Rebel Millennials Without a Cause- by Marshall Hoyt
Hey y’all, you probably haven’t seen a post from the youngest Hoyt in a while, I’ve been working tooth and nail. But before I submit a project proposal and prelab tomorrow, I figure it’s time for one of my deep dives into culture… Or at least a nice quick dip.
To those not totally plugged into comics culture, there’s been a bit a crisis going on lately. Now, with all the COVID-19 panic, you might have not even thought about what’s going on with comics. Or, more importantly comic shops.
I’ll be the first to let you know: They’re closing. Forever. These stores rely on new issues and constant input, and all the major publishers have announced a hold on their distribution lines until the virus passes. The comic companies- multi-invested, they’ll live for the most part, digital fronts pick up the slack. Physical comic stores? Well, it’s like a bakery being told they won’t even be offered wheat, or wheat substitute anymore. This is end days for comic stores, so whatever is coming and already on order, has to be knockouts. They have to have Spiderman, or Dark Knight Returns level of sales to survive.
So, like a man on their death bed, the comic stores are begging for a response, for salvation, for a saving grace to be offered by the publishers. The first to respond with announcements is one of the biggest: Marvel. One issue announced earlier this week, and one a couple of days ago. Now these comic stores, they’re looking at these announcements and going: Could it be? Look at engagement! Those views! 650k views on one, and 110k on the other, on comic announcements? That’s huge! So with hopeful eyes they look at the announcements and….
Wait, hold on–
Wait hold up, experimental what now? You can’t just pretend that makes any sen–
Okay now you’re just f**king with us. This team can’t seriously be comprised of jokes that 4chan would make about how woke Marvel has become-
The blood sucking, flying albino with a bad 90’s Goth outfit is the most believable character in your roster.
Well at least the other announcement has got to be good. Right?
Okay, well, that’s tonal deft to what Zoomers are like and what they like, but, sure, whatever, at least they’re not as bad as that other team.
Although speaking of other team, these characters look sort of familiar…
You got be f**king kidding me.
Marvel, gender-swapping and race-changing existing characters doesn’t count as doing something new. Granting, seeing what you do with new characters, I guess this is an improvement.
Besides the coming funeral plans for comic shops thanks to the senseless murder by Marvel comics and its weapon of pure woke, this brings into focus the purpose of my post today, because I haven’t given away the dirty little secret about these comics, and I think it’s appropriate to do a short history lesson, and turn back the clock a bit.
Now, a while back, you might recall what used to be the universally acknowledged worst generation of all time: The Boomers. These kids came in droves, rebelled, got high and fucked up, and as a result the majority of them became the divorced parents of my generation. In fact, having parents who were still married was downright rare. Of the 7 different (Official) roommates I’ve had, 4 had divorced parents, 2 had fathers who passed from cancer, and only 1 has two living, married parents. A lot of these kids were being raised by people who never really grew up themselves, and they didn’t know the first things about raising children.
For a long time, Boomers were and still are considered a completely dysfunctional generation. But what became clear about 12 years ago, back in 2008, is that the Boomer’s kids (who ranged from teens entering high school to people in their late 20’s becoming a solid presence in the workforce), well, they had something going on. They had grown up with the transition of technology from bulky CRTV monitors to flat screens, from landlines to smartphones, from notes in class to texts after. These kids were connected, they were with it, they were hip.
They became loud. They were the rebels, the new kids on the block, the “New Generation” that politicians should be appealing to. This new world was their world. The boomers and Gen X might have built the technology they were using, but they weren’t using it like they were. Youtube, Tumblr, Twitter- they weren’t just using these platforms, they began to work at these companies, shape them, mold them to what they wanted the world to be. For a long time, people didn’t take them seriously.
But they got louder, bolder, crazier. And the messaging became clear. Two person relationship? How about a 10 person polyamorous mess? Two Genders? How about 58 and counting? Two equally qualified candidates of different sexes? Have to hire the woman, it’d be sexist otherwise. Got any Black, Hispanic, Native American, Asian or Pacific Islander leads in your movie? If not, you’re just racist, no other way around it. Do you like road intersections? Well imagine everyone’s identity is a car, and we all just drove at max speed towards that crossroads until our cars mangled up into a pile of metal and bones- That’s Intersectionality, baby. Now get on board, or you’re as bad as a group of people that quite literally killed millions of Jews.
This craziness was seen in Comics- Spiderman is black now, Jane Foster is Thor, Captain America is secretly part of Hydra and “Occupy Avengers” sounds like a good idea. In movies- where the cast of Star Wars needed more diversity, Scarlet Johansson shouldn’t be leading in Ghost of the Shell because she’s white and the Ghostbusters (Or any vaguely nostalgic property) would be better done if it was explicitly redone with an all-female cast. Even in public discourse- think there’s only two genders, babies in the womb are living beings or that people breaking the law by crossing the border are by definition criminals? then expect a ban on every social media platform.
But over the past year, something happened.
This insane generation, raised by an insane generation, they were getting old. Noticeably old.
The oldest Millennials were about to hit 40.
Worse yet, in all their time being the “rebellious young advocates”, in all their complaining about capitalism and demands for abortions on demand, they sort of forgot to have kids. In fact, the people they’ve spent the past 12 years yelling at in their generation? they were the ones having all the kids. Even worse than that, these kids understood technology in a way the Millennials didn’t. That doesn’t make sense, I mean, they only grew up on all the most advanced technology of this era. But wait, what about the world they’ve presented the new generation with, the ideals they’ve thrown on banners and the things they fought for? These “Zoomers” will at least appreciate that, right?
Oh Sh*t, they hate it, they hate all of it.
No, wait, when did the Millennials stop being cool? No, we’re still cool, right? We have to be. Time to course correct.
That there, is Daniel Kibblesmith.
He’s the author of that lovely new Marvel group from the top of the article, The “New” New Warriors, and at age 36 he’s part of the older brand of Millennials that just can’t accept his glory days are past.
That’s the dirty little secret I mentioned earlier, these comics are made by Millennials pretending they know how Zoomers work. Don’t worry, I saved you from his heavily receding hairline with that hat. Along with his strong belief as a Jewish man that we should teach kids that Santa is black, and white Santa is just his husband (No, I’m not kidding), he’s about as stereotypical Millennial as you get. I mean, I’d say more about him, but other than the fact that he used to write for Stephen Colbert, he’s a noted Bernie supporter (In 2020) and seems to have a puppet fetish, there isn’t much more interesting about him. You can discern the rest of his personality from that information, and I encourage you to find me anything he’s posted or said that doesn’t paint him as a perfect Millennial political wonk.
Unfortunately, like his 35 year old counterpart writing that second title, “Children of the Atom”, he’s not as in tune with the Zoomers as he’d like to think. To be fair, I don’t actually think they’re that dumb. I think they’re well aware they’re not the rebels anymore and they’re trying to influence the younger generations as much as possible. But in equal measure, I’ve seen a LOT of failed Millennial attempts to appeal to Zoomers recently, and the Zoomers treated them no kinder than Millennials treated the Boomers. In fact, more than a fair share of Millennials have been on the receiving end of a slapping “Ok Boomer”, much to their dismay.
Panicked and lost as Millennials are though, I am fairly convinced they’re gunning for influencing the generations under them as much as possible. For Zoomers– they’ve pretty much already lost them. The Millennials have gone so far, so quick, and so incoherently, that Zoomer grew up seeing the millennials try and burn the world down, and they ain’t having that sh*t.
However, there are two points of concern. One: professors across the country are freaking out because they’re afraid their lectures will be leaked to right wing publications. Ignoring the fact that you shouldn’t be teaching *anything* on a college campus if you’re afraid that 50% of the f**king country wouldn’t like it being taught as gospel to students, this does give away the game. They are indoctrinating students. I mean, we knew that, but it’s to the point they’re hiding *what* exactly that indoctrination is. Needless to say, I look forward to seeing exactly what BS these professors are pulling, when their lecture notes do leak. Maybe I’ll make a post about that.
Secondly, I want to share quickly my experience a couple of weeks back, sitting down in the library between classes to get work done. Because as I pulled out my work I realized that the woman speaking loudly on the other side of the barrier wasn’t just having any conversation, they were discussing intersectionality. Not just that, a *children’s book* about intersectionality. In her rambling, she said the exact words “I think it’s important to teach children the importance of intersectionality, to influence their politics” to an unknown amount of crazies. I repeat, she finds it important to *influence the politics of children*. That is beyond evil. I mean even logically, if we’re not allowed to teach Christianity in school, something that roughly 75% of the US population believes in, I don’t think teaching children something *maybe*, at best, 20% of the US population believes in is appropriate. But of course, being appropriate is never part of the Millennial mindset.
Frankly, I don’t know what Generation Alpha, the children and toddlers of today, will be like. I don’t know their political leanings, or their values or aspirations. I know nobody has the right to try and directly influence what they become, and lord knows, with some of the 7 years old drag queens and trans kids insidiously brought out by the Millennials having children in their 30’s, that generation might be beyond f**ked up. But we certainly shouldn’t be encouraging insanity or influencing political leanings. They should just be kids. Luckily, I think Zoomers will soon become the roaring voice in the wind, and they’ll say “Enough is enough.”
Only time will tell, and time only proves to be a cruel b*tch to the Millennials. A generation who used to be the rebels, the kings, the movement and the change. Now, they’re just an echo of a time fading away, of a culture increasingly mocked, and an ideology turned away from. Soon, it will become clear that Millennials are no longer in control of the narrative, and that they’re not only losing, but they’re lost. In a lot of ways, Millennials are more than just the generation of rebels without a cause.
They are Generation Lost.
—Original Image Credit for Marvel Characters belongs to Marvel Entertainment LLC, all rights reserved, content created under Fair Use by means of commentary—
—Final Note, I’d like to add levity by sharing this meme my Canadian Friend sent me—