Building Walls

Posted on by Sarah A. Hoyt

I have breaking news from the dawn of civilization: Men and women are different.

Note that the last time I said this I got accused of being transphobic, which is utterly baffling since if men and women were the absolute exact same, then what would be the point of changing? And why would you feel like your mind and your body didn’t match, if minds were exactly the same?

Now, with the understanding that these mental modes are indeed a continuum, with women who are on the spectrum functioning closer to male minds, hormones cause different brain development, before you’re even born. The different hormone baths that males and females get create very different structures. (Yes, those can go wrong, So there’s a small percentage of people who do indeed have a mismatch.)

How different? Well, men’s mental pathways tend to be more straight forward. They think point A to B to C. Women’s brains are more interconnected and resemble a web rather than a railway. So a woman will think from A through D to B, then pull in E and F before with all that input arriving at C.

“Ah, you say. So men are more logical.” Um… no. Both sexes can be taught to use logic. I don’t think it’s natural to either. There is a reason the default of human society is the tribal mob and witch hunts But both can be taught logic and reasoning based on facts.

It’s more that each extreme mode of human brain (again, remember it’s a continuum, though the most direct of women will still be more “webby” than the most “webby” of men.) is suited to a different kind of problem. And it is the way you imagine that evolution would shape them (though it’s best not to invent just so evolutionary stories, because… it’s never that simple.) Men’s brains are awesome at solving engineering problems and math problems, and plotting a direct journey, and…. Women’s brains are great at managing complex group issues, like how to get different people to work together, or creating complex narratives that take a lot of details into account (not fiction, necessarily. There’s modes on that too. Men normally write great plot, women write great characters. The failure mode being when they don’t LEARN to do the other side.) or how to coordinate involved, complex stuff.

This is where “diversity” comes in legitimately, because having a woman in an engineering team, even if she’s mostly male-brained, helps bring factors the guys might forget. And having a male on the planning of some gigantic corporate meet up will allow him to go “hey, how about we plan the THING and stop getting lost in the weeds.” Unfortunately that requires equal footing and not special considerations and leftists exist.

The failure mode on either side is obvious. What the left likes to call “Toxic masculinity” gets so obsessed with “doing the thing” it tramples over every other consideration. And toxic femininity gets so obsessed with the people part of the project that it all devolves into the politics of the serraglio.

Because yes, the aggression modes of each sex is also very different. I have a tendency to not understand female aggression and to just wade into a confrontation with both fists and the occasionally steel-pointed boot. Which has not served me well while moving in mostly female environments for work. It’s not expected of a female, makes the other females hate you. And makes me very vulnerable to female-aggression.

Female aggression is the poison in the cup, the dagger between the ribs in an embrace. In less obvious or lethal forms, it’s the politics of the serraglio, what you imagine concubines did to advance themselves (and their children.) No, not that part of what they did. Take your mind out of the gutter. I mean a war of petty aggression with words and rumors and indirection. I always know I’m in the middle of a female war (and not armed for it) when someone approaches and says “Did you see what that bitch posted this morning.” And I go and read the post and it says something about her dog throwing up on the carpet. And I don’t get it. And then the first person unpacks it into this complex hint about how the poster is implying the first person is a bitch who messed up something. … Is it true? Sometimes it seems to be. But I don’t get it. I don’t get it when applied to me, I don’t get it when applied to someone else. And I sometimes think I give people this kind of “hint” without meaning to. I don’t give hints. if I have a problem I’ll tell you. Or as I tell people “I am not passive aggressive. I’m aggressive-aggressive.” This might have something to do with coming from a line of females who were taller than most men and built like brick sh*thouses. It allowed us to survive being physically aggressive. Most women can’t, because most women are smaller and weaker than men, so they had to develop underhanded ways of fighting.

Male aggression will break your ribs, plaster your face or kill you. It’s direct and brutal. In its less disguised form, it will give you a dress down at top of voice. It will demote you or dock your pay or generally be obvious.

Both aggressions can create failure modes for society, but society has favored the female mode of aggression since people congregated into cities. WHY? Because male aggression leaves people dead, which is counter-civilization.

So men had to learn to tame the beast and fight with words. For the same reason women had to. Because they are powerless before more powerful individuals (or the state. If fighting gets you killed, you learn to just call names.)

Look, it was a process. If you don’t believe me, go and see when dueling was outlawed. it’s quite recent, pretty much everywhere. But the point here is that one sex can function as the other. It’s just harder, and only some individuals manage it.

NEITHER SEX IS DESIGNED FOR FAIR PLAY, HONORABLE INTERACTION, GIVING THE OTHER GUY A CHANCE.

Go read that again. Neither sex is naturally honorable. This is nonsense based on Noble Savage illusions. Honor, duty, gentleman’s code, lady manners? All of that are triumphs of — by and large — Judeo-Christian civilization. Don’t believe me? Go see how other cultures operate, particularly those barely touched by the west.

You won’t find honor or gentleman’s code anywhere. Just nature, red in tooth and claw, be it among males or among females. Even the vaunted Greeks and Romans…. I mean, go read unexpurgated histories, sometime.

Now I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: Making women’s way of climbing dominant in business via DEI initiatives has borked a sytem not designed for it.

Forcing that proverbial engineering team to take on a majority of women, particularly when women were being hard-pushed into engineering regardless of inclination, and to take their opinions FIRST causes the engineering team to get caught in a loop of “what she said about my lug nut” and completely forgetting to DO THE THING that brought the team together in the first place.

I don’t know what forcing a man into nursing would do, because men aren’t being forced into “female professions” but my guess is a much more direct approach that misses things.

Also in the management fights men are curiously defenseless in front of women, the same way I’m defenseless. They have no idea what code the women are reading, but they don’t have the decoder ring.

So, if you are really invested in women in business AND the fairness code of the west, you MUST — MUST — teach your daughters to be gentlemen in the classical Western fashion. It is doable. My dad achieved it. And that will restore to the west the ability to DO THE THING and the fairness of competing for position in an open and non-underhanded way.

But other than that? Men can default to “female ways of fighting” when they feel powerless. And btw men that do so are very, very good at it. Which makes them rather despicable.

Most of our politics, particularly on the left (because they perceive their time is passing, I think) is now “feminine coded” as is a lot of our boardrooms. This is mostly because the centralization of the industrial age made most people feel powerless and have to fight underhand.

…. and because we no longer teach ANYONE to be gentlemen. Not men, not women. BUT we do hard-forbid private male aggression. So in public, men have to fight underhand and by stealth. As do women. And the Western habits and ability to do things fall.

All of which is to say: We need to restore the unspoken principles of our culture.

We also need to stop attributing its fall and its destruction to the other sex.Yes, sure, Marxists used feminism as a stalking horse. And women (and men) fell for it. But Marxism used everything as a stalking horse. And it’s not the fault of anyone alive now. (Unless they’re very old.)

What we have now are males who are told from birth that they’re bad evil, and all the ills of society are their fault because they were born with a penis. And women who are told they’re discriminated against and ALWAYS victims, because they were born with a vagina. And it’s all the fault of the other sex.

Piling on with more creative ways of demonizing men and women (which this education predisposes both sexes too) does nothing except increase the distance between men and women. And because men and women NEED each other for balance (that true diversity) it skews society more and more.

Also at a very fundamental level it stops men and women being able to build a marriage which is the ultimate relationship of trust between sexes. Which in turn prevents family formation and the raising of a sane next generation.

In the war between men and women, the only ones who win are those who want the extinction of the human race.

Yes, right now both men and women have been twisted into operating at the most toxic, particularly when relating to the other sex.

This is neither natural nor accidental. And it’s time to walk it back rather than pile on either side.

Start today. Tear down the wall. Extend a hand to the other side.

The future you save might be your own.

191 thoughts on “Building Walls”

  2. For the record, male nurses are largely fantastic. I’ve met very few that I didn’t trust their judgment, and even they were amazing at one specific thing even if they were horrible at everything else. They are generally a joy to work with because I’m firmly in the category of being more male-coded. I highly encourage more male nurses.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The NCIU in El Paso had the absolute best male nurse I have ever met– he managed terrified family, stressed out co-workers, and had an absolutely great Clark Kent impression going on.

      The best part was watching him read a social situation and defuse it so everyone could do their job, even if I also got to hear some quiet complaints that he didn’t get to do much nursing stuff. (I am good at sitting and being quiet, so they kind of forgot I was there with my kid.)

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    2. The biggest reason why most male nurses are largely fantastic is because usually only men who have a calling, a predisposition for it, for that vocation actually go into it. I’ve also noticed that male nurses tend to burn out faster that women nurses, and seek non-hands-on patient jobs, or move completely out of the healthcare fields entirely.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. They end up with more emotional strain, too– both because by being men, they’re bigger and thus are the best option for a lot of bad situations, and because of the cultural expectation that sexual harassment of a guy is totally fine.

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      2. One of the few independent medical practices in the county is run by an FNP. Not sure when he’s going to retire, though he had to fight the junta who tried to shut down everybody not with the regional hospital/med complex. He’d do a lot of stuff a GP did back in the stone age, though his big event is/was an annual flu shot clinic. He’d set up in the county fairgrounds and do just that for a weekend.

        The med junta is tied in with the OHSU medical training system, and FNPs show up. Had one working (briefly, she finished whatever training and moved away) a couple years ago, and my latest primary care guy is a young FNP.

        A bit of a change from the Physician’s Assistants I’ve been seeing, and they have more of a tendency to check out the other things going on. First one, I went in with a torn meniscus and ended up with treatment for edema and tests for a myriad of circulation related problems. And got the needed referral to the ortho practice. The new guy is similar, though no extra tests this time.

        At least for me, the PAs (usually male, but not always) tend to be focused on the main complaint.

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        1. That’s been my experience with the non-MD doctors as well (mostly NPs, not sure if there were any PAs in the mix). They listen, hardcore, and then try to figure out what’s really going on, which is kind of amazing, even though it shouldn’t be. It was an NP who figured out I was struggling with asthma when a cough after getting a cold just wouldn’t go away; 28 years of the same complaints, and nobody else could be arsed to think about WHY and say, “Here’s a prescription for an inhaler. It should help, but let me know if it doesn’t.”

          Similar thing with the current doc, who is an NP at a private clinic run by the company I work for, which also makes a difference (they found it cheaper to provide general care for employees for free than to pay for health insurance, and recently started up a pharmacy on the same kind of deal). You can tell when you go in that everybody is less stressed, and they act like they actually have time to talk to you. And it doesn’t take 6 weeks to get an appointment, either.

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          1. Same. NPs AND PAs.
            But here’s the thing, that’s because of how the practices are structured for insurance reasons. The MD time is hardcore counted, so they only have x amount of time with you, and really CAN’T listen. Sigh. Older son thinks we need “dual MD” system. One that is shorter, cheaper, and more available, the other the traditional MD. It’s…. a long discussion, and he actually was involved in a study to see if it was possible at one time. I don’t know what happened since.

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            1. Interesting… I don’t know anything about the history of NPs and PAs, but the first one I ever saw was about Y2k. I thought that was kind of the reason for them, was to take the pressure off as a track that was easier to get through because there weren’t enough doctors coming through, and people realized that you could do most of the things most patients need without going through the full MD gauntlet. (But I do not actually know anything about how any of it works.)

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    3. As an actual male nurse (retired), I say thank you.

      I didn’t work bedside, I was a nurse at an assisted living place, and as one about 60 at the time, I got along famously with the residents. The ones who were still with us, that is. Different story.

      As a student, had an amusing experience with one crusty old patient, foul mouthed and grumpy. All the little girl students and the licensed little Pilipina nurses were very reluctant to care for him. I got to go into his room and ask him to lighten up – he was scaring the nurses! At least while I was there, just that one day, he was better after that.

      Out of about 60 in my 2007 class, I think it was 6 of us who were male.

      In our little town, my wife and I each had occasion to use the ER, and both times we had male nurses – brisk and focused, and friendly and chatty when they had time.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. The Flyover Falls med complex has a fair number of male nurses in the ER and the OR departments. The postop nurse for my first knee disaster (one of three) had me through recovery and helped get me into the truck.

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    4. My life was saved by a male nurse when I was 33. So, I’m not complaining about male nurses. I’m saying they weren’t PUSHED into the profession so it doesn’t apply.
      In my case, this guy was autistically pushing breathing treatments on everyone, because he could, and so he checked on me when I was “smurfing” according to him. Which led to ICU and to me still being here. So.

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      1. I didn’t get pushed into being a nurse, fortunately.

        But after being laid off from my 4th computer job, I couldn’t get back in. Too old, too highly paid, and little to no experience in The Latest Thing.

        So I looked back at my academic prep and decided it was pretty close to the pre-reqs for the CSU Hayward nursing program. Spent a year doing some others and refreshing Anatomy and Physiology (stuff changed in the 30 years since I had taken it before) and testing whether I could do college level work again.

        And bedside nursing cannot be outsourced to a call center overseas.

        So 3 years later I was taking the NCLEX and here we are.

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    5. About three years ago, my then-three-year-old son was coughing and couldn’t stop, and the cough had that distinct sound that indicated croup. It was 1 AM, so in the absence of anywhere else to go, we went to the local ER, which was quiet and empty at the time (rural area). As I was checking in, a nurse heard Luke’s coughing. He then came around the corner and said “How long has he been coughing like that?” After I explained “a few hours”, he then introduced himself as Dave and said “Let’s get him on a nebulizer”. Which I had also done, but the hospital had access to some nebulized medications I didn’t have. Which is exactly what I wanted out of the hospital visit.

      Note the order: take care of the patient first, socialize later (including basic introductions). Not that it truly mattered in this case, this wasn’t a scenario where seconds counted. But as you (Sarah, that is) described the “get THE THING done” mentality, I remembered Dave and how the first thing out of his mouth wasn’t the standard “Hi, I’m (name), I’m one of the nurses here at (hospital)” introduction, but rather a question about the patient’s condition. (Dave was excellent too, BTW).

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  3. One of the things I recently realized in Attachment Theory is the secure vs insecure attachment styles are really whether you’re running in a High Trust society mode, or a Low Trust one.

    And the low trust survival modes basically boil down to either being Mad Max expecting everyone to be trying to steal your dog food, or Grima Worm-Tongue toadying your way through everything because you know you’ll get a kick in the ribs, or worse, if you don’t fawn hard enough to please the big guy with the steel toed boots.

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  4.  Well, men’s mental pathways tend to be more straight forward. They think point A to B to C. Women’s brains are more interconnected and resemble a web rather than a railway. So a woman will think from A through D to B, then pull in E and F before with all that input arriving at C.

    Visual came to mind:

    Is it more correct to model the flow of water as “always flows down-hill,” or with fluid dynamics?

    Well, it depends on how fiddly you’re getting, and how accurately you can know those fiddly bits. Water pressure is a very obvious reason that water will “flow up hill,” for example.

    Even a very simple stream ends up doing a lot more going all over the place than a simple a-to-b would show, so which is better depends on what the job is.

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  5. Male aggression will break your ribs, plaster your face or kill you. It’s direct and brutal. In its less disguised form, it will give you a dress down at top of voice. It will demote you or duck your pay or generally be obvious.

    Breaking things– which includes killing pets, or people– because they believe you care about them.

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      1. 😢

        The people that do that kind of thing trigger my kill-it-with-fire impulse.

        (The left is chock-a-block with those very people…one of many reasons why it’s not much exaggeration to say I’m a rabid anti-leftist. I do have to remind myself from time to time that The Left is not some monolithic entity, and that most of the “nice left” has no concept of the cruelty lurking behind the things they support.)

        Liked by 5 people

          1. Same. It is horrifying. And it was always a danger. Reading some recent articles talking about the rise of the “woke right,” I see some people saying that there’s no such thing as woke on the right.

            They’re right and wrong. Woke itself is a leftist thing, but part of the reason why woke swept across half the world and sucked so many people in so deeply is that it uses powerful, universal aspects of human nature (envy, resentment, tribalism…not the good parts) as fuel. And its true evil brilliance is in chaining *good* things (empathy, kindness, fairness) to the bad, so that people don’t recognize the vice beneath the assumed virtues.

            No group or belief system is immune. Everybody has at least one personal example of somebody who outwardly did all the right things but was pure poison on the inside. You’ve got to actively work to keep that stuff out at the group level, because it’s always creeping in.

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            1. It’s “woke right” not because they are literally the same, but because they follow the same playbook. Forcing people into categories, ignoring real-world information and data, harassing opponents, and of course the utopianism which underpins it all.

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            2. And its true evil brilliance is in chaining *good* things (empathy, kindness, fairness) to the bad, so that people don’t recognize the vice beneath the assumed virtues.

              Which also works to attack those good things from the opposite direction, by assuming the bad they chain them to is accurate–

              Look, when I say I am not nice, but I try to be good, that first part is a serious flaw.

              It’s not a humble-brag.

              The old “wit” about “fair is where you get fried foods onna stick” is horrifically myopic and maims the culture.

              “Fair” is the customer service face of “just,” just as “nice” is the customer service face of “good.” If you not only are bad at, but actively attack, that interface– you’re damaging that which is RIGHT and JUST.

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            3. “Woke Right” is a terrible term. Aside from the fact that it’s ambiguous in a way that’s practically designed to cause arguments, it presumes that Nick Fuentes and his ilk are right-wing when they categorically aren’t. (If urging people to vote Democrat isn’t disqualifying, I don’t know what is.)

              The subtler problem is that it lumps in reluctant identitarians with outright Nazis. There’s a cohort on the Right who are becoming convinced identity politics is the only way to defeat the Left. That’s incorrect—Trump is proof—but tarring them as “Woke Right” only vindicates their fears.

              If they have valid concerns about mass immigration, discrimination, etc., and conservatives call them Nazis rather than address the concerns, why should they listen to anything else the conservatives have to say?

              So “Woke Right” muddies the water, lets terrible people into the tent in the name of kicking them out, converts misguided allies into hardened enemies, and spawns endless arguments over who it applies to. Absolutely terrible.

              (None of this is aimed at you, in case that wasn’t clear. I’m just frustrated at how badly two words derailed the discourse.)

              Liked by 3 people

            4. It’s basically a rebrand of “alt-right”

              I’ve been calling them the “half-cured”. They see that the Left’s entire worldview is a lie, but they just flip the values, rather than seeing that the whole structure is rotten.

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      2. Neighbor boy in my early years discovered I liked praying mantises enough to stock our yard with them. (When I was 7 I found, “Manty the Mantis,” in the school library. It had drawings of egg cases and when I’d find one, it came home. Mom got resigned to my “pets,” since I didn’t bring them inside).

        He proceeded, the months before we moved, to catch mantises and kill them in front of me. Shot one to pieces with a slingshot. Suffocated one in a jar.

        The same boy, earlier, had run what I now realize was a kidnapping fantasy with me as the victim.

        His family was the wealthiest in the neighborhood. We tried to tell his grandmother what he was doing, but she refused to believe it, or us.

        I wonder how he turned out. (I met his mother 10 or so years later and she tried to fix me up with him. Told me he loved to hunt. It was all I could do not to say, “Oh, he still likes to kill things?”)

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          1. We moved, and that got me away from him and the guys who were bullying me at school. I pray for his family (if any) sometimes.

            He had a very common name, so I haven’t been able to see how he turned out.

            Liked by 1 person

      4. FYI, women do that to. It just takes a different form.

        “I have no idea where it is. You left it out, maybe someone walked in and stole it.” Cherubic smile.

        Same person who thanked me for “letting me vent” after screaming at me for an hour.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. It’s only based on which is more common– and if there’s consequences to being direct, folks will tend to be indirect.

          Another flavor is they steal stuff and act like it was for sharing, especially when they give it away to an innocent third party.

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    2. Breaking what the other person cares about is terroristic, but unfortunately not confined to men. The legend of Medea comes to mind, and for every Geirge Lucas trying to scrub the mark of his ex wife the gifted editor off the movies that made him famous, there is a Kathleen Kennedy.

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      1. None of the behaviors are confined to either sex!

        For example, the sneakier “undermine the thing they like so it’s weakened and then accidentally fails while they struggle to upkeep it” is more common in female attacks, but the first example that comes to mind (an animal) was almost-murdered by a male.

        The strongest pattern is if the showing off of power is more important, or the effect is more important. (And yeah that sounds biased– now remember that seeming strong can keep folks from attacking in the first place, and thus be more effective.)

        Liked by 5 people

      2. Just to interject here, I once did a little reading up on Medea. Interestingly enough there are a number of different versions of how she gets her revenge on Jason. And murdering her kids is in a small minority, possibly originating with the famous play. In the other stories she still murders Jason’s new bride and sometimes the bride’s father. The children still don’t survive. The children are killed either in counter-revenge for Medea’s actions, or because the older children are active participants in the death(s) of Jason’s new bride and possibly her father. But distinct surviving versions of the story in which the children die at her own hands are rare.

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        1. And murdering her kids is in a small minority, possibly originating with the famous play.

          My good English teacher noted that there was no version of the story with that version before it came out in one of the plays, several hundred years after earlier versions of the story.

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          1. That… reads very convoluted, so I’ll try to add background– a lot of the “Greek and Roman myths” we have are from a big event…thing…where folks did fanfic plays of mythology.

            So we mostly have the fanfic version, in classes, but the original version of the stories don’t have that.

            It’s like how Lancelot is kinda sorta a French self-insert, including the whole cheating thing.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Idea for an Arthurian romance –

              Gawain is riding around doing knightly things, and meets a minstrel at an inn. The minstrel’s a pretty good storyteller, and Gawain tells the minstrel some of what he’s been doing lately.

              At the end, you learn that the minstrel’s a French guy, goes by the stage name of Lancelot.

              Best published under a pen name. You might get lynched… :P

              Liked by 1 person

              2. Mercedes Lackey did a variation on that for one of her Tarma and Kethry stories. A down-on-his-luck bard has been searching for this pair of brave and heroic women, seeking source material and he finds them. Except what he sees is two tired, dusty, women who don’t want any trouble. And then Tarma accidentally kills the local lord (tiny fief, guy is a belligerant drunk) by hitting him with a broom – he cracks his skull on the way down.

                The bard is in despair. How is he supposed to make an epic out of this? And then he realizes, he can tell the story as it ought to be…

                He becomes a minor thorn in their side from that point on.

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          2. Pretty much.

            I was trying to be conservative in my statements, both because I’m not an expert on the subject, and because my reading about it was a few years ago. But iirc, yes that’s correct.

            If Euripides got it from somewhere else, we no longer know anything about that source.

            I was digging around a bit today to see if I could find anything useful right before I posted, and I found one essay suggesting that the play by Euripides was written at least in part as propaganda at the time. According to the essay, Athens was experiencing a large amount of sentiment aimed against foreign wives. And then Euripides wrote a play in which the lead is a non-Greek wife who behaves in an monstrous manner…

            Liked by 2 people

            1. Oooh…. I’d figured it was simply a “social morality had shifted” so that killing your own kids, because they chose your wife over you when you abandoned them to die, was no longer such an open-and-shut case for sympathy.

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          3. Some fun rewriting of myths shows up in Pyramid Scheme and Pyramid Power by Flint and Freer. One of which is to have Medea show up accompanied by her kids; when one of the people who know Greek mythology says “I thought she killed her kids”, she overhears and flies into a rage. “What kind of stories has that lying, cheating, ex-husband of mine been spreading about me now?!?” kind of thing.

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              1. Except that he didn’t, really. The gods set her up. Pretty much every version of the story has one or more of the Greek gods (including Aphrodite and Eros with his bow in some versions) get involved to make sure that she falls in love with him. The gods themselves were basically pushing for Jason to win this one, and weren’t leaving Medea’s affections to chance.

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                1. A Christian writer would likely write those off as lies and excuses. There’s a medieval version of the Trojan War that omits all the gods. The Judgment of Paris is explained as a dream that Paris had, and then he goes and steals Helen as revenge for the kidnapping of Priam’s sister Hesione.

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    3. Somebody recently noted to me that I’m better at picking up interpersonal conflict than I think I am. I corrected that I present as dumber than I am as a survival strategy. Keep me OUT of it.

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    1. This could be an interesting and useful neologism, combining dock and duck in the specific context Sarah is using. Ducking is a term from audio mixing, in which one audio source is reduced in amplitude to make way for a more important audio source. For example, if you listen to music or podcasts in the car and also use voice navigation, often the navigation will duck the other audio—the music or podcast—to make sure you hear the instructions.

      (My personal preference would be pausing rather than ducking, but that doesn’t appear to be an option on my phone.)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So, if we were to reduce the pay and authority of one worker to make way for a less efficient or less effective worker who just happens to be the CEO’s nephew, would we call that faux-ducking? I don’t think we want to contract that to a four-letter word.

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  7. “But other than that? Men can default to “female ways of fighting” when they feel powerless. And btw men that do so are very, very good at it.”
    Yes, because they turn it into an engineering problem and go at it in that aggressive A to B to C fashion you noted. Instead of “nudging” things whenever the opportunity arises, they structure events to fall like a series of dominoes.

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  8. It’s easy to get blackpilled on this subject, because there are far too many misogynists and misandrists online. You have to actively remind yourself that no, all men are not “Tate Bros” who see women as nothing more than prostitutes, and all women are not screaming, blue-haired nutcases defending the rights of other women to murder their toddlers. Because when those are the loudest voices, they sometimes seem like the majority.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. RE: the masculine and feminine brains/modes of thinking, it’s occurred to me before that one of the things I’ve always liked most about my wife is that, however stereotypically feminine she is in most ways, she actually does have a somewhat more male way of thinking. Especially when we were dating, I appreciated that she wasn’t into the female mind games that had made me swear off the whole scene not long before. If she wanted something, liked something, or didn’t, she didn’t drop obscure hints that I’d never get; she just outright *said* things. Never really had to wonder where I stood, and I’ve appreciated that for almost 30 years now.

    On the other hand, she’s been very vulnerable to female social games and has lost multiple friend groups, having suddenly found herself at the bottom of a pecking order that she didn’t know was developing, being suddenly ostracized, or discovering that she’s the designated scapegoat for something that had little or nothing to do with her. (There’s a couple of bitches out there that I’d gladly shiv if I ever see them again; on the other hand, the one or two truly constant friends who’ve proven over the years that they would never do that are worth more than all the gold in the earth.)

    Anyway, while not precisely an Odd herself, she’s very much a Speaker to Odds. Decided she wanted to marry me, which was really a very odd thing to do, and without doing anything unusual at all as far as we could tell, always got designated The Cool Mom by our kids’ friends (a mixture of Odds and smart/creative/misfit types) in their school days. Thinking about it, I’m realizing again that I do kind of like that lady. :D

    Liked by 9 people

    1. Never really had to wonder where I stood, and I’ve appreciated that for almost 30 years now.

      Something even evil Centauri overlords value:

      Liked by 5 people

            2. And honestly, its in answer to the risks she took the whole episode by NOT playing the game the other two were. He genuinely DID know where he stood with her. How precious a thing is that in the Machiavellian snake pit that is Centauri politics?

              Liked by 1 person

        2. And I love the look on her face at the end of that scene.

          Given the context of the rest of the episode, I do wonder if the “I always know where I stand” ran deeper both ways than either would admit. But that could be my inner romantic making things up.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Perhaps. But sometimes you just can’t stand the person in question. I had a female friend who I really liked… as long as I wasn’t with her for more than a couple of hours at a time. It could be a similar situation with the two of them, where something just rubs the other person the wrong way. And if they’re both aware of it, then both know that the other dislikes them, and so neither person feels a need to try and disguise their respective feelings.

            Like

      3. I can hear Londo in my head, saying something a little different:

        “Ye-e-ess, but you have never lied to me. I find that of all the delightful experiences you ladies have afforded me, that is the one I value most of all.”

        Like

    3. RE: the masculine and feminine brains/modes of thinking, it’s occurred to me before that one of the things I’ve always liked most about my wife is that, however stereotypically feminine she is in most ways, she actually does have a somewhat more male way of thinking. Especially when we were dating, I appreciated that she wasn’t into the female mind games that had made me swear off the whole scene not long before. If she wanted something, liked something, or didn’t, she didn’t drop obscure hints that I’d never get; she just outright *said* things. Never really had to wonder where I stood, and I’ve appreciated that for almost 30 years now.

      By way of a conversation (about Dolly Parton’s bust size and how to work it into a character description as an homage) with my husband from last week, this ties into Harry’s comment:

      https://accordingtohoyt.com/2026/08/24/building-walls/#comment-1070832

      IT’s not like a one to one correlation, but you are more likely to get folks being direct when it’s safe.

      The whole “why won’t girls just say”- well, because it’s dangerous. And yes, even in modern society, it is still more dangerous for women in marriage situations. I’m one of the fairly rare women who nearly died giving birth, thank you modern science, but we do exist. You can’t change that part of biology.

      That your wife felt comfortable enough to engage with you directly means she felt safe– that she stayed, means you showed that to be a true judgement.

      I have no tolerance for the “loyalty test” stuff, but I do try to … what’s that bit from the Art of War? Make it so that the other party has an out, so we aren’t on deathground.

      Liked by 3 people

      2. For the curious, the conversation was roughly this:

        “Hey, is five foot with a 30 inch bust possible? I compare her to, like Jessica Rabbit. The whole point is people look at her and think she’s not real, but I don’t know what most of these descriptions really mean.”

        “Did you look at Dolly Parton?”

        “Right height, but … double D doesn’t work, that’s only like four or five inches, right? So that’s only 29 inches for a bust.”

        “…there is no way on earth that’s correct for Dolly, let me go dig around.” …. “Ok, that double D is from when that was the biggest size they HAD. Here’s like four pictures from the ’70s. Now, she kind of ha-ha basically stated she’s got falsies, but her stats elsewhere are 40-24-35.”

        “…that isn’t like four inches.”

        “Yeah, no, she’s like at least a G, your stats are closer to the classic vavavoom of 36-24-36, I know some gals like that. Make sure you put in some stuff about proper support in her stuff, maybe even crib some of Dolly’s lines on it.”

        Like

    4. But even in long-term happy relationships, there can be M/F differences.

      I spent years trying to get my wife to use vocative case. She’d start talking to me, and I was a couple sentences behind by the time I would notice. Start by saying my name and you have my attention immediately.

      OTOH, I can be a pill, too. Know the difference between ‘OR’ and ‘XOR’? She thought in XOR, and offered disjoint choices. I think in OR – deliberately, to be sure – and I would frequently reply ‘Yes’.

      Just goofy games, no significance.

      Liked by 1 person

    5. *standing ovation*

      During the time between my marriages, I dated some. As one does.

      One guy stuck in my mind because it was SO over-the-top.

      He asked where I wanted to eat.
      I replied.
      And he, my hand to heaven, questioned this bald statement. “Are you sure?” and so forth for MINUTES on end, when I had answered him the first time.

      At the time, I interpreted this dance as ‘he didn’t believe me.’ Later I wondered if maybe HE didn’t like the restaurant and was trying to hint.

      There was no second date, anyway. He asked a question and got an answer. If he had come out and SAID “Nah, I don’t care for that [place/ cuisine],” it would have been fine. But the fribbling and questioning and so forth was one BIG bucket of cold water.

      I’m at the very least Odd-adjacent, although lifelong undiagnosed. Coy little minuets of hints and inferences are NOT a skill of mine.

      Liked by 3 people

        1. I never say ‘Are you sure?’

          It’s ‘OK, save against …’ and roll D20 myself.

          —

          So, introduced wife and kids to D&D, mostly on a move from Michigan to CA, something to do in hotels at night. Like, 40 years ago.

          Just recently my son in law has become interested enough to join a Thursday evening gaming group. New to me, though my son was familiar, is a set of on-line tools and resources to play.

          Wrote my own character generator many years ago – Borland Pascal, I think. But this stuff is much more ambitious.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. For literal traps, yes, you don’t say “Are you sure you want to walk down this perfectly ordinary hallway?” You just roll their dexterity/reflex/whatever it’s called in your current game system.

            The “are you sure?” question is reserved for cases where the players really should know better, e.g. attacking the friendly quest-giver, and the GM is giving them one chance to reconsider. Perhaps they have forgotten some important piece of info from two sessions ago (a clue that the quest-giver is a dragon disguised as a human) which their characters would really have remembered. It’s not always the best GM technique to just hand players the consequences of their actions every time; sometimes players just make silly mistakes because they’re distracted by Real Life, and a well-placed “are you sure?” can help them steer clear of campaign-ending “oops” moments.

            But yes, when the GM asks “are you sure?”, it’s pretty much always a bad idea to say “yes”.

            Which is why that one puzzle in Colossal Cave Adventure was brilliant. I solved it by simply being a ten-year-old who had no RPG experience: when the game, in response to the player typing “ATTACK DRAGON” or “KILL DRAGON”, asks “Do you really want to attack a dragon with your bare hands?”… I just typed “YES”. And got the message, “Congratulations! You have just defeated a dragon with your bare hands! (I can’t believe it either!)” Which was the correct answer to the puzzle. People with more RPG experience have reported getting stuck for ages, not being able to figure out how to get past the dragon. But I did it on my first try at age ten, because I didn’t understand that “Are you sure?” is usually a trap. :-)

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Well, yes, don’t have to destroy them.

              I am reminded of a story told of actor Dan Blocker, Hoss Cartwright on the TV show Bonanza.

              Dan was a big guy, and kept getting challenged to fight in public settings. Dan is reputed to have said something like ‘You go ahead and start fighting. But if I find out about it …’

              One DM line from a campaign I played ” The dragon breathes fire, spitting bits of burning dwarf across the cavern. “

              Like

  10. Had a conversation with my sister, the engineer, about a conflict she was having with a coworker. After a bit listening to her talk about what this guy, it was a guy, was doing I asked her: “is he gay?” Closeted was her answer. I said to her, you’re expecting him to react to you the way a man typically does and he’s reacting the way a woman does. Change your approach. I’ll make the standard disclaimers, but men and women do tend to react differently to things and, in office politics anyway, one ignores that at one’s very great peril.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Chinese historical “romance” webnovels aimed at women include a lot of “I am going to kill everyone in the emperor’s harem who get in my way,” and a lot of “my in-laws are evil people who got my family executed, and so I will kill them all and destroy their businesses, and also my husband.”

    Also a lot of “I am taking my dowry and leaving this unpleasant new family, before they can murder me for my money and businesses.”

    Also, your husband’s step-sisters, female cousins, or friend’s widows are almost always evil bitches out to steal your man, kill your kid, and frame you for financial crimes or treason. Plus they are involved in a plot to steal army rice, or working with the barbarian steppe tribes.

    So naturally it is okay for the female lead to use dirty tricks, frame them for crimes, get their kids killed or injured, kill them, kill their servants, drown the girl who wants to push you into a pond, and paralyze people for life. Because she is righteously getting revenge on the wicked!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Husband and I watch “anime” before bed– almost all CrunchyRoll, but there’s a range, and there’s been both more … uh… manwa?.. and just more Chinese themes, and it’s like “one, two, drop the series.”

      What a horribly toxic world they have. Seriously, it makes Lackey’s usual “protagonist centered morality” look healthy.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Which is interesting because a lot of the Chinese TV shows covering the same sorts of material have better leads. There’s still lots of fighting, and at least half the cast may end up dead. But the lead or leads come across as decent people.

      I haven’t read web novels, but I have read a number of Chinese manga/manhwas (I don’t know if there’s a Chinese name for them), particularly in the Cultivation genre. In the stuff I’ve read, there’s generally an attempt to present the lead as a decent person toward friends and allies. But most of them (there have been a few exceptions) will kill helpless enemies or rivals without a moment’s hesitation. And if the hero does decide to show mercy, the enemy almost immediately sees it as an opening to launch an attack (which fails, leading to the enemy’s death). Enemies don’t get repeat appearances, unlike in American comic books (this is both good and bad; no “why isn’t the Joker dead!?” questions, but also no long-term rival characters).

      It’s not limited to the Chinese, either. Many of the Korean manhwas do it, too.

      On a possibly related note, when reading the classic Chinese novel, “Water Margin: Tales from the Marsh”, there were multiple times when the heroes attacked a manor belonging to the enemy of one of the characters. In those instances, the story specifically noted that not only did the heroes kill the enemy character, and the enemy character’s extended family, but also the *maidservants* in the household. This was mentioned matter of factly, as if it was to be expected. The maidservants posed no threat, but they were all slaughtered anyway.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. On the killing of the “maidservants”, that may be related to “tribal thinking”.

        IE the “heroes” are at war with the enemy tribe, not just one enemy character.

        Thus the entire enemy tribe must be destroyed including the servants as (in this sort of thinking) the servants are part of the tribe.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I wonder if the translation of “maidservant” should have been “concubine”; it wasn’t uncommon for the children of concubines to be able to inherit if there were no more legitimate heirs, and the little exposure I’ve had to those stories suggests a pretty feudal society.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. And even if they weren’t Official Concubines, they might be bearing a child who as an adult might continue the “feud”.

          Like

          1. Possibly. My understanding is that during much of Dynastic China, maidservants basically “belonged” to the master of the house. A maidservant might be assigned to a particular member of the household, such as the lady of the house. But she wasn’t allowed to date, and she wasn’t allowed to sleep with anyone *except* the master of the house. And if he wanted her in his chambers that night, she went. Though anything more than a quick fling would have probably seen her elevated to concubine status.

            Dong Zhou, who seized control of the last Han Emperor, was famously killed by his subordinate Lu Bu. Supposedly one of the reasons why Lu Bu killed him was because Lu Bu had been having an affair with one of the palace maidservants, and he was afraid that Dong Zhou would find out. That would have been bad for Lu Bu, as only Dong Zhou was allowed to sleep with the maid servants (technically only the Emperor was, but…).

            Much later, an author turned the unknown maidservant into the beautiful Diao Chan, foster daughter of a minister still loyal to the Emperor, in the novel “The Romance of the Three Kingdoms”.

            Liked by 1 person

      4. I’ve read a manhwa in which one of the love interests is a prince noted for his conquests. No suggestion they had any causus belli — he just does it.

        And the one love interest who ever did anything actually good was never even a serious choice for the heroine.

        (So I stole him. Tehehehehehe.)

        Like

        1. Actually seems to fit with the parody “male authors versus female authors” essay that was floating around a while back. One of the ideas was that the male love interest was the only one of the love interest pair that was expected to actually do anything, and only when it was a parody male author writing the story. The male love interest written by a parody female author was awesome by virtue of the fact that he was awesome. The only things about him that mattered were that he was awesome (since it was a parody, iirc that meant a brooding fabulously wealthy and powerful vampire knight general riding a dragon), and that he had fallen for the female lead.

          Like

    1. The imperial harems were legitimately fairly bad.

      As an actual historical fact, that one cannot be raised in that culture’s political history and avoid hearing about.

      Mao killed a fucklaod of people, and after that Jinping Xi is a toxic little bitch. (Actually, maybe a masculine pattern sadist, I don’t know. Evil wicked man.)

      There are two or more reasons for them to try to adjust the dials up in the officially endorsed entertainment products. One, they do not want any sort of stable or healthy family situation to compete with the state and the party. Two, the knowing willfull evil-doers among the party leadership want to desensitize their victims, who will believe that there is no escape, and no alternative.

      Third might be a genuine realism, and that the people placed to act upon many people are actually that toxic.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Our Hostess has mentioned the “human pig” incident, which was basically the revenge of the Empress of the founder of the Han Dynasty (after his death) upon another of the founder’s wives. She became so out of control that after her death, her *entire clan* was wiped out, down to the last member. It was seen as the only way to save the relatively new dynasty.

        The Imperial Seat then passed to the son of another wife, who had been the widow of the King of Wei before she caught the Han Emperor’s eye. She was renowned for being a very intelligent woman (despite being born a peasant), and had wisely removed herself and her son a long ways away from the capitol.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Actually, maybe a masculine pattern sadist, I don’t know.

        From what I remember reading about the Marquis d’Sade, I’m not really sure there’s a measurable gap.

        Like

        1. Me as a teen, talking to an RP group member lady who was Really into that “Quill” movie on d’Sade.

          :Digital version of a frozen confused smile, because ok he’s sexy because he’s dangerous but you can trust him…but … you really literally can’t the guy was evil psycho?:

          Like

  13. something from Edward Dutton, who’s been the victim of what he’s writing about, regarding the Arday thing at Cambridge and the academy’s reaction to Cofnas. Both Dutton and Cofnas have been attacked mostly by women and effeminate men.

    ”There are two key reasons. The first involves something that may be quite difficult for many readers; understanding the mind of a Leftist. Leftists are high in Neuroticism; in negative feelings. As a consequence, they are also high in Narcissism and Machiavellianism. With regards to Narcissism, they create a false self in which they regulate their negative feelings by telling themselves that they are morally superior. With regard to Machiavellianism, the world is experienced as a frightening and dangerous place, so they yearn for power over it. However, neurotic, they fear a fair fight, so power must be played for covertly, via virtue-signalling. But they have to seem like they are genuinely kind, or they will raise suspicion that they are playing for power, so they identify with “marginalised” outbreaks and force themselves to kind of care about them. Naturally, they are paranoid and, hence, assume that those who disagree with them—and, thus, might puncture their false self and the morality associated with it—are utterly malevolent.”

    sorry for the long block quote but feelings over facts is one way of summarizing the difference between men and women — yes, I convict myself — not all women and certainly not all men but the tendency is there.

    I suspect the harpies and flying monkeys will be coming for me now.

    Liked by 3 people

  14. I, despite having XX chromosomes, cannot read teen-girl simmering trouble very well at all. I’d much rather deal with guy stuff, because it is out in the open.

    Liked by 4 people

  15. Here is a helpful YT video wherein a Koch-family nepo-baby from her totes-earned “job” at the Wall Street Journal explains all the mystery of the missing men in the workforce stuff, complete with an unalterable smug look on her face and condescending my-family-is-worth-$77-billion-so-do-what-I-say-even-though-I-just-graduated-in-2023 attitude:

    Like

  17. And thus is Andre Norton proven right with her Witches of Estcarp, her Falconers, and her lizard witches from Ordeal in Otherwhere: every time someone separates the sexes, things fall apart. Civilizations and races are imperiled. The world stares into the cold gray face of a demographic winter and resolves to accept it with Dignity.

    Until some couple gets the rare, brilliant idea to “just marry, darn it” and do it. Jaelithe went against all custom and married the Earthling known as Simon Tregarth, sure she would lose her Witch power when she bed him. Instead, she woke up with more power than she had ever known as a virgin Witch.

    The Falconers ended up at Seakeep and Ravenfielddale in Storms of Victory and Flight of Vengeance, figuring out how to save their race while holding off a Sultanite hoard. (P.M. Griffin had no need for modern subtlety.) And the lizard witches got schooled by a half-trained human witch and a man with Power who just Did Not Want to Die and relied on each other to stay alive, proving that females and males work best in harmony.

    Dang it, we need more stories like those….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. —————

      Until some couple gets the rare, brilliant idea to “just marry, darn it” and do it. Jaelithe went against all custom and married the Earthling known as Simon Tregarth, sure she would lose her Witch power when she bed him. Instead, she woke up with more power than she had ever known as a virgin Witch.

      —————-

      And boy, were the other witches angry about that…

      Liked by 2 people

        1. Though you have to note – it’s definitely touched on in-story – that the Witches actively believed having sex would a man would strip them of their power. And so did everyone else, meaning if a bad guy captured a Witch, stereotypical bad guy sexual torture ensued.

          And since Witch powers are mostly psionic, trauma does affect them. So… it worked. Ugh.

          Likewise in the case of the Falconers, there was an active extremely powerful inhuman Bad Guy (lady) using emotional bonds between women and men to take control of people and wreak havoc. So the Falconers, both men and women, chose to set up a system where there was no bond so their people would survive. A bad choice? Yes, but all they had at that point.

          In both Jaelithe’s case and Seakeep, it was making the choice to have a mutual, respectful relationship (in Seakeep, with a woman not a Falconer) that made the whole thing work.

          So… guess what I’m trying to get at is, it’s not just two people’s choices, they have to be able to make surrounding culture also support them to make it work! So we need to get on that with more stories. ;)

          Liked by 1 person

          1. iirc, Jaelithe nearly gets raped in the first novel explicitly to remove her abilities.

            So, yeah.

            The immediate belief in the novels is that she keeps her powers because Simon is from Earth, and not a local. And then her sons get powers…

            I don’t know whether what you said is lore or not, but it makes sense.

            Liked by 1 person

    2. The anime series VanDread. Men are from Taraak, women are from Mejere. They’ve been segregated on separate planets for over a hundred years, fed propaganda to make them hate each other. Then 3 men wind up on a ship full of women thousands of light-years from their home planets, facing mysterious enemies and a 9-month trip back.

      Then they find out that 3 of the women’s ‘Dread’ space-fighters can combine with one of the men’s ‘Vanguard’ battle mechs to form much more powerful machines, another of the men is the only doctor on board, and only the third man can control their ship…

      Liked by 2 people

        1. It’s *hilarious*. It’s a very fun series (I’ve got it on Blu-Ray). Two seasons, both half-length. First season is generally thought better, but it’s worth watching both.

          Despite the potentially very echi subject matter, it’s surprisingly tame (outside of the ending credit backgrounds). And also, despite the massive amounts of comedy, it has some very serious moments.

          Liked by 1 person

            1. Amazon has VanDread: The Ultimate Collection on DVD for $30. All 26 episodes, plus two OVAs, ‘Integral’ and ‘Turbulence’ which are sort-of overviews of the two seasons with a few new scenes. I’ve never seen VanDread on blue-ray.

              The first season opening and closing songs ‘Trust’ and ‘Himegoto’ are definitely better. 😛

              I like VanDread so much I wrote my first fan-fic about it. Clicking on my user handle will take you to my FanFiction page. Start with ‘A Picture Of Dita’.

              Liked by 1 person

  18. …I (although single, never married) tell people that having a cat is good training for having a wife…

    Like

  19. As I keep saying, we men and women need each other, we’re in this together. The fundamental unit of America is the families we build*. It’s literally the most “build up, build over, build around” we can do. Hold the line.

    BTW, the male nurses could be great. The sheer physical demands of the job, especially with everyone so very ah, bariatric, and the financialization of medical service so that broken beds and malfunctioning hoyers were a norm: just having a nurse with male strength was the bomb. And they were generally easier to work with than the women in terms of job focus and communication.

    No, the field where watching a man get shoe-horned into a horrible fit is watching a great male ODC guy get handed a classroom of primarily 9th-10th grade girls. Hoo. Boy.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Friday I got a fraud alert E-mail from the bank. Logged in and found that some outfit called GROKAI something-or-other had machine-gunned my credit card with 7 charges of $100. I told the bank I’d never heard of them, and certainly hadn’t authorized them to charge me $700.

    The bank deactivated that card and sent me another one. Yesterday I got another E-mail. Called the bank this morning and they said the new card was hit with 20 fraudulent charges while it was still in the mail, some for $100, some for $2,000.

    A little while ago the new card was delivered, but now it’s just a useless piece of plastic. I’m expecting the new new card tomorrow or Wednesday.

    The horrors persist, but so do I… 😡

    Liked by 1 person

      2. Apple has recently had issues with insiders providing shipping information to allow people to intercept delivery drivers who are delivering expensive Apple products, and “receive” them. Driver gives the package to someone with the right credentials who “just happened” to run into the driver during the delivery, and the actual customer never gets the product.

        An insider might have snagged your card numbers.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I was told that it was likely Visa did an automatic ‘vendor update’ to the new card. As a ‘convenience’.

          Seems like every ‘convenience’ they roll out opens up Yet Another avenue for fraud. Like those ‘tap payment’ RFID chips that fraudsters can read right in your pocket just by walking past you. Is there any option to get a card WITHOUT an RFID chip?

          Anyway, the bank guy said he’ll issue the new new card directly, so Visa can’t ‘update’ the fraudsters again.

          Like

          1. Many newer wallets are supposed to block RFID reading so long as the card is inside the wallet, and the wallet is closed up.

            Like

            1. I shouldn’t have to buy a pocket Faraday cage to prevent criminals from tapping into my credit cards.

              In other news, I got the new card. No fraud charges so far. Knock wood. 😁 (No, not that kind of wood!)

              Liked by 1 person

              1. You shouldn’t. But we shouldn’t need to have a hundred usernames and passwords with varying complexity requirements, either…

                /shrug

                Liked by 1 person

        2. Now I’m wondering if it’s possible to locate the RFID chip inside the card and drill a hole through it without damaging any of the card’s other functions… 😬

          Or just smash it good and hard with a pin punch.

          Like

    2. Our milder case like that, it was an illicit subscription with the wrong address, the wrong phone, the wrong expiration date…. but they somehow chose to reactivate after we went “no, not an approved charge.”

      Like

    3. Does the new card have the same card number? If someone has fed your credit card number to Grok in order to (try to) fraudulently make you pay for their AI credits usage, then you have two possible courses of action: one, find out how to contact Grok support and tell them “Hey, the card number ending in (four digits) is being charged fraudulently, you might want to deactivate the account charging it because that’s not me, and you’re getting frauded”. (https://x.ai/contact lists a “Call support” link so you might be able to actually talk to someone). Or two, change your credit card number (with all the hassle that involves) because clearly, someone has leaked it on sites where criminals exchange CC numbers to use for fraud.

      I had to do the latter last year when someone managed to steal our credit card number out of the database of one of the apps that everyone uses over here in $ASIAN_COUNTRY. Sucked having to remember every place that we used that CC to pay and log in to change the payment info, but better than getting hit for more fraudulent charges. (We noticed when there were only two fraudulent charges, and the bank refunded us both of them, so we weren’t out any money. Still sucked having to go through our statements for the past year to find the ones that we only pay once per year, in order not to miss any places that needed to be told our number had changed. But worth it in the long run).

      Like

        1. It only takes one person who is post-office adjacent. Handheld card reader (reads within 6 feet, if I remember correctly) and the name of the bank. Since each issuer uses only one activation number, activating the card is relatively simple.

          The disadvantage of having rfid chips in the cards.

          Like

    4. Elder Daughter had one like this. Money kept being withdrawn from her checking account. She told the bank the bank asked if she had a boyfriend or an undependable roomate,. She said no no boyfriends, roomates were her parents who would have NO reason to take her money as they had their own. Ultimately they shifted her account and number, and suddenly it happened again, and then stopped. Later it became clear that someone in PAYROLL at her school had been doing this to several of the new teachers, not sure how that ended up, Heard rumors of prsecution but no results, school hid that massively (welcome to Massachsetts!!!). Inside actors often have access to things that others might not.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s why I use a separate savings account for direct deposits, transfer money out as soon as it settles, and keep only enough in the account to avoid the monthly fees. It’s also easier to deposit checks and withdraw cash from an account at a physical bank.

        Liked by 3 people

        1. Indeed ultimately that is what our Elder Daughter has done. One account exists solely for deposits and auto payments and money is shifted out bi weekly or more often.

          Like

    5. All of which is why I NEVER use debit cards. By the time you notice the fraud your money is GONE. In this case it was caught while the transaction status was still ‘pending’ so no money actually went out. They got nuttin’.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. There are explicit federal protections and limitations that apply to credit accounts that do NOT apply to debit cards (even if they say VISA). Unless there is an extreme penalty I tend to have any auto payment flow through credit cards. I will also just simply write a check although that itself (with the check bearing your routing number) leaves some holes large enough to drive a truck through.

        Many banks/credit unions also let you set warnings to be sent to your phone for transactions above a certain amount.

        Like

  22. I have seen a feminist argue men should be just as present in female profession but this particular nutjob feminist also thinks every woman who isn’t a feminist is a quisling complicit in the oppression of women.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. A large part of the reason for ‘male professions’ is there are a lot of jobs hardly any women want to do — like working as a diver for the sanitation department. In a story I’m writing some nutjob feminist accuses the male main character of Patriarchy!! because all the workers in the power plant turbine hall are men. Even though his wife is standing right there and she’s an equal partner in the business.

    His response: “I can’t hire women if none apply. I don’t think there are a dozen women working as steam turbine mechanics in the whole country and it’s not because of ‘Patriarchy’. It’s just not a job women think of, or want to do.”

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, I did mean diver. Saw that on Dirty Jobs and it…made an impression. 😮

        Somebody has to go down there sometimes, to do things that can’t be done any other way. Full coverage diving suit with external air supply. Hosed off thoroughly after he climbed out, of course. Still icky.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I’ll go ahead and surrender to the patriarchy on that one. Congratulations, guys, you can have that job all to yourselves, and whatever they’re paying you, ask for a raise!

          Liked by 2 people

          1. I’m sure gutting mammoths was a ‘male profession’ back in the day. For men with strength, stamina and strong stomachs. 🤢

            I’m equally sure the women made them do it far from the village. 😁

            Like

    2. Unfortunately that sort of comment leads to a woman applying who you go ahead and hire to “balance” the gender ratio, but turns out to be an utterly useless employee, tries to turn the workplace toxic, and claims “sexism!” when she’s finally fired. And then you have expensive legal battles to deal with.

      And up until recently, the onus would have been on you to prove that it wasn’t sexism.

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  24. I was talking to a female accountant friend this morning and given this article I wonder why there aren’t more female accountants. Because I did a corporate accounting class. And if there is anything more “webby” and frankly mystical than vertical integration for corporate accounting and the difference between assets and inventories and when you write down and Bog help me! that something is Kabbalism. Which I think is Jewish accounting anyway.

    Like

      1. Financial,Accounting was, bar none, the hardest class in my Masters program. I aced it, but I had to work through Thanksgiving weekend (aside from cooking and eating dinner) writing my final analysis to do it.

        Like

    2. Because accounting has traditionally been a man’s field, but not glamorous enough to push girls into it. They wanted girls in the sciences, and preferably highly visible fields so they could point them out as examples.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. OTOH, women have traditionally become bookkeeper.

        One year I tried to do the work while a coworker was out maternity leave. I was a pretty complete failure and went back to reception/data entry.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. :points up:

          This.

          Being a ranch kid, most of the accountants I know in person are women.

          They were bookkeepers for the ranch or similar, and then got a degree so they can do taxes, too, as a seasonal job, plus a couple who went into it in college as a Nice Job That’s Indoors. It’s also nice because you can work from home, even back in the ’80s when that meant “they mail you papers.”

          I wonder…

          Huh.

          The only stats I can find actually say that most accountants are women. 65% of those that say they’d be interested are men, but 60% of those doing the job are women.

          https://www.careerexplorer.com/careers/accountant/demographics/

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  25. Pingback: Instapundit » Blog Archive » WE SHOULD BE TEARING THE WALLS DOWN INSTEAD:  Building Walls.

  26. Sort of on topic: Best line I saw today – When women going nuts over that killer mom reply to a man that men can’t have an opinion a “woman’s issue”, instead of going back at that directly, answer with “How DARE you assume my gender!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Issues involving children are naturally within the range of men as well, unless those children are the mother’s clones. Even then, men have at least 1/4 interest.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I always have to second guess myself, and end up going over conversations and situations long after they should be irrelevant, looking for missed clues.

      Yesterday I was talking to an NFP and she made some comment about neurodivergents that didn’t seem to fit in context. And I’ve been trying to figure out if that was coded for either “I’m neurodivergent. Are you?” or just asking if I am.

      I don’t catch the clues, or the poison pills, or the stupidity. I mean, I know it’s stupid, I just can’t catch it on the fly.

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Some women were already insane, and feel that this is the tactical time to make certain sorts of political theater.

      Other women are sane, and doing some sort of calculation about whether online pissing matches with crazies, in public, do anything positive for their goals.

      There’ve long been women opposed to abortion, for example.

      A person might be forgiven for thinking that the women who are actually in favor of abortion might possibly be remarkably twisted inside.

      It’s like the other cheerleaders for prominant murderers. They were already wicked inside, thought that they were aligned to a strong horse, and are very stressed at the apparent weakness of their horse.

      Liked by 1 person

  27. This is a reply to Sarah’s comment above:

    Building Walls

    …which WPDE won’t show me so I can’t click on the Reply link.

    It’s all a result of the government-insurance-medical racket enforcing a state of artificial scarcity by restricting the supply of doctors, nurses, hospitals and medical equipment. Plus all the restrictions placed on doctors to prevent them from practicing medicine as they see fit, guided by actual medical principles rather than the dictates of politics and bureaucracy. All made worse by 0bamacare and the COVID19 hysteria driving thousands more doctors and nurses clear out of the medical profession.

    And bad as it all is, other countries have it even worse.

    Last night that supposed ‘doctor’ Abdul (no medical license, never did residency) running for Senate in Michigan was on the Jesse Watters show. Refused to answer any question directly and tried to take over the program with a 15-minute Gish Gallop of raw bullshit. Made a sort-of reply to a question about ‘gender reassignment’ of minors by saying something about how medical decisions are a private matter between doctor and patient.

    Jesse missed a golden opportunity to say: “Hold it there, a few minutes ago you said you’re in favor of socialized medicine. Which means the government makes all the medical decisions, for everybody. So which is it? Do you want medical decisions to be private, or dictated by the government?”

    Like

    1. Oh, now, that didn’t work at all the way I thought it would. It was supposed to be a link to Sarah’s comment:

      Same. NPs AND PAs.
      But here’s the thing, that’s because of how the practices are structured for insurance reasons. The MD time is hardcore counted, so they only have x amount of time with you, and really CAN’T listen. Sigh. Older son thinks we need “dual MD” system. One that is shorter, cheaper, and more available, the other the traditional MD. It’s…. a long discussion, and he actually was involved in a study to see if it was possible at one time. I don’t know what happened since.

      WPDE ‘corrected’ the link when it posted my comment.

      Like

      1. I saw that. All I could think of was the line about “Sir, that is the single stupidest thing I have heard in my time on the bench. You have lowered the intelligence of all within these chambers. Get out of my courtroom, and may G-d have mercy on your soul!”

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I don’t think it’s the first time I’ve heard it, though. The left is obsessed with male circumcision as a crime against humanity, and sometimes brings it up in what we would consider very odd circumstances. Somewhat ironic given that they seem to be quite happy with every other form of bodily mutilation, including female circumcision.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. My encounters with that argument have always been from someone who is antisemitic as “look how icky / perverted them Joooos are.”

            PTUI!

            Liked by 1 person

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