Morning in Goldport

It’s a cold, clear fall morning in Goldport Colorado, when Orvan Ox parks his delivery truck — Minos Delivers, aka “What can Moo do for you?” — and walks out carrying a mysterious box.
What is in that ornate box? Who is he delivering to? How will it be received?
(yes, this does mean I don’t feel like writing a post today.  Not even food post.  Have fun.)

orvan

121 thoughts on “Morning in Goldport

      1. Call it artistic license (which shall NOT be revoked – this images shows me as I might wish to be rather than as I am, and if you had an image thus… would you have or permit issue with it?). Though doc did say I need to reduce tonnage and increase non-work activity.

            1. I think he expected a return in 6 months or maybe a year.
              I was busy at work and got told to go to the clinic for a check-up because they lost my full-face respirator paperwork (which was also electronic, so they had paper and electron entropy).
              I told him I could drop most of that just by getting out of my work boots, emptying pockets (two folding knives, and a multi-tool, $6 or $7 in loose change, and a rather thick wallet, I’d keep the 2 sets of ear plugs), and taking off two of the three layers of clothing I had on (it were winter, and former work area … hallelujah… got close to freezing every time the north drive out door was opened) but he wasn’t interested.

              On the new work area, I found one massive drawback.
              When I ride the ST in to work and it is near freezing, I have to wear something over my legs for the slightly longer drive/ride because long underwear is too hot in the work area even though I still got a overhead door opening and closing all day long nearby Upside: A much shorter walk into the building (40 feet maybe v. 1/2 mile)

              1. I told him I could drop most of that just by getting out of my work boots, emptying pockets (two folding knives, and a multi-tool, $6 or $7 in loose change, and a rather thick wallet, I’d keep the 2 sets of ear plugs), and taking off two of the three layers of clothing I had on (it were winter, and former work area … hallelujah… got close to freezing every time the north drive out door was opened) but he wasn’t interested.

                I drop five pounds by taking off my shoes and putting down a phone, so I suspect you’d have lost closer to 20.

                1. Logically speaking, the time for weighing where you’d have the least variation (so you can actually trace your weight over time) would be first thing in the morning, after you’ve used the loo but right before you shower.

                  (I tried that for several months; would work if people would stop messing with the scale.)

                2. now were getting into highschool wrestling strategies.
                  They hated my cousin because he was in the lightest weight class and had to eat a ton just to not be too far under, everyone else on the team except the heavy weight were always plotting and scheming to make weight.

    1. One suspects that’s already been claimed and taken into custody. How much is left of her mind seems to be the current question. Going to beat Trump again? Russian agents?? 10 year olds???

    2. I nearly broke a family friend when I replied to his observation that Hillary looked far too troubled/ill to have a reasonable chance at campaigning again with my observation that it probably came from selling her soul to the devil.

    1. I will state here that the first I knew of this was when it appeared (perhaps informed via Twitter). I had ZERO fore-knowledge of this post happening thus. I was aware that some artwork was underway, but that is all. First I saw it… and, fwiw, I decidedly approve. Not crazy-fierce, but not excessive (“awww”) cute either.

  1. It is actually a box within a box. There is a note attached to the inner box.

    It says, “Loki, the Aesir god of mischief, is locked inside this box. He may be released by simply opening the box. He is not aware of times passage and will come out of the box with the same knowledge and powers he had when imprisoned. Releasing him will restore Magic to the universe. Releasing him will also change Ragnarok from a possibility to a probability.
    You may make the decision to release him or pass this on to another you consider more qualified to decide. Your lifetime is the time limit for either decision. If you fail to pass this unopened box on before your death the inner box will open automatically. There is no personal penalty to you no matter which way you decide.
    Actual knowledge of Loki’s character is not available . You have only the various Scandinavian and Germanic myths for advisement. With the warning that myth and legend have less reliability than the history taught by academics, i pass this conundrum on to you.”

    Your ex-wife,
    Polly.

    PS. I hope you never have another restful night’s sleep for the rest of your life.

    1. I think “ex-wife Dora” (for Pandora) would be better.

      Holly Chism has Pandora as the “worse possible ex-wife”. Of course, his new wife, her relatives and his new relatives decided to take a hand in the matter. 👿

    2. The obvious issue is that were one with sufficient power and foresight to lock all magic and Loki up in a box, one would naturally place some sort of enchantment or spell or program in place such that it would execute once magic started back up, first thing.

      On the other hand, if an ex-wife of mine did that to me, I’m thinking I’d open the damn box and, if I survived, go take a nap to rest up for my good nights sleep.

      Try to turn me into a worrier like her, would she!

    3. N.B. — I will observe that Aesir and Asshole have the same linguistic root. That is not a coincidence.

  2. I know Orvan is a nice guy but I won’t want to be the human who gets in his way… or the Dragon who gets in his way. 😀

    1. I tend not to be intimidating, but there are occasionally those who seem, well, phobic, which is disconcerting. Concern is certainly understandable, however.

      Perhaps slightly related, I am aware of a fellow who has a very good Krampus outfit. He and his handler have noted that on their outings there is almost always one little kid (usually a girl) who (all-but-)glomps the monster and asks, “Mommy, can we take him home?”

  3. Heh. This ought to be good.

    But speaking of Sarah not wanting to write a post… Sarah, I sent you an e-mail back on the 14th. Did you see it?

      1. Hmm. It was sent to your sahoyt hotmail account (which we talked through once before) and the title was “Sunday promo guest post idea.” If you still can’t find it I can just resend.

          1. check the junk mail; hotmail’s been eating a lot of legitimate emails the last couple months. Across many, many accounts. Signed, the person who deals with customers with hotmail accounts.

  4. [Hears doorbell. Thinks: “Oh good, my beef steak has arrived.”]

    [Opens door, sees delivery person. Thinks: “This is gonna suck, isn’t it…”]

    1. “Sign here, please.”

      “Thank you”

      * Walks off as if nothing were of note. Except a bit can be heard faintly…*

      ‘You are what you eat. One of us. One of us. One of us.”

      1. “Man, that delivery… guy… was weird. Oh well, not my probl- wait, what are these two lumps growing on my head?”

  5. I don’t think I care to play this game today, but I am interested in observing other players.

    1. Oh, come on. The same technology that makes skinny jeans possible makes that a no-brainer.

  6. I can tell you for sure that it is not that waveguide he suggested contemplating a way back. Don’t have the sense to wrap that specific possibility in an amusing fictional scenario.

  7. On closer examination, it looks like he’s got the magically shrunken Midgard Serpent in there. Or possibly a very small sand worm.

    Flash question: Bolo vs. Sandworm! Who wins?

    (Bolo vs. Minotaur, who ends up as a grease spot on a Bolo track?)

    1. Bolo Vs Sandworm is a hard question. The early Model bolo lose to Shai Hulud, hell even the medium size worms eat crawlers whole. Worst a MK II or MK III is going to do is give a worm severe indigestion. A MK XXXIII with hellbore canons is probably a different matter. It masses about like a small cruiser (30+ K Tons). But there are some BIG worms in the deep desert. The one Paul Muad’Dib calls for his test is supposed to be like a half league (1500M?+) long. That’s a fight certainly worth paying for on Pay Per View…

      1. Umm math mistake. For some reason I halved 3 KM instead of
        3mi. But a league is like 3 miles and mile is ~1 1.6 KM . So that big sandworm is ~2.5 Km long. I think I may have bet on that Mark XXXIII a little too soon…

  8. First thought? That’s a lot of bull. Yes, I am a shallow thinker at times.

    Second thought? What a cool box. I’ll bet it has a puzzle like that movie. Wait. Like that movie. Oh no. If it’s from anywhere near a fan of HP Lovecraft, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T OPEN IT OR STUDY IT TOO LONG!

  9. I don’t trust boxes carried by creatures from Greek mythology. You never know what you’ll get.

          1. If it says “To The Smartest”, I’ll pass.

            I’m smart enough to not want to get into that sort of fight. 😉

    1. >> “I don’t trust boxes carried by creatures from Greek mythology.”

      Beware of beef bearing gifts?

  10. Lachysis tipped the delivery-minotaur and carried the box into her work-room. “So it is from the Knit-nook, or might it be that fruitcake I ordered?”

    Her younger sister looked up from measuring yarn and sighed. “Probably from the Knit-nook. I found an e-mail saying that the fruitcake would ship late because of weather delays.”

    1. Today, driving near Pete’s, I found a NAIL STUDIO called Fingers and Toes. Only Fingers and toes is really big, and “nail studio” almost invisible.
      So what I thought was “Mr. Trashbags has a shop?”

      1. I got my granddaughter a 2 foot tall Cthulhu plushie for her birthday. It is her favorite toy. I got the Cthulhu plushie only because I couldn’t find a Mr. Trashbags.

    1. Candygrams are clearly delivered by landsharks NOT minotaurs. Wrong mythical beast delivery service.

  11. Considering that the box looks nice, perhaps it’s for Our Gracious Hostess; replacement eyes, courtesy Oedipal Optics, for when the original issue have gone missing due to excessive rolling.

  12. Asterion Deliveries. When it absolutely, positively has to get where it is going.

    No path too convoluted, complex, or labyrinthine!

    1. This is why Fluffy, the sea serpent in the minion pool, and the aardvark rely on no other. Their tendency to want things delivered to — odd — locations is a major influence. But this box just has the aardvark’s bonbons, and Fluffy’s BBQ sauce.

    2. Convolution is only a minor issue at worst, labyrinthine is a simple challenge at most, and as for complex, why it can be full on imaginary and present no rea… er.. significant issue.

  13. The Ox rumbled, “Mrs. Hoyt? Sign here.”
    “Uhhh…did I order this? Who sent it?”
    “MMMMMM, lemme see…Baen Publishing. I think it’s the contract for your next book?”

  14. Cookies!!!
    I believe more than one of us has said “come to the dark side, we have cookies”
    now delievered

        1. Because the organizations was the youth…

          Cattle Guard.

          Grins, ducks, and runs away.

  15. That is obviously Dark Orvan, delivering to Dark Sarah. In the box is the latest batch of blog topics guaranteed to twist the minds and break the vocal cords of the Social Justice Warriors (particularly those of eye ohhh niyan*).

    *Written as such to foil the Red Chinese search engines, preventing deliver of another load of crud to be cleaned out of the blog filter.

    1. That implies a Light Orvan… are you sure?!
      Admittedly there have been times I’ve been lit. Or lit up.

      A bit before my time, but gets the idea across… “visible for miles.”

  16. Hi, Ox!
    Oh, cool! The plans for my moat and front door murder hole! Thanks! Ummm, do you have a minute to help me move some boulders and dig a trench?

  17. “Thanks for finally delivering this. It was due last week!”
    “Sorry. Ox slow.”

    Sorry – couldn’t resist.

  18. Regarding the contents of the box, it obviously contains hillery’s missing emails(on a flash drive o’course).
    The commi-crats will deny its existence, and the repukes will claim the flash drive was loaded with an obsolete OS and can’t be read.
    And Trump will tweet about it…

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