We humans like tidy stories and clear lines.
But life isn’t like that. Live is complicated and confusing, it has self returns, and winding paths.
Our republic can get lost all over the place. It has. You can say it was lost almost as soon as it was founded, and things crept in that should never have. But with al that, all the flaws and warts, and the last hundred years marred by statist idiots (to be fair it is almost impossible to escape the infection of the age and the twentieth century was a time of centralizing power) it is still the best place on Earth and the hope of mankind.
Which makes me feel much better, because I swear the last 20 years have been a saga of pushing forward, recovery, falling down again, recovery again…. rinse repeat.
Now, there are signs of hope. Despite the fact I’ve been coughening (totally a word) for the last month and a half straight, first of one thing, then of another, I have been able to do things that seemed impossible in Colorado, like start reformatting older books and putting them out, now looking prettier and with paper editions. (I Dipped Stripped and Dead and French Polished murder, because that series should have a new issue next month, then All Hot for shifters, and then a Darkship book (I’m divided on which one.))
Anyway, there are these completely normal things, like assigning isbns that I kept giving up on in Colorado like it was too much effort…. And my brain wasn’t working quite right.
I think something to the altitude and chronic low oxygen was messing me up. There might have been depression along with that…
But I’m doing what I can to get back to me. To get back to where I should be and where I work.
We, none of us, know how long we have.
Okay, so we didn’t choose to live in the clownworld timeline, when the big floppy shoes come out and they’re all honking noses at each other.
But it is what we have and it is where we are. Yeah, we should prepare and do our best to survive whatever this crazy year throws at us, and frankly, after 2020 we’re none of us very trusting what that will be, right?
But it’s still you, and still your life. Don’t put it off waiting for times to be better, for things to be easier, for a better time to be you.
I’m finally — hopefully releasing later this year, and yeah, all of you will hate it, but it needs out — writing the world that has been with me for 46 years, because… Well, if I get to the other side, and it died trapped in my head? It’s just not right. It was given to me for a reason, even if everyone ends up hating it.
I’ve packed my bags, I’m walking up hill. I’m trying not to hurry, because I’m afraid of getting sick and lost again.
But I am coming back to me.
Because who else am I going to come back to being?
I’m hoping to be me as hard as I can, clown world or not.