyway, why work with dead people?  There are all sorts of people dying to get in the movies.”  As the words left my lips, I wanted to call the pun back.

Tom gave me a reproachful look, then shook his head, then told me, “No.  No, but…”

“But?”

“Do you remember Jim Fenton, the guy who used to do illusions for Art Arcana?  Word has it that the studio let him go suddenly, and he’s become a boulevard magician, working for the thrown pennies.

I didn’t remember Jim Fenton, as such.  I don’t think I’d ever met you.  I mean, I don’t exactly get invited to the stars parties unless someone has been stealing silverware and they want me to track it down.  Only in this town everyone is a little obsessed with the movie business.  It is what makes us different and special.  Without the movies, we’d be like New York with better weather and more Hawaiian shirts.

So we all sit a little longer at the end of the movies, and look at all the names on the screen, including the “second assistant to the third light magician” which, frankly is probably code for someone who fetches coffee and sandwiches.

I suspect we do it just in case we find ourselves out of town and someone asks “who’s that up and coming light and sound guy who works for Art Arcana?”

Only it’s more likely we want to know who comes into our office trying to hire us, or perhaps whom we’re serving coffee to, late at night at the diner.

So yeah, I’d heard the name Jim Fenton.  His magical effects had made Art Arcana stand out, have a plausibility and a realism that it hadn’t had since old Art Arcana Senior had started it.

And they had let him go?  That certainly indicated some sort of dirty dealing on his part.  No one would gladly part with someone capable of that kind of luminous and complex rendering out of nothing for anything short of a major liability.  I remembered the scene in Star Magic, for which he was said to be solely responsible – you know the one I’m taking about, the one where the big space battle takes place with hundreds of different spaceships, all moving in their own particularly way? – and whistled under my breath.  No.  Having let Jim Fenton go, they would have to hire about a hundred magicians to take his place.  And to get that many magicians to work together with any sort of coordinated effort was kind of like trying to get a hundred cats to pull a sleigh.  It might be theoretically possible, on force alone, but it wouldn’t be possible.  Not really.

So what would convince Art Arcana Junior, the owner of the studio of the same name, inherited from his brilliant father, to let their star magician go?  Honestly, at that level, Jim Fenton could have thrown scalding coffee in the face of the second assistant to the third light magician, and the kid would just be paid off to get medical treatment and go away.

And then it hit me.  It was the word luminous.  I’d seen the man back there, the one working the luminous illusion of the city of London in the time of Queen Victoria, and I’d thought he should be employed by the studios.  I had no idea what Jim Fenton looked like, but….

Out of my memory, I conjured an image of what the man looked like.  It was hard, because honestly, I was starving, and all I could get was his face, floating about two inches above my hand.  I had to apply all my effort to keep it visible, as it tried to fall apart into etheric wisps, but I managed it, just about, and managed to ask Tom, through clenched teeth, “This Jim Fenton?”

He looked surprised.  I also had the impression I’d miscued at least one exchange and maybe failed to answer one of his questions, as I pursued my idea.

But he looked at the image of the face above my hand and said, “Yeah, that’s Jim Fenton.  Why?…”  He looked at me with expectancy, as though hoping I had some juicy gossip.

I believe in the share and share alike system, so I said, “I don’t know yet, but… there might just be something I can do, you’re right.  I’ll tell you as soon as I know.”

He half put out his arm to hold me, as though he’d demand all the details right there and then, but I was already on my way back.

Now the bubble in which the boulevard magician displayed his skill showed a choir of angels, singing.  I realized the front one bore a strong resemblance to Myrene Myrreile.  I tried not to read too much into it.  After all she was the stereotypical, glamorous Hollywood blond.  Lots of people – and artifacts – resembled her.

Still it colored my voice as I said “Jim Fenton?”

For just a second, his illusion wavered, and I glimpsed his Hawaiian shirt under the illusion of the Victorian jacket, then he turned and said, “Yes? In a cold voice.

“What are you doing on the boulevard?” I asked.  “A man like you, with your skills?  I would think that anyone who could create the battle scene in Star Magicians—”

He gave me a dirty look.  “Can it, okay?  You know damn well Arcana has enough power in this town that if word goes out they won’t have you work for them—”

“Why would Art Arcana do that?” I asked.  “It seems to me that losing you would mean a loss in profit to them.  Surely Art is not insane?”

Jim looked at me, and for a moment his eyes were as wide and desolate as Myrene Myrreile’s in the storm.  But not as empty,  Behind his almost forcefully blank look raged a sense of fury, a sense of having been done wrong.  I didn’t even have to turn my magical senses on to see it – which was good, because as starved as I was, the magic would eat me – or Jim Fenton would, metaphorically speaking with his magic, considering that he had to be a considerable practitioner to create the effects he had.

The quick suspicion that he might have killed Myrene to acquire her magic came and went.  I didn’t even know the actress had any magic.  Sure, sure.  I hear you.  All of these Hollywood actresses, at least the ones good enough to have star billing have glamour at the very least.  It’s funny how they used to call it that, too, even before magic returned and was made scientific.

His face was working, “Why don’t you leave me alone?” he asked. “Most people don’t even recognize me.  I do okay out of the tips.  I’m not sure what you want with me.  Did Arcana send you?”

I gave him a half laugh.  “If Arcana had sent me,” I said.  “I wouldn’t be out here in shoes whose soles are bolstered with cardboard, and a thrift store suit, would I?”

He looked at me then.  Fully looked.  His gaze swept me from shoes to face and fixated on my eyes.  I didn’t think he was doing a full magical read.  At least I didn’t feel anything, but in my exhausted state, I might not.

“Then who?” he asked.

I sighed.  Any other time, any other place, in this city of illusions, I’d be afraid of saying it.  But this was Christmas eve, the one night of the year when it’s safe to speak of ghosts and ill omens.  I shrugged.  “I saw Myrene Myrreile in the storm.  She looked dead.  She asked me to help her.”

He looked again.  I felt faint scrabblings, like kitten claws working at my power.  This time he was doing a read.

He nodded curtly and made a gesture like closing an umbrella, which closed in the bubble of light and all the angels.  They stopped singing abruptly, mid note.  He grabbed my arm, his fingers like claws.  “Come on,” he said.  “I know a place.”

I felt a quick panic at the urgency in his voice, the bite of his fingers, and made as though to pull away.  He stage whispered me, “Don’t.  I’ll buy you a meal.”

By then my state of faintness was such that I would followed the devil himself back to hell for a sandwich and a glass of milk.

It wasn’t a sandwich and a glass of milk.  We took several turns, through several highly disreputable alleys, till we came to one where an almost empty diner sat, brightly illuminated.

Jim waved as we entered, and from the smile and nod of the man wiping down the counter, he was a regular.  He led me to a corner booth. The sign on the wall said the booth was reserved for parties of four or more people, but I didn’t think there was a great rush for tables.

The waitress arrived moments later, a perky young woman in a pink mini-skirt, who kept striking poses between words, as though she were hoping to be stopped for stardom.

“What.” Pose with pouting lips. “Can.” Pose with outthrust hip.  “I” Pose with pushed out bosom.  “Get.” Pose with hand on hip. “You.” Pose with shoulder-forward. “Gentlemen.”  Big smile as though she were posing for publicity photo.”

I resisted an urge to roll my eyes, which was made far easier by the smell of food, and the fact that food was right now serious business, judging from the way my stomach felt as though it were clinging to my spine.

Jim ordered for us, family style, he said, beef stew which was the special of the night, written on a blackboard behind the bar, then the server turned to me for “What.” Pose. “Will.” Pose. “You.” Pose. “Drink.” Pose.

I ordered coffee and asked for creamer and sugar on the side, because right then I needed all the calories I could get.  During a dry spell, two winters ago, I’d resorted to going into hotel lobbies that had a complimentary coffee machine, and drinking coffee with as much sugar dissolved in as it would take.

I started on the coffee with about half creamer and a lot of sugar, while we waited for the food.  Jim Fenton watched me put in ten packs of sugar and six creamers, then gave a look to the space behind my head where any halfway decent magician can see the power aura.  “Have you been doing magic on a boiled egg a day?” he asked, in a shocked voice.

I shrugged.  “Sometimes I can’t afford a boiled egg.”

He frowned.  “You know the risks.  That’s downright irresponsible.”

By which he meant that if a magician ran through his power, his power would eat his personality and vitality and leave him a dangerous power-wraith.  The thing about zombies eating brains?  It must have been a survival from a time when there was magic before – some researchers think that the Earth goes through phases on which magic works, when going through different regions in space, but no one really knows why the magic went away and then returned.  We are, however, morally sure that there was magic before now – because a magician who runs through his power and is eaten by his power does devour the mind of his victims, even if not strictly the brains.  And he is, in many ways, a zombie, that is a living body from which mind and soul have departed.

I didn’t tell him that, duh, some of us didn’t have the kind of power that allowed us to make illusions and hook in to the Hollywood gravy train.  However, I thought of it, and I must be weakened and low on protection enough that he sensed the feeling, if not the words of my thought.  “I know, I know,” he said.  “But if you came to Hollywood with thoughts of working in the movies, maybe it’s time—”

“I didn’t,” I said.  “I was born here.  My father was an illusions tailor, in the early days of magic in the 20th century.  You know, making sure that the stars had that extra dose of glamour with their clothes.  I actually never had any interest in the movie business, besides watching it, and of course, what you know if you live here.  My dream—”  I shrugged.

“Yes?” he said.

“It’s neither here nor there, and not likely to ever happen.  I stayed around here, not for the movies but for the spaceport.  I have this dream that one day I make it big enough that I can pay my colonist’s fee and immigrate.  Not likely to happen before I’m fifty, the cut off age for spacing.  But that’s my dream, and I haven’t been able to give it up.  I live in an apartment near the spaceport and I can watch the spaceships leaving for distant stars.”

There was something arrested in his expression.  “It’s a beautiful dream.  Mine is crazier.”

The server brought us our meal, and whatever else it was “family style” meant enough to serve a family of ten.  Jim Fenton ate a reasonable amount, while I ate enough for the rest of the family.  For a while we didn’t say anything, mostly because I was shoveling food into my mouth as fast as humanly possible.  Which is to say, very fast, because this human is capable of great shoveling.

I felt… Well, when you’re dangerously hungry your power feels like it’s unstable.  It gives you a tendency to cry a lot, and a tendency to feel like you’re walking some narrow dangerous ledge.  Mostly because you are.

As I ate I felt more and more stable, and finally took a pause between bites to say “Your dream?  To work in illusions for the studios?”

“No.”  He smiled.  “That was my dream once.  It was a good dream, and it left me with a very healthy bank balance.  But it’s not…  I found it doesn’t fulfill whatever it is.”

I paused again after patting my lips with the napkin, looking for a way to ask the obvious question.  Then I did, “Healthy bank balance?”

He laughed.  “Oh, you mean boulevard illusions?  Nah.  That’s not because I need the money.  It’s because I need the magic.  You know it’s a high.  You know you become …. Someone else when doing it.  I need to do it.  It also brings in a surprising amount of money, particularly during the holidays.  But the money isn’t….  Pardon me, I know it’s very important when you don’t have enough to eat, or when the dream of your life depends on it, but it isn’t enough.  No, my dream was utterly impossible.  I wanted Myrene Myrreile, you see.”

I had a vague memory that Myrreile was in fact, and had been for ten years, at least, Mrs. Art Arcana.  I knew it because it was considered one of the great successes among Hollywood marriages.  Ten whole years, and a little boy, Arthur Arcana the third.

“So that’s why Art Arcana kicked you to the curb?” I said.  “Because you were…. In love with his wife?  Having an affair with her?”

Jim Fenton opened and closed his mouth.  He was silent a long while, and I let him be while I polished off the beef stew and ate the gravy on bread.  His silence was not final.  It was like a pause in a conversation, as though he were trying to figure out how much to tell me.  He was probably taking in account the fact I was a total stranger, but the fact is that my power had been so thin and stripped that he must have got a full read into me, not just power, but personality and character too.

And now that I had some power I could squint and look at him.  He has a glorious aura of power, all around his head, flashing in yellow and blue at least two yards out.  No wonder he could make amazing illusions.  If he’d taken his power in another direction, he could have been a war magician, one of those they keep in the basement, in case they need to deploy the truly scary explosions.

“I was in love with Myrene,” he said.  “But she was in love with me too.  We…. She was too straight for an affair, you know.  She knew Art Arcana slept around on her, but she’s a good girl, from a farm in Pennsylvania, and she’s not about–  Was not about to compromise her honor.  Instead she started finding evidence of his infidelities.  She was supposed to file for divorce, and then we’d get married.”

“And she changed her mind?” I said.

“I don’t think so.  It’s just, one day she was supposed to meet me and she didn’t.  I saw her a lot at movie functions, and I got the feeling he was mind controlling her.  Her acting went downhill too.  All that amazing expression she’s know for?  It’s gone.  Though most of the critics don’t notice, because they always underrated her as an actress.  I took it for five years, then I tried to see her.  Privately.  I–  I broke into her trailer during the production of Some Like it Magical, last month.  Art Arcana caught me.  He threw me out and fired me.  And she, Myrene, just stood there, and let Art’s goons rough me up and throw me out.”  There was another silence.  I drank my coffee.  I felt as though I’d burst, but that was way preferable to being starving.  At least I hadn’t fasted enough to be sick when I first ate.  That has happened once or twice, and it’s an unpleasant experience and a waste of good food.

“Look,” he said.  “If she got out and got enough of her mind back to ask you for help, maybe that’s hope.  I’ll pay you handsomely for finding out what’s going on and freeing Myrene.”

I had a bad feeling.  I’d seen Myrene Myrreile in the snow, and I wasn’t sure what was going on was as simple as mind control.  Sure, it could be.  Some mind-control spells – Well, let’s say death is more merciful.  But what if she’d simply decided to give Jim Fenton the go-by?  What if it wasn’t at all what he had made it out to be, in this description and in his head?

“I can’t take the case in those terms,” I said.  “I mean, she might be free, for all we know.”  I raised my hand.  “Yes, it’s unlikely from what I saw and you say.  But it’s possible.”

“Right,” he said.  “Right.  He ran his hand backwards through his hair, and said, “Tell you what, I’ll pay also if you prove to me that she is staying with Art of her free will.  That’s all I ever wanted, was to make sure that there was no coercion.  But he just threw me out and blacklisted me with all the other houses.”

“A thousand up front, two when I deliver,” I said, fully expecting him to negotiate.

Instead, he reached into his pocket, brought out a leather pouch and counted out the money in the small change they’d thrown him for his illusions.  I once more cursed the fact that’s not the way the knack of my power ran.

However, even if I had to count fifty in small change, his money gave me the chance to rent a broom.  And a broom allowed me to fly through the snow-clouded air, to my fifth floor balcony.  I leapt off the broom, leaving it free to fly back to its stable, unlocked the balcony door and went in.

Because I inherited most of my father’s furniture, my one-bedroom is comfortable, if cramped and old-fashioned.  But I wasn’t interested in comfort right then.  Sure a thousand would take care of the immediate necessities, but if I wanted to pay my back rent, and keep the lights on another month, even near the spaceport, I needed the rest of the fees.

I pulled back my heavy sofa and an armchair better suited to a gentleman’s library in the nineteenth century, then rolled up the rug, to reveal a pentagram of power worked in inlay oak into the mahogany floor.  This, which must be a survival from the time it was built, in the nineteenth century and have clear nothing to do with magic, had been one of the reasons I’d rented the apartment.  It was easier to power up a pentagram permanently attached to my floor than to have to draw one in chalk every time.  Yes, magicians really are as lazy as you’re told.

I put the rug aside, at in the center of the pentagram, in the lotus position, my hands up on my knees, and I powered it up.  The glow of magical light extended from the floor up, surrounding me.  This meant I was protected.  Doubly so, since this was Christmas eve, but really that pentagram had seen so much use that I was pretty protected every time.

It’s important to be protected when you leave your body, because otherwise you’re going to be open to having your body taken over by anything that’s wandering by.  In Hollywood those were mostly shades of once great actors who had committed suicide, but I once knew this guy whose “vacant” body had been taken over by a fire demon.  I was part of the effort to trace him, and I heard when the police apprehended him, he had set fire to an entire city block.

So, leaving my body completely safe, I floated up and out of my body, looking down at me in the lotus position, in the middle of the pentagram.

Astral projection is a weird thing.  You still feel like you have a body, and are wearing exactly what you were wearing before, but you can do all those things you can do in dreams, like speed instantaneously some place, and find your way into locked rooms.

Oh, and you can be killed.  No, it’s not the old “Anything that kills you in a dream kills you in real life.”  It’s more that a sufficiently powerful magician can blow your astral body to smithereens, and after a short time your flesh body goes into a coma and dies.

As soon as I pulled away from my body, a process akin to struggling free of quick sand, I wished myself where Jim Fenton was.

There is never anything wrong with checking out your client, before you are fully committed to the case.

He had gone back to the boulevard, and was doing the angel illusion again.  Honestly, if he weren’t careful, the movie company was going to sue him for the use of Myrene Myrreile’s likeness.  But at least now I understood his compulsion to use her.

In astral projection his power pattern was more clear to me than when I was enfleshed, and it was truly clear and bright, with the faint golden glow about it that meant he had never even engaged in minor black magic like love philters.  A boy scout.

But it didn’t mean the boy scout wasn’t delusional.

So I wished myself at the gates of the Art Arcana mansion.

The thing is much admired by tourists, doing the obligatory broom tour of Hollywood.  Whole bevies of them hung around, over the mansion, even now, and I could hear a tour guide declaim, “The father of the current Arthur Arcana, Arthur Arcana senior was one of the pioneers of using whole magical illusions for movies, which allowed him to do not just fantasy and science fiction epics, but the sort of truly spectacular staging that couldn’t be done by real, live action means.  His Hannibal, famous for its battle with elephants would have caused him to run afoul of PETA, if—”

I tuned him out.  I tuned him out because even on this side of the gates – in spirit form, couldn’t really cross them without permission.  I risked disintegration if I tried – I could feel the stench of corruption, the feeling of something twisted and wrong.

It felt like…  Like inside the Art Arcana mansion there was a black hole of evil and wrong.  But it was the stench that overpowered me, the stench that told me what this was.  I didn’t know why the SBI hadn’t traced it, but I’d put my hands on the fire that Art Arcana was engaging in necromancy.

Perhaps it was because I had dealt with it before.  Once you “smell” the psychic stench of rotting corpse, you’ll never mistake it for anything else.

I shot up and above the mansion, ignoring and flying through the bevvy of broom tourists.  It feels a little tingly, but they couldn’t see me, and it didn’t hurt anyone.  Up there, looking down, I could see mommy, daddy and little boy playing in the yard in the snow.

Myrene Myrreile looked just as I had seen her, only in jeans and a sweatshirt.  Her movements weren’t right.  But what clinched it was that in my spirit form – never in human form – I could see her soul pinned to the body by unnatural meals, struggling and fighting to get free.  It was like those angels Fenton had animated, but with cuts and bruises from her struggles against the spells that held her unnaturally alive.

***

The SBI didn’t believe me at first.  Of course they would not.  I was just some nut off the streets.  Maybe I should have told Fenton first, and got him to accompany me.  Or maybe that would not have made any difference, since he was known to have a grudge against Art Arcana.

It was a very long 3 hours, as their magicians viewed my memories, tested my power, and finally looked at my power pattern for any evidences of madness or delusion.

At the end of it, they brought me sandwiches, and a tired-eyed man in a cheap blue suit who was some kind of captain or commander or something – judging from the way even the magicians called him sir – sat across the table from me, and started off by saying, “You realize going in your astral body into a place as well defended as Art Arcana Mansion is foolhardy?  There are a million spells that could have caught you and disintegrated you.  Which is why my men never got close enough to see what was going on.”

“I was safe,” I said.  “Though I’d eaten enough to power my magic, I’d been starving for days, so my astral self was… less material, for lack of a better term, than a normal astral body.  I knew there was a good chance the spell couldn’t catch me.”

“A good chance isn’t good enough.  You shouldn’t take stupid risks.”  He paused a long time as though waiting for me to promise him I wouldn’t, but the thing is that I don’t make promises I can’t keep.  Then he said, “At any rate we thank you.  We’re preparing an intervention force now.”

“I want to go along,” I said.

There was opposition.  There was a lot of opposition.  The man in the cheap suit and his superiors thought that I should mind my own business.  They wanted only professionals on the scene.

You’ve read about it in the newspapers.  In the end I convinced them that Myrene Myrreile’s soul had a special connection to me, and they let me tag along.

We broke into the mansion at midnight on Christmas eve.  This was calculated, because dark magic loses its power then.

The SBI magicians immobilized the guards, and I ran in, alone, knocking the front door down with a well-aimed kick – it was more for show than security, of course, the security being in the walls, the spells, the guards outside it – breaking the glass into a million pieces that fell like a glass cascade, making beautiful music.

I felt the SBI agents behind me as I reached the foot of the stairs.  Art Arcana reached the top at the same time.  “What in hell?” he said.

And before I could speak, the man behind of me, out of breath, said, “This is the SBI Mr. Arcana.  We’d like a word with you.”

He threw a fire spell at us.  I stopped it, mid-air.  It wasn’t very strong.  His corrupt power wouldn’t work on Christmas and besides it was done just to distract us.

Before I dispelled the thing with a puff of smoke, mid-stairs, leaving a char mark on banister and ceiling, he had run in the other direction.  I felt more than saw his rushing by again, in the hallway up pulling a blond woman in a nightdress by the hand, towards the right side of the hallway.  We heard a tinkle of glass.

There was a feeling, a very odd feeling indeed.  When we followed and reached the end of the hallway, we saw that he’d broken the window, and jumped through it, holding Myrene Myrreile’s hand.  Into the pool beneath.  He can’t have thought, as tall as the house was, that he’d survive the jump.  The fall alone, since the house was built on a hill and the pool was a good 100 feet below, would have killed them.  Or killed him and freed Myrene Myrreile from her counterfeit of life.

I remember them floating face down in the pool, hands linked.

But there are two things I remember more.  The first is the little blond boy who came running out of one of the bedrooms, as we turned away to go down the stairs.  He was maybe five, and he was crying for mommy and daddy.

I know the aftermath, the complex legal and financial convolutions that ended up giving Jim Fenton control of the Art Arcana studio – and caused him to send me a very large check, which will, in fact, pay my immigration to a colony, plus give me a good amount of start up money – and of all the Art Arcana money, if there was any.  It was said that Arthur Arcana Junior in his madness – trying to keep the wife who would have left him, and whom he’d murdered – had run through the immense fortune his father had left him and was essentially penniless.

I don’t know what happened to little Art Arcana. He disappeared into the federal orphan bureaucracy.  Magical orphans, particularly children of dark magicians are watched very carefully.  Blood calls to blood, and bad blood most of all.  But I remember his panic on that Christmas morning, as his – doubtless – very expensive gifts lay unopened under the tree.

The other thing I remember, which makes the whole experience worthwhile, was the vision in the sky above the pool, as a beautiful white angel with Myrene Myrreile’s face and vast immaculate wings rose to the sky, and smiled at me, and mouthed “thank you” before speeding on to her eternal home.

Maybe that’s worth a little boy’s orphaning.  I don’t know.  I know I freed my true client, the dead woman who asked me for help on Christmas eve.

Christmas morning dawned sunny and bright, and I went to the beach.

But not all the sunshine could erase the sadness in my heart for a great man driven mad by love, the woman he enslaved in an unnatural state, or the little boy left alone on Christmas morning.

Sometimes all you can do is free the captives.  It’s not enough.  Magic didn’t make humans into angels.  Just humans, with the same old sins and failings, the old hopes and dreams but now with the power to make them either wonderful or horrible.

And often both.

Working on a story for you guys

It will take a little while.  This is how it opens:

The White Lady of Christmas

It was snowing – thick, white, fluffy flakes – when I came across the beauty with empty eyes.

This was rare, because it didn’t normally snow in LA.  In fact the last large snow storm worthy of the name had been in 1949, almost a hundred years ago.

But then again, we were in the vicinity of the spaceport, and once the space magicians had started doing their thing in this neighborhood, the weather – and just about everything else – had gone to hell.  It was about as normal to wake up to a hundred degrees as to freezing weather on Christmas morning.  Or midsummer.

On the other hand, it made the neighborhood really cheap for a barely-surviving PI like me.  Lately frankly more attuned to the barely than the surviving.  The rent was late again, I hadn’t had a decent meal in three days, and the holes in my soles which I’d plugged up with cardboard were letting snow in to freeze and wet my shoes.  And there would be no jobs till after Christmas.

For some reason, cheating spouses, crooked business partners and evil warlocks might not take a break at Christmas, but those who wish to catch them seem to.  It’s as though for the duration of the season, people want to believe the best of everyone around them.  Which meant that people like me, who made a living off the worst in humanity starved.  I’d be going to the soup kitchen for Christmas dinner at this rate.

My mind was on my problems, my heart in the vicinity of the holes in my shoes, when I saw her.  She was tall and beautiful, like the lost dreams of youth, with pale blond hair, big blue eyes, and the kind of lips that made you think of frozen raspberries.

I thought I was hallucinating her, and stood, my eyes wide open, staring, as a man does who walked into a dream.  In this weather, she was wearing a form-fitting white dress of sparkling  white silk.  Snow flakes clustered in her pale hair.  Her eyes were thoroughly empty.

She stared at me without blinking, and then the frozen raspberry lips formed two words: help me!

I tried to say “with what?” but my throat was dry, and I couldn’t summon words.

She put her hand out and touched mine.  Her hand was ice cold. And then she was gone, walking very fast, past me, her heels clicking rhythmically on the pavement, somehow not at all muffled by the snow.

I’d seen those empty eyes before.  A PI comes across all sorts of things, but eventually we always come across necromancers.  My first case had been a necromancer who used the residents of entire cemeteries as workers in his factories.

For just a moment, under the unnatural snow, I considered running to St. Joe’s down the street.  I wasn’t very prone to religion, but there are things in this business that make even an atheist want to cross himself and bathe in holy water.

Worse, after the shock wore off, I realized that not only did I know what those empty eyes meant, I knew who that woman was.  Myrene Myrreile had smiled at me from a hundred movie screens, her expressive face reflecting whatever the movie plot called for.

The hair rose at the back of my head.  Someone in Hollywood was playing with necromancy.

 

Flu Flew Floop

I case you thought the post yesterday was somewhat scattered, that’s true.  I was starting to feel very weird, and I thought maybe I was tired.

Apparently my body decided this is a wonderful time to have the flu.  I’ve been up half an hour and had breakfast and I’m exhausted, so I’ll be going to bed again.

Hopefully I can get over it (relatively) quickly

Sorry.

The Horror of Cultural Stereotypes

So I’m reading a pretty good book about making covers.  His “how to pick an image for your cover” and “how to see what’s a good cover for your genre” are spot on.

A lot of his other advice on how to actually DO it seems to lead to the kind of bland, nothing-burger covers that sell pretty well for a certain type of thriller and contemporary mystery, but tend to not sell for beans in say science fiction or fantasy.  And, frankly, suck for romance.

On the whole, though, I think the book is valuable and I wish everyone who asks me to design a cover for them would read it, because honestly, first and foremost your cover needs to signal genre.  It’s even excusable for it to look cheesy or bland, but it has to be the right genre.  A cover that has a spaceship will always sell science fiction over a cover that has something gorgeous and unidentifiable.

Most of all, always, you must signal genre.

There are other interesting tidbits he gives, like the traditional publishers use the proportions of a 6×9 book not the Amazon-requested ones, and that gives a subconscious signal.  I haven’t tested if they’ll let me upload that (they might not) but I’m gonna try.

However halfway through he talked about how bad cultural stereotypes were on covers, like for instance, for Africa all we see is a red sunset and a bare tree, and how Africa has big cities and is as civilized as anywhere else.

Um…. yes.  Kind of.  Any continent where the main form of success is working for an NGO which pays way more than skilled technical professions is not a continent like anywhere else.  Civilized, of course.  In fact, dying of civilization and a peculiar idea of the world that they should help the continent to death.

And see, just above I made a generalization, as when you talk about an entire continent, you can’t concentrate on the little things.

In defense of the author of the book about cover design, he’s not stupid.  He also immediately said that the reason that the covers show a sunset and an acacia tree is because in the collective subconscious that signals “Africa” to people and that a book cover is not a place to educate people.

Of course he also thinks people can or SHOULD be educated about the nature of stereotypes, and the non-stereotypical stuff that lies behind it.

Sigh.  (Does sinal salute.)

Stereotypes are part of the human brain, and frankly one of the parts that saw us become masters of the globe, living in all kinds of environments.  You see, we are monkeys with an overgrown brain, but still monkeys.  Oh, pardon me, great apes (who declared us great, anyway?) have the capacity to notice a lot of things but only remember a limited number of them.

By and large what we remember are patterns.  And they probably allowed our ancestors to survive long enough to become human, and then to become successful human tribes.  Because a lot of the patterns will be things like “trying to hunt tiger ow ow crunch hurts, like Ogg.”  Or “Behind that bush hide “aaaaah! Hyenas!”  Or “If get away from band, lion crunch crunch maul and then Ogg only one leg which makes hunting hard.”

Remembering that type of pattern, particularly when it happens to other people, can save your life.  Of course it’s a stereotype.  Perhaps a tiger is hurt and old, and you could have killed him and have a nifty tunic.  Or perhaps tiger is friendly and you could have joined forces and been super-hunters.  but that’s not the way to bet.  The way to bet is crunch crunch, ouch, ouch, deathy death.

Stereotypes are the product of the same mechanism.  None of us has the time, the patience or the brain space to remember everything about everywhere in the globe, much less give it due consideration and note all the exceptions to the “run of the mill” thing.

Now, stereotypes are often insanely outdated, particularly when it comes to other countries from the US.  They are mostly acquired from movies, and Hollywood’s researchers are non-existent.  Nine times out of ten they have a vague idea that some country is “quaint” or “old fashioned.”  In the US they’re also often acquired from the last known relative or relative of a friend that emigrated from that place.  And this is how my host family ended up teaching me how to flush a toilet, because the grandmother who’d come from Portugal hadn’t ever seen a flush mechanism.

People don’t stop and think “Wait, that was a 100 years ago!” No, they file that under “this is how it is in distant place. And honestly, it doesn’t hurt anyone. I mean, I already knew how to flush a toilet, but it cost us all perhaps a minute of our time.  I wasn’t offended, because I knew where this was coming from.  No sane person should be offended of this sort of thing.

And besides, sometimes stereotypes are true.  At least the ones where you encounter the real thing on a regular basis have to be true, or you’d revise them.

My own stereotype of Africa had come from reading a lot of African exploration books.  Which meant I thought of Africa as huts and tribes.  And I wasn’t far off.  When I visited South Africa I passed a lot of tribal hut villages.  Of course, this was the eighties and they had satellite dishes, but they were still huts.

And while I’m quiet, non-demonstrative and honestly an introvert for the country I come from (the region I come from is more undemonstrative anyway, being English influenced, but I’m an introvert even for there) people who meet me still think I fit the stereotype of Latin female.

That’s fine.  If it becomes necessary for them to know me as an individual, they’ll learn differently.  But while dealing with me as part of a group, that’s enough for them to know, particularly if I’m in one of my occasional snits.

I mean, you could roam the globe “educating” everyone in the ways every stereotype is wrong, and itemizing all the little ways things are different from the picture in their heads.

In the end, all it would do is make people confused, tired of you, and annoyed.

In general, I have better things to spend time on than “educating” people.

In fact if you talk of “educating” other people, perhaps you should already educate yourself on how you’re not superior and we don’t want to hear it.

And if you persist, we’ll show you our middle fingers.  We have a full set.

 

 

 

HRC: Those Damn Emails by Amanda S. Green

elephant-1090834

HRC: Those Damn Emails by Amanda S. Green

Well, you knew it had to happen. Sooner or later in our conversation of HRC’s book,  What Happened, we would finally see what she really thought about the email controversy. By now, I doubt few expect an open and honest discussion of the email controversy. Trust me, if you were one of the cynics, you won’t be disappointed.

The entire chapter could be summed up this way: I didn’t do anything wrong. Others had used their personal devices before me. It’s Comey’s fault. It’s Bill’s fault for having his personal server and letting me use it. Trump’s evil. I didn’t know and no one would believe me. Sniffle.

But that would make for a terribly short blog post. So let’s dig a little deeper. Oh, look, HRC sets the tone of the chapter from the very first sentence or two:

Imagine you’re a kid sitting in history class thirty years from now learning about the 2016 presidential election, which brought to power the least experienced, least knowledgeable, least competent President our country has ever had. (pg 289)

My first thought reading this was why she specified history and not government class. But then her intent became very clear. She was priming the pump for the chapter, trying to show that no matter how bad her judgment might have been, no matter how badly she failed to understand what’s important to the American voters, Trump has to be worse. Note how she already claims, less than a year into his presidency, that Trump is the least competent president we’ve ever had. Of course, she doesn’t present any evidence to support her claim. She never does.

Something must have gone horribly wrong, you think. Then you hear that one issue dominated press coverage and public debate in that race more than any other. “Climate change?” you ask. “Health care?” “No,” your teacher responds. “Emails” . . . In fact, if you had turned on a network newscast in 2016, you were three times more likely to hear about those emails than about all the real issues combined. (pg 289)

A couple of observations here. She says that we were more likely to hear about the emails than the so-called “real” issues but notice she doesn’t say in what way we were hearing about them. She doesn’t discuss how MSM tried to bury the issue under the rug. But, more telling, is her complete lack of understanding about how important the issue was to the American people. It went beyond the fact she was foolish enough to use her personal email for official purposes. It went beyond the fact she tried for so long to sidestep the issue. It became a matter of trust, especially after she deleted thousands of emails before turning them over to the investigators.

As painful as it is to return to this maddening saga, it’s now more important than ever to try to understand how this issue ballooned into an election-tipping controversy. (pg. 291)

Uh, what? If that isn’t a loaded comment, I don’t know what is. Why is it “more important than ever” to figure out what happened? My stomach did a slow roll and I think I threw up in my mouth a little when the most obvious answer came to me. HRC still has plans for political office or appointment. Nope and nope and nope again.

Right off the bat, let me say again that, yes, the decision to use personal email instead of an official government account was mine and mine alone. I own that. I never meant to mislead anyone, never kept my email use a secret, and always took classified information seriously. (pf 291)

Wow, how magnanimous of her. And how much that one statement shows she doesn’t get why so many people looked hard at her email use. It wasn’t that she used her personal email – that was bad enough – but it was what she did later, when she was asked to turn over all her emails, that caused raised eyebrows and questions about what she might be trying to hide.

Now we get to the excuses – err, explanations. You knew they had to come. Be honest. You just knew it.

A lot of young people today are used to carrying around multiple devices and having both a personal phone and one provided by their work. But I’m not a digital native. . . I didn’t send a single email while I was in the White House as First Lady or during most of my first term in the U.S. Senate. I’ve never used a computer at home or at work. It wasn’t until about 2006 that I began sending and receiving emails on a BlackBerry phone (pg 292-293)

I had to finish laughing after reading that before I could make a few notes. Of course, she hadn’t sent emails as First Lady. She had a staff to do so for her. All she had to do was snap her fingers and say “do this!” and it got done. It also makes me pity whoever had to listen to her dictation and then type all of her books, not just this one. Either that or they had to decipher her handwriting. Oooh, I know, maybe HRC sat with her old Remington typewriter and typed away on it.

Of course, then the cynic in me shook loose and started asking questions like: why didn’t she use a computer at all? Was she trying to avoid leaving a digital trail for investigators to follow?

The excuses continued. She knew former Secretary of State Colin Powel had used his personal email while in office. So that meant it had to be all right, didn’t it? “I also knew that email wasn’t where the bulk of a Secretary’s work was done.” (pg 293)

Here’s one of the kickers, however. After several pages of seeing the sort of “unimportant” emails she sent, we get this from HRC:

As for record keeping, because the overwhelming number of people with whom I was exchanging work-related emails were government personnel with their “.gov” email addresses, I had every reason to think the messages I sent should have been captured by the government’s servers, archived, and made available for Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) requests. (pg 296)

Now it’s the government’s fault for not capturing her emails when she sent them to someone else. Of course, her own explanation shows the fallacy with her argument. She admits that not all of her emails went to people with a .gov address. So, how was she going to insure those emails were archived and made available for FOIA purposes? I know. She wasn’t. Not that it should surprise any of us. HRC is nothing if not the master of passing the blame to someone else.

She then goes on to bring Benghazi into the mix. I kid you not. The bitch dares use what happened to our people on HER watch to show how evil the rest of us, especially the Republicans on the Hill, were to keep pressing her for her emails. “Republicans turned the deaths of four brave Americans into a partisan farce.” (pp 297-298) Read that again and think about it. This is from the woman touting herself as the best person, most qualified person in the country to be president. Nope, nope and HELL NO.

She notes that when the Benghazi Committee sent a “blizzard of requests for documents” (pg 299), there were approximately 8 emails to or from her that were included in those turned over. “At the time, nobody raised any questions to me about why I was using a non-state.gov account.” (pg 299)

Duh. They weren’t worried about that at the time, Hills. They were worried about how our four brave men met their deaths and what role you and your office played in them. It’s called priorities, babe.

When State decided to “complete its record keeping” in 2014 and asked HRC, as well as the three previous Secretaries of State for any emails they might have kept that had to do with their job as Secretary, she then ran to her attorneys. What did she have to turn over and what could she delete? “So we checked to make sure we were following the rules, providing every relevant email I had, and deleted the personal ones.” (pg 300) Except she made the decision about what was relevant and what was personal. She didn’t consult with State. She didn’t consult with anyone else, except for her team. She made the decision and she still doesn’t understand why people have problems with that.

As an attorney, you’d think she’d understand. By making that determination herself, it was like telling a defendant in a fraud case to go through his records and delete anything that wasn’t related to the crimes with which he was charged. Even if the defendant only deleted personal emails, the shade of doubt has been planted. It’s the same with HRC, not that she will ever admit it or understand it.

There’s more, as you can imagine. Again, she throws the media under the bus for being more negative toward her than they were toward Trump. (pg 318) She really throws Comey under the bus for going public with his concerns about her and her emails. How dare he do so publicly?

In typical HRC fashion, she blames the emails – and Comey, and the media, and anyone else she can think of – for her loss. Not once does she show any sort of understanding about why the American voting public had concerns about her emails and the use of her personal email account. She thinks a simple, “I’m not a native technology user” should be enough to excuse her. Sorry, Hills, but nope. You had a responsibility to keep your emails secure, to make sure they were stored in such a way they could be preserved for FOIA purposes as well as for historical purposes. You had a responsibility of making sure your servers were secure. Most of all, you did not have the right to determine which of your emails to hand over when asked. There are ways to get clarification and you subverted each and every one of them.

Once again, we see HRC in full denial. More importantly, we get hints that she isn’t done yet. If that isn’t enough to keep you awake at night, I don’t know what is.

Next up is the Russia question. There will be one more post after that. Here’s your chance. What book would you like me to dissect next?

(You can find the other installments in this series at the following links: What Happened or How I Suffered for this Blog and had to Share, Grit and Gratitude, HRC Gets Caught Trying, A New Deal, A Square Deal or How She Wanted to be the Next Roosevelt, It’s All His Fault, Turning Mourning into a Movement, HRC: Idealism and Realism and HRC: Making History.)

[I know this is hard to watch, imagine what it must be like to read the book.  If you want to help finance Amanda’s liquor bill, use this address  Send the woman a drink-SAH]

 

 

The Call of Destiny

success

I’ve always wondered about characters who readily take the call to adventure.  Why?  Because frankly, if you think you’re getting a call to destiny, you should slam the phone down.

The problem is that I come from a culture that absolutely believes in “destiny” and “fate.”  You’re born to be great, or born to be of no account, and not everything you do, not everything you try can avail you.

I think those who are told they have a great destiny — by reason of family, brains, or some early quality — are far more likely to be hurt by it.  Those of us of whom not that much was expected — we were expected to do well, but we had no great destiny — sometimes achieve something nonetheless.  But the ones who are told they’ll set the world on its ear have trouble with giving up early (and often.)

Then there is the whole matter of vocations.  I don’t want to believe in vocations.  I don’t want to believe you’re born to do something.  What it implies about the state of the world, how its run, and the state of free will itself scares me just a little.

And yet, I was born to write, and all the times I tried to walk away from it were attempts at self harm.  I hated myself because I couldn’t be perfect at it, and what’s the good of a vocation if you have to work to be good at it.

And yet it is.  It is what it is.  Maybe I’m just broken in the peculiar way that makes a writer.

I don’t know what to say about this, except that it ties in with my post at Mad Genius Club.

Contrary to fiction and legends, just because you fail, it doesn’t mean you can’t succeed in the end.  Just because you struggle, it doesn’t mean it’s not what you’re supposed to do, and just because you hit bottom, doesn’t mean you can’t rise.

And yes, I’m saying this to myself as well as to you guys.

In 2003 when I hit rock bottom on my career I was saved by that quote I put in the image above.  It was found, of all places, at a Jane Austen fan group.  And it gave me the impetus to work and get back in the game.

Do you have a great destiny?  I have no idea.  I’m not sure I believe in destiny.

Do you have a vocation?  Well, either you do or you don’t, but if you keep coming to the same thing and trying to make it work, either it’s your vocation or you’re nuts.  I’m okay with being nuts.  Quite likely, really.

You buy everything in this world, and the most important things aren’t bought with money.  They’re bought with persistence, courage, work, and sometimes something else, something that just refuses to give up.

There is a passage in Don Camillo that goes something like “Smilzo made a final effort, spit out a piece of his lung, but he did make the goal.”

Sometimes that’s what it feels like.  You’re shedding bits of yourself and hurting like hell, but you push through, and you can even get there.

Oh maybe not where you intended to, but to a place you can live with.

Everyone is going to meet contretemps, set backs and, in my case, the constant sabotage of my goals by my own body.  But you keep going — not in the Hillary “do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result” way — but in a sane, reevaluate, recast, reaim and try again way.

Anything worth doing is worth doing well.  Or at least managing to do well, eventually.

And sometimes hitting the bottom is just the preparation to rise.