Real Animal Names

Okay, so I need to send this book in today.  And I mean, NEED to, and I am still recovering from con crud from h*ll and had some worrying news from my parents.

Which means, I really am not functioning very well.

I know that there is such a thing as “It came from Imgur” but seriously, this one is cute.  On Friday we had dinner with the Greens, and Steve infected us with these “real animal names” including doing the the National Geographic voice on the narration for the Majestic Sea Flap Flap.

The full thing is here, but I’m going to put some of my favorites below, then add a couple Robert and I thought of.





This page has more.

My favorite is:


And now for Robert’s and my creations:

On a recent trip to the zoo we watched secretary birds trying to scare/kill an emu and decided they’re the most psychotic thing ever.  SO…  For context video of murder riverdance bird.

And yeah, it honestly tried to kill an emu.



117 responses to “Real Animal Names

  1. :: blink:: :: blink::

    Is that a cobra . . . wearing a top hat?

  2. :)))) I think, Sea Flap Flap is my favorite.

  3. Might as well name the house cat and dog, too. I suggest Fluffy Moocher. And Slobbery Moocher.

    • My adult cat is “Furry little socialist.”

      She is, too. “What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine, what I want should happen, I am the state and all exist to serve me!”

      …the kitten…. is a kitten.

      • Built to government specs. I’ve seen that kitten. Has delusions of panther that one does.

      • SheSellsSeashells

        Our two females are littermates. As such, their names for each other (well, of COURSE I’ve asked them) alternate between “Best Snuggle Partner” and “Evil Sistercat Thing DIE!!”

      • Our cat has two titles:
        Technocat, because he’s scarily intuitive about switches, and loves to watch me do plumbing and wiring – and paws flush mechanisms in a way like he’s trying to figure out how it works. We caught him doing something similar with a lever faucet. Not good.

        P*ssomatic, because, well, you know.

        • When I was single, I knew a lady who did the first year socialization training for guide dogs. She was also in the Air Force, and occasionally got sent out of town, so I would puppy-sit. One of her labs, Fats, jumped into the bathtub, bumped on the ball faucet with his nose, and managed to pull up the little knob to turn on the shower. He had an excellent old time cooling himself off periodically and dripping all over the house…. while the shower ran merrily all day. Fortunately it didn’t overflow the tub…..

          That month’s water bill was epic…. 😎

          • It’s surprisingly common for horses and cows to turn on spigots, but we’ve yet to see one turn them off.

            An aunt had a couple of German Shepherds she kept behind an invisible fence. Then her dogs discovered their collars didn’t shock them if they unplugged the unit.

    • My dog is The Terrierist.

  4. These always make me laugh SO hard.

  5. Danger zebra. Har!

  6. I like the Tyrannosaurus Deer. I mean just look at it. Same body as a Tyrannosaurus! Did Tyrannosaurus hop like a bunny too?

    • Arthur Conan Doyle thought so (or would have). In THE LOST WORLD he described an Allosaurus attack, and the critter hopped. Must have seemed reasonable at the turn of that century.

      • Of course, that phrase is going to apply to us pretty soon:

        “So, son, what did you think of Jurassic World.”
        “It was cool…but why were the dinosaurs all scaly? Where were their feathers?”
        “Eh, featherless dinosaurs seemed reasonable at the turn of the century.”

        • There’s a fan theory that the original Jurassic Park wasn’t DNA extraction but full-on genetic engineering, “building” dinosaurs by retro-engineering birds and reptiles to create critters that looked like people expected, and the visit by the scientists was the test of concept: if they could fool the scientists, they could fool the public. That gets around the DNA degradation issue AND explains why they’re featherless—because that’s what people expected.

          If you go from that, Jurassic World makes perfect sense.

          • In the book they only had a few pieces of dinosaur DNA, so they filled in the blanks with DNA from modern reptiles and amphibians.

            • Terry Sanders

              Yeah. That’s what *really* got them in trouble. They’don’t made all the dinosaurs female to prevent any chance of reproduction in the wild. But some of the DNA they filled in the blanks with came from a species of frog that was capable of parthenogenesis…

              • Terry Sanders

                That’s “they’d.” As “they had.” I truly dislike autocorrect.

              • That part always struck me as fairly dumb– why would you pick females? Males tend to be more impressive on average.

                • Dumb Fock Scientists think males are more likely to be aggressive.

                  • Not like they’re going to be safe to put them all in the same bunch anyways….

                  • Dang it, RES, now you have me trying to figure out how dang cheep they’d have to be able to grow Average Dino to make it cost effective to just have them walking around “wild,” since we SEE bigger numbers than you’ll find at a safari zoo, and there are the meat eaters to consider….

                    It doesn’t even matter as a plot point, because I *know* that clownfish go male to female, so there must be other species that can do it, or they could handwave a clownfish into the design.

                • Because you can just double up the X chromosomes, and you don’t have to deal with any Y chromosomes.

  7. Too funny… And I want to know HOW they got the cobra to pose with a tophat!!!

  8. The cat one is correct. Assholes. Always knocking things over.

  9. Those are great. Hope things get better rapidly.

  10. seriously, this one is cute“?

    The world needs more serious cuteness.

  11. If my dog had an alternative name it would be “Derp Woof.”

  12. Polar bear – Na-NOPE of the North

  13. BTW, you can thank Jerry Pournelle for directing me over here. Sarah has some interesting new Kindle fodder for me to while away the hours.

  14. So if a cat is an asshole and a snake is a danger noodle why is the ferret (on the link) a ‘cat snake’ and not an ‘asshole danger noodle’? Inquiring minds.

  15. The pink flamingo brings to mind a warped mash-up of MP’s “Dead Parrot Sketch” and the Soft Cell tune “I’m going to the Pink Flamingo”

  16. Pretty Pink Parrot On Sticks?

    It doesn’t come as a surprise, really, but who knew that Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler had done a stint in the zoo business?

    • My late Uncle claims to have been fired from the Milwaukee Zoo for feeding the monkeys.
      Feeding the monkeys?
      “Yeah, I was feeding them to the lions . . .”

  17. My favorites were hot moose, majestic sea flap flap, and nope.

  18. * Checks nametag: “Orvan.” Refrains from commenting, not sure he wants to know other names he might have… considering some he’s been called.

  19. Squirrel: Soft Furry Short Circuit

    In a former life, I was an IBM mainframe systems programmer. At my last gig doing that, there was a scheduled department outing to an Astros game. (We were just a couple miles from the Astrodome. (I still think that was a great place.)) Not long before we needed to leave, the power went out to our building, with a BOOM! from the substation out back. As we were trying to figure out what was going on, the lights flickered back on and then off again, with another BOOM!. Then, a bit later, another. I looked at my watch. Precisely every 60 seconds for the next 19 minutes, *blip* BOOM!. Then silence, finally.

    The story we got from Houston Lighting and Power (Reliant who?) was that a squirrel had caused a short circuit. I got the rest of the story from a friend who worked there. It seems the squirrel met its demise by getting across things in such a way that it caused a contactor with contacts the size of a Volkswagen to arc…and the repeated BOOM!s were the contactor trying to automatically reset itself.

    We accused HL&P of carrying throw-down squirrels.

  20. I had a friend just post that he referred to a rooster’s crow as a “chicken bark.”