This was my first good night in weeks — maybe in months, if you count the fact that my body seems to have decided it was allergic to France in general — so of course I’m still a little zonked, which makes no sense whatsoever, since I slept in my own bed (instead not sleeping in the bathroom) for the first time in a week or so.
I was talking to my son about that, because yesterday, as he was leaving for the hospital before dawn, I ambushed him on the stairs and said “what is abdominal pain here?” He said “gas.” And he was right. I had of course been scaring myself with ideas of rotting livers, failing kidneys, who knows what?
And I told him, “Yeah, but in the middle of the night when it feels like you’re alone in the world, it fells like you’re dying, even if all you have is the sniffles. Every new ache is a fear.”
That was the problem, you know? Is that you’re alone and, in my case I was trying not to wake my husband up, every little thing magnifies into a major issue. There is something we call in our family “the three am terror” which boils down to something or other that could go wrong, but in the middle of the night, you know it WILL go wrong and in the worst possible way.
Say you bought a motherboard for your computer and you’ve heard the same type of motherboard has been known to catch fire (shush, I had that happen on one of my laptops. Leading to my waking up going “Dan, why is my laptop smoking?” “Shush, you’re dreaming.” “No, it’s smoking.” “Oh, sh*t.”) and in the middle of the night, you imagine it will catch fire, set fire to the laptop, catch fire to the papers on your desk, and when you come back from a grocery store trip, the house will have burned to the ground taking everything you own, your cats and your kids with it.
That terror is so vivid in the night, that you feel like I should get up and tear the mother board from your computer right now. But if you go “Three am terror” and wait, and look it up in the morning, you’ll find out the motherboards used to do that 10 years ago, but there hasn’t been an incidence in ten years.
I’ve noticed something interesting as the right gets more connected, gets more places to discuss things and get together, the less prone we are to conspiracy theories of the truly insane variety. Say, the FEMA camps or the coffins that whoever it is bought.
It’s easy for a small and isolated group — and none of you has any idea how isolated we were if you didn’t live in the pre-internet days — to suffer from three am syndrome. If you thought you were alone, the only person who came to the conclusion that socialism/communism didn’t work, even while all organs of information touted their wonders, you’re going to trust the few other people you meet who agree with you. And it will attract nutters, of course it will attract nutters, because believing what you do requires you to go against all the socially accepted sources of information.
So while a lot of people it will attract are those who always verify and poke and check, a lot of them will be the sort of people who want to build a bridge across the Atlantic, and know it will float because it is made entirely out of soap. And the problem is when you’re isolated, it’s hard to cut out the nutters, because there are so few of you. The isolation makes you vulnerable to crazy.
At the same time… what the heck is going on with the left?
I mean I expected them to walk back the crazy scare mongering of prison camps for minorities, women and gays after Trump was elected, because, well… that’s what happened when Reagan was elected, and when Bush was elected.
Instead, they seem to have gone crazier and to think the rounding up is just around the corner and that maybe it’s already happening (yes, I know Hillary is an old woman and listening to old people raving is silly, but she actually imagines that Trump is SOMEHOW having journalists killed and no one knows.) They virtue signal that they accept everyone, as opposed to the rest of us who… accept everyone. They take knees and fight really hard in the “resistance” against something that isn’t happening.
It sure as hell sounds like the three am terrors. Only, they can’t be having them, can they? I don’t believe for a moment that the left, the real convinced left, not the ones who go along to get along, are 50% of the nation. I think they were more than that, thirty years ago, or so, because there was still a working (for values of working) communist block that could be idealized, and because the idea is so attractive.
But even though the real horrors after the fall of the USSR were never really reported in the US, enough percolated, and a lot of people looked at that and were horrified. And since then there has been steady chipping away, and only the very rich who visit Europe on luxury package tours can even imagine that euro-socialism is better.
There have been too many moments of eye-opening shock, no matter how little our media reports them.
And the schools now have to resort to referring to all government as socialism, in order to have the kids graduate with the illusion they’re socialist. But that illusion doesn’t last long once they hit the real working world. And then there are more and more kids being homeschooled every year, who never even go through that transitory phase.
I don’t think they’re fifty percent. I think their presence is amplified by the media, by the schools, by our industrial-cultural establishment which is uniformly to the left of Lenin. Oh, and by vote fraud, which is why they oppose any initiative to curb it.
I think they run around maybe 25%.
But the thing is they’re behaving more like they’re ten percent and attracting every nutter, every person who wants to build bridges out of soap.
In their screaming, their paroxysms of fear, they behave like a tiny blog in a sea of mainstream blogs, the one blog where everyone is sure they uncovered a conspiracy by the lizard people of Alpha Centauri to take over the Earth. They ignore all the contrary evidence, they tune out anyone trying to calm them down, they scale their panic up and up and up.
Is it possible for 25% of the population to become seized by a three am panic? Perhaps because what they’ve always done doesn’t work now? Is that “small enough to be crazy?”
At any rate, I wish they’d go to bed and sleep it off, because trying to talk to people who are panicking is exhausting.
And it’s probably just gas.