I am alive

I am alive. I woke up feeling ill. I’ve been trying to write a chapter since 9 am. it hasn’t worked, though there have been naps.  I think I’m giving up.
Promo tomorrow morning and if I feel better, chapter in the afternoon.

BTW I’m not sure I’m ill. Might just be stress inducing auto-immune symptoms.

80 thoughts on “I am alive

    1. Oh, yes. And am medicated. For 3 years.
      I always feel a little “under” in summer, but it’s not marked.
      However, stress makes my body go into full inflamation in joints, eczema and upper respiratory/asthma. Right now all three of them are kicking up, so probably the stress induced for not being able to give idiots the kicking they desperately need….

      1. Youngest Sis just came up positive. She live in an apartment behind the house Mom and Dad live, and needs to go into their house for the toilet.
        That was the reason at the start of this carp the folks bugged out to Atlanta to my middle sis’s place, because she works in a warehouse with many route drives (Brimm Snacks).
        stressor one is Ma and Dad are back there in Memphis, so have been exposed.
        stressor two was oldest sis’ son saying “HCQ has pretty much been discredited”, because of course all they get their news from is the usual suspects, who gleefully reported those findings, but of course never reported the study being pulled from publication when in an attempt to save reputation, two authors removed their names and even the Lancet is going “you know, I don’t think this shows a damned thing”.
        Then I HAD to go grocery shopping.
        no auto-immune for me, though, thankfully.
        Get well.
        Now dammit! (~_^)

      1. Oh. You meant tested for Covid? Hell no. I’m fairly sure I had it in January and would love an anti-body test, but that’s not offered.
        If it were JUST respiratory symptoms, or even serious respiratory symptoms I’d be more alarmed, but it’s very MILD respiratory symptoms, on the edge “I’ve got something in my throat” plus asthma, eczema and my joints feeling broken.
        My body is sick of 2020 and is trying to kill me. Again.

        1. My regular doctor offered/urged the antibody test. OTOH, the last time I took a look, there was something like a 20% false negative rate and an 30% false positive (might have it backwards, or they might have released the magic unicorns and fixed the damned test), so IMHO, it was a moot point.

          And then Insty brought up the fact that T-cell immunity seems to be working on ChiComCoronavirus for many people without regular antibodies, so fuggitol.

        2. I dunno what the deal is in Colorado but I had the option to go through LabCorp’s site and pay $10 out of pocket to get set up for an antibody test.

          IIRC however they’re finding they can’t detect the antibodies for more than a few months even in people they’re sure had it–which, see the T cell stuff mentioned elsewhere, doesn’t necessarily mean immunity’s out but does suggest that tests now may not be very informative about January.

  1. It’s not just you, Sarah. I’m sitting here watching YouTube of how to build a wagon wheel, entire brain set to -duh- mode.

    I’m going to bed, the wagon wheel is nice but sleep is probably better for me. ~:D

    1. Engel’s? Watching him for long periods is so calming, I can fall asleep to his work. Which is annoying if I am trying to watch it and not fall asleep.

      1. Yep, Engel’s coach shop. He makes me nervous with the tablesaw sometimes, but otherwise its excellent.

        Have you checked out Abom79? Machinist. Such a nice presentation.

        I learned all about how to scrape a 36″ long dovetail to under 1/1000th of an inch accuracy this week, they’re scraping the beam of a Cincinnati heavy shaper. They got it accurate in flatness, straightness and parallelism to better than one thou with a hand-held power scraper. Which is a glorified Sawzall, mechanically. Reciprocating chisel blade.

        I wouldn’t want to do it myself, being a woodworker, but at least now I know what they do.

        In woodworking news I finished my little sawbench project. Took forever because its been too hot to work in the shop, over 95F most days. But, an hour here and an hour there, I finished it. Splayed legs and dovetail-shaped half-lap joints, a surprisingly non-trivial exercise for what it is. Half-laps are more difficult than I gave them credit for when you add an angle to them. ~:D

        About halfway through I abandoned the hand-tools only approach and made a couple of tablesaw jigs and a router jig. Long periods of repetitive trimming and fitting for part after part are not fun in the blinding heat.

        Next plan, make four more. Two for me, two for Young Relatives. Hardwood this time, oak I think. The construction grade spruce is just too crappy, I hate working with it. It’s punky, you know? Feels like cork under a chisel.

        1. Yep, I watch Adam.
          was a good weekend as there was a This Old Tony as well.
          Best weekends include a Project Binky, but they had a spurt here a bit back so it’ll likely be a bit for another one.
          I’ve done some practice chisel and plane work, making some very stout saw horses (had 3 SPF 2x6x14′ planks holding all the metal roofing and trim and gutters, for the house on them, so they needed to be stout, and I need the practice.) and can fully agree that Spruce is like hitting rubber.
          And, as I am typing thins, I have the SpaceX recovery of the Dragon going on the big monitor.

  2. Get better. Quickly if possible, but for sure and for real. You’re worth waiting for.

  3. So – the various comments and “Likes” that have been appearing were not the work of a ghostwriter?

    Good to know, good to know.

  4. > Might just be stress inducing auto-immune symptoms.

    How about a virtual “cabin in the woods”? Go to your office, close the door, and… unplug the network cable.

    Read. Write. Paint. Play with the cat. Carve voodoo dolls. Call up a friend and chat. Whatever, as long as you get out from under the hammer of the Doom News Cycle for a while? And

      1. All the usual escapes are gone.

        Which is… pretty much what we were all warned was going to happen, but seeing someone pointing the gun at you and pulling the trigger does jack all to make you immune to the bullet.

      2. While I do not pretend to be one of your friends, I have been depressed since long before the WuFlu Lockdown. I can produce testimonials to support my claim of depression since 2014, possibly longer.

        It’s not so bad once you settle into it. Rather pleasant in some ways. Puddleglum has been my role model.

          1. To quote literature’s best-known Venerian dragon, Sir Isaac Newton, “Shucks.”

            You are too kind … or too lacking in discrimination.

          1. keeps looking and calling his friend. AT FOUR THIRTY AM

            Lil Bit. At 1 AM & 2 AM. We get a break between 2:30 AM and 5 AM when son gets home and he goes to bed. Then she’s back in our room squalling because Thump isn’t in his spot. AND we had reasons to think she didn’t even like him!!!!

            1. Well Havey and Greebo snuggled together and mutually groomed. Today is the first time Havey laid down on my bed, in his normal spot.
              It’s two weeks. I didn’t even know he could remember things two weeks.

              1. I suppose that’s one benefit to having cats that don’t get along. When one of mine dies at least the other won’t miss him much.

                1. Until you find out you were wrong. Just because they aren’t mutual cuddle/play buddies, they still know the other is gone & missing & they grieve … all night long.

                  1. well, these two WERE cuddle buddies.
                    And I’m starting to fear that as Pixie did for Randy, Havey will mourn Greebo for the rest of his life.
                    Havey will now sleep on the bed, even though Greebo isn’t there. But right now he’s on the floor of my office asking me where Greebo is. VERY clearly.

                    1. Yes.

                      We get a combination (now) of “Where is Thump?”, “What are They doing here?”, “They might, maybe, be okay, kind of …”, “I wanna go out”, “I wanna come in. Thump isn’t out here.” “Where is Thump? Why is he hiding?”

                      She has started cuddling us some. Which is different, as she didn’t before.

                      I know letting her see his body probably was something we should have done. I’ve heard that helps. We didn’t. We’re living with the consequences. She is the only cat we’ve had that we were down to only her when another one was lost. The others were all cuddle buddies and when we lost one, they had the others for support. She only had us. When she finally lets the kittens in far enough, for her, I think it’ll help. They won’t replace Thump. But they’ll ease the emptiness. Or I’m projecting, how do I know? We, the humans, still miss Thump. We always will. We miss all of them. All of them hurt. Some hurt more than others. He was one of the some.

                      The whole CV19 theater isn’t helping any.

                      We do have advantages. We don’t tend to depression. We have our health issues, in general they are annoyances. I have you & the rest of the Huns.

                      Oh, and the dog. Well the kittens are her focus … it is cute. She’s got another 20 months before they are full grown & filled out before she gets full range to play like Thump used to initiate.

                    2. Letting him see Greebo’s body wasn’t on. MOVING greebo hurt him. And it was done at the vet, period.
                      I’ve found the place where my poor boy huddled for two days was soaked with urine, which explains why he smelled when I cuddled him at the end. The vet said he was hurting so bad he peed himself….
                      I didn’t know. 😦

                    3. I know.

                      Thump wasn’t in pain, yet. We got lucky that way. He would have been if we’d put off beyond when the Veterinarian could schedule the procedure once we made the decision. We almost did. After the procedure we didn’t bring him home until the ashes were available. I don’t know that Lil Bit & Pepper seeing & smelling his body after death would have helped. I’ve just read that people have stated that it helps.

                    4. We didn’t know. I thought he was hiding due to strange people in and out of the house. I didn’t realize he was sick till that weekend. I mean, I knew he wasn’t feeling well, but not terminal-sick.
                      I wouldn’t have let him be in pain.

                    5. I wouldn’t have let him be in pain.

                      I know.

                      Cats can go south so fast. We’ve had three cats do that to us. We got told our timing for Thump was lucky. For Emmy & Silver, we weren’t. I know they both were in pain before we got to the Vet. Chris, Emmy’s brother died in convulsions in our arms at home (we didn’t know he was sick, he was 16). Silver all but drowned in her own blood by the time we got to the emergency vet at 11:45 PM, she died at 12:30 AM. We knew Emmy & Silver were terminal. It was a matter of when, not if. We chose wrongly. They were good, if sick, then they weren’t. We had three other elderly sick cats just decide to go somewhere (sneak out) and go to sleep. Two we were able to bring home because neighbors, when they found them, knew where they belonged.

                      Kittens are especially bad. Especially those taken from mom too soon. Which our two were. We are just now getting where we can relax a bit about their health. The are just at 12 weeks old.

                    6. Valeria we got at two weeks with a massive eye infection. That’s why she doesn’t like other cats. i don’t think she knows she’s a cat.
                      We should never have given her away.

    1. Oh, I don’t need to watch news. I can read print. And I’ve seen this movie before.
      They stampeded the crowd with fear of what appears to be a common, garden variety virus. (they’ll let us out in September. Deaths of respiratory illnesses will spike — they do when the weather cools — and they’ll lock us down again. Hence September. use it to stock up. The deaths will be colds, flu, pneumonia, but it will all be COVID. Same when I inevitably catch a bullet to the back of the head.)
      Keep us locked down. Destroy the economy. Build it “fairly” in socialist mold. This has given them power. It was designed by someone who understands crowds and how to stampede them.
      Will it last?
      Well, it can’t. But they are trying to — denial of care, triage for lack of resources — to kill anyone over 50 who remembers freedom. They might become more pro-active, too.
      Now the Germans are rebelling, and I hope we do too. BUT the media still has most people captive.
      It won’t end well. When I said they can’t have their socialist revolution, I MEANT it. But they can break our back, make us too poor to effectively fight back, kill vast numbers of us, take what remains of wealth in the economy and live like gods at the top of the heap for three decades or so.
      Most of them don’t have kids. What do they care?

      1. It may be a cold comfort, but there are some of us young’uns who carry a scrap of flag as well.

        I’m not sure how well I can fight, but I think black market connections and experience might be the superior tool in the circumstances anyway. Call it logistics….

        Doing my best to train the children as USAians as well. They’re four and one, so I don’t know how well it’s taking yet, but I have hopes.

        We recently decided we’re not going to move from Upstate NY after all, at least for a while, what with piles of Everything. It’s making me a tad morose. But… I’m glad to be able to hang out with you fellow crazies, either way.

        Thank you, Sarah.


        The Enemies of Freedom are working hard at isolating dissidents, at forcing displays of loyalty, and at creating preference falsification. It’s their only hope.


        is the practical countermeasure. Signal it clearly, concisely, and in a way that’s easy for others to duplicate and relay. And embrace it yourself.


        Yes the enemy gets a vote, but so do we. (And don’t forget the large number of votes currently taking the form of firearm and ammunition purchases. If that doesn’t have the Enemy rattled, then they’re stoopid as well as crazy.) As long as we don’t let ourselves get defeated in detail, then not only will they lose, but we will win. Just remember:


  5. Rote work can have a calming effect
    If you give your mind permission to forget.
    Fractious troubles and daily cares
    Grind the mind and truly wears
    Which gives to a weariness of spirit.
    So embrace the task and do not fear it.
    Rote work can have a calming effect…

  6. The heat’s getting to us. Doesn’t cool enough to cool the house much in the evening; staying up late isn’t sufficient for cooling, and my body and one of the dogs insists on getting up early. Last night was horrible; the other dog wouldn’t stop fussing, so finally I reopened the windows and doors (at 1:30), moved to the office so the dogs could stay with me in the airflow, and crashed.

    Multiple days of 5 hours of sleep just doesn’t work for me. CPAP machine said I got 7.5 last night, though some was awake, trying to calm dogs.

    $SPOUSE wanted to go for a fun drive (our anniversary), but she figured it wasn’t going to be a good idea today. Agreed.

    1. We’ve broke down & have 3 AC’s going. One wall unit upstairs, and two floor to window vent, one that is upstairs & one in the dining room. As long as we can keep upstairs below 80, rest of the house follows.

      We open all the windows upstairs, our bedroom window, & the two side windows off the deck, at night to cool once drops below the inside of the house. But it isn’t cooling down the house until around 5 or 6 am. It’d be better if the front windows were open too. That isn’t safe. Deck windows … we’re going to hear someone breaking in them. Or the dog will. They are feet from our window. Ditto if someone climbs the roof. Granted she’s only slightly over a foot high, they won’t know that.

      We are going to use the AC units a lot more than we did last summer. Last summer it was 5 days, total. Hardly justifies putting in whole house unit.

      1. Do you have a big fan set up to pull air through the house all night? Blow out the hot air and replace it with cool night air, then shut the house up tight first thing in the morning. A window open just a few inches will flush the hot air out of a room.

        I have installed a fan through the wall above each bedroom door for the same purpose — open the window, shut the door, and the fan blows the hot air out. I only need the bedroom air conditioner if it doesn’t get below 70 outside by 11 PM.
        Well, you can’t really call it a lawn, but at least all the weeds are cut to the same height.

        1. I know Iowa’s been having a freak string of nights where the low is in the 70s, although it’s gone to normal low 60s a few times.

        2. It’s been so hot here that it doesn’t even reach “cool” except for a few hours before the dawn.

          1. That is when we get into trouble. If it doesn’t get below 70 outside before 5:30 AM, it is not cooling the house down to low 70s before we are up. At that point it is turn on the AC units to see if it won’t get it down so when heat raises, the house stays below 80.

        3. Do you have a big fan set up to pull air through the house all night? Blow out the hot air and replace it with cool night air, then shut the house up tight first thing in the morning.

          Normal Fans going 24/7, plus forced air furnace fan (with furnace off) running 24/7. What you describe, baring the in wall AC in the room above the garage, is what we did for 29 years. Open house at night, all windows, turn on house alarm so movement beyond animals set off alarm, to cool down. Shut down in morning. Head off to work. Generally still cool when getting home. Problems occurred if house didn’t cool down at night, usually after at least 3 continuous high heat days.

          Problems now. The other half won’t leave the front windows open downstairs, even with motion alarm set. Why? IDK. Without the front windows open downstairs, there is no cross breeze at night. Other problem. Retired. Someone is home to let animals in & out all day. That lets in heat. Also keeping garage door close is paramount to success. That isn’t happening.

          Problem is that unless it gets down in the 50s early in the night, the house just won’t cool off enough. Gets down to 72 generally. Opening up as soon as up in the AM, helps too. System generally keeps house about 20 degrees less than outside. But that means 97 = 77 stifling heat in the house.

      2. For many years, $SPOUSE has been reluctant (nay, adamant against) keeping any windows open at night. However, of the 5 immediate neighbors, only one is wonky, and he’ll leave us alone if we leave him alone. The newer neighbors (all 4) are solid citizens now, and we’re a lot more comfortable.

        Last night was the first time we did all-night heat dump. Floor fan set in the window (no baffle, but it works, usually), laundry room window open for the back of the house, front door open for the rest. Got the house from 79F down to 70F; we’re just not cooling off much at night due to overcast/smoke. Sigh.

        No AC units. One of the quasi-portable ones might work, but we’d have to do serious furniture rearrangement. Swamp (evaporative) coolers work, but like ductless AC, need resources we haven’t committed. In non-2020 years, we don’t get extended heat spells. Seems the poor solar activity is keeping the trough/ridge cycle from progressing much. Sigh.

        1. No AC units. One of the quasi-portable ones might work, but we’d have to do serious furniture rearrangement.

          We resemble that. Upstairs there are a couple of windows that will work that are on the other end of the room (it is 20′ by 40′ feet). But, as I discovered last week when the “south kitchen wall” breaker went off (wall plugs quit working), downstairs, not so much. There is ONE window, the one it is on, that works, without moving stuff (heavy stuff).

          When we had the furnace put in. It was suppose to have a connector that we could add the AC connection, should we desire. Of coarse, 10+ years later, that option has flown the coop. I knew we should have bitten and just added the air conditioner then, but we couldn’t justify the extra $2k. Well now we definitely can’t justify the extra $5k to $7k. Until the furnace needs replacing. Which probably will be new home owners.

          We hit, maybe two weeks a year, where the heat gets bad continuously, where we have to run the A/C more than a few hours. Last year it was a total of 5 days. All. Summer. This year it has been 7 days, off & on, & counting. Today, I didn’t turn on the AC until almost noon. S/b turning it off just after dusk.

          1. July 4th we set frostcloth over the summer squash (we’ll do that if 35F is likely. In June), but since then, we’ve had 90 and some triple digit highs. (Because I like to build in the summer–don’t like rain on fresh plywood, I’m guaranteed to get a heatwave somewhere along the project. The current shed is taking long, partly because it’s too damned hot to work all day.)

            1. We haven’t hit triple digits, yet. Minute I say “Looks like it won’t this year”, it will … so I won’t 🙂 Suppose to be high 80s at max this week. Lows down to low 50s, which means house cools at night so AC won’t come on until late morning-ish, for a few hours. If no one is home & house gets 100% shutdown, won’t come on at all.

              1. Monday and yesterday we were in the process of buying a new travel trailer. Mixed emotions; I like having one again, but the Honeydo list just expanded a ton. 30A 110 circuit if we want to use the AC, $SPOUSE wants an RV shelter, and though I can’t/won’t be doing that construction, there’s likely some excavation and footings that will need to be done before the shelter can be erected. I suspect I know who the project manager will be. 😦 I’m still doing the somewhat overbuilt garden shed to discourage the casual thieves who’ve sprouted up around here.

                The trailer (Forest River Wolf Pup) is at the max limit for a Honda Ridgeline, so it needed an equalizing hitch. Got to read TMiaHM while waiting, but the customer waiting room is nonexistent, and the outside break area was toasty. (Driving the trailer home was not much fun; about 2X the weight I’ve towed before. OTOH, it’s our emergency shelter if one of the various disasters makes the house unlivable, whether or not we need to leave the area. No cross country road trips planned.)

                Temperatures are still around 90, and last night was not cool at all. Might have dropped to 50 this morning, but the house was at 79 when the dogs and I got up at 4. Elder dog lost her biscuit a half hour later. Not sure if it was heat stress or return of the pancreatitis. So, she’s getting a teaspoon of rice in water, and I’m getting The Look at mealtimes. Later this morning, we’ll add a bit of the boiled hamburger we keep for such occasions.

                1. Definitely have it hotter east of the Cascades & further south. Haven’t been following on heat south of Willamette Valley, Canyonville, Medford, Grantspass, etc. They are generally hotter than what we get too.

                  Nice trailer.

                  1. It’s a nice one and we like the dealer. Want to look at the plug-in portable solar since there are a few systems that don’t want to shut down. I’m considering the possibility of rolling my own system; not my first rodeo, and I have panels/components from the old Coleman tent trailer. Decisions, though saving time is a factor *if* systems are available. Shortages hit the RV industry hard.

                    Medford usually runs 10 degrees hotter than K-falls. We vary; don’t have the lake to moderate our temps.

                    1. We have a 2008 Komfort T211 Trailblazer 4-season, that we’ve had for 12 1/2 years. Towed by 1500 Chevy ex-cab pickup. Trailer is well under the pickup tow rating, yet we have the heavy duty hitch with leveler & stabilizers, with air bags on the truck shocks. We have a small generator for charging batteries when not home but stationary somewhere (won’t run the A/C or microwave, but runs everything else if needed).

                      Just found out the stupid slide won’t slide out. Sigh. Finally found the manuals. I knew we had them. We don’t throw out manuals of anything unless the item is gone, and then usually not for years afterwards. The packet was buried under the bed. Hubby’s got to trace through, or we’ve got to take it in. Guaranty RV in Junction City is swamped.

                      We’re due to take off for Yellowstone Aug 29, first night reservation is Aug 30, baring CV19 changes. We’re okay if not fixed, normally. There is room between coach & counter without the 1′ slide out. PIA, but doable. BUT. Sis & BIL are joining us for first two nights. That means couch has to be down. It’ll go down. At least I &/or the dog will have to get up in the middle of the night. With the couch down there isn’t anyway to get to the door or the facilities.

                      Too bad we’re not selling it. Used RV’s locally are going for a premium. Especially if in decent shape. Ours is in better than decent shape, and the slide control will be fixed. But not selling anyway. Hubby talks about selling it, then changes his mind. He is tired of being the only one who drives the combo, it is exhausting (… like he’d let me drive). Truck/Trailer combo costs us about $700/bi-annually between insurance & registrations. They are both paid for.

  7. I know you tend to think, “It’s just my body, giving it attention would only encourage it,” but please take care of yourself. If not for yourself, for us, for your family, and for all the imaginary people in your head whose stories might never be told.

  8. I just saw that the HAIC (Head Asshole In Charge) of Victoria, Australia has ordered a curfew in Melbourne starting tonight.

    It’s like every government in the world wants to be East Germany.

  9. Run Coward!!!! Yeah I played a lot of Sinistar and died a lot. very unsatisfying quarter spent :-).

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