There Is No Glass Slipper

Your life is not a story.

I mean, oh, of course, in a sense it is a story – of course it is – in the sense that things happen in chronological order, it has a beginning and one day it will have an ending.  You could also say it is divided in chapters.  In fact we often talk about “entering a new chapter” of life.

But there are differences.

I’ve told you – haven’t I? – that my final exam in Theory Of Literature, consisted of two questions.  The first was specific and required analysis of the use of commas by a Portuguese poet who wrote in blank verse.  The second was “Explain the difference between literature and life.  Give examples.”

Since I have a fraught relationship with punctuation I knew I’d get at best half the points on the technical question, so I had to get full points for the second.  So I spun from memory of my Philosophy classes a deal about Plato and the cave and how only through literature could we see life outside the cave.  I knew that would appeal to literature professors and, as most of you know, my morals are weak.  (If they weren’t would I lie for a living?  No?  What do you think fiction is?)  So… I passed.

However, my rather mendacious answer notwithstanding, or my wished-for answer which was “if I kill you in a book you’ll continue breathing.  If I kill you in real life not so much” the true answer is more complex than that, and more simple.

Life is not like literature because life doesn’t have to make sense.  (We’re reminded of this daily as we see what some of my colleagues post on facebook.)  More rarely we’re reminded of this as an impossible coincidence surfaces that makes us go “What?  That wasn’t laid out in the plot.”

But we forget that too.  We forget it very often, particularly those of us who are dedicated writers – or readers.  We forget it as we think as though life WERE a plot, as though it HAD to make sense.

I was reminded of this a couple of days ago while talking to a friend who is a beginning writer.  We were trying, somewhat ineffectively, to convince this person it’s best to go indie now, while this writer has no track record.  This writer was yelling back about wanting what I had.  (Apparently people HANKER after ten years of kicks in the teeth.) About how I was famous (Am too.  Right now I’m the most famous person at this desk.  Well, the cats have left in search of food.)  About how I was a real writer, and therefore I could now go indie with a clear conscience (I’m trying, okay?  I’m trying.  I need time, since I’m also still writing for traditional publishers.)

And then this writer explained that since childhood, the writer had dreamed of having books out “on shelves” and being able to tell friends to go and buy them at any bookstore.

Useless to tell this person that there was that year I had FIVE books come out with traditional publishers and you couldn’t find a single one on a single shelf in the whole state of Colorado.  In this person’s mind, that story from childhood, HAD to have a happy ending.

It’s conditioning.  As writers and readers, we are trained to pick up “promises” in the plot early on.  Some of you who have been following Witchfnder are unreally good at picking up on those promises.  I’ve had emails guessing at Nell’s origins, at the ultimate end of the book, etc, which are, at this point, GUESSES.  Have to be, since my cluing has been as hidden as possible.  And in one case the clue is not yet connected to anything.  And yet, people GOT it.

Unfortunately, we tend to reason about life that way, too.

This might be a case of chicken and egg.  I know that stories are what happens when we turn our mind lose on life and allow it to impose order on reality, whether that order is real or imaginary.  We tell ourselves stories.  And we tend to make stories out of our lives.  Perhaps that’s how we make sense of life.  Perhaps that’s how we remain what passes for sane.  Or perhaps not.

Perhaps life used to be more predictable, too.  I’m not betting on it.  I grew up in a small village, where people by and large, with minor innovations like electrical light and running water, lived the way they had for centuries, observed the same feast days, cultivated the same plot of land, kept the same farm animals as their ancestors world without end – in a place where Romeo and Juliet might have happened in the next village.  (I thought it had, the first time I heard someone talk about it.)  Looking back, life looked a lot more… well… ordered.  You knew the pool from which you’d choose your mate, more or less, you knew the places you’d see in your life, you knew where you’d be buried when you died.  You knew the kids who worked hard in childhood would probably make good, and you knew the class clown would probably have a checkered career, and the kid caught breaking into a neighbor’s house at ten would probably eventually come to a bad end.

But that’s from a distance.  If you increase the granularity and go life by life, person by person, you find it’s not like that.  That kid who worked hard in childhood, walking out his parents’ door one evening, gets run over by a car and spends the rest of his life as a paraplegic, having to be looked after.  The kid who was a bad lot?  Well, he gets drafted, goes overseas, becomes a hero, comes back and picks up a steady job, never has a hobble again… until he’s fifty when he embezzles his boss’s money, runs away and dies a millionaire in Brazil.

Even in the village, with its ordered cycle of life, people could surprise you, events could surprise you, things you counted on – like inheriting the family business – would turn out quite differently – when you found out the company was bankrupt, for instance.

After all, that small village produced me and – good or bad (and often bad) – you can’t say my trajectory was predictable.  When I was born to a rather traditional family in a traditional village and as a female (which in that culture means far less mobile) I can safely say that if some time traveler had told family, friends or extended acquaintances that not only would I survive (an iffy thing, since I was extremely premature, born at home, and not allowed access to an incubator) but I’d leave home and go live in the states on my own (no relatives, other than my husband) AND become a novelist in a language no one in the family spoke at the time (correction, my grandfather spoke it.  He didn’t write it.  But he had no one to speak it to) NO ONE would have believed it.

But even those of you who aren’t little vortexes of unstable fate can probably point out to events in your lives that were in no way “foreshadowed.”

However, it goes further than that.  MUCH further.  Right now, we are in a time of catastrophic change.  By that I don’t mean the intentional, phony and often strange change brought on by political moves.  I mean bone-deep technological change of the kind that leaves a mark.

Part of the reason that change is so difficult is that we are essentially two cultures.  One of them is  “the people who talk.”  (I’d call it “the people who think” but that is unwarranted flattery for most of them – for most humans, actually.)  These are the media, the academia, the people who tell stories whether fictional or fictionalized.  These people in general know nothing – or very little – about what the other culture is up to.  The other culture is “the people who fix”.  These are the people who know how things work, the people who can build and create.

For years now the people who talk have been ascendant.  We’ve been building a little reality of words, telling ourselves stories.  “This is the way things work” and “This is the way things will go.”  Actually, we haven’t been ascendant so much as we were the only ones saying these things, and the other people didn’t or couldn’t contradict us, so we thought we had it all.  Our story was undisputed.  Like the garrulous wife of a silent husband, we sat there for years making plans.  “And when we retire, we’re going to live in Miami.”  And because the poor sob across the table said nothing, we thought we could do as we pleased.

The silent people who fix and create things were, all along, quietly, often in an inarticulate way, pulling the rug out from under our feet.  While we were talking about our condo in Miami they were building an entire retirement community from discarded beer bottles, in the backyard of our house in Michigan.

So while we were creating our just so plots, the people who fix and create things changed the world on us (the bastages.)  While we were climbing the ordered ladder of publishing (such as it was) they were building ebooks, and even – gasp – places like Amazon to sell them.  They were creating the computer revolution which allows us to attend lectures from home (I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, education is next in line for that change.)

So, now there’s a choice of courses for us.  The world is changing.  It’s called catastrophic because it resembles Atlantis subsiding beneath the waves.  We can’t change it back.  We can make phony political changes that will make things go a different route, and possibly a worse route, or we can shout into the wind, but it’s not going to stop the change.

The metaphoric oceans are coming in.  You can choose to stand there going “I’m despondent.  My life is over.  I want my beach back.  When I was little I dreamed of a condo in Miami.”  Heaven knows I’ve done a bit of that myself and still have instances of it.  HOWEVER that is not a survival-enhancing behavior.  Those who will survive – and many who will thrive – are already running for the hills, scouting out the now-barren peaks that will be fertile islands when the change is done.

I know it hurts.  It hurts like heck.  We want our stories to make sense, and we want our life to be a story.

But you have to be aware that at some level it was always a lie.

To the extent that you need stories to survive, make this one be about the plucky author/educator/artist who survived catastrophic change – who got out ahead of the mess and the turmoil and came out much more successful than traditional routes allowed.  Make your prototype that of the mythological (but then so was Atlantis) sage who got in a boat ahead of the continent sinking and went to other lands to teach what he knew.  And who was treated as a god in the new land.

You’re not Cinderella.  There is no glass slipper.  BUT if you’re good and pro-active and if you stop lamenting and start looking to the future, there MIGHT be a fortune in canned pumpkin or trained mice.

First let go of the glass slipper dreams.  It was never very comfortable and it came off when you ran downstairs.  Then shake yourself, look around, and find new dreams.  You can do it.  Remember, the best stories change direction halfway through.  Why should your life be any different?

A note — today is blogger appreciation day.  (Yes, it’s made up.  I know that.  But as the poster said, traditions have to start somewhere.)  We labor all year, year after year and Feb. 29 is when you tell us you love us.  Of course money to buy a six pack of beer is the sincerest form of flattery and my button is up there somewhere.  Myself, I’m going to hit the tip jars of Kris Rusch, and the Passive Voice  who are my regular industry-reads.  I would like to donate to Flinders Family Freer but I can’t find a “donate” button.  Feel free to go over and demand he put one up (my minions) since you bullied ME into putting one up.  However, if you can’t donate or don’t want to, leave a message telling your favorite blogger how much you enjoy his/her work.  It’s a tradition that SHOULD get started, because it helps on this side of the trenches when the going gets tough and we wonder if we’re just talking to ourselves.

Another Note, my short story The Counterfeit Gypsy is up for free today and tomorrow, hopefully to get the collection Five Dastardly Deaths and the sales on Death Of A Musketeer surging.  Anyway, it’s free, go get:  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006SQQ3SI

Getting Done

I almost choked on my own tongue laughing when, in the movie Sliding Doors, the good for nothing boyfriend says “I’m a novelist.  I’ll never be done.”  It was a hyena laugh second only to the one that erupted both from me and my – at the time – critique partner, when the main character tells her boyfriend “I know when you finish your novel we’ll be fabulously wealthy.”  That one was louder because we realized no one else around us was laughing and this made us laugh all the louder, until we were helpless in our seats.

Both of these misconceptions are rife in society, about what writers are and what they do.  And both of them will kill your writing career abirthing, if you let them.

We’ll take the second one first – if you’re going for traditional publication, can you become rich beyond the dreams of avarice.  Well – Sarah demurs – it’s possible.  I mean, there’s a chance.  It worked for Rowling.  And Brown.  And King and a half a dozen others.  It’s about as possible as you becoming incredibly wealthy if you buy a lottery ticket.  I wouldn’t count on it.  Let’s put it this way, no one will give you a loan of ten million because you bought a lottery ticket.  And no one sane will give it because you finished a novel.  It’s more likely that you’ll make some money and will have to keep writing to make more.

BUT Sarah, you say, what about Indie?  Surely I can put a novel up there and just watch the money pour in while I contemplate plans for a new house, so I can put the new money in it?  Well… It could happen.  I mean, one hears stories.  Not just Hocking, either.  BUT even though your odds are better, at least if you can write your way out of a wet paper bag, it’s still a lottery.  Chances are, even if that ends up happening, you’ll start slow, by making a few hundred here, and a few hundred there.   The thing is, over time?  Yeah, if you keep writing, you could make a living.  And if you’re both good and fast, you could make a good living.  Just don’t go in expecting miracles.  It’s more of a meritocracy and it gives you more control.  That’s all.

As for the second myth…  Well…  There is a tendency to think that if you take longer to write a book, it will be better.  We’ve gone before into the astonishing number of writers who were good and amazingly fast.  But beyond that, you have to ask yourself – how can it be better to take a long, long time? What else is made better by taking as long as possible?  Okay, maybe cooking soup, but even that spoils if you keep it on the boiler for a month or so (Yes, yes, I’ve heard the jokes about inheriting a soup base.  I’m fairly sure they’re just jokes.)

You shouldn’t RUSH a story – particularly one that isn’t jelling (no, not even when writing fast) – but you shouldn’t coddle it excessively long, either.  Look, the thing is, your readers are going to read the book over a limited period of time.  If you take too long, your experience loses sight of theirs.  You’ll only have more trouble telling the story for THEM.  It will be hard to figure out how they’ll face things.  Also, if you take to long your VISION of the story will change.  You’ll start out (metaphorically) by sculpting a faun and end up thinking you’re doing a mermaid, and the book will be… neither fish nor fowl nor yet good red meat.

But you said you shouldn’t RUSH a story?  How can I ever know if I’m done?
Well… if you’re rushing the story, the symptoms are fairly obvious.  You’ll feel like you’re not getting it quite right, and it will be sheer torment.  It’s rather like an impacted tooth or a painful knee.  You can’t ignore it, but you also can’t finish it, yet.  There are things that help in this situation, which include taking a day away, taking a shower (no one knows why the shower helps, but it seems that anything with tons of water helps.  Like taking a walk by a body of water if you live near one.  Something about ionization), taking a walk.  But then you have to come back and try again.

But what if I keep having new and better ideas, and can never finish anything?

That’s actually an ego-protection device.  See, when you start writing a story it’s much bigger than anything you can put on paper, or even on pixels.  There’s an entire world in your head and centuries of history, right?  Right.  And that is never going to fit in a single story, particularly if it’s a short or a novella.  So about halfway through you realize that.  And then your ego realizes it’s never going to be as good as you thought it was going to be and – to protect itself – throws a new and dazzling idea at you.

Remember yesterday’s post?  Stop that.  Write your story first.  Make yourself finish it.  It doesn’t have to be good, but it does have to be finished.  Chances are that if it’s finished you’ll find it’s not bad after all.  And each story you finish gives you more practice. You get a little better every time.

Writer, heal thyself.  Aren’t you the woman afflicted by popcorn kitten-like ideas, jumping whichever way?

Well, yes. (Though it’s rude of you to bring it up.)  The thing is that part of this is the straddling of worlds, between traditional and indie, and particularly the changing of courses.  (Since when I signed these particular contracts, I didn’t know indie was an option.)  In future I hope to be doing even traditional on spec, which means I can concentrate on one project at a time, without deadlines intruding.

The other part of this is that it’s perfectly acceptable to do different projects at different times.  For instance I find that long after my mind is “blown” for fresh writing, I can still edit.  And after my mind is to tired for either, I can research.  So my ideal day might include writing a few chapters in the morning, revising the last book I finished (Never the same.  Never revise while writing) in the afternoon, then reading a “general ambience” research in the afternoon.  (Say the book is set in Tudor England I might read about the history of the time, or one of those “daily life in.”  For specific detail research I need to be able to focus, so that type of situation doesn’t work.)  But I’ll explain how to optimize research for speed tomorrow.

For now, go forth and finish something.

Unrelated update:  Amanda Green’s excellent Nocturnal Origins (with cover by yours truly!) is free on Amazon today.  Go and bump it up the ranks: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004QO9Z2K/ref=s9_simh_gw_p351_d0_g351_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0TFEWSFPWCM7BXBCNKEP&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846

Write It, Just Write It!

I don’t know if you’ve ever watched the skit about the five minute psychiatric cure.  I’m linking below.  When our younger boy was going through a particularly trying time – ages eleven through fifteen or so.  His brother was earlier, say between 10 and 14 – we made him watch this skit so many times that when he went to the counselor at one point and she told him to “just stop it” he perked up and said, “Or you’ll bury me alive in a box?”  (THAT was a fun phone call from the school.  Yes, it was.)

Anyway, if you don’t feel like watching through it, the five minute psychiatric cure is simple.  The psychiatrist answers everything with “Stop it.  Just stop it.”  (The clincher is “or I’ll bury you alive in a box.”)

Today’s post is sort of like that.  It is about all the things I’ve noticed keep people from writing fast and well.  Well, I’m going to give you a cure for it.

Do you find yourself wondering if your story will ever be good enough?

Good enough for what?  Good enough by whose definition?  Sure, if you’re aiming for a particular house, they probably have a definition of good you have to meet.  If you’re really invested in that… well, read the stuff they put out and then try to write that way.  And then…
Write, just write it.

But what if you’re not aiming for a particular house, and you just don’t want to embarrass yourself?

Give it up.  You’re going to embarrass yourself.  The alternative is never to write a line.  The stuff that seems brilliant to you now, will seem like dross in five years or five months (I hope, because that means you’ll have grown) and if you’re foolish enough to read it over, you’ll cringe.  So you’re going to embarrass yourself.  Never mind that.  Write it.  Just write it.

But what if you don’t know if there’s room in science fiction for ballet dancers who do brain surgery in null grav?  Is the idea too silly?

As Ric Locke is fond of pointing out, given a nearly infinite – for our purposes infinite – market, there probably is someone interested in in whatever crazy sh*t you’re interested in, and probably crazier than anything you can come up with.  In fact there probably are enough people to make you rich beyond the dreams of avarice.  Write it.  JUST write it.

But what if what I’m writing about involves some weird sexual thing and they think I’m pervie?

Is it needed for the plot? Does it add motivation to the character? Yeah, some people will think you’re pervie. BUT if it works for the story, they won’t really care. The “pervie” rumors will only make the story more popular. No? Oh, I could tell you stories of what’s rumored about some of the best sellers… Doesn’t hurt them at all. (I’ve thought of circulating a rumor that I’m into walruses, because of the publicity. But some misguided fen would get one to a con to please me.) If this is what you feel a need to write — write it. Just write it.

But what if my mom reads it?

Well… depends.  You could not send it to her.  In extreme cases, write under a pen name, and don’t tell her.  Of course, my solution, of becoming a professional writer in a language neither of my parents speaks at all is a thing of beauty and only to be undertaken if you are particularly insane.  However, look, if you’re an adult, whatever you think you’re writing that will shock your parents probably won’t.  Chances are they’ve figured out you know about both politics and sex.  So… Write it, just write it.

But what if my idea is too brainy?

See above.  There are enough people who like their fiction nice and cerebral to make you wealthy beyond envy.  Write.  Just write it.

But what if no one likes it?

Oh please.  Whatever you write – I guarantee it – will be any number of persons’ bestest most favoritest story ever and any number of persons’ most hated piece.  You can’t avoid that.  That is the fate of all fiction.  So write it.  JUST write it.

But what if I don’t want to write it?

Then stop telling everyone you want to be a writer.  And stop whining.

But what if I don’t want to stop whining?  And I don’t want to write?

Write it.  Just write it.

Or I bury you alive in a box.

Bleating Against Amazon

This is the part of this blog where Sarah takes off the gloves, turns the picture of Heinlein to the wall* so he won’t be shocked by what she’s about to say, and then speaks in the way she learned when fishwives argued near her.

You’ve been warned.

There is a lot to be said for someone of my temperament and approaching an age when I no longer suffer fools gladly (or indeed at all) not going near my main facebook page.  There is no time to block out ever custard-head on facebook, and no matter how many times I warn them this isn’t safe** – nor indeed sane – they persist in posting stuff that drives me nuts.

I count it as a great proof of maturity that most of the time I simply shake my head and go on to my groups or to my dedicated page without bothering to bring out the baseball bat with the rusty nails in.

But then, periodically, I find the stupid is being echoed all over and the same websites linked over and over again, with the same nonsensical points, which tells me it’s not only a coordinated campaign, but it’s a coordinated campaign being brought to bear by “someone above” with a good publicity department.  And when that campaign is both crazy and stupid – and it’s amazing how often that happens and how often the bleating hordes echo this nonsense – I sometimes lose my patience.  This is not a good thing, because though I’m more controlled than in my teen years, when I was kicked off the rugby team for unnecessary roughness, it is often a distinction without meaning.  I no longer pound you — most of you took the precaution of living out of reach, you sneaky fiends you — I DO foam at the mouth and punch walls.

So, what has got me off my cherubic and positively laid-back posture lately?  Well, this morning when I innocently opened face book, to see if a friend had answered on our latest message exchange, I found that people all over are posting against Amazon.

Now, this is of course nothing new.  For the last several months we’ve been hearing the rumblings of this, as people whine, complain and moan about everything in Amazon, from the fact that they point out big publishers DO set those outrageous e-book prices, to the fact that they’ll lower your prices if they find you’re selling cheaper elsewhere.  Oh, yeah, also if you are a small press and refuse to give them the authority to do that, they won’t do business with you.

This is more of the same, with a sustained, high pitch whine (yes, this is reference to dog whistle, why?) that “someone” do something to stop Amazon having this dreadful power to… control the way they wish to run their own business?

To every one – particularly the geniuses calling themselves “progressive writers and poets” – echoing this load of nonsense: are you crazy or stupid?

Of course, it’s entirely possible you are both, but which one are you MORE?

I’m not going to deny that Amazon is an 800 lb gorilla or that Amazon is a corporation.  Of course that last, for most of you, is enough to consider them eeeeeevil.  That is because most of you are either college students or are living like college students in your parents’ basement, from stolen cheetos.  (Okay, some of you are also living in the insulated ghettos of academia and/or media, where no knowledge of business need intrude.)  The horrible news I have for you is that I can guarantee most of your favorite writers (unless they’re peers, living in basements next to yours) are corporations.  We incorporate as a way to cut down on the burden our tax code imposes on the self employed.  I, myself, am part of a corporation.  Weirdly, I haven’t noticed any marked increase of evil since I became so.

Now I’ll agree with you that all corporations when they get massive become … odd.  This is a function of ALL human institutions when they get big enough.  Keep that point in mind, we’ll come back to it.

Having watched as the large corporation my husband worked for throughout the nineties went through weird purges and personality cult phases, cut out research and development when they most needed it or made absolutely asinine moves, I came to the conclusion any human bureaucracy grown large enough behaves much like the ancient Roman Empire or a Communist country.  When a personality is purged, for instance, everyone he promoted is struck down or laid off, regardless of whether he’s needed or not.  And periodically the edicts from above make about as much sense as going off with the legions to fight Neptune.

Has Amazon reached this point yet?  Weirdly, no.  So far Amazon is keeping “with it” in the sense that the decisions it has made have benefited its business, which, btw, is the goal of any commercial enterprise, corporation or not.  In the process and probably not deliberately – but as a result of the fact that New York Publishing has been determined to stay on course to suicide – they have made it possible for people to self publish and to circumvent the gatekeepers which were NOT ONLY picking winners and losers but also effectively dissuading people from reading as a form of entertainment (Look up how print runs have fallen since the seventies.  No, it’s not TV.  News flash:  There was TV in the seventies too.)

Will Amazon reach that point – well, DUH – is it run by humans?  Why, yes, I believe it is.  Yes, at some point Amazon will grow sclerotic and/or in pursuing its own interest will cut out small publishers and Indies – if it finds a business reason to.  Right now it’s hard to imagine what that business reason would be, so I have to assume it would be a sign that it has grown sclerotic.

And when Amazon grows sclerotic, it will present an opportunity for competitors to come up and do something better and faster and, in their turn, become the next Big Evil TM.

IF you think it’s already making mistakes and that its decisions no longer benefit you, then for the love of Mike and all the little angels, start your own competitor.  Exploit what you see as weaknesses on Amazon and go for it.  Trust me, starting a business on the web requires remarkably little investment.  If the lot of you who are posting this nonsense can’t each of you chip in five dollars and get the five thousand or so to start your own model, you don’t have the courage of your convictions.

And don’t come bleating at me that Amazon is too big and you can’t compete with it.  When Amazon started out, big chain bookstores were at the apex of their power and people laughed at Amazon.  “Who wants to buy books online?” they said.  And “Why do they allow everyone to do reviews without credentials?” they said.

No?  You don’t want to do that?  Not surprising.  You’re not creative enough to come up with a competing model, you say?  You need government to curb Amazon’s excesses?

Tread carefully, my sheepies.  Tread very carefully.  Amazon is private property.  (Yes, of its shareholders, and your point is?)  What you’re asking is for an organization that is bigger and therefore MARKEDLY more corrupt than Amazon and whose power is based NOT on getting you to buy anything but on the fact they have police and an army and can throw people in jail, to go and take someone’s property away because you don’t like what they’re doing with it.  Not only will whatever government can/chooses to do to Amazon get so distorted in the end that the law of unintended consequences will make it a nightmare, but it will further weaken property rights in this country.  Places that don’t have property rights also have no other rights.  And you won’t be able to do anything, because government, unlike Amazon, has the power to enforce its edicts, and you can’t REALLY set up a competing government.  (No matter what your courses in revolutionary justice told you.)

So… are you crazy or stupid?  There’s evidence in favor of both.  You’re crazy if you’re repeating this meme to appear cool and hip and you have no clue where it will lead.  You’re stupid if you don’t see where it would lead, should it be successful, is back to the arms of the establishment, where big publishers can pick winners and losers.  Qui bono?  The establishment.  (This will shock you but most traditional publishers are international corporations, btw.) The establishment which could sell crap if it pushed it enough, and which is now losing that ability.  You want to take us back to the bad old days.  And you call yourself progressive.  And the irony hasn’t KILLED you yet.

On the other hand, maybe you’re neither crazy nor stupid.  Maybe you are the kind that publishers would have pushed, and you know that your writing in fact stinks on ice and that this is the only way you can make a living.  In which case, you’re simply venal and hypocritical but perfectly rational.

However, take it from me, that progress to the past for which you hanker would only take you back to a system that had grown unsustainable, which is why Amazon was able to arise.  If you take down Amazon, a hundred Amazons will arise to break your favored oligopoly.

So, darlings, sweeties, difficult as it is, maybe you should strive to have an original thought in your pampered little lives and either learn to write and become good enough to sell in the changed market, or learn to start a business that competes with Amazon.  Or BOTH.

Yes, I know, either goes against everything you’ve learned and will make you stand out from the herd.  But guess what, at best the herd gets sheared in the end.  At worst?  It gets eaten.

Give my way a try instead.  Who knows?  It might even work.

*those of you who read Giovanni Guareschi will know the reference.

** Yes, I’m joking.  At most you make me angry, which means these days you make me rant.  For all I know you find that funny.

Update: Welcome Passive Voice readers.  I’m always honored to be linked by PG, one of my almost-daily reads.  If you have time, poke around.  There’s free fiction under the Witchfinder and Free Short Story tabs (Okay, it’s unedited free fiction.  It’s an experiment) and generally the people who hang out around here are interesting and informative if at times a tad-bit fractious.

Come Back Brain, All Is Forgiven

Actually, the brain is here, mostly, but it’s completely immersed in tweaking Darkship Renegades and has not one spare grey cell for blog posting.

Also, I’m consumed with a sense of urgency and a need to finish books.  Maybe I’m trying to avoid real life.  Or maybe it is that I have FIVE books in various parts of “finished” and need to get them off my desk.  One of them, BTW, is Heart’s Magic with Kate Paulk.  For those of us who’ve followed our Valdemar stories — it’s sort of the first five of those, though we’re setting them in a slightly different world so as not to tread on Valdemar rights — we have the rights to the stories, of course, but it feels impolite to use a corner of someone else’s world.  Anyway, it’s been great fun redoing history and background and adding to the adventures of Ree and Jem, but I need to finish my part so Kate can do hers.

Meanwhile the Kit Marlowe Mystery stories (Juggler and The Counterfeit Gypsy on Amazon.  On the other outlets they’re under Five Dastardly Deaths) are not just outstripping all the Goldport sales, but they’re gaining speed and traction as they go.  So, why am I complaining?  Well, the first one is the opening of a novel which is half finished — Juggling Death — but when the heck do I have time?

At any rate, I’m taking marked up manuscript, clipboard and mp3 player to dining room and seeing if I can finish DSR revisions, with the idea it will be in your hands sooner.  Then I can finish Blood Royale which is on its second pass.  And then I can do light (well, they are) revisions on A Few Good Men.  And then I can finish Noah’s Boy and A Flaw In Her Magic.  And then it will probably be May, and I can collapse.

Free Novel — Witchfinder — chatpers 22 & 23

*This is the Fantasy novel I’m posting here for free, one chapter every Friday.   If your conscience troubles you getting something for free, do hit the donate button on the right side.  Anyone donating more than $6 will get a non-drm electronic copy of Witchfinder in its final version, when it’s published.
There is a compilation of previous chapters here  all in one big lump, which makes it easier to read and I will compile each new chapter there, a week after I post.  When the novel is completed and about to be edited the compilation page will probably be deleted.

Oh, this is in pre-arc format, meaning you’ll find the occasional spelling mistake and sentence that makes no sense.  It’s not exactly first draft, but it’s not at the level I’d send to a publisher, yet. *

For previous chapters, look here:  https://accordingtohoyt.com/witchfinder/

Mirror Mirror
The dressing room smelled heavily of rose water, as though every surface had been scrubbed with it, every one of the frothy dresses hanging from a rod at the back, dipped in it, every one of the ornate paintings on the wall painted with it.
The smell of roses mixed with other cloying scents: powder and grease paint, wax candles and a trace of the incense that climbed in a thin blue thread of smoke from the mouth of a dragon-shaped incense burner to the ceiling.
The Twin was in front of the mirror, applying makeup with quick, deft gestures.  That’s how Barbara, Dowager Duchess of Darkwater always thought of her Fey double as The Twin.  She knew the woman had a name, something soft and liquid and running to excessive syllables, but she didn’t know it, just as she didn’t know Gabriel’s elf name.  Elves were born with their names, as attached to them and as much a part of their anatomy as a hand or a foot, and as important as their own heart.  She knew too that in the human world The Twin went by the name Maryalys Penn, the last being the surname of her first husband, discarded a long time ago, but in Barbara’s mind she was always and forever The Twin – that creature like herself and yet not whom she had first glimpsed for a few moments after she’d been brought back from Fairyland, and before The Twin was sent back to it.
Time had made differences between them, of course.  The Twin hadn’t aged from whatever age she’d been when she’d come out of Fairyland with Gabriel.  Thirty?  Somewhere around there, Barbara thought, thought it was thirty in elf terms, which means she looked very much like the Duchess at seventeen, with pale, creamy skin, rose touched cheeks, plump lips that rested in a smile, and midnight black hair loosed down her back.  Only their eyes were different.  They’d always been different.  The Twin might have been formed from birth to echo the Duchess, which one understood was how Changelings were created, but the eyes, though they might have the same shape and color and be nestled beneath the same dark, arched eyebrows, were not Barbara’s.  They managed to be both much, much older than any human who ever lived, and somehow not human.  Like the eyes of a bird of prey, glittering and hard.
Had Gabriel had eyes like that, Barbara would never have allowed him into the house, no matter if he was just a child and had been living rough on the streets to escape the fate that The Twin had planned for him.
And now that Barbara thought about it, that was likely to be a point of contention between them.  After all, Gabriel had been The Twin’s to dispose of and to do with as she pleased.  Or at least The Twin would think so.  She could not have approved of the Duke taking him away.  And she would hold it against Barbara.  No matter.
As The Twin’s gaze met hers in the mirror, for just a second Barbara read surprise in them and then a thread of fear.  There were many reasons The Twin might fear her human counterpart, of course, but the quick flicker, quickly subdued, gave Barbara a sense of hope.  There was something there.  And The Twin was involved in it.
Aloud, she said, “Good evening, Mrs. Penn.  Are you preparing for a performance.  I beg your pardon interrupting you at this time, but I must have some information from you,” She spoke casually, and adjusted her gloves on her fingers as she spoke, as though this were a social call and she were merely verifying a detail or two.  It was probably all to naught.  She had never fully known what elves could do – no human did – but she had an idea that Gabriel could smell much more acutely than normal humans, perhaps even smell magic.  She’d seen him detect people in falsehood with no other indication.  And she knew he could hear far more sharply than normal humans since he’d used that talent all through childhood to cover whatever mischief Seraphim and himself were engaged in at the time.
So this creature could probably hear the frantic beating of Barbara’s heart and surely she could smell the uneasy perspiration as Barbara hoped with all her might that Caroline would stay where she’d left her, at the door to the dressing room and behind some fantastical wheeled horse used in plays, where no one was likely to see her or bother her.  Please, let Caroline not come in.  Let her not be exposed to The Twin.
None of this mattered.  Barbara’s composure must be maintained as much to keep Barbara from breaking down as to fool any external person.
The Twin’s eyes glittered at her from the mirror.  “I fail to see in what I might help you my lady,” she spoke, her voice also a perfect imitation of Barbara’s at seventeen or eighteen, dulcet and cultured.  “What of mine you wanted, you had already taken: my lover and my child.  What more could you want me to give you.”
“My husband was never your lover,” Barbara said, then caught herself.  No use speaking half truths around elves.  They could always twist them.  “No more than in the carnal sense, and there he was many women’s lover.  He laid with you, sure.  Desired you too, I am sure, since he married me, and I’m sure he saw in me an echo of you, but it is not love.  If you don’t know the difference between those, Mrs. Penn, you know not the least thing about being human and all your time amid us has been wasted.   As for your son, he was not yours when he came to us.  From what I understand he had deserted you more than a year previous, and been living as a beggar in London.”  She saw The Twin open her mouth to speak and said, “But that is neither here nor there, Mrs. Penn.  What I wish to know is, Where are they?  And why?”
Again the stab of fear came.  Again the sharp pang of something like panic, behind the hard, inhuman eyes.  And The Twin’s voice was a trifle too unconcerned, a trifle too light, as she said, “I have not the pleasure of having the slightest idea what you speak of.”  She tapped her chin lightly with a puff with some white powder, and said, brightly.  “And now, if you excuse me, I have commitments which I must keep.  I’m playing principal female in One Thing And Another, and I must–”
Barbara raised her hand, and let the spell fly.  And knew the moment she’d done it that it was a bad idea.  It was a minor spell, not very strong, just a compulsion to tell the truth, with a hint of punishment to come.  She’d never meant to use it.  She’d never have used it, if she’d not got scared.  Something she knew, which her husband had told her; yes, and her father too, after he’d recovered her from fairyland.  “If you go fighting elves, you must use all the force you can command and not a iota less.  Because anything else they’ll eat.”
She’d not known what eat meant till this moment – only as her spell hit The Twin, The Twin absorbed it, swallowed it, and it made her alien elf magic shine more brightly around her preternaturally young form.
And then The Twin Attacked.  There was a sense of rushing, and the scent of roses increased till Barbara felt she was choking on them, her mouth and nostrils and everything stuffed with cloying, redolent petals.  As she gasped for breath, her body was slammed backwards against a wall, with enough force to rattle her brain.  Into this, feelings poured into her, odd feelings: the feeling that she was nothing, that she had never deserved her husband or her children, that she had rightful stolen all those from The Twin, that she was old and useless and not beautiful, a spec of dirt on the face of the world, and one, moreover, that should be dead and gone a long, long time while the glittering creature before her continued to be vital and young and to inspire love and passion.
Barbara’s grandchildren, and her grandchildren’s grandchildren would be dead and long gone, and The Twin would still be beautiful and young and enticing.
Coupled with this came the strong suggestion that Barbara should stop cluttering the Glittering Twin’s world, that she should efface, go, do away with herself.
The Duchess felt both the push and the desire to vanish, but at the same time, she clawed back with her own mind, that no, she had loved her husband and been his true wife, despite his infidelities and his frailties – none of them unusual in one who’d early been elf-touched.  And she deserved her time upon the Earth which at any rate belonged more to her than to The Twin, a creature who’d never been fully alive and therefore could not be fully here.
She managed to choke out “No” thought the cloying scent of roses, but she couldn’t lift her hand to make any sign of protection, she couldn’t command her mind to let a spell fly, and she couldn’t breathe.  Her heart strained against her chest and she knew presently she would lose consciousness, and then the Twin could dispose of her as though she were an inanimate object.  She would too.  Even if elves had qualms about murder, they wouldn’t have those against killing humans.
The Twin stood before her, her hair standing in a dark hallow around her head – beautiful like an angel and triumphant like death.  For a fleeting moment, Barbara wondered if this was the last sigh her husband had seen, then told herself it was nonsense.  Darkwater had committed suicide.  Killed himself over gambling debts and women.  She had to believe it.
The door blew open.  “Mama!” echoed in Caroline’s most outraged accents, and Caroline stood there in the doorway, as young as The Twin looked, but a lot more vital, a lot more alive somehow.  “Mama!”
Barbara tried to choke out a warning that Caroline should go, that she should hide, that this creature would get her too, but she had no time.  Caroline’s accents were frosty.  “Well,” she said.  “This is a great deal of nonsense.”  Calmly, as though this were something she did every day, she spoke liquid, tripping syllables, which fell onto Barbara’s ears like burning fire, but had an even stronger effect on The Twin.
The Twin tripped backward, like a ragdoll that has lost its stuffing, and fell into her velvet-upholstered chair, in front of her vanity, looking rather like she was indeed a ragdoll, arms and legs asprawl, mouth half open, expression blank.
Barbara, finding that she could breathe, took a deep aching breath and stepped away from the wall.  “Caroline,” she said, in shocked accents, and was even more shocked as her daughter turned an admonitory look on her.  “Not now, Mama,” the chit said, looking and sounding for all the world as though she were the adult and her much-tried mother the child here.  “Afterwards, I’ll explain anything you might well want.”
“Now,” Caroline said, turning to the Twin.  “Madam, if you please, and if you don’t want me to use worse upon you, be so kind as to tell me where my brother Michael was taken and by whom and why, and also where Gabriel and Seraphim might be.  And do not even think of lying,” Another string of liquid, elven syllables.  “There, that will prevent it.”
The Twin flickered.  It was like watching the flame of a candle, which now glowed yellow now blue.  She flickered, between the human form that looked like Barbara, asprawl on the chair in front of the vanity, to something glittery and hard and bony, like an insect, with an ivory carapace.  It as only a moment, and she flickered back to human aspect, her eyes wide and terrified.  They looked like a wounded bird of prey’s brought down and about to be rent by dogs.  Barbara wished she didn’t enjoy the expression in them quite so much.
The Twin took a deep, raspy breath, and spoke in a deep, raspy voice that sounded somehow reedy and not quite human, and which had lost all its allure and glamour.  “The– Fairyland wanted the young one.  Your… Your shadow– No.”  She seemed to be struggling with the human language, suddenly, and pronounced, with exaggerated care, “Your twin brother.  My brother wanted him.  I sent him there.”
“I see,” Caroline said.  “What did they want him for?”
The twin made a hissing sound, and then another, and then – apparently unable to hold information any longer, and as Caroline moved her hand midair, in a gesture that her mother didn’t quite understand – whimpered and said, “To mine.  To pull from… to… to… eat.”
“Eat!” Barbara said outraged, and of course, one heard things, about elves feasting on human children, but she’d never believed it, and besides, Michael was not a child, not in that sense.
“Hush mama,” Caroline said.  “You mean to mine him, like a metal source?”
The Twin nodded.  “I see,” Caroline said.  She looked pale but steady.  “You will kindly give us the coordinates and the way to reach him.”
“Don’t know… way to reach him.  Coordina– Yes.”  She let out a series of the words that could be used as magical coordinates to the location of another world.
Caroline seemed to run it through her mind, or perhaps to memorize it.  Barbara, still shaken from her experience, could not concentrate on it, but she knew it was a place in fairyland because of the truncated fifth locator.  Fairyland was not a real place, a world like their own and separate from it.  Instead it was a parasite universe, a flea riding on the back of the other universes.
She wondered, too, what they meant by mining Michael, and felt as though a cold hand tugged at her heart.  They would find him.  They would rescue him.  But where had Caroline learned to do all this?  Barbara was very sure it hadn’t been taught at the Academy for Young Ladies of Distinction where Caroline had been sent for two years after the school room.
“And my brother Seraphim?” Caroline asked, coldly.
“He has escaped us,” The Twin said, in a squawk of fury.  “We sent him to the world of the priest kings, but he escaped.  He…  We cannot find him.  It was she who–”
Caroline had taken a deep breath.  “And my brother Gabriel?”
“He’s not–”
“My brother Gabriel, by virtue of shared blood, of shared upbringing and of shared fraternal affection.  Where is my brother Gabriel?  Where have you sent him?”
The Twin’s laughter rang in the room, like a peel of bells.  Before Barbara could recover from her shock at this, The Wing said, “He’s gone where he’s always wanted to go.  Back to the necromancer.”
“The necro–” Caroline said, and Barbara who had an inkling that this was something she did not want Caroline to dwell into, who had a feeling in fact that this was at the back of whatever had got Gabriel expelled from Cambridge, said, firmly, “He is on his own, then?  You have not sent him?”
“No,” The Twin said.  “And I cannot tell you his coordinates, because the necromancer keeps his location zipped up.  But I’m sure he’s very happy, seeing as he–”
“Stop,” Barbara commanded.  “No more.  Caroline, I don’t believe you wish to pry into Gabriel’s affairs.”
“No, mama,” Caroline said, meekly.  She made a gesture with her hand, and suddenly The Twin went limp, her face blank.
“You killed her,” Barbara said, shocked, more shocked perhaps for a secret feeling of gloating.
“No, Mama,” Caroline said.  She put out a hand and held onto Barbara’s forearm, pulling her.  “She’s merely in a trance state, where she will stay until she wakes remembering nothing of our visit.”
“Caroline!”
“Yes, Mama?” Caroline said, as she pulled her mother out of the Twin’s dressing room and along a narrow corridor.
They’d exited onto a rather smelly alley when Barbara managed, “If you don’t tell me how you learned this very strange magic, and what you just did to the… to Gabriel’s mother, and with what power, I will have strong hysterics.”
“Yes, mama,” Caroline said, then giggled, as her irrepressible spirit took over once more.  “You must forgive me.  But it is so funny that I should know something you don’t.”  She looked at Barbara and sighed.  “It was Gabriel, when Michael and I were three.  That,” Caroline made a head gesture towards the back of the theatrical building they’d just left.  “Came prowling around.  Not after Gabriel.  After us.  Michael and I.”
“But–”
“Gabriel told us who it was,” she said.  “And he taught us how to defend ourselves.  He said she often came prowling around because daddy–” she stopped abruptly.
“Yes,” Barbara said, her voice raspy.  Internally she thought of Arden.  She rarely thought of him by that name, the name she’d called him in private, the name by which she’d fallen in love with him.  Arden conjured up the name of the dashing young gentleman he’d been, looking a little like Seraphim and Gabriel, but oh so infinitely more dashing and daring and… everything a young man should be.
Thinking of him as Arden made her heart clench.  It made her wonder if she’d ever truly known him, or had his love.  Despite what she’d told The Twin, she wondered if in his heart it was The Twin he’d always loved.  Elf love was a like an illness, she’d been told.  A fever that never fully passed.
It was almost a relief to hear Caroline ask, the prurient curiosity vibrating in her voice, “Who is the necromancer?  Who has Gabriel always wanted to go to?”
“I understand he had an unsavory friend in Cambridge, who was… accused of some illegal magic.  But as to his always wanted to go somewhere I would place no credence on what the creature said.  You know she lies as she breathes.”
“I see,” Caroline said, giving Barbara the uncomfortable feeling she very well did.
Before she could say any more, Barbara interrupted.  They were now walking along a main street, well lit, but they were getting veiled glances from other passerbyes.  It was not normal for a well dressed mother and daughter to walk along the street at this hour, unaccompanied even by a footman.  And if there was a conspiracy of some sort – what else could it be that had made both Gabriel and Seraphim disappear, and which had stolen Michael from the home – then sooner or later someone would spot them.  “Caroline,” she said, in little more than a whisper.  “We cannot go on in this way.  Someone will notice us or recognize us.”
“I know,” Caroline said, with the greatest calm.  “I’m just looking for an easy transition point to take us into fairyland.
Madhouse
Seraphim woke up aching, on a strange bed.  Not only a strange bed in the sense that it was not known to him, but in the sense that it felt odd beneath him, not like the feather mattresses and pillows he was used to.  The blankets above him, too, felt oddly light but very warm.
He struggled from the shadow land he’d wandered in his dream, and heard a moan escape his lips before being awake enough to control them.
“There, Mr. Ainsling,” a voice said.  It had an odd accent, and it sounded like that of an elderly woman.  Then it said in a matter of fact tone.  “You see, he’s coming around.  I told you he would.  A good thing too.  If he hadn’t awakened we must have taken him to the hospital.”
The voice that answered this first was familiar.  It was Miss Felix’s voice, though it sounded more relaxed than it ever had.  “It wouldn’t have been possible.  In his state, he’d just have died there.”
“Would he really?  But why?  He’s not that ill, you know?  A minor infection which the antibiotics will take care of, and very tired, that’s all.”
“I know.  But their magic is not like that of Earth.  They have, I think, a good bit of elf or fairy or something, or perhaps their magic is different and older.  They react badly to what they call cold iron.”
“But surely the Victorians used an awful lot of iron,” the older voice said.  “You can’t  tell me that they have that level of civilization without–”
“Oh, no.  But they use spells in the forging so it doesn’t affect them.”
Seraphim tried to pry his eyes open and to protest, but he couldn’t, and presently, darkness overwhelmed him again.
He woke up being moved.  This indignity puzzled him for a moment, because he was being bodily dragged by two women – he was sure of it by the hand size and the awkward way in which they pushed him this way and that.  He could discern no rhyme or reason to the movement until he felt cool fabric under him.  Then he realized they were changing the bed under him, and wondered why they hadn’t called a man-servant to move him to a chaise or a sofa while that was done.  And were the two women making the bed Miss Felix and… he remembered her calling as they landed in Madhouse– her grandmother?  Had they no maids, either?  Had he landed in a poor cottager’s family?  He must be giving them the devil of a time.  He must awake and go home.
With an superhuman effort, he brought his eyes open, just as the two women pulled a sheet and something else – something that looked like a colorful patchwork quilt – over him, but which felt much lighter and warmer than any quilt that Seraphim had ever seen.
He was reclining against pillows – very soft pillows – in a bright room.  It didn’t look like a cottage, or smell like one either.  The scents in the air were clean with a hint of flowers, and the room was as large as most workmen cottages, and furnished, besides, in style, if sparsely.  It had a dresser up near the window and it was a vast, polished dresser, with a mirror above.  The bed on which Seraphim lay wasn’t curtained, but it looked well made and almost new.  There was also a bedside table, and what appeared to be a desk under the window.  He blinked.  “Where– ”
“You’re at my grandmother’s house, your grace.  This is my grandmother, Mrs. Lilian Felix.”
He looked at the older woman, and was almost shocked, when she failed to curtsy and instead smiled at him, amused.  “Your Grace, is it?  What is that, a Duke?  Well, we don’t have those, so don’t get all bent out of shape if I call you Mr.  Nell says your name is Ainsling.”
“Seraphim Ainsling,” Seraphim said, while trying to figure out what she meant by their not having dukes.  Surely it couldn’t be …  They didn’t sound French.
She smiled.  “Well.  Seraphim is an odd name.  It’s plural, isn’t it?”
Seraphim felt like he really had fallen into a Madhouse.  Never had he and Gabriel bestowed a more appropriate name on any place.  “My father named all his sons after angels,” he said.  “And his first legitimate heir seemed to demand something more, so he named me after a whole order of angelic beings.”
“I see,” the older lady said, coking her head sideways.  She looked nothing like Miss Felix, being very fair where Miss Felix was dark, and having brilliant blue eyes that reminded Seraphim of a certain kind of enamel.  “I can’t very well call you Seraphim, though, so you shall be Mr. Ainsling.  I apologize, but I haven’t paid any attention to forms of address to the nobility, not even when I was young and read an awful lot of very bad regency romances.”  She smiled brightly at these nonsensical words, then added, “I’ll go get you some food, shall I?  I bet you’ll be very glad to eat something solid, instead of the milk we’ve been tipping down your throat, and maybe you’ll feel well enough afterwards to take a shower.”
There followed the oddest two hours that Seraphim had ever lived through, and that included both trying to calm Gabriel after he found the still living body of Aiden Gypson in Marlon’s attic closet, and the hour that had followed that one, when Seraphim had tried to challenge Marlon to a duel and had it sternly pointed out to him that it would only fan the flames of scandal.
This time, there was nothing as shocking.  It was more that all of life was both very familiar and completely odd.  Take the meal they brought him: bread and broth with a little bit of cheese, followed, after some discussion, by a pot of strong, black tea.
None of the foods was alien or repulsive, like the fried bugs they ate in at least one of the worlds that Seraphim and Gabriel had visited.
But the bread was whiter and softer than any bread Seraphim had ever eaten, the broth was completely clear, as though it had been many-times strained, so that there were no bits of meat in it.  It tasted of hints of garlic and spices, too, not normally something given to an invalid.  The dishes, too, were odd, being fine and clearly new or at least very white and never mended.  Yet, they were served upon a wooden tray, even if the tray was adorned with a lace cloth.  He could not make sense of the signals he got about the Felix’s station in life.  The house felt roomy and clean, but he had yet to hear of a servant, much less to see one.   The dishes were new, and very good quality, but they didn’t seem to command silver or even pewter.  It was like being caught in the middle of a puzzle he couldn’t solve.
And then there had been the bathing facilities, which had completed confusing him.  The bathroom, next to the bedroom – which was odd by itself.  What did the people in other rooms do when they wished to wash? – had a sink and a bathtub, but it also had a square enclosed in glass and floored in tile.  that both the sink and the square – and the bathtub too – had running water and running water whose temperature could go from freezing to very hot with adjustments of two handles, shocked him to his core.  He could not feel the magic by which it had been done.  Then there was the toilet with the flushing mechanism.  He’d heard of such, but he’d always thought they’d be inconvenient and smelly.  Turned out no smell escaped.
However, he had his work cutout for him, making both women leave the bathroom and not help him use the appliances, or remove his clothes.  They seemed very matter of fact about it, and afraid he’d fall, so that what would have seemed gross indelicacy at any other time, now seemed an excess of quasi-maternal concern.  Which did not make him feel any better.
At length he’d showered, in gloriously warm water on the edge of hot, and washed his hair and body with the products that had been indicated to him.
He was dry and had put on a dressing gown, which they’d left for him – and which seemed to be a severe blue affair, made of the same material as the towels – when someone knocked at the door.  At his call to come in, Miss Felix bustled in, bringing him something that looked completely alien, and which she handed to him with the look of someone who has completed a long quest, “Grandma says you’ll want to shave.  She’ll pick up a cheap electric razor at the drugstore when she goes into town later, but for now this is the best I can do.  Sorry it’s pink.”
The object looked like it was made of some sort of pliable shell, or perhaps hard jelly, and it was definitely pink, though it bore no resemblance whatsover to a razor, Seraphim thought.  As he looked at it, puzzled, she giggled and took it back, “I suppose you’ve never seen a safety razor.”  She pointed to the little glint of metal.  “These are the blades.  Here.”  She got something from a compartment behind the mirror, a cylindrical, metallic container, and sprayed a dot of white foam on her arm, then ran the apparatus over it, removing the foam and a little bit of the almost invisible hair on her arm.  “Like that.”
She’d stayed, surveying him and helping with instructions when he got confused, but perhaps he should be grateful that she didn’t help him.  By the end of it, he was exhausted, and all too glad to be led back to the bed, where he laid, recovering his breath.
For the first time, it occurred to him that not only Mis Felix but her grandmother too were very oddly dressed.  They wore blue pantaloons of some sort, and light blouses on top, so fine that one could see the shape of their body, and the contours of what appeared to be a garment for controlling the bosom.  Seraphim felt himself blush just at the thought.  He was no halfling, but what seemed most shocking about these garments was the fact that the women wore them casually and not at all like they meant to seduce anyone.
“Miss Felix,” he said, at length.  “I see we came to world I meant to come, but you changed the coordinates.  I presume it was because… I mean, you’ve indicated you know this world?”
“ Oh, sure,” she said.  “I grew up here.  I had to bring you here, because… well… because Grandma knows magic, and taught me some of it, so I figured she’d understand why you couldn’t go to a hospital, because that’s in larger population centers and there would be too much metal for you in your condition.  But also–”
“Yes?”
“Grandmother is semi-retired, but she’s a vet.  A veterinarian, I mean.  She treats animals.  So I knew she could still get prescriptions for antibiotics, and I could tell you had a raging infection and fever.”
“Antibi–”
“Tablets that cure infections,” she said.  And then quickly sketched for him the level of civilization of this world.  She was clear and concise, and could have no idea how much she shocked him.  The other worlds without magic that he’d seen were mired in the dark ages, with none of the comforts of civilization.  These must be a very ingenious people indeed, to have made all these changes to their way of life, and without magic, too.
“But…” he said, at last.  “It sounds like a very comfortable arrangement.  How came you to leave it?”
“I wanted to know where I came from,” she said.

Ready, Set, Write IV

Regrets I’ve Had A Few

Okay, so, you’re going to write, and you’re going to write fast.

First, have a plan.  It can be as detailed (or not) as you wish, and different books have hit me different ways.  Some come at me as outlines (though this is rare) and some are complete pantsying where I don’t know what happens next.

Darkship Renegades was an outlined book – actually outlined four times, each time refined.  A Few Good Men poured out in a rush, with NO outline.  In fact, I never knew from line to line – let alone from chapter to chapter – what happened next.  I don’t know what betas who read both manuscripts think, but my impression, at least from the editorial letters, is that the editor would guess the process backwards.

Anyway, in either case – and it’s very important to point out that the decision is up to you and that HOW you write can’t be told by the product – when you sit down you should have a general idea of what you’re going to do.  If you’re a pantser, you should have the feel and “voice” in your head.  If you’re not, you should have chapters outlined.  It’s ENTIRELY up to you.  However, do try to minimize time of sitting in front of the blank screen. This too can become an habit.  If you don’t think you’ll be able to work on your novel in progress, try for a short or something.  Try for a warm up short.  Or something.  Anything.  Write an essay about what you had for breakfast.  (Actually I have this thing I call “boring yourself into writing” where I write something like… what I had for breakfast, and my brain prefers to let me write rather than endure one more like of it.)

Now, most of us write to music, though I know writers who write to TV and those who need total silence.  Make sure you have your conditions.

Then start writing and – this is very, very important – don’t stop.

Yes, you might think you made a huge mistake five pages up.  Forget it, just write on.

But what if you REALLY made a huge mistake?

There are two types of “huge mistakes” and two ways to deal with them.

If your mistake is in wording, forget it.  I’ve often said words are the things I don’t sweat, but having read these (almost unedited) posts, I’m sure you see that I’m often VERY far from perfect.  In fact, in reading my stories over the first time, I’m often totally puzzled by “what the heck did I mean by this sentence” or “Why did I put this thought down entirely backwards?”  It doesn’t matter.  No matter how tortured your prose is first pass, there will ALWAYS be others.  And it’s not only faster to move on and continue, it’s often best.  While you’re still in the fog of the story, even if the words are TRULY wrong, it’s almost impossible to know what the right word was, back there, three paragraphs up.  Worse, it throws you out of the current paragraph.

Train yourself to keep moving forward and consign revisions to the revision process.

But what if your huge mistake was plot?  What if you just realized you killed a character you’ll need for the next scene?  Or that your main characters shouldn’t have slept together just yet?

Well…  Keep MOVING forward.  Adjust your assumptions as you go.  Yes, this often means that you get to the end and you have not a novel, but five or six segments of novel.  However, this is preferable to interrupting and going back up to fix it.

Reasons why it’s better –

If this is happening to you, I assume you’re at least a PARTIAL pantser, in which case your writing comes from deep in the subconscious.  This means you might not actually know, while in the middle, what your subconscious is up to, or where it REALLY is going.  So, here are reasons it’s better to wait to the end to smooth the plot so “it’s all one” and remember all of these are taken from my own experience.

1 – It’s faster, and it might save your novel.  If you go back and adjust this now, it might very well take another turn on you, in the next page.  This might mean you never finish your novel.  OR that you finish it, but it’s total soup, because every other page you have a different turn.

2 – The plot might not be what you think it is.  What you think is a wrong turn might be the only way the novel will be written.  I’ve had characters shock me by dying, and have tried to fight it, only to realize when the novel is done, that it’s needed.  It’s easier to smooth the rest of the novel afterwards, so they’re still dead (actually it feels so wrong to write them after that, that I usually can’t do it.  I could by going back and rewriting, but in retrospect that would SERIOUSLY cheapen the novel) than have to re-kill them and rewrite the whole thing.

3 – Even if it’s really a wrong turn, you’ll often find it can be “smoothed” by deleting a few pages.  Your subconscious knew where the novel REALLY should go and all the other pointers, before and after “wrong scene” are right.  This is faster, but it also avoids you going back and writing in pointers, only to end up hitting the reader over the head, when the product is done.

4 – You really have a clearer vision of beginning/middle/end while editing, and you’ll be much more consistent, if you do each of the passes – writing/editing/plot editing/proofing – in one seamless work-push.  That way you avoid stylistic jumps and losing touch with what your reader is thinking.

Then there is editing when you’re writing fast, but that’s a topic for tomorrow.

First Blood

*I’m working on next installment of how ‘how to write fast’ BUT to hold you off till then…  This is First Blood, which will be coming out from Naked Reader Press, as part of an Antho called Sisters In Blood.*
First Blood

Sarah Marques

He was not a man.

The knowledge washed over the young Rene D’Herblay, as he hid between the wall of the refectory and the side of the lectern, clutching the cross he’d taken from the wall above his bed and trembling.  And the knowledge made him shake more than the sounds coming from the refectory, in the dark: the sounds of broken bone, the sounds of fighting, the laughing of vampires, the sucking of blood.

He was not a man.  Not a real one, a fighting man, fierce and feared as his father had been.  Not even a man like his older brother, the Chevalier D’Herblay, Lord of the D’Herblay Domains and respected by farmers and tenants who looked to him for protection.

Rene might have whiled away his days in this refectory, while father read improving tests from the lectern drawing swords on his spilled soup and dreaming of commanding armies, but his family had always been right about him: small and slight, he had been made for the safe seminary and the protecting arms of the church, not for the rough and tumble, the strife and blood of the battle field.

Only now the church itself had been broached, the seminary had been broken into in the middle of the night.  First, the Judasgoats, the servants of vampires, had come, removing every holy symbol that might disturb their masters, spilling all the holy water and the salt that might have injured the vampires.

That was Rene had awakened to the sound of fighting and dying in the room and, instead of finding a sword and fighting the Judasgoats, he’d minded only his safety, grabbing the cross from the wall above his bed and running madly to the chapel, where he’d taken the holy blood from the monstrance.

Slim, slight, Rene always been told by his towering brother that he was more girl than boy, that he didn’t look like the family, that he partook a sickly and weak nature from being born of a sickly and delicate second wife of dubiously noble blood, who’d proved herself unworthy of the D’Herblay name by dying at Rene’s birth.  Usually Corin added, in an undertone, that Rene should have died with her, and good riddance.  But Rene’s build had served to preserve his life, as he’d been able to squeeze into a corner where no one would think to look for a seminarian.

And now he clutched the cross and the wine and tried to remember the word of a prayer.  Only no prayer would come.  And he was shaking so hard that the holy blood was spilling on his rough linen shirt: the only thing he was wearing since he’d been in bed when the Judasgoats came.  And the cross was leaving marks on his hand from being clutched so tightly.

Someone screamed just on the other side of the tall lectern, and Rene tried to clamp his teeth together, afraid their rattling would call attention to him and tried to form in his mind “Our father–”

“Our father–” but he never got past that, because all he could remember of his father, who’d died before Rene was five, was a stern face, a stern voice telling him not to cry when Rene had just injured himself; and a hand on his shoulder while a voice said, “Always remember that you’re a D’Herblay.  Always make our name proud, my son.  Be a man.”

And now Rene wondered, in a sudden pang of fear if he’d see his father on the other side, and what his father would say.  And would G-d look like his father?

He tried again to form the words in his mind “Our Father–”

But he couldn’t go on.  All those years he’d spent dreaming of leaving the seminary; of joining the musketeers under the assumed name Aramis; of doing great deeds.  It had all been for nothing.

He wasn’t a man.

“Oh, what have we here?” a voice sounded from above him.  And looking up, Rene saw, looking down on him, two wide staring eyes, a very pale face surrounded by a welter of dark hair, and a cruel grin that displayed two large, sharp fangs.

Rene heard the strangled cry leave his lips, as he tried to knit himself even harder with the wall, trying to escape.  But there was no escape.  Why had he thought there would be?  Most people in the seminary: his masters, his colleagues, were now dead or dying.  He could smell spilled blood everywhere, as well as the piss of fear – some likely his own, though he was too scared to be sure – why had he thought he could escape?

The vampire’s large hand plunged behind the lectern, grabbed at the back of Rene’ shirt and lifted him up until his feet left the ground.  Vampires have unnatural strength, Rene thought, his mind stupefied and amazed, as his body tried to scrabble and bring the cross in front of the vampire’s eyes – easier said than done, since the vampire was grabbing him facing away from the vampire.  Vampires have unnatural strength.  And it had to be, because though Rene was shorter than most men in his family and slimmer and limberer than most men, he was not that small for a nineteen year old.  And men shouldn’t be able to lift nineteen years olds as though they were infants.

He tried to spin, without having anything to serve him as a base to spin from, and bring the cross in front of the vampire, but all he managed was to have the corner of it show, when the vampire hit Rene’s wrist hard with his free hand.  It cracked and blinding pain communicated itself up Rene’s wrist, to his arm and shoulder.

And now the vampire spun him around, in the same movement turning away from where the cross had fallen and laughing, a great, amused laugh, “Ah, you’d be a brave one, would you?  But why fight it?  We don’t kill pretty little boys like you, you know?”  The laughter again and something in the vampire’s eye, something that Rene would think fit the word concuspiscence which he’d heard before, from his confessor, but never fully understood.  Oh, sure, he’d loved Maelis.  He’d loved Maelis a corps perdue, which was why Corin had sent him here, but he’d never looked at her as though she were fresh steak and Rene a famished tiger.  That a man, a vampire, should look at Rene that way made Rene’s gorge rise, and his mind befog with fear and disgust.  “No,” he yelled, and – to the new bout of vampire laughter – his hand that had been clutching the chalice with the holy blood to his chest, rose as though of its own accord and flung the liquid in the vampire’s face.

Laughter turned to scream, an unholy scream that rent the night in two, and Rene had time to see the vampire’s face melting like wax in the fire, as the vampire let him go.  And Rene dropped the cup and ran.

Knowing he was lost; knowing he didn’t have much time, knowing the darkness was full of other vampires, Rene scrambled away, half crawling, bent over, before he got to the door of the refectory and ran blindly along the corridor his bare feet slapping the cold flagstones, his pain-wracked right wrist cradled in his left hand.

He was going to hell.  The one thing drummed into them, over and over and over again, since they’d been in the seminary; the one thing that his priest had drummed into him at home, before the seminary, was that the bread and blood were truly parts of Christ.  They were to be preserved from desecration at all costs.  In extreme instances, the faithful was to take the communion into himself, if properly confessed, and safe it from desecration.  Instead Rene had flung it in face of the vampire.  He was going to hell.

It wasn’t until he’d run, headlong, the length of the hallway, and emerged, running, into a street covered in ice, under falling snow, that it occurred to him to wonder how different could hell be from this France where Vampires had taken over, where vampires ruled the night and good people went afraid and locked themselves in their houses at night, hoping that this time the blood suckers would pass them over; hoping to be human one more night.

Rene knit himself with the shadows of the houses and kept running.  It was very quiet out here, and every window and door he passed was heavily barricaded.  There was no refuge, and after a while, he realized his feet hurt with cold, and hurt with the burn of cold every time thy hit the frozen dirt and muck on the streets.  And he thought, distantly, as though it were all happening to some other person, long ago, that his feet would freeze.  And then the rest of him would freeze.  And he would end up dead – as dead as he would have been if the vampire had bit him.  Only in that case there was at least the possibility of a life in death and– No.  He remembered the look in the vampire’s eyes, and for the first time the phrase fate worse than death made itself clear in his head.

He kept running because his body didn’t know enough to realize he was dead, and that there was nothing he could do.  He kept running, looking frantically about for an open door, for smoke, for fire, for a hint that there might be hope, somewhere.  Which was when he saw the light behind him, and, turning around, saw the seminar and the church to which it had been attached go up in a great conflagration of fire, and vampires leaving in groups, laughing and essaying little jigs.  It was impossible not to note some of those vampires wore the same bodies that had, until recently, belonged to his masters and colleagues.

Rene’s gorge rose, and he threw up unexpectedly at his feet, a brief eruption, since all he had in his stomach was the remnants of soup and a slice of bread he’d swallowed for supper, this being advent and a time of fasting.

The vampires would come this.  They’d spread over the neighborhood, looking for fresh blood.  Wiping his mouth to the back of his hand, he scrambled into the first alley he came to.

Which was how he heard the noise of fighting, and the grunt of a man overcome by another.  And, looking ahead, he saw the man in the heavy cloak, and the vampire holding him, bending over him, about to take a bite from the man’s neck.  The memory of the vampire’s eyes, the unclean lust in them – a lust for blood, Rene guessed, more than other pleasures of the flesh – flashed into Rene’s mind.  And, blindly, Rene looked for something he could use as a weapon.  He glimpsed a flowerpot in the recessed doorway of a house.  It was empty of everything but soil and the withered twigs and leaves that remained of the flower that must have grown in it in spring.   Rene would have given something for a heavy tree trunk, but if this was all he had, then this was all he had.  He grabbed at the edge of the flower pot with his left hand and, clumsily, flung it through the air at the vampire’s head.

For a sick moment he thought he’d hit the vampire’s victim, or nothing at all.  Rene had been good at games of marksmanship and strength, but not with a left hand that felt half frozen.  But then the vase hit the back of the vampire’s head.  There was a sick crunch.  The vampire started to turn and Rene jumped back, to knit with the wall.  And then the vampire fell, suddenly, and Rene looked over him, as the vampire’s would-be victim straightened.

He was a man in his late middle age, with a fringe of white hair and a look of decided gentility, and he looked tired, as though he’d fought the vampire to a standstill.  He looked across at Rene and his eyes widened, as though not believing the form his savior had taken, then he looked down at the vampire and spat on it.  Then, reaching down, the man got the largest piece the pot had broken into.

“Monsieur,” Rene managed to say, though his words were barely a whisper, all breath and chattering teeth.  “Monsieur, we must run.  There are many of them, all around.  They’re headed here.”

Ready, Set, Write III

But You Can’t Write That Fast

Being afflicted with esprit d’escalier I now wish I’d called this “Inconceivable.”  Never mind.  In these blog posts, written day by day, I don’t have the luxury you have when writing a novel – that of going back.  And that’s something to which we’ll return in this post.

So, you’re looking at these posts and going “what do you mean write fast?  How fast can one write?”

I once knew a writer who thought that a book every five years was the normal and fair speed and that writing faster than that led to inferior product.  This writer, much as it will surprise you, did not have a career.

Most writers working in this field consider a book a year normal and two book a year fast.

Surely, you say, surely, if we write faster than that, then the product will suck.

Well, publishers – and agents – seem to think so.  It’s been a source of exasperation to me over the length of my career, to have people look at a book and go “maybe if you’d taken a little more time.”

Worse, as it becomes known that I’m a fast writer, I will get reviews that say “She should have taken more pains over these short stories, and then they would be better.”  That was for my first collection.  The stories collected in that one took on average three to four months to write.  One of the took a year.  I don’t know how many more pains they’d want me to take, (truly.)

It always puzzles the living daylight out of me that people think they can tell how long it took me to write a book from how much they like it (or not) or how cohesive it feels or not.  And that they inevitable prescribe MORE time to make it better.

I’m here to tell you that some of us are “putter inners.”  If we rush a book to the finish, with no time to stop and think about the implications of various things, the book is tight and to the point.  But the minute we slow down and start thinking “Well, maybe I need to put in an incident that shows how she really doesn’t like beets…”  Even though the beets are a minor plot point.  Or “well, we never see him hugging his dog.”  Or…  Then on revision, we throw all these things in, we end up with pointers in the book that give the reader the impression that the plot was going to be about something it was never meant to be about.  “I started reading this book about a beet loving dog, but it was too weird to finish.”  While if you’d rushed the book, it would have been obvious it was about a couple who happens to hate beets and love dogs going to the stars.

How fast is fast when you’re rushing?

Well, my fastest-written book – Plain Jane – was written in three days.  Mostly because it was work for hire (yes, I know, other people write media tie ins, as work for hire, I write the biography of Tudor queens.  Deal) and not under my name.  I desperately needed the money, but my mind wasn’t in that space.  So I put it off and put it off and put it off until I HAD to do it, and then did it in three days.

I THINK I edited it twice, but by that time I was in a sort of daze, so I can’t promise.

Would I recommend people doing that?  Well, no.  It was three days of minimal breaks for bathroom and eating, and I think I slept a cumulative four hours.  By the end of it, I felt as though I was eighty and I couldn’t think.  I had to ask Dan to take me away to Denver for two nights.  We went to a hotel where I sat and embroidered, because TV shows were too hard to follow.

However, as an extreme example of my deciding on a plot (in this case a structure, which I made a Cinderella pattern) and running at it, the book did extremely well.  This despite a cover SO bad that it’s second only to the hard cover cover of Draw One In The Dark in the annals of sucky covers.  It still pays me royalties.  So…

Other books that worked well and were written fast, but not as fast, included Draw One In The Dark (two weeks) and Dipped Stripped And Dead (about two weeks.)

In fact, for my money, two weeks are my best writing speed.  It takes about ten days to lie down the tracks on the book at 10k words per day, but count in a couple of days when the cats or the kids keep me from working… two weeks.  Then I send it out to betas, usually get it back in a week or two, and will then spend three to four days in rewrite, unless it’s involved, when it takes two weeks.

THAT is ideal.  And now I hear you thinking “But Sarah… why don’t you write twelve books a year, then?”

Well, I write more than anyone knows about, let’s put it that way – there are pen names you’ll never get out of me, not even by breaking me at the wheel – but no, I’ve never written 12 – or even 8 – books in a year.   So, why not?

Because I allow myself long silences in between.  I lose track of that discipline and habit of sitting at my desk and working.  Because I’ll be in the middle of a book and will get an editorial letter, and then it all goes by the wayside because I have to shift gears into the PREVIOUS book again.  Because I too, to an extent, interiorized the myths of “slow is better” and I keep braking and going “What if I’m doing something horribly wrong.”

But the sad part about that is that, no, I can’t be.  There have always been writers – though Rex Stout is the only one I can think of right now – who wrote really fast.  As in, they locked themselves in a shed for five days and emerged with a book.  And most of the pulp writers wrote six, seven novels a year.

Right now you’re saying “Yeah, but look at the pulp novels.”

No.  Think about the general quality of writing in the field in those days.  How fast or how slow you wrote had nothing to do with anything.  It’s like my collection of my earliest stories.  You can think they’re the way they are (and I confess some of them are rather two-dimensional) because I didn’t take enough time over them.  In fact, they’re the way they are because I was learning my craft.

I think there are a lot more authors writing much faster today than they admit to, because of publisher prejudice against fast writing.  For instance, almost every author I know who writes only one book a year has a deep, unhealthy relationship with computer games.

At one time, when I was looking for a new agent, the A-lister I interviewed told me that if I wanted to be “big league” I should write only a book every two years. That this wasn’t because he thought my entire time should be occupied with that precious book was betrayed by the fact he advised me to get a college-teaching position.  (Which WOULD slow me down to a book every two years.  The papers.  The bureaucracy.  The boredom.)

But that model is passing from the world.  There is no reason for a writer not to write as much as he wishes to.  In fact, if he is still also working traditional and is afraid of being snubbed, he can (and should) use secret pen names.

So…  What holds you back?

In the spirit of confession, and knowing I’m not as fast as I could be, I’m going to give myself my own prescription for speeding up:

1 – Stop being afraid to.  Believe – truly believe – how fast you write has nothing to do with how good you are.  Sure, some people are faster than others, but how do you know what your fast-limit is if you don’t test it?

2 – Stop stopping in the middle of a short story or a book.  Once you lose it, it’s much harder to get back to it.

3 – Don’t go over a book more than twice for rewrite.  Three times if you REALLY think something is seriously wrong.  After that you’re adding static and losing the signal.

4 – Let yourself go.  It doesn’t have to be good, it has to be finished.  If you allow your internal critic to talk, it will be neither.

5 – Let the words look after the words.  Words are the easiest revision and it’s why G-d gave us copyeditors (instead of as a sick joke, as every author has suspected on occasion.)

Now, ready, set, write.

Ready, Set, Write II

Running On Empty

So you’re there, like a good little girl – unless you’re a boy – in front of the keyboard, trying to write.  And nothing comes.  And you feel like you’re running on empty.  There is nothing there.  You can’t pull from a well that has no water.  (Yes, I’m getting all metaphysical.  Deal.)

There are several ways to deal with this.

First, our bodies, and believe it or not, your brain is part of your body, are things of habit.  If you do the same thing at a certain hour every day, your body gets used to it.  Like, for instance, for years I believed one had to drink a glass of water first thing in the morning to “wake the system.”  I eventually broke the habit, because (mostly) when I was pregnant with the second boy drinking water on an empty stomach brought on heart burn from beyond.  But it didn’t feel RIGHT for months, to go without that glass of water.

And when I wrote short stories every Saturday morning, I found I woke up on Saturday with an idea and a need to write that story.  (This was a right b*tch at cons or on vacation.  Ask my husband how many times I carried around a pen and note pad while we followed the kids around the amusement park.)

Have a time and a place where you sit down to write and MARK YOU that you do nothing but write in that time and place.  You might edit old stuff if you’re completely out of it – but it’s actually better if you write new stuff, even if you know it’s screamingly bad.  And some of it will be bad.

Right now part of the problem I’m having is that I also edit AND write blogs at my desk.  This makes my mind confused about what I’m supposed to be doing.   What I’d like to do is get another desk and computer for those other tasks, but I’m afraid my husband will kill me when I tell him that (well, I already have TWO art computers and workspaces, and this desk.  Oh, yeah, also my travel laptop.  Which I actually could TOTALLY use for the editing and blog.  So… I need a new desk.  Um…  He’s gonna shoot me.)

If you play games or do anything else with your computer, including email, do it elsewhere.  Save a place JUST to write in.  A lot of the writers famed for speed, like Rex Stout, had their typewriter in some shed where they only went to write – and where they wrote like demons.

Then make it an habit.  Every morning, get up and write.  (Or evening.  Or whenever you have.  Look, you can write a thousand words in two hours.  If all you have is two hours in the evening, you can still write 356 thousand words a year, which is, for sane people, three novels.)  It can only be say three days a week, just do it regularly.

But habit is only part of it.  There will be times you just have no idea what to write.  Well, work through that before you sit down.  Look up three words to inspire a story.  Or take a proverb and twist it.  Or take a what if “What if vampires existed but they were really small?  Like palm sized?”  Or… whatever.

It doesn’t matter how good your story is.  Don’t wait for the perfect story.  Write a story now, you can always write a better one tomorrow.  Or the day after.  And since this is a matter of practice, your stories will get better.

Give yourself permission to suck rotten eggs.  By which I don’t mean JUST your idea, but your writing too.  Yeah, so you’re repeating the word “just” every three words.  You know what, that’s what editing is for.  Get the idea out, get the words out, get the story out.  The words you can deal with later.  As much as this might shock people, facility with words is only a part of what makes people successful as writers, and not the most important part.  If you can find Hamilton’s early, very poorly edited Anita Blake novels, read them and tell me how much of a word-mastery went into them.  And yet, she’s a bestseller, and I know people tossing beautiful, perfect poetic words on the page who can’t sell.

If you are a word-person, take care of the words later.  For now write.  Write even if you think your character is a perfect idiot.  JUST write.  Get your mind and brain used to it.

But sometimes you’re REALLY empty.  As in, there is nothing there.  The very idea of writing HURTS.

Well, I can’t throw stones.  I’ve been there.  If you’re really tired, take a break.  If you haven’t read a book in a while – which is one of the things that makes me run on empty – give yourself permission to take a day off and read.  Go for a walk.  Play with your kids.  Throw a frisbie for the dog.  Watch a movie.  Cook an elaborate meal.

Give yourself a day off, as you would if you SIMPLY couldn’t function at work.  But as with work remember you HAVE to come back the next day.  No work-y, no pay-y.  Even if you’re not being paid yet, that’s your goal, right?  Don’t let THAT turn into an habit.  Come back and work, at the right hour the next day.  Tell yourself you had a day off, now you’re back, and work.  And give yourself permission to suck.

Things I’ve found help: If writing shorts, have a list of titles pinned to a corkboard nearby – or a bunch of whatever sparks stories for you.  Sometimes, for me, it’s a picture.  If writing a novel, have a couple of paragraphs on where the novel is going next if you’re a semi-pantser, or a list of questions raised by the novel so far, if a full pantser.  If you’re a plotter, keep your plot on the corkboard or the computer screen.

Give yourself breaks.  I’ve found I work best when I write two hours then take a half-an-hour break, for coffee, to put wash in, to pet the cats or whatever.

Reward yourself.  For many years you’re not going to be paid or at least, if you go indie, you’ll be paid very slowly.  My reward is that I buy myself a glass float per book I write.  They’re pretty, I like them, and I have a bunch of them hanging from the ceiling.  They’re also on average $40 and I’d never buy them except as a reward.  (My betas for A Few Good Men will appreciate the fact that the float I ordered for it was supposed to be red and was made from the ash from the eruption of mount St. Helen’s – which seemed appropriate – but when it arrived, it was a deep, dark pink.  I decided to keep it.)  Other writers buy mugs (Where would I put them all?) music they like, or charms for a charm bracelet.  Something you like and which is significant to you, and which you can buy tons of before you have to move to a new house.

Also, when you finish a novel or a number of stories, reward yourself in a way your body – as well as your mind – will get.  My way is to go to Denver for a day and go to a diner for dinner.  Yours can be going for a bike ride around the neighborhood, or taking a day off to go hiking, or even taking a day off to sit in your favorite coffeeshop with a book.

Allow yourself a day or two of this.  And then, come back, at the right time to the right place.

And work.

Next up: But It’s Impossible To Write Fast.