I’m getting very frustrated with myself, which is one of those occupations that is thoroughly unprofitable. Through Fire is pending my having a few days uninterrupted to just push on it, and Darkship Revenge should take me about a month after that. They both should have been done at the very least two months ago.
And you know, I’m giving myself a massive eczema eruption by berating myself. Okay, I was sick in February/March but it was just that. We’re going on two months of no sickness. (Allergies, but…) And I am not working for PJM just now (Whether I’m on hiatus or it’s a permanent “I’ll post if I feel like it” is something I haven’t decided yet, because it depends on a lot of things) which was eating my will to write anything, fiction OR non-fiction.
Of course it’s not that simple. It’s never that simple. Whatever I managed to do to myself last year, between illness and working on nonfiction (and it’s curious how nonfiction can “eat” my fiction away) was more than just taking up my time. Witness the fact that for months I couldn’t concentrate to read. In fact, I read/finished the first new-to-me book two weeks ago. I’ve mostly been re-reading. (Not reading at all is not doable. It’s an addiction.) This is typical of when I’m tired/sick. VERY tired/sick. The only two times this lasted over a year before were after giving birth to Robert and then moving to Colorado, and then the year I almost died of pneumonia. But when you’re well, it’s hard not to get impatient.
And that’s been other problem. Take Through Fire. What it desperately needs now is for me to ground myself in the series, so I can make allusions, etc. Only I’ve not wanted to take the time to re-read the back books. I need to, and I need to make a book-bible, but I’ve been fighting it.
Or take the story I almost wrote yesterday. It was all right, but it didn’t hold my interest, because I went with the first idea I had, rather than the GOOD idea I had. I’m going back and fixing that. Which means the story for Baen’s Giant Monsters Antho will be the second of the magical legion. It also involves fire snails, circe and Pompeii.
BUT the point is, if I hadn’t rushed, I could have written that one, instead of trying to force the other.
My grandmother had a saying “The more you rush, the slower you go.” Which is true and I think what’s eating me now. What I need is to calm down and get back into a sane schedule of reading (because it feeds the writing) and of writing too. Over the next two months, as we’re packing/fixing and cleaning to move, that’s an interesting challenge but not impossible. Older son has suggested getting a membership to the art museum and colonizing one of their quieter sit-down places for half the day, so I can just write. It might be a thing to do. I’m not happy because they doubled their membership cost, but it might (still) be a thing to do. And he says he needs it as much as I do. He’s making progress on the YA (we outlined it together and I get each chapter to pound into shape as he finishes it) despite studying for finals and being involved in a lot of graduation stuff (It will probably surprise no one he got departmental academic awards.) Of course his industriousness gives me a great opportunity to beat myself further…
Anyway — in a way things are getting better and I know they are. For instance, I can write the weekly chapter on the in progress novels (even if both desperately need an edit of what went before and a world bible) which for a while there just was impossible. And I have the ideas (heck the scenes) for the short stories I must deliver this weekend all firmed up.
And I have a good excuse this week, since I’m being insty. Well, 1/8 of insty. I’m more than ever convinced Glenn Reynolds is a cyborg. It’s impossible for anyone to do everything he does and be (mere) flesh and blood. Though maybe that too is a “scheduling and habit” thing.
Part of what is throwing me off is having to actually read the news. Things like the FCC wishing to regulate conservative bloggers and journalists as “campaign contributions” is part of it. We should never, ever, ever, have allowed them to regulate campaign finance. It’s bad cess to give government any power over what you can say and whom you can support. (And the very regulation, and the fact they publish lists of contributors kept me from donating for years. Not that my donations are going to tip anyone’s election campaign. Not unless they really need a peanut butter sandwich before a critical speech. Which could totally happen.)
I mean, I read the news, normally, but only after I FINISH writing, not throughout the day. Anyway, I still have two or three hairs left I can pull out, so it’s okay, right? I suppose if you do this for good you get used to it, but I’m still in awe of Glenn. (More than I was before.)
Anyway, right now I’m going to do boxes and do a quick dusting (have to, or I’ll get sick) then finish the story for Baen, then the story for chicks in chain mail. And then sit down and do that story bible and notes on the previous DS books. We have an award ceremony this evening, and I might as well do that before the award.
This next week I’m REALLY going to try to get this book off my hands and into Toni’s. Anyone who has a hankering to guest at ATH this is your chance. Send me your guest posts.
Now I’m out of here, and to do my duty for Glenn for the morning.
Here’s a baby slow loris to cheer you up.