Yeah, I do have posts from Cedar and (I think) from Amanda waiting, but I woke up late, and so everything went by the way side and as you know I don’t like to put their posts up late.
For those who would worry about the slip ups in posting, the problem has been that for two weeks I’ve had all three guys at home. An unaccustomed delight, but everything slips sideways and upside down.
Today I’m late because everyone returned to work/school, which included waking up at five am with younger son rummaging in the kitchen, looking for SOMETHING. D*mned if I know what. I remember waking up, coming down, and he said “I wanted to make sure I had–” And then I think I just sleep-walked my way back to bed.
Now note above, I’m telling you a lot about my family. I don’t mind that. but believe it or not, I’m also very careful to make sure I never give out information that can lead to tracking us down/stopping us on the street or at a public event, or even coming to see us…
Let me explain that I don’t fear/despise my fans. In fact, every time I met you lot, from conventions to just accidental bumping into each other, you’re by and large a pleasure.
And then let me explain that I never wanted fame. I wanted fortune (sigh, don’t we all) but I’m by nature an introvert. I am one of those few who handle themselves okay in person, but I still don’t LIKE to be out in public.
To finish let me add that while I love my fans, I really hate stalkers. And before any of you who corresponds with me floods my pm or email saying “have I stalked?” No, you haven’t. When I say stalkers, I MEAN stalkers. As in, people who trace me, in real life, who follow me around, who camp in front of my house, and who would get a restraining order if we couldn’t get them to go away by any other means.
I seem to attract those, and did so BEFORE I had enough fans to fill a large room. This is weird, as it’s been so long since I was young and beautiful that Ray Bradbury’s dictum that the old were never children seems about right to me. (Even though I’m more middle-middle aged, but whatevs.)
What I say even on my blog is carefully contrived to make sure you don’t actually know where myself and the family are going to go/be at any given time because of those few (VERY FEW, to date about 7 people have been a problem) insane people. For instance, if we’re going to go up to Denver and to Pete’s, I’m certainly not announcing it here. If I have do say I’m doing something (i.e. why post is late) I’ll say something else.
Look, sure, if you haunt Pete’s, sooner or later you’ll see a gaggle of Hoyts come in. In the same way if you haunt the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. Sooner or later, you’ll see two, or three or even all four of us come in. (In the later case you can recognize us by the semi-permanent rolling argument.)
However, if I’m out with the family it’s family time and not fan time. It’s a different head space. So, unless I make arrangements to meet one or the other of you (I must meet the one of you in Aurora next time I’m up there) it’s probably not a good time. The normal etiquette for that is to approach, introduce yourself, and if the family says “No, come on, sit down” then it’s fine.
I LIKE and even trust most of you.
But I’ve had to deal with insulating various circles of acquaintance. Until I know you decently enough, you’re not allowed to the inner circle, where you could probably trace me, the kids and the pets without any trouble. In between that and the polite smile and autograph there’s layers of circles.
(BTW part of the reason I have no pictures of Greebo is that he used to be an outdoor cat, which means he was vulnerable. Okay, being basically a chainsaw who purrs not that vulnerable, but still.)
I hate the necessity of this, and it makes me vulnerable, in a way, too. Because what happens is that if anyone reports anything to me, something going on in fandom at large I’m likely to believe that person, particularly if it’s a fellow writer. (For the idiots making hay of RAH believing MZB about her no good, very bad, craptastic second husband. I can see this happening more easily than you can imagine.)
Part of this, too, is that people have started treating me like I’m someone special. This is bizarre to me, as I’m just a chick who writes some stuff. But the number of people who approach me on bended knee and are careful of what they say about me completely baffles me.
Things you should realize: if I don’t give you my home address it doesn’t mean I think you’re a stalker. It means that in the past people have naively given my address out to people who turned out to be stalkers. (I understood, as the idea I HAD stalkers was completely bizarre. So they gave it out without thinking. However, I don’t want it to happen again.)
Actually if I don’t give you my home address right now, it might not mean anything more than that I don’t want you to get confused as we’re changing addresses probably within a couple of months. (House under contract, now, but it’s complicated.)
If I DO brush you off at a convention (rare and unlikely) it’s not because you offended me/I’m too full of myself/whatever. The only time I brush people off at cons is when I have been on panels through one meal already and am dying to get somewhere and eat something or at least have caffeine. That, and, if it’s a local con, we’re headed home on a tight schedule. So, don’t take it badly and approach me again later.
If you happen to recognize us in public and want to talk to us, approach anyway. We are friendly people. And if we’re on a family thing and don’t want to be interrupted, we’ll tell you.
If it seems to you I’m skirting the real truth in terms of where we’ll be, etc, on this blog, I probably am, because it’s either one of those family things I don’t want interrupted, or it’s something the guys don’t want to deal with.
When approaching my kids, remember they’re not me. My career is not their responsibility/duty. They might or might not wish to talk, but be mindful of where they are and who is with them. They don’t usually broadcast that their mother is almost famous.
And if it seems to you that in the beginning of an acquaintance I’m very cautious, don’t take it wrongly. I just don’t want to wake up to someone standing on my front lawn. I’m not that special, and it’s bizarre, so they must be mentally ill, and that scares me. I learned that the hard way.
But most of all, stop fawning around me (no, seriously.) I’m just a chick who writes stuff. And if you do it in person and/or at a con, I’ll throw a small plastic fish at you. And then you’ll be deep in the carp.