Last night I realized I DEFINITELY HAVE THE FLU, not “just” an autoimmune attack because the “crushing depression out of nowhere” fell on me.
It isn’t that we don’t have reason to be anxious and depressed right now (long story) but THAT I knew and was dealing with. It’s more like in the middle of making dinner all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I felt like the world was ending tomorrow. (Yes, I know that can be a symptom of a heart attack. And if I had no other symptoms, I’d go get checked. But I have other symptoms.)
The problem is that, being autoimmune, feeling suddenly exhausted, unable to move above a crawl, feeling like your whole body hurts, having a crushing headache and wanting to sleep the clock around aren’t really symptoms to rush to the doctor. Instead you take an antihistamine, rest a bit, and check again. In my case, being all clogged up isn’t even a reason of being actually ill beyond the auto-immune, since part of my auto-immune is asthma.
Unfortunately since I started having symptoms Thursday, there’s no point going in and getting formally tested. They can’t give me anti-virals which won’t do anything.
Also unfortunately this is presenting exactly like the flu that put me in the hospital with pneumonia, as I’m not coughing at all. When this happened before, of course, I decided I didn’t have the flu and let it go so long I ended up in ICU for 11 days.
I know better. I’m going to push liquids and see if I can loosen stuff enough I will cough. No guarantees, but I’m going to try.
Also I’m going to find or buy another of the GOOD blood ox meter so that if my oxygen goes down, I will go to doctor. Right now I have the unreliable oxymeter (note, found the good one. Oxygen is fine.)
I have slept twelve hours. I have almost passed out in the kitchen while making myself tea. No, I don’t know why since blood ox is actually high.
I’m going to push liquids, particularly warm liquids, so I’m on tea and broth for a while.
The problem is this: even though I’ve taken the aderall, my mind is working on 2 minute cycles. If you’re waiting for anything from me that requires any braining (you know, not “Do you like ice cream and chocolate”) be it critiques, image manipulation or writing, please, please, please abide in patience until I’m over this carp.
I can’t tell you how annoying it is for someone of my disposition to not even be able to do the administrivia that comes with writing. I have a ton of it waiting, from setting up the newsletter at last, to finishing setting up the writing website and blog, to putting the newsletter at the bottom of every published book, to designing new covers for books where they’re dated/inappropriate, to putting out paper editions.
I don’t know which I can do of those, but right now reading the instructions for how to set up the newsletter (in a different site, since the one I first did didn’t work) doesn’t even work, because it’s a paragraph at a time, and then I forget what I just read.
This drives me insane, because if I can’t write, at least I want to do the other stuff. I might try to set up the writer’s blog, since honestly most of it is just copy pasting text and doing auxiliary pages.
Yes, I know “Woman, you feel like crap, but your main issue is that you can’t work?” If you saw my schedule, and saw that I wasted most of January on various stupid illnesses and other issues, you’d understand.
Meanwhile I’m going to ask you to please pray (yes, even if you’re a non-believer. Just talk into that telephone. There might or might not be someone on the other side, but it can’t hurt) for my family, because January was a shower of carp, and February has amped it up and if the trend continues we’re just going to be crushed.
Meanwhile, forgive me for whining about my health like an old woman. I know I’m not old enough for that.
If I miss any posts, unless Dan puts up the pre-written, years ago “If you’re reading this” assume I’m not dead, just imitating the vegetable kingdom by drinking a lot and doing not much.
Sorry abouut the non-post-post.