False Preferences

Posted on by Sarah A. Hoyt

The proximate cause for this post is silly: There was a young woman on x complaining that now that she’s adult she can’t talk about the things she really likes:Anime, manga, super heroes and the like. Instead she has to talk about jobs, money and careers.

The deeper cause for this post is that humans are — sigh — social apes. We do a lot of Monkey-see, Monkey-do and as the example above shows, this is not even always because the left is crazy and will punish anyone disagreeing with them no matter how vocally or not vocally. It’s because we want to fit in. We want our peers to look on us with approval. I figure that instinct is so deeply laid-in because getting chased out of your band for not fitting in was death back in pre-historic times.

In fact, in modern society there is no rational reason for someone not to talk about the things that interest her just because she’s now “and adult.” In this day and age, when the geeks won the culture war and everyone is trying to imitate us, there is a high chance at least some in her group also want to talk about the geeky stuff. But they’re all pretending to be their concept of “adults” so they don’t, so she can’t, until someone is brave enough to start.

This is the essence of preference falsification: a whole group doing something they don’t want to do, or signaling belief in something they don’t actually believe in, because they think everyone else believes this.

In certain settings preference falsification is a given: like in fields wholly taken over by the left, at least visibly wholly taken over by the left. If you’re — or think you’re — the only odd one out, you’re not going to say anything because they’d dump you.

And yet…. every time I lost my mind and ran my mouth scarily close to how I really felt in mailing lists, I’d get A LOT of emails saying “Of course I agree with you, but” from people who were doing the same but didn’t have the courage to speak out. I think this is a universal experience, which makes me wonder who really taken over those fields are.

This is what sociologists think happened with the fast turn around in Romania. Because everyone was faking loyalty to the regime and then they stopped faking it and it ripped wide open. All of a sudden it became “oh, hey, I also hate them.” Boom.

This is something tyrannical regimes face and also the left. Because, you see, the left got where they are because they weaponized communications (which were centralized, anyway) to make it seem like they were already the “sane and smart” choice. And it worked. it worked partly because in a time of mass media you didn’t have the info needed to question them. And if you did, anyway, you sounded like a crazy.

For those who are much much younger than I, picture Covid but your only sources of info are friends/family and mass media, which is all in on “the worst plague since the black death.”

If you were in that position, with the lockdowns fraying local communication, even if you talked to people over the phone, your sources of information would be limited and non-reproducible. Particularly since not everyone had a camera with them at all times. In fact most people didn’t. So there would be no photos of empty hospitals, etc.

If you went to your local hospital and it was empty, well…. guess what? Your city/county is so lucky. Or maybe people are dying too fast to make it to the hospital.

Unless you ran a mortuary and were in touch with a lot of your colleagues. And even then, how many would you be in touch with?

And all of us knows at least one case where Covid was very serious — unexpectedly — for someone, which would reinforce the fear.

I could be as skeptical as I wanted to be but I probably would have doubts even inside my own head. It would be years or decades, depending on how hard they faked that part, to figure out there hadn’t been mass death. And by then it would be a book published by an academic and read by his peers. Maybe. If he could get it published. (Which is why so much of recent history is so shaky.)

It was like this for everything, so of course, left opinion dominated. This has been changing for, oh, 20 years, as more and more of us have access to more and more information. But it still has a strong overhang, particularly in fields where it’s assumed everyone is left. Do you want to be the one to test that? With your career at risk? And as crazy as the left is?

But it’s changing, nonetheless, and the pattern seems to be first slowly, then very fast. For instance, it’s become safe to talk about religious belief. Sincerely. With fervor. (To the point the left is trying to exploit it and use it.)

And there are outbreaks of other stuff here and there. I’m not going to catalogue it. We’ve all seen it.

As with such things it seems to be “first slowly, then very fast.”

This is why the left is terrified of people being able to speak freely and why they tried to slap us with a Ministry of Information dept under the Bidentia. It’s why some bright light of the left wrote stories about how wrong ideas are a contagious virus, so you have to kill people who have them.

Because from their POV it’s not falsified preference being stripped away, it’s contagion. (Bah.) And anything is permissible to stop a contagion they consider evil.

So, here we are. They are losing control faster and faster. They’re panicked. And most people are still afraid to reveal their true preferences, with would stop the rampaging through fear of retaliation if nothing else.

The sooner the masks drop the better, but my guess is it will take another decade or two, after the century of preference falsification.

And yet, be not afraid. Speak out if you can when you can. And work for the truth.

Because the truth always wins in the end. Because it’s real, which lies aren’t.

135 thoughts on “False Preferences”

  1. C. S. Lewis was commenting on Fairy-Stories being “childish” and said that as a child that he didn’t like Fairy-Stories because he wanted to be seen as an adult.

    He also commented that as an adult he enjoyed Fairy-Stories. [Very Big Grin]

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  2. C. S. Lewis was commenting on Fairy-Stories being “childish” and said that as a child that he didn’t like Fairy-Stories because he wanted to be seen as an adult.

    He also commented that as an adult he enjoyed Fairy-Stories. [Very Big Grin]

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  4. They had to work hard to keep COVID death numbers up. It apparently caused vehicle accidents, gunshots, appendicitis, and traumatic amputations. But Walmart shoppers were immune.

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  5. I’m 67. I talk about anime and Japanese rock music (among other things) and I don’t give a rat’s ass what anybody says about it.

    I never bought into the COVIDiocy, and I said so. No matter what people I once thought were sane said.

    Maybe not giving rat’s ass is the secret. 😛

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    1. When I turned 60, not when I retired at 59, I had an “OH!!” moment. “Now I understand grandma’s. All three of them.” (Uncle was an only child, his mother became our 3rd grandmother). Filter off.

      Full disclosure. Filter is off. I just do not have the need to always say something. My give a damn, for the most part, has up and left the building.

      Hubby’s give a damn has been missing for a long, long, time. OTOH that was one nature of his job. In theory, doing his job correctly pissed off both parties. That should make all parties happy. Exception were back in the truck ramp days when independent truckers were hauling on the net. Cull the entire load made an unhappy trucker. Or paid by the load. Make the trucker sit too long and they were unhappy. Most truckers were hourly.

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      1. When I was in college I decided that the best defense was an Odd offense. I’m the harmless eccentric who happily expounds on pet topics if the play button gets pressed. Thus far, only once have I been hassled about it.

        There’s something to be said for being comfortable in your own skin. And for radiating a gentle, polite aura of “Don’t start none and won’t be none.”

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  6. I know one of the reasons to not talk about the stuff you like is because it’s dangerous.

    Not in the sense of “you’ll be shunned,” but in the sense of caring for something means giving people information about you– and folks are trained from school to realize a great many people cannot be trusted with that information.

    Like, my mom’s family has a very annoying habit of picking one thing, misunderstanding it, and then making jokes about it for the next six months. (Then wondering why you avoid them, or complaining you have No Sense Of Humor. No, they don’t like the response that things have to actually be funny to be jokes.)

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    1. Valid point! My Dad’s so-called sense of humor is one reason why I try not to bring up certain topics around my parents. It’s not that he is incapable of humor, it’s that he’ll go on, and on, and on, making remarks at every opportunity, and I’m like, “get over it”.

      (He’s also one of those who thinks Trump is “just like all the other politicians” (but somehow worse because “he’s so rich”. He doesn’t want to hear about Nancy’s insider trading, and to him it would just be proof that “they all do it”)

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      2. I have a dark sense of humor so I have a test joke to see if people will appreciate my sense of humor. Not everyone does, and I need to respect them as well.

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      3. Corruption is mostly what politics IS. Always has been. When people say Trump is corrupt, I bring up the massive corruption of Biden, Obama, the Clintons, W., etc., not to say it doesn’t matter by way of “what about them,” but to ask “why are you all so worried NOW” if you weren’t before?

        Corruption has in fact always been the name of the game behind the scenes, but despite that it’s even possible that there’s actually a bit *less* of it right now. Yet we’re supposed to think the right-now is uniquely bad…why? And will all these people talking about Trump’s corruption still be worried about corruption next time (God forbid, but it might happen) a Democrat gets into the White House?

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    3. This. Let people know you like something, a small but significant proportion of them will destroy it if they can, or get other people to destroy you for being “such a weirdo to like X”.

      I tend to run into such people a LOT. So IRL I barely admit to anything I like. And I never leave one of my books where someone else can see it.

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              1. Not counting yourself?

                (Sure, you could do it, but– insufficient challenge! Need to add Bleach or something to the mix! Godzilla cartoon, maybe? Stargate and SAO?)

                For anyone wondering about the ‘joke’:

                https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vathara/pseuds/Vathara/works

                Crossover’s internet-famous for combining things that seem like they shouldn’t work, and often the descriptions change, but the characters are themselves and it’s very fun.

                If you want a non-crossover, check out Embers. It’s Avatar: The Last Airbender without the story warping around war being not utterly horrifying.

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              2. More likely to wind up with a talking electric red-LED scanning Lefty Marx-quoting UN helicopter, with a heavily tan bionic lesbian schizophrenic crysyal-weilding transgender blackbelt pilot. Who hates guns. and honkies. And the recurring villain “ArchOrange”.

                …

                The fabric of the universe just tore, I think.

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            1. Ditto. Just off the top of my head, I can think of:

              Star Commandos.

              L. Sprague de Camps’ Krishna books.

              Mrs. Pollifax.

              Peter Shandy.

              Karen Rose Cercone’s mysteries set in 1904 Pittsburgh.

              So many more. So many.

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            2. I’ve heard rumors on some more recent (last 30 years) books. At first response is “cool!”. Then it is “oh, hell no”. Don’t know how badly they missed the mark with an early Lincoln/Child Cotton Malone book. I’ve never seen the movie. Saw the trailer. Hubby said “Looks interesting.” My response was “No. Absolutely Not! Book scared the hell out of me when I read it.” No way was I watching the movie, even if they stuck with the suspense buildup and final resolution (which was killing the victim and not knowing what happened until afterward).

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      2. That’s one reason I like the Kindle: All my books look the same. Or read on my phone; no doubt people assume social media (unless they notice I’m scrolling too slowly and not texting).

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  7. Paul/Drak:
    “When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”

    If you’re ‘adulting’ but don’t feel free to play with toys and read comics at home… you’re not done growing up yet.

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  8. Now, advice for folks who don’t want to monopolize conversation, but also want to open up routes for conversation–

    MERCH!!!!!

    Keyring, shirt, pins, magnets, bumper stickers, etc– look for them, comment on them!

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    1. If another woman at work is wearing something I think is cute, I comment on it, usually while trotting down the hall in the opposite direction. The few times other women have done it to me cheered me up immensely. Cross-sex compliments get kind of fraught, although I did compliment a male colleague on his Grogu statuette once, without negative repercussions.

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      1. :eyeballs: I am quite sure you’re not my daughter….

        One of our girls realized she is terrified of people, so she set a requirement to make at least one complement a day when we’re out in public.

        It’s infectious, I don’t speak well and even I’ve started doing things like asking someone with very bright colored hair what brand they’re using so I can pass it on to my daughter’s geek group.

        An additional bonus? It means you’re paying attention, so you don’t look like good prey.

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          1. It’s Iowa. No biting needed, the folks are fully aware that it doesn’t turn them into supermodels even if it catches folks’ attention. Some even lead with a comment indicating as much.

            A lot of the gals have wildly colored hair because there is nothing that is going to make them “attractive” to anybody but their husband, or they flatly don’t have to care about being “attractive” anymore/ being attractive would be a negative, and they like the color.

            It can be kind of delightful to see the college girls for whom “it’s not flattering” is clearly a selling point just bloom under getting friendly, casual social interaction out of it.

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      2. Grogu statuette

        I have a bust of Lenin on a shelf near my computer. It is done in Soviet Realist style, which means that instead of a pudgy dude with a goatee, it has been “improved” until it… really doesn’t look all that much like Vladimir Ilych any more. In fact, it looks a lot like… something else.

        visitor: “Who’s that?”

        TRX: “Just a Romulan character from an old Star Trek episode.”

        visitor: [tries to place it] “Oh. Okay.”

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      3. I solved that problem by never making value-laden comments. That is, I don’t say “nice dress” or “that looks good on you”. I say, “that’s a very spring-y outfit” or “those are festive colors”. The word “interesting” is somewhat fraught, so I avoid that, too. Any value judgement is taking place on the other person’s side.

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  9. You talk about religion, but I was asked to stop coming to my church because I was a conservative. Not by clergy but by Random Woman A who thought that my “offensiveness” was enough of a reason to disinvite me.

    It didn’t work.

    What we’ve needed, and people like you provide, is people who were willing to take the crap and dish it back instead of cowering in a corner. You, Sarah, have been for quite awhile now. Another, very important, member of the moment has been President Trump.

    I don’t agree with the way the man comports himself. His recent Jesus meme was just the most recent example. But the fact that he managed to get himself elected without apologizing to every whiny liberal he offended has made a lot of people understand that the Left doesn’t hold the power that it thinks it does. Elon buying Twitter/X has helped a lot as well. Our side isn’t as big on social acceptance as their side is but, even for us, it helps to know that we’re not battling alone.

    It’s good to see. Let’s hope current trends keep going.

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    1. Hubby is very good at lobbing the verbal crap back. Better than they are at dishing it out. Usually ends up with “If you can’t take it. Don’t dish it.”

      Me? Not so much. Written? I can handle. Because I have time to respond. Verbal volley? I’m too late.

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    2. I think Trump believes that while we don’t have a lot of Suburbans that need stealing, we have an awful lot of people who need offending–bigly.

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  10. They did everything they could to inflate covid statistics and sadly there are still people who believe the lies are the truth. I got into an argument with one of my cousins not too long ago because her daughter, a nurse, constantly told her how terrible it was and how over worked the staff was and people dying alone (ad nauseum). The simple fact that the government had caused large numbers of health workers to be sent home (instead of being available to assiist others), was dictating to the doctors what care they should give and that isolating people from their families could have terrible side effects from depression and simply giving up never seemed to register.

    The Big Lie was in progress and the leftists want to keep it going. They very much wanted to create a “Ministry of Truth” for the US to silence anyone who didn’t go along. In other countries, such as the formerly great Britain they are busy punishing people for speaking out against government policies. In California the scum are trying to push a bill to ban investigative journalism because they know they are corrupt and evil. They are getting ever more desperate to regain power and keep it. They know they are losing and they hate it.

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    1. And Trump’s attorney, John(?) Eastman has just been disbarred in Cali-f’n-ornia for the felony offense of representing DJT in actions about voter fraud in Cali.

      We visited Lava Beds Nat’l Monument in 2016. Both $SPOUSE and I (both having been long term residents of California) have vowed not to cross the centerline of Stateline road again.

      $SPOUSE’s sister lives in Nevada near Lake Tahoe. Not sure what we’d do if it were necessary to go there. Will have to get RealID pretty soon (most likely), and that would make us eligible to fly again. (Makes cross with fingers…)

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      1. What? No passports? Enhanced ID not needed for if you have passports.

        Not saying good or bad. I got my first passport book in ’97 because supposedly company was going to swapping engineers back and forth with French engineers. So, company paid for it. Swap introductions never happened. Never used the passport. Had to go through all the enhanced identification when we all got passport cards in 2012, because it was now required for Canadian border crossings. Just updated them with passport cards and passport books (one to hide). Latter only needed if flying internationally, Passport cards works for surface travel internationally, Caribbean, Canada, and Mexico, but not flying to these locations. Passport cards work for flying within US, Hawaii, and Alaska.

        Less expensive to get enhanced id’s if you don’t have or use a passport. Same requirements.

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        1. First passport was obtained in 1992, used once in Dec 2001. Got a new one in 2002, used it twice on business trips to Germany, then not at all. It’s possible to get a passport in F-Falls (at least it was…), but not a trivial task.

          After the business travel and the rise of security theater, I stopped flying. When my stepfather died in 2005, Mom called me and I drove back. F-Falls had airline service for a while (routes to Portland and SFO), but they were money losers, and were dropped. Flying out of here is a challenge unless you have a private plane or access to a F-15C. (FWIW, it’s a 3-night drive eastbound, but 2 nights westbound. Don’t think I could do it any more.) Did a similar trip in ’14 to visit family.

          I no longer need/desire to go back again, though $OLDEST_BROTHER asked if his wife and my nieces could visit. Provisional “yes”, but next year.

          So, main reason for Real ID is for voting, assuming the tighter controls are implemented.

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          1. We, until recently, don’t fly. Passports needed to cross back and forth into Canada for their national parks in Alberta. Why do you think I want Alberta as a state? 😍

            Flying? I’ve flown down to meet hubby after a winter trip when he didn’t have anyone to ride home with him. We take our time home. Will do that again. Didn’t this year because people who went down with him either didn’t want to spend the one way cost back or didn’t have the “correct” ID.

            Didn’t consider that flying out of fly over falls might be difficult. Mom’s place seems (er, is) the Eugene parking lot for friends and family driving up from I-5 south to fly out of Eugene. She has room for packing in seven or eight vehicles, and still park hers off the street. It’d mean juggling the cars getting front parked ones out, but doable (never that bad, but again doable).

            Medford does have limited flights to Eugene, Portland, or Seattle. Flights in and out of Eugene are guarantied to be rollercoaster, hurry up and wait, trips. Rarely is there a direct flight.

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      2. There are states where I tote a gas can, snacks, and empty pop bottles so I have no need to utilize any services or spend there.

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        1. It all depends on how duties are defined…. and when.

          Apparently the gentlemen and his partner were followed in their civilian personas, so that they could be lured into providing words and images that would “justify” the charge.

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    3. There are people that I used to be close friends with still “social distancing.” At this point, I’m pretty sure that they’ll never come out of hibernation. I miss them sometimes, but I don’t think I can convince them to leave the prison of their own making.

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      1. I said five years ago there are people who will wear masks for the rest of their lives. Partly out of fear and partly “because that’s just what decent people do.”

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        2. Masked. Alone. In their car. With the windows up. While driving at 35mph.

          Probably a couple times a month out here.

          Apparently those viruses are tricksy, and fast.

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  11. I’ve always been the nail that sticks up but refuses to be hammered down because I never come to a point. Those who didn’t ignore me because of my oddness ignored me because I had that, don’t start none and there won’t be none, vibe. As to family, where do you think I got the moniker self-made bastard?

    My boss of many years that I loved, once asked me if I owned a suit because I dressed too casual for the office and too dressed-up for the lab where I worked most of the time. He found out one year that I was going to Comic-Con and exclaimed, “You’re not one of those people who dresses in costume, are you?” I just laughed as I told him I didn’t. I should have added, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Probably should have.

    I’m sure my writing career will suffer from that tendency as well because I don’t write multiple novels set in the same made-up world/universe, or characters that crossover.

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    1. I am wearing a costume every day. Once it was “soldier”. Yesterday “IT Geek”. Some weekends “Cowboy”. Some days I even manage a decent “Christian”.

      (Looks in closet)

      gym rat

      Jedi

      Sportsball fan

      Roman Centurion

      Suit

      Medieval man-at-arms

      Hippie

      Grey blur

      Geezer

      …

      Gotta donate some of this crap… Need more room for …. well just never mind.

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  12. I still remember being worried, while watching anime on a public computer, about being spotted and mocked as a 20 something. As I was packing up one day it hit me: There were people watching horrible stuff on public computers who felt no shame at all for being caught with it on the screen where God and little children could see it. I was watching an innocent kids’ anime based on an American franchise. Why the heck should I be embarrassed to be caught watching something innocent when others would fake contrition over watching – cough – “adult content”?

    I never worried about it again, and I found strength in that recognition. Never apologize for what you like. Never let anyone use it to hurt you, either, but do not apologize for it. If it is good and innocent, you’re fine. Don’t let anyone tell you differently or mock you for it. They are the ones who need to grow up, not you!

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    1. Similar thing with music. There’s no such thing as “guilty pleasure” music. If listening to it makes you happy, then it’s a good thing. Full stop. The Golden Rule extends that to others; I may hate their music, but it’s not for me. Let them like what they like. De gustibus non disputandum.

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  13. Being the odd that I am, I DO talk about the stuff I enjoy, kayaking, blogging, working on my twuck, silly kittehs at home. Maybe I am just at that “Adult” stage of NGAS, and prefer to be “ME”. If I can’t talk about the things that make me, ME, then I am living someone elses script and II don’t follow scripts very well.

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  14. I was today years old when I found out adults shouldn’t like fairy tales.

    No wonder people were giving me the side-eye in the airport when they saw me reading the Blue Book of Fairy Tales.

    I just thought they were weirded out because I wasn’t on my phone.

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    1. Not so much in the US, but people have given me odd looks in Europe when they realize I’m writing on paper, not using a phone. Here, I just got fussed at because I didn’t know the policy that’s not posted anywhere but on the web site about only lead pencils (no colors) being permitted in the museum.

      I have gotten odd looks Stateside for reading on an e-reader instead of scrolling through stuff on my phone.

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      1. Fascinating. I wonder why. Is there a different chemical composition in colored pencils, such that some displays might be harmed by minute specks of colored-pencil dust floating through the air, but wouldn’t be harmed by minute specks of graphite? Or perhaps they’re just worried about kids scribbling on walls, and they figure graphite is easy to erase but colored pencils are harder to erase and leave residue. (And if the target of the policy is kids, then the person who fussed at you is one of those “da rulez is da rulez” types who don’t understand the times when exceptions can and should be made).

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        2. Kids scribbling on the walls, and people who touch art with pens and colored pencils. The museum decided that rather than bother with arguments over age restrictions, erasebility, and so on, it was easier to declare “only lead pencils for writing or sketching.”

          Now, why that was NOT on the “None of these” rules list at the doorways, on the wall behind the ticket counter, or at the entrance to exhibits, I have no idea. The person who fussed said, in essence, “Everyone knows. It’s on the website.” It is, IF you go to the page for school groups. Not on any of the main pages.

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      2. The airport in Rome has a separate, walled-off section for flights to the US (and Israel). They required a boarding pass to get through. I said, “I am going to the check-in desk to _get_ my boarding pass. How would I already have one?”

        Phone, of course. The woman looked at me as if I handed her a stone tablet when I gave her a piece of paper with my flight information written on it. They did let me through, but it was I was blatantly different than those around me.

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          1. I’ll come out of the doctor appointment and check my phone when I get in the car and have a “click here to check in”, and I generally read on my phone while I wait for the appointment. Wasn’t there when I’m doing that. I’ve already check in at the front desk. I wrote software! I don’t trust that BS.

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            1. I quit doing the phone check in when I’d get the Dr office, and have to do it all again with the person at the desk.

              I have a built in problem with paperwork as it is, making me do it twice? No.

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          2. Hmm, maybe it’s because my medical experiences are largely rural (or not-huge metro areas).

            Dental: No insurance. Maybe a week before I’ll get a postcard reminding me of the appointment. I walk in, the clerk knows who I am and checks me in. (Flyover Falls. NO shortage of dental practices here, but I’ve been with these people for over 18 years. Same dentist, same hygienist.) No insurance, so red tape is minimal.

            Retina doc: reminder robocall a few days before. Walk in, say who I am (probably prefaced with birthday for reasons), and I’m checked in. Beginning of the year, have to muck with insurance stuff. This is in Medford, small metro.

            Most other medical: (Primary care, the Warfarin clinic, some semi-independent practices. The medical junta made it attractive to join. It’s usually a good deal for the patients. No idea how the docs like it.) Might get a robocall beforehand. Usually not if it’s a regularly scheduled visit (warfarin test is very regular). Go to the MyChart site (can be on phone, but I prefer the desktop), do a precheck-in. Answer the usual questions. When I get there, give birthday & name, they’ll ask if anything changed, then I’ll get the wristband at the hospital, not in the outlying practices. The usual January updates on insurance (and HIPAA–there’s an autoexpire that drives us mad), but precheck-in is maybe 5 minutes, and main check-in about the same.

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            1. We have MyChart for medical. *Dentist is their “own” insurance. Eyes has its own app that only shows upcoming appointments. That was nice while juggling the cataract surgery and follow-ups. Will be finding out about the Warfarin clinic, eventually.

              I also prefer MyChart desktop VS phone app, but can use either. I like being able to set an appointment easier with PC. Doesn’t work with the specialists. Specialists I have to leave a request for an appointment. OTOH can upload pictures or charts with request. Like that I can leave a note rather than call and leave a message with any, even the specialists.

              How do the doctors like it? I know how my PC likes it. He goes through the pre-check in before he comes in the room (how much longer ???). I can add lists, and attachments, of what we need to talk about, and nothing gets left out. This last appointment was follow-up with BP medication, and I wanted his opinion on the larger picture and tests (which are posted on MyChart, even if I only understand the interpretations) regarding heart issue.

              (*) Essentially discounted prepay for two cleanings and one X-ray, with discount if anything else has to be done. Been with this clinic since ’85. We stay with the same hygienist, until when/if they move on. Just had one move on. “New” dentist, only because “old” dentist is phasing out, retiring. FWIW, new dentist is their son, and official clinic owner, now.

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          3. I do not own or use a smartphone. Don’t care for them, don’t need all the apps they want you to have and the few times I’ve tried to use one (either a work phone when I was still working or trying to operate my wifes) I found them incredibly frustrating. Tiny little contacts that my big fingers didn’t like and not about to carry some kind of tool just to be able to use one. My old flip phone still works fine for the things I need a phone for.

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    2. My wife recommended the (color) Book(s) of Fairy Tales series to me, so I downloaded the whole set from Project Gutenberg. Haven’t read them yet, but they’re in my TBR pile.

      So if/when I end up reading the Blue Book of Fairy Tales, it’ll be on my phone. In fact, when I read most books it’s on my phone. Other people might see me eating lunch* with my phone out and assume I’m doomscrolling Facebook or X or whatever, but I’m really reading a book.

      * Supper is eaten at home with my family. Monday-Friday lunch is eaten at work, solo, reading something on my phone, or sometimes watching a video pre-downloaded from Youtube** while still inside the building with WiFi. (The outdoors food court where I usually eat lunch these days doesn’t have WiFi coverage).

      ** Youtube claims that downloading their videos is against their Terms of Service. I don’t care. I’m not sharing it, I’m watching it once and then deleting it. That should be legal, so I’m doing it; I don’t care what abusive terms you put in your ToS. And anyway, the VLC app for Android has better viewing features than the Youtube app; so Youtube, if you want me to use your app, fix it so it’s actually useful.

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  15. I actually just wrote about this on my substack. I don’t know if I should include the link here, because I don’t want to be using someone else’s blog to promote myself, but the short version is that I recently came to the realization that, as a forty-something housewife driving a Subaru around the suburbs, I’m as far from hip as it’s possible to get. And being completely uncool, I am now free to dress like I want, listen to the music I want, and spend my weekends watching Bob Ross reruns and occasionally pulling out my two-inch brush to paint along. Because I’m already so much of a loser, I can do whatever I want without lowering my status!

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    1. Eh. The respect given to you of those who have your respect already is worth far more than the petty insults of poison ivy peoples. Avoid such like the walking cultural rash they are.

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    3. The link follows you. Clicking on your name goes to your substack. Clicking on mine goes to my blog. I’m not sure what’s doing it. Could be WordPress. Could be Gravitar.

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  16. Meanwhile, though the official Tax Season ended yesterday, my beloved’s final day as a “Turbo Tax expert,” was today. He may or may not do it again next year.

    Meanwhile, we are sitting, with glasses of Sandeman’s ruby Port, to celebrate.

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  17. Unscheduled catty reporte:

    Upon coming home yesterday there was cattywampus upon the Lane farm and repair shoppe. It began, as things do, with the usual giving of the rent: Neghborcat delivering his offering from the day’s culling. One of the birbs thought it was time to test the boundaries and reflexes of little death himself, Slayer of All that is Small(er then him). Othercat lolled about on the porch, enjoying the sunbeams. And Nasty suffered once again defeat at the twiggy hands of Sir Stick, inanimate but undefeated foe of the yard.

    Inside was another story. Doofus was his usual self. Face down in the laundry hamper, trying (and failing) to extricate himself. Unscrewed cat from hamper, upon which time a rather un-big cat like MEW! sounded.

    From where, I did not know. Doofus looked at me like I was the one making weird noises. I assured his Orangeness that this was not the case. Sounds persisted. We searched.

    Kitty-noises were coming from inside the wall. Inside the wall? Yep. Check. Inside the wall. The one where the only way to get in is about twenty feet up by the rafters. And that’s a small opening, as it were. So, as one does, I cut a hole in the wall and scooped out one blacker than the Ace of Spades Wallcat. Kitten, rather. Who proceeded to sing us the song of his people. A lot. Endlessly.

    Cleaned the soot off him, because we’re not heathens and that wall is right by the chimney. Picked him up to go and get him some infant formula. Doofus was not pleased at the attention not being on him. Then, in typical catty fashion, became distracted by a moth. The moth almost won, last I checked.

    Took him with me, because about four weeks old on the outside and pretty skinny was nothing to cast to the winds, to get him formula. Turns out carrying around a four week old kitten makes you handsome to just about 80% of women from ages four to eighty-four hereabouts.

    Knew a guy at work whose kids were about to lose their favourite fuzzball. Twenty-three years old, kidney trouble and cancer getting worse. Seemed the right thing to do to put one and four together. Wallcat did not like bottles, so had to put my thumb over the nozzle and let him lick the formula off my thumb. Barely got four ounces in hum before he tuckered out. Met the new family briefly and loved them on first sight.

    Back home, Neighborcat brought me another deadthing. Rat this time, but not too enormous. Othercat decided he needed to climb Mount Dan to see the world from a nobler perspective. And Neighborcat decided he wanted to be carried, too, so he didn’t feel left out.

    The Pollen Nation recedes from Speck, its yellow armies defeated by the last storm. Spring has sprung and Nastycat sproinged about the house, zoomies and sniffing everywhere Wallcat had been. Doofus investigated the patch on the wall where I tacked the plaster lathe back into place, endlessly fascinated by things that were and now are not.

    And Othercat sleeps the sleeps of the just, him and Neighborcat delightfully pleased with themselves after terrorizing the local verminous, birbs, and RLF squirrels for yet another day. Sleep the sleep of hard work completed. No sin to hold a bit of pride in one’s effortful tasks done well and with professionalism.

    The rain patters down on the steel porch roof just now, lulling even watchful Neighborcat. A good storm tends to feel like it washes away many things, not just the physical. May your burdens be washed away like the detritus from the battered trees in the yard. May you be like Doofus in his confident way, even when things go wrong he always finds a way to bounce back almost instantaneously. Life gives us challenges. How we rise to them is the making of us.

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        1. Our neighbor’s black polydactyl cat came by our yard on Easter morning. Then I saw her trotting by our dining room windows with a baby bunny in her mouth.

          Yep, she got herself an Easter bunny. Wish shemissed…

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  18. There’s another reason I’m sometimes reluctant to talk about more niche interests, and that’s because I seem to often run into people who want to talk about it *too much*. The poor person is so excited to find someone else that shares the interest that he or she can’t stop talking about it, and keeps talking about it and keeps talking about it and keeps talking about it.

    /sigh

    It’s like when you compliment someone on their car and intend to move onto other topics, but that person tries to spend the next seven hours talking about the specific make and model of car.

    What are you gonna do, right?

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    1. I used to think this was “working from home” syndrome. Don’t get to chat for ages, then can’t shut-up once started. Turns out, that’s projection. That’s why _I_ run on in conversations.

      Some people just like to chat, with or without a hat dropping.

      I find it odd – especially when it happens with a random person while shopping – but it’s a thing here.

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      1. Some folks just Can. Not. Shut. Up.

        Ever.

        Their constant yammering wears upon the nerves until getting arrested for mayhem seems a small price to pay if it makes them STFU. ☹️

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  19. I’m reluctant to talk about things because…

    …I’ve discovered that because I’m high-functioning autistic I will info-dump on things I enjoy without a moment’s hesitation if I don’t stop myself…

    …most people are a little concerned when you talk about things that get a little weird or creepy….

    …nobody wants to hear my thoughts because I’m forcing them to think and the neurotypicals don’t like thinking if they can’t put it in a nice little sound-bite that makes them feel better…

    …I’ve had my thoughts and playing Devil’s advocate used against me…

    …and you discover that you can’t trust people because you don’t know where the knife will come from if you turn your back on anyone.

    The worst thing? The people that you want to trust the most are the first to hurt you.

    It’s almost impossible to speak to family because every time I think I can get through to them, they start spewing the TDS pravda and somehow believe that Trump is both the greatest idiot in the world and the smartest villain ever. At the same time. Or they enjoy a show where I have to leave the house because my only choices are to leave or put an axe through the screen because the show is fundamentally stupid. SONAR-in-space stupid.

    Most of my friends are gone. Left the area entirely. Or are so involved in their own lives that there is no space for me anymore. And making friends here is almost impossible…the “nerd community” is mostly around Magic:The Gathering at the local comic book shop, I’m not a sports bar guy, etc, etc, etc…

    It’s lonely.

    Which is probably why I’m writing so much these days, even if what I’m writing I can’t probably use for novel material. It’s the only thing keeping me sane.

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    2. I’m fortunate to have a few trusted people. But it can be very lonely and masking is exhausting so I do treasure those people I can trust.

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  20. Hi again- the only reason I seldom even try to reply is that I get a prompt that says unapproved comments cannot be posted – even though for years, I DID post comments. Anyway, just for YOUR amusement, I did reply to the comment about people fighting over toilet paper. To wit: Shoot, we hain’t used that there terlet paper stuff in years; we all jest scoot acrost the lawn to wipe ourselves, like nature intended. You don’t see no natcherl critters linin’ up to buy that stuff, it’s jest a conspearcy by Big Paper!

    I continue to pray for your health, and all your family. Blessings to all- Julian

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    2. Welcome to WP shenanigans! I still get occasional “comment needs approval” and I’ve been commenting for over a decade now. I finally tried to appease the WP gene by creating a login. Still get sidelined where Sarah or her assistant needs to bail out my comment. For no reason.

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  21. Not sure if I should bring up this topic here but it is on my mind and I’m literally afraid to Google it for fear it will trigger weird algorithms: what’s the deal with the alleged “online r*pe academy” visited by 62 million men? It’s blowing up all over my Facebook feed with posts from outraged women claiming it proves you cannot trust ANY man and we need to crush the patriarchy twice as hard, etc.

    I’m really suspicious that this is yet another lefty narrative or psyop, not the least because I have a very hard time believing that 62 million different men all visited the site – 62 million hits, maybe, but no way did they all visit only once, right? Is anyone else seeing this, and what do you all think?

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    1. I don’t have anything but my own analysis.

      Pick up artists (PUA) come to mind. They were attempting to systemically study the use of deception, manipulation, and trickery to that end.

      I think the Tates, who were convicted in Romania of rape and sex trafficking, IIRC, may have been among those marketing themselves as PUA influencers.

      I think I almost immediately realized that the PUA had stupid goals, and soon that I didn’t want their ideas in my head. I am probably also unusually reclusive. I would thus have a bias towards underestimating how many American culture English speaking men might have looked into those ideas.

      Sixty million would be a lot out of American males. Perhaps less so out of ‘and also Indians’.

      I have questions about how well the methods would transfer between cultures. A forcible rapist targeting women should not have entirely the same MO in the mid-east as in rural America, for example. Trickery and coercive social pressure should likewise depend a bit on the culture of the population one is selecting targets from.

      If the hypothesis is 62m out of a US population, my feeling is that the interpretation is most likely cope, and the congressional elections.

      An appropriate ballpark for US population is the number of people we punish with confinement. Which is like two million prison prison, and two million stuff like community service.

      What about out of the world population? My feeling is that while, out of that, I could expect a lot of rapists, I have questions about how many would make a point about studying online to be more effective. Definitely some people have abnormal and extreme drives to rape, and would be willing to get PhDs in rape. This is maybe inborn, and seems to be rare. I would expect that terrible places to live would encourage rapists, but I wonder at the internet being the major driving factor in those case.

      It feels very unlikely to get such numbers of people studying online that using a common curriculum.

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    5. Even if (big if) that number is accurate, (I really doubt that many individual persons, more likely total hits with one individual doing it from multiple IP addresses and VPNs) I wonder how many of the “hits” are Bots. Or Law Enforcement following links on suspect’s devices, or setting up honey traps.

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    6. Someone is having fantasies, all right.

      Probably the same people that insist Trump is going to force all fertile women to wear red dresses with white wimples – and then proceed to voluntarily wear the Handmaid Outfit in public, while crying that anyone who dares call them on their fantasy is a rapist.

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    7. I am both pleased and concerned that this is where you go for “oh my heavens what are they smoking on this, I am afraid to even look” type questions….

      K, top result is Snopes, and they’re doing the “false but accurate” dance, so it’s probably a Dem talking point, they attribute it to CNN.

      Poking onwards.

      K, found one that won’t hurt your algo:

      https://factually.co/fact-checks/media/cnn-exposed-rape-site-159283

      The attendance claim counted all clicks, which would include CNN’s investigation itself as part of the attendance.

      I’ll post the link to the arrest in Poland in a follow on comment.

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    8. Oh, and the 62 million hits on it website is this, minor editing to keep it from becoming a link:

      Motherless DOT com is a moral free file host where anything legal is hosted forever. Motherless has a very large and active community where you can meet like minded individuals.

      Obviously, video of actual sex crimes aren’t legal.

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      1. Ha! Of course it’s Motherless. That’s their schtick, is all the fringe/disgusting stuff other sites won’t let anyone post. They gained infamy for it a decade ago at least. 68 million hits on a sketchy porn site isn’t any kind of news, and I’d guess probably not very big numbers for the category either. (Hits vs. actual accounts? I dunno, don’t care enough to chase that distinction down.) Anyway, like any other site, whoever runs it has to do some kind of minimal due-diligence reporting and removal of outright illegal content, or they’d get taken down and possibly jailed. The “68 million member rape academy” thing is just dumb outrage bait. The Telegram group in the CNN article, though, if it really was dedicated to sharing and/or coaching illegal acts, was another thing entirely. Hopefully more than one of those people is going to be prosecuted for it.

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        1. My guess would be the Telegram group was home-made sex shots and they got the information on it BECAUSE several of the members went “ok, no, the story here is really not cool.”

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