A friend of mine posted this on facebook, and I thought it was too good not to run with/expand/share:
Look, I get that, and we can test this theory with insults:
You Utter Puking Cat!
You Utter Water Bottle!
Likely, of course.
But consider “I was utterly carpeted” might work for drunk. Or “I was utterly scribbled.” but depending on context both could also work for angry or worried or more likely flabbergasted. Consider:
Those utter bran muffins! I was so completely lawned that they said that. I can’t believe anyone could be that completely flowering bush!
What say you. My husband is of the school of thought that ANYTHING can sound dirty said suggestively and with a wink.
“Hi there. I’d like to help you cook!” Or “I see you’re moping the floor” can be utterly obscene the way he says it when he’s … well… you know… when he is trying to make it so.
What other completely inappropriate to the task words can you pervert?
Come on, you peeled carrots. I’m sure you can give it an escaped balloon chance.
(And yes, I’m AWARE that this wasn’t the type of linguistic post you expected. But it is one of the ways languages change and grow. Eh.)