This year has been a long sustained series of shocks. Nothing serious, meaning no one has died. People — two of our parents — have been seriously ill, but the people hasn’t been me. It’s mostly delays/countertemps, confusion, and now extreme uncertainty.
The latest one is that the house we’re trying to buy and have been trying to buy since Jan. 1, might not come through. Considering how long it’s taken, we were more or less mentally moving into it and all our packing, all our what to sell and what to keep has been aimed at it. Also it took us six months to find — six months in which “looking for house” consumed most of our time. (No, we’re not THAT picky, but it’s the time of life we’re at. We need some rather specific things, including offices and — d*mn it — a place for my art, that most houses aren’t built for.) We were also looking for that undefinable “good writing place” which really is undefinable, and you have to see it to know. I mean, even some of the hotel rooms, when we go away on a writing weekend, are far more conducive to productivity than others. And we’re looking new-ish because of my health.
Unfortunately we’re set to move out of the house we’ve been renting at the end of March. Not our decision, we were month by month and the landlord wishes to sell.
This leaves us homeless with four cats until we find a place we can buy/move into which, if this house doesn’t come through, means we have to find something in two weeks or less, since the bureaucrats have decided what was REALLY wrong with the real estate market was that loans could happen in a month. (Rolls eyes.) So banks are still being forced to take bad credit risks, but now they can take longer to do it. Yeah. That will solve it. It’s our government’s normal way of “fixing” situations, the equivalent of seeing a house on fire and promptly dousing it with gasoline.
For the next two months — thank you to everyone who was going to offer, but we’re intensely private people, and wouldn’t be comfortable staying with strangers in close proximity. You have to to understand, I AM actually an introvert, I’ve just learned to pretend I’m not, but that’s exhausting and I can’t live like that — we’re going to be staying at a friend’s place, kind of like you’d stay at a hotel. Which means we’re putting everything into storage, and each of us is taking a large plastic bin of clothes and a large plastic bin of work stuff (in my case research books, notebooks and flash drives. Maybe a sketch book and charcoal, if I can find that, which I doubt, as I haven’t been able to in a year, so I might just buy a new pack.
But I don’t want to stay homeless a long time; I need — rather than just want — my office unpacked, not filled with boxes and collapsed shelves and in the dark basement, as it’s been for a year; and I don’t do well with insecurity. We’d just go ahead and rent again, but we have four cats. Finding someone who takes four cats takes A LONG time (and a huge deposit.) Also it’s about fifty percent again more than the mortgage on a similar house.
So, I faced writing this post and realized I have nothing to give. There are no emotions. they have shut down. (Which is an issue in finishing novel, too.)
And yes, I DO feel like a total wuss because no one died. I’m just emotionally drained.
And then I realized that’s where we are as a country, and why this election is such a freak show.
No, we haven’t gone through a war on our territory, but we got hit on our territory, which had never really happened before. The shock of our own vulnerabilty sent well over half of the polity insane, which accounts for the disaster that was 06 and 08. The democrats didn’t put up credible candidates, but the incredible got elected anyway, because everyone wanted a change (this is the equivalent of buying the house you know sucks, just because it’s there and you can afford it.) And then as the crisis deepened, each shock just sends more people into the side of “I just want it all to go away.”
And that’s where we are. Yes a lot of the anger is justified. Just like I’m angry at the crazy bank who seems to WANT a foreclosure instead of selling us the house a little cheaper. BUT a lot of it is “things you’ve done to yourself” like handing the legislature over to Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reed because… I don’t know? The entire country was on magic mushrooms, maybe?
But that’s the thing. Polities (communities is too small for something the size of this country) get shocked the same as people. When a number of its constituent parts get shocked and distressed enough, countries behave like scared children. They just want what they want, and never mind it it makes no sense.
No, this doesn’t help. Except for knowing both in my present circumstances and in the country’s, this too shall pass.
And hey, we survived sixteen years of FDR. Yeah, yeah, the world is much more dangerous, or at least smaller, and the country itself is at greater physical danger. But this too shall pass. And we will survive it.
Be not afraid. (As I tell myself.) We will just have to get through the rough spot. And the light at the end of the tunnel is not always an oncoming train.
Work, build, be constructive. The rest will come.