Real Animal Names

Okay, so I need to send this book in today.  And I mean, NEED to, and I am still recovering from con crud from h*ll and had some worrying news from my parents.

Which means, I really am not functioning very well.

I know that there is such a thing as “It came from Imgur” but seriously, this one is cute.  On Friday we had dinner with the Greens, and Steve infected us with these “real animal names” including doing the the National Geographic voice on the narration for the Majestic Sea Flap Flap.

The full thing is here, but I’m going to put some of my favorites below, then add a couple Robert and I thought of.





This page has more.

My favorite is:


And now for Robert’s and my creations:

On a recent trip to the zoo we watched secretary birds trying to scare/kill an emu and decided they’re the most psychotic thing ever.  SO…  For context video of murder riverdance bird.

And yeah, it honestly tried to kill an emu.



117 thoughts on “Real Animal Names

      1. Ah, I see. On the original page, there was a difference between a regular Sea Flap Flap and a Majestic Sea Flap Flap.

        Though I’m fond of them both.

      2. Problem is, the names are backwards. Manta Rays are clearly far more majestic than other rays. Dad told me about seeing them jump when he was on a ship in WWII. When they flop on the water, you can hear it for miles.

        1. I have some nice manta pictures I rotate through my computer wallpaper. And there are manta videos on the toob…

            1. This makes me remember a nearly forgotten Kindergarten song about the cow. It was done in the form of response. The last verse is all I can remember:

              Did the buzzards come?
              Yes, ma’am
              Did the buzzards come?
              Yes, ma’am
              How did they fly?
              Flap, flap, flap
              How did they fly?
              Flap, flap, flap
              How did they fly?
              Flap, flap, flap
              (Spoken in unison) And that was the end of the poor old cow!

    1. My adult cat is “Furry little socialist.”

      She is, too. “What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine, what I want should happen, I am the state and all exist to serve me!”

      …the kitten…. is a kitten.

        1. Oh yes. “I am Ashbutt, the mighty hunter, lurking in the deepest wilds of STRING! killkillkill” *furious ‘kitten’ attacks frayed paracord on a stick*

          1. Hey, he’s still a kitten. 10.8 pounds of 7-month-old kitten, but still a kitten.

            And teething. I didn’t know kittens had baby teeth they lost as adult teeth came in, like humans, until I found one embedded in my yoga mat. Don’t ask what position I was in, or with what part of my anatomy I found this out, okay?

      1. Our two females are littermates. As such, their names for each other (well, of COURSE I’ve asked them) alternate between “Best Snuggle Partner” and “Evil Sistercat Thing DIE!!”

      2. Our cat has two titles:
        Technocat, because he’s scarily intuitive about switches, and loves to watch me do plumbing and wiring – and paws flush mechanisms in a way like he’s trying to figure out how it works. We caught him doing something similar with a lever faucet. Not good.

        P*ssomatic, because, well, you know.

        1. When I was single, I knew a lady who did the first year socialization training for guide dogs. She was also in the Air Force, and occasionally got sent out of town, so I would puppy-sit. One of her labs, Fats, jumped into the bathtub, bumped on the ball faucet with his nose, and managed to pull up the little knob to turn on the shower. He had an excellent old time cooling himself off periodically and dripping all over the house…. while the shower ran merrily all day. Fortunately it didn’t overflow the tub…..

          That month’s water bill was epic…. 😎

          1. It’s surprisingly common for horses and cows to turn on spigots, but we’ve yet to see one turn them off.

            An aunt had a couple of German Shepherds she kept behind an invisible fence. Then her dogs discovered their collars didn’t shock them if they unplugged the unit.

    1. Arthur Conan Doyle thought so (or would have). In THE LOST WORLD he described an Allosaurus attack, and the critter hopped. Must have seemed reasonable at the turn of that century.

      1. Of course, that phrase is going to apply to us pretty soon:

        “So, son, what did you think of Jurassic World.”
        “It was cool…but why were the dinosaurs all scaly? Where were their feathers?”
        “Eh, featherless dinosaurs seemed reasonable at the turn of the century.”

        1. There’s a fan theory that the original Jurassic Park wasn’t DNA extraction but full-on genetic engineering, “building” dinosaurs by retro-engineering birds and reptiles to create critters that looked like people expected, and the visit by the scientists was the test of concept: if they could fool the scientists, they could fool the public. That gets around the DNA degradation issue AND explains why they’re featherless—because that’s what people expected.

          If you go from that, Jurassic World makes perfect sense.

          1. In the book they only had a few pieces of dinosaur DNA, so they filled in the blanks with DNA from modern reptiles and amphibians.

            1. Yeah. That’s what *really* got them in trouble. They’don’t made all the dinosaurs female to prevent any chance of reproduction in the wild. But some of the DNA they filled in the blanks with came from a species of frog that was capable of parthenogenesis…

                  1. Dang it, RES, now you have me trying to figure out how dang cheep they’d have to be able to grow Average Dino to make it cost effective to just have them walking around “wild,” since we SEE bigger numbers than you’ll find at a safari zoo, and there are the meat eaters to consider….

                    It doesn’t even matter as a plot point, because I *know* that clownfish go male to female, so there must be other species that can do it, or they could handwave a clownfish into the design.

        1. Intern #7: “I just remembered an appointment I have.”
          Photographer: “What appointment?”
          Intern #7: “Being alive. Bye!”

      1. This reminds me of the legendary “death touch” supposedly created by some martial artist long ago. How did he test such a thing?

        “Come here, Grasshopper. I have something I need to try . . .”

  1. BTW, you can thank Jerry Pournelle for directing me over here. Sarah has some interesting new Kindle fodder for me to while away the hours.

      1. Ah, yeah, there will be more out on Kindle as soon as I deliver current affliction, which has to be tonight.
        Well, considering I’m still suffering from con crud, I’ll probably sleep for 24 hours first.

              1. Heard they did a special edition of the museum magazine just for the exhibit. Pretty nice, they say, and they ran a few extra copies. Just drop by the gift shop and ask if they have any mummy issues.

                1. I read about them having some minor production problems with the magazine, so make sure to check whether they’ve wrapped it up.

        1. Eat chicken soup.
          Drink lots of water, tea, or any beverage that doesn’t make you feel worse.
          Sleep until you feel better.

      2. … because on top of Sarah’s work, you’ll find several OTHER writers here who have even more new Kindle fodder for you (note: not me, at least not yet, if ever).

        1. I’m projecting a required life expectancy of 250+ years just to catch up on just the classics, science fiction and fantasy works out there. Add mystery and action-adventure and I’ll need to push 1000. Thank God I don’t touch romance novels or I’d never be finished. 😉

          1. I have often said that I don not want to live forever, I just want to live long enough to catch up on my reading.

            The fact that “Books I Want To Read” resembles the “Marching Chinese” suggests eternity will not be enough time.

  2. So if a cat is an asshole and a snake is a danger noodle why is the ferret (on the link) a ‘cat snake’ and not an ‘asshole danger noodle’? Inquiring minds.

      1. Coincidentally, I went to the dentist today. They neglected to share any laughing gas with me. =)

    1. Because they’re LISTENING. Shhhh. do you want to tip them off before we can build our defenses? (ferrets are more energetically malicious than cats…)

  3. Pretty Pink Parrot On Sticks?

    It doesn’t come as a surprise, really, but who knew that Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler had done a stint in the zoo business?

    1. My late Uncle claims to have been fired from the Milwaukee Zoo for feeding the monkeys.
      Feeding the monkeys?
      “Yeah, I was feeding them to the lions . . .”

  4. * Checks nametag: “Orvan.” Refrains from commenting, not sure he wants to know other names he might have… considering some he’s been called.

      1. Well, I don’t have a problem with ‘bull-headed’… the rest, well, yeah I can see that being unwelcome. Who wants to be associated with Dark Helmet’s crew?

  5. Squirrel: Soft Furry Short Circuit

    In a former life, I was an IBM mainframe systems programmer. At my last gig doing that, there was a scheduled department outing to an Astros game. (We were just a couple miles from the Astrodome. (I still think that was a great place.)) Not long before we needed to leave, the power went out to our building, with a BOOM! from the substation out back. As we were trying to figure out what was going on, the lights flickered back on and then off again, with another BOOM!. Then, a bit later, another. I looked at my watch. Precisely every 60 seconds for the next 19 minutes, *blip* BOOM!. Then silence, finally.

    The story we got from Houston Lighting and Power (Reliant who?) was that a squirrel had caused a short circuit. I got the rest of the story from a friend who worked there. It seems the squirrel met its demise by getting across things in such a way that it caused a contactor with contacts the size of a Volkswagen to arc…and the repeated BOOM!s were the contactor trying to automatically reset itself.

    We accused HL&P of carrying throw-down squirrels.

Comments are closed.