So I’m Sitting Here…

Trying to do a blog post, and faced with the fact that I’m in a very weird mood and also really, really tired.

For instance, the first idea was to write a short story called The Dino Who Loved me.  This is because my husband was looking for an excuse to buy dinos from the modelling site.  Also because of course when faced with dino-porn, my mind goes instead to a spy story with dinosaurs.

You see, dinosaurs left the world in a spaceship, but now want to see if it’s safe to come back, and then send T-Bond.  James T-Bond.  He belongs to a species of dino that hasn’t been found yet, and is roughly man-sized.  After various surgeries, he can pass as human, at least from the neck up.  From the neck down… let’s just say there are no T-Bond girls.

To make things worse, my son has the office next to mine, and is in a babbling mood.  Overheard, “I always was wildly attracted to aliens. But I didn’t make the cut and had to settle for a human.  I’m not saying I’m not happy, but sometimes I wish he had tentacles.”  Since he tends to mutter out what he’s writing, I’m wondering what kind of story will come out of his keyboard this week.

Oh, and yeah, we’re officially renting, while getting the old place ready to sell.  Right now it seems like an impossible endeavor, much less in the month till surgery.  But it must happen.

This means if you have business with me and I seem to be giving you the brush off, by forgetting to answer/forgetting to do something/forgetting my name, chances are I’ve been painting/cleaning/packing — just poke me again, this time with a sharp stick.  Seriously, if you don’t remind me, everything will be forgotten.

Oh, and, I have two books in the running in this.  If so inspired, go forth and vote.


The name is Bond, Dino Bond, and I prefer my humans chewed, not stirred.

115 responses to “So I’m Sitting Here…

  1. Somehow The Dino Who Loved Me puts me more in mind of a deranged Dean Martin impersonator……

    • Okay, so there’s a remake of one of the Matt Helm movies floating around in that somewhere?

      • Christopher M. Chupik

        Helm in the novels was always complaining about how silly Hollywood spies were back in the ’60s. I wonder if Hamilton was commenting in a roundabout away about the Dean Martin movies.

        • Sounds reasonable. The movies are so cheesy they must have been made in Wisconsin.

          • Christopher M. Chupik

            There’s a line in one novel I just love: “There’s no bore deadlier than a Marxist bore.”

            • I think I need to try the books. Always just assumed they were more or less like the movies, and gave ’em a pass.

              • Matt Helm in the books is the kind of cold bastard who will shoot through the hostage to kill the bad guy. VERY different. Quality is up and down, but generally ok for the genera. Slightly prefer Modesty Blaise.

                My favorite of the Bomd clone era is a series by Patrick O’Malley, each of which is THE AFFAIRE OF…..

                Best of the lot is THE AFFAIRE OF THE BUMBLING BRITON, which makes fun of Bond.

                • You are doing terrible things to my TBR pile. I know they’re cheesy, but my favorite of the movies was Flint.

                  • Of the spoofs, I agree that the two FLINT ones were the best. Avoid the early MODESTY BLAISE film at all costs. And I have a soft spot for tye David Niven CASINO ROYAL, if only for Mr. Niven as the original Sir James Bond saying of the “imitations” (i.e. Connery, etc) “It’s depressing that the term ‘secret agent’ has become synonymous with ‘sex maniac’.”

                    • The Niven film is a hoot, IIRC. Haven’t seen that one in years. Ever see the black and white made for TV film? Caught part of it once, but never saw the whole thing. Bond driving a Sunbeam, can you believe it?

                    • Ever see the black and white made for TV film?

                      Barry Nelson as James Bond, Peter Lorre as Le Chiffre. I’ve probably still got the VHS tape somewhere.

                    • The TV production is on my DVD of the Niven film. I’ve never watched more than a few moments, but I don’t find videos that are awful funny very often. Not even those that do it on purpose, often enough. There is so much out there that is at least craftsmanlike that I have scant patience with the godawful.

                    • Monica Vitti had a lot to answer for after that movie. She deserved a good spanking, but with those damn dogs on her property…

                    • Ya wanna see a fairly awful chick spy movie, track down Raquel Welch’s “Fathom”….

              • Christopher M. Chupik

                Titan Books is reprinting the series right now, so you should be able to find the first dozen or so in bookstores.

                • Just grabbed the first one on Kindle. The other series you mention seem to be only available dead tree.

              • No closer than Fleming’s books are to any of the Bond movies, even the early ones. Dr No, You Only Live Twice, and Thunderball probably come closest, for certain values of close.

                • At least there, both sets are entertaining, just not in the same vein.

                • Christopher M. Chupik

                  You Only Live Twice? About the only similarities are the Japanese setting and villain.

                  Dr. No to OMHMSS are the only ones until Casino Royale to actually resemble something Fleming wrote.

          • BY A NON-FILM COLLEGE GRADUATE! — (lefty reflex outburst)

  2. John in Philly

    Maybe the Dino infiltrator is not a fiction story, I was in the store the other day and the guy in line in front of me had these really really rough and scaly patches of skin on his neck.

    After reading your post about Portugal, I thought about where you feel at home, and where you feel you fit. My father was born and raised in El Paso and during the Second World War he met and married a girl from Philadelphia. Towards the end of his life he mentioned to me in conversation that he had really wanted to return to Texas after the war. It seems trite to say that life is complicated, and love requires choices. But sometimes even the trite sayings are true.

    Thank you for the time and effort you spend in writing.

    John in Philly

    • RealityObserver

      Oh, good, you’re in Philly. For a moment there, I thought you were behind me and my psoriasis…

  3. Hmmm. Must be something in the air. I’ve been daydreaming backstory about how True-dragons and HalfDragons founded the Houses on Earth.

  4. Poke you again with a sharp stick? Oh, no, I learned that lesson by watching someone else poke a stick at a cornered mink. Once.

    It taught me that blast radius is a concept that should be applied to many things, not just explosives.

  5. “I always was wildly attracted to aliens. But I didn’t make the cut and had to settle for a human. I’m not saying I’m not happy, but sometimes I wish he had tentacles.”

    That has to be one of the most disturbing things I ever read since my Lovecraft years.

  6. RealityObserver

    Do I sense a Hoyt collaboration in the works?

  7. Bronto Martini, bloody, not burned ???

  8. Don’t get me started on weird moods. I was having an innocent conversation last night and somehow the topic of flying trees came up. Now I keep looking out of the window for a flying tree. It’s obviously not coming, but I can’t help it and now I’m wondering.

    Why are the trees flying? Are they trying to get somewhere? Are they being sent somewhere? Is someone in control? Is it a random occurrence? Are there any benefits to trees that fly? Are there drawbacks beyond the obvious to flying trees? What happens to a bird when it makes a nest in a tree and the tree begins to fly? Do trees fly vertically since that’s how they grow, or is it easier for the tree to make itself horizontal and fly? Do trees take their roots systems with them when they fly or do the roots stay put?

    Ugh. I’m going to write a story here and I’m not even sure what it’s about or how the trees got involved.

    • Do they fly first class or coach?

    • Well, seeds migrate by gliding, or by getting birds to ingest them. So in a really rough situation, maybe trees should fly. Or maybe it is a windy planet with atmosphere that is soupy.

    • Tree hugger!

    • I still want to fly with the integral trees in the smoke ring.

    • Have you read “The Integral Trees” by Larry Niven?

      • I have not. I keep meaning to get into more Niven, but as Mount TBR is expanding as it is, I’m not sure when that’s going to be.

    • The Magnificent Migrating Mangroves of Mongo? Found in alkaline swamps in temperate zones across all continents of Mongo, the trees begin to pump ions out of their sap around the solstice. Just prior to the autumn equinox, the trees form huge buds as the roots uptake a large amount of sodium carbonate, found in the swamps they call home. The mineral reacts with the now acidic sap, producing hydrogen that causes the buds to balloon into huge, gold-hued translucent sacks. At the same time, the roots atrophy in the spoil already loosened from their rapid update of minerals, and the trees lift free of the soil, riding the chilling winds southward to a warmer clime.

      Once there, the buds burst, sending spores to the wind as the trees settle into their new home. The roots quickly burrow into the spoil and the process begins again, with trees budding and floating toward cooler weather in late spring.

      Each spring and fall brings shiploads of tourists to Mongo to observe the sky-darkening migration. However, most natives consider them – the trees and the tourists – as a nuisance. The trees for there’s nothing quite like vast clouds of flammable trees filled with acid to make you appreciate the advantages of living in orbit, and the tourists who are somehow convinced the MMMM are endangered, and protest all efforts of the natives to curb this noxious pest. The trees, not the tourists.

  9. Sarah, I suspect your returning dinosaurs would find the Earth a bit chilly for their tastes. But they might find kangaroos disturbingly sexy. Nice soft fur instead of rough scales . . . You know, retunees might well avoid the big cities. Land in that nice warm desert and scope out some of the smaller settlements, learn the language, figure out how to fit in. Pity if the first house they entered had a pet roo, and they made a rather obvious assumption.

    • Christopher M. Chupik

      “Hey Rex, look at the pouch on that one!”

    • I just had a though about the dinos evil plot. Their trying to get the coal and oil companies to increase burning CO2 and manipulating the Greens to advocate the worst alternatives to actually increase CO2 and cut down forests in order to cause mass deforestation.

    • Professor Badness

      That puts a whole new spin on furries. I’m not sure if I should share this with some furry friends or not.

      • Christopher M. Chupik

        I know a plushie who dresses as a dinosaur . . .

        • Professor Badness

          So they are a plushie, not a scaly?
          Is it sad I know these terms? I’m not even a furry.
          (Well, no more than any child of the eighties, what with all of the anthropomorphic cartoons we grew up on.)

  10. Seekrit note to Sarah–you haz mail. Also, Beautiful but Evil Space Princesses *never* panic, they induce panic in others. 😀

  11. Also because of course when faced with dino-porn, my mind goes instead to a spy story with dinosaurs.

    Ah, yes. Fifty Shades of Green.

  12. Since he tends to mutter out what he’s writing, I’m wondering what kind of story will come out of his keyboard this week.

    Sounds like an award winner.

    But I’m sure you’ll continue to love him anyway.

  13. FWIW, Eric Garcia wrote 3 dinosaur detective novels; “Anonymous Rex”, “Casual Rex” and “Hot and Sweaty Rex”. There was a TV version that was pretty funny but only a couple of episodes aired. I remember the books and the video as being pretty well done. Needless to say, the dinos had to wear elaborate disguises to pass.

  14. Will it include a character named Bond-O?

  15. Perhaps it should be “The Dinosaur Who Loved Me With Hollandaise Sauce”?

  16. If you need dentures and have a need for Hollandaise on everything, “There’s no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise.”