There was a revolution in the hen house, and Felix the Red (Bantam) was in charge.
The hen house was how Felix thought about it, even though these days the ladies preferred to be called layers, after their occupation, and even though there was another rooster here, Gus. This is what came from having inexperienced chicken breeders. They should know that there was absolutely no way you could get away with two roosters in the same coup. But they had thought since Felix was a bantam rooster, and Gus a gigantic speckled whatever the hell he was, but he was gigantic, they wouldn’t fight.
So far so good, but that was because Gus was dim. Gus assumed that being so small Felix must be some kind of midget, sport, or undergrown juvenile, and looked at him quizzically, but didn’t try to kill him. Of course, Felix tried to look as inoffensive as possible, and never let Gus catching him mounting a hen.
Some weeks ago Felix had found The Book and had spent days absorbing its significance. Now, having got all the ladies… er… layers attention, he held it in front of him, covering most of his body. It was a long and complex book. Ten pages and full of drawings.
He opened to the front page, “This is what we come from ladies,” he said, as he showed a giant creature with feathers but also a muzzle and teeth, towering over puny humans. “This is a t-rex, and he was the great, great, great grandad of us all.”
There were clucks of appreciation. He flipped through the pages, showing a meteor hitting the Earth and the sad fall of the T-rex, and ending in a picture of a chicken.
“Yeah, and?” Gus said. He was sullen, because he had found the book while scratching in the yard and failed to pay it any attention. Felix understood the sting of being bested, and did his best not to smirk at Gus. Partly because smirking at Gus would be difficult, when all he had was beady chicken eyes and a beak.
“So the genes are still there,” Felix said. “What we need to do is start a breeding program, in which we breed for the strongest and the fastest, until we attain that size and power again. Then we shall make the HUMANS lay eggs for us.”
The chickens clucked in appreciation, though Martha, who was getting past her laying years and was skeptical, muttered, “I don’t think that would work.”
“Of course it will. It’s scientific. My cousin, who was an experimental animal at a lab for many years,” Felix said. “Told me the genes for teeth and claws are still in us, and gene manipulators have managed to make chicks be born with teeth and claws. So a breeding program should bring the T-rex back.”
“Particularly if we breed for gene manipulators,” Martha said, and looked innocent when Felix looked at her.
“This can’t fail. I say I will be in charge of the breeding schedule,” Felix said. “I will pick the fittest male, and he will breed with all you lad- Layers in rotation, and–”
Suddenly Gus was there, looming. “That’s all right Felix. We don’t need a breeding program. Since we’re breeding for size, it’s obvious who the only qualified rooster is.” Casually, he shoved Felix aside. “Now, ladies, we don’t need a schedule. I’ll get to all of you in turn.”
It was disgusting the way those silly hens clucked and cozied up to Gus. “We must breed for intelligence, too,” Felix said. “And ferocity.”
To prove his point, he aimed a peck at Gus’ leg but Martha was in the way, and didn’t at all take kindly to being pecked on the leg. She chased Felix around the chicken coup, humiliatingly removing many of his brightest feathers in her fury.
All night long, Felix sat in the dark listening to the sounds of Gus having it on with every single chicken.
Life was not fair, and it should be. There should be a place where Felix’s intelligence and ferocity were appreciated. Tomorrow, at feeding time, he was going to fly the coup.
… Your guess is as good as mine. Nope, when I sat down to write a blog this is the ONLY thing that would come out. Possibly end of book-itis plus prednisone. We’ve established that pred makes other people angry. It just removes my internal governor. And apparently most of what my governor controls is snark and silliness. Today you get the silliness.
At any rate, you guys have always been able to have fun no matter what I give you. So, have at it.