That Water Is Not The Fountain of Youth

Posted on by Sarah A. Hoyt

This is a very funny post for me personally to write. For the record, I’m in beyond complete sympathy with the meme that says “I don’t want to adult today. I don’t even want to human. Today I want to cat” with a picture of a sleeping cat.

Probably this is because my main feeling right now is of being exhausted. Physically, emotionally, morally. It doesn’t matter, mind you, because the burden is right there, and what are these shoulders for if not to bear it. It has to be done, so it’s done.

But it doesn’t mean I’m fully grown up. I’m not. Maybe none of us ever is.

I was thinking about it today, and I realized several things. First, you don’t get in the kind of trouble we’re in without there being serious issues downstream in society.

Look, Marxism is malware for the human mind/spirit. It takes everything that works and breaks it, and tries to install programs that not only don’t work, but lead to mass death/starvation and even more massive unhappiness. It’s so perfect for that, that one is tempted to think it’s supernatural. And maybe it is, for all I know. But it doesn’t need to be, as it — like all good malware — clicks seamlessly with the pre-installed system.

All of us are prone to wanting everyone in the group to love us. We’re social apes. All of us are prone to think that if only so and so “shared” we’d be much better off, and it would be perfect. All of us are prone to glorifying envy, when it’s our envy. All of us, or at least the male half, think that sexual partners should be available for everyone on a need basis, and that denying sex means something is wrong. All of us wish there were no consequences for our pleasures. All that Marxism offers.

But it offers it by breaking causality. By making action not relevant to reaction. Which means it breaks reality. Reality cannot reset or teach us, when our brains don’t ‘get’ the connection.

For a century or so, now, all our institutions of communication and learning have been attempting to install Marxist malware in all of us. They succeeded better in Europe than here, partly because the American ethos is to be temporarily embarrassed millionaires. There is still more opportunity and mobility here than anywhere else in the world, which is not to say we’re not in deep trouble, we are. But that’s something else.

The problem is that the part of the software that took in America is hooked on our ethos of “every man a king” which is the “I do what I want, and don’t need to conform.”

This is good, to an extent. It’s what attracted this very Odd foreign-born girl to the US.

But it is also bad, when it hooks up to the narrative of the miracles of science TM, immortality just around the corner. Immortality, like backyard fusion is one of those advances that are always 50 years away. And probably will always be, to be honest, though perhaps I’m wrong.

Look, enormous advances have been made on the treatment of aging. Not of mortality as such, but of aging. As a rule, older people now are more vigorous and in better shape than they were 20 years ago. I remember when 80 was practically dead, and now we have vigorous, capable, still working 80 year olds. I remember when 100th birthday got all sorts of notice, and now its semi-mundane.

I suspect most of that fight was won through anti-biotics, because constant infection weakens the body over time. At least that’s what increases longevity in our pets. The fact we treat them when sick even for minor illnesses.

And this is great. I won’t say I don’t want immortality (of a non mystic kind. That I expect to have. Or at least hope.) I mean, it sounds tedious, but then I haven’t tried it, much less in an immortal society so how would I know? It’s kind of like imagining heaven. It’s one step too far. I can’t picture a constant state of bliss. And to an extent we can’t picture immortality.

I’d be okay with another 40 or 50 years, provided my kids got comparable life spans. (All the people who live very long tend to lose their kids, and that I don’t want.) And if I was well enough to work for most of that time. I mean, I’m willing to take a year or two of frailty and illness. if we’re talking about what we want.

But the truth is what we want is not what we get. And even what I want is highly unlikely to come true. At 60 I stand at the edge of the time where, like in a Russian novel “And then things get worse.” There are aches and pains climbing stairs. Nights where there’s no comfortable position. I have to use a machine to breathe at night. My weight is not entirely under my control (or even vaguely. LOL. Yes, I probably should find a good endocrinologist, but that’s easier said than done.) And things don’t work that should.

And here’s the problem: the entire society, for just on fifty years has been hell bent on denying this.

The “You can do what you want and have no consequences” melded, seamlessly into “forever young.” That’s the song our entire culture sings.

One of you pointed out that most sitcoms, most movies, most stories are aimed at “forever college students.” Our society in general, with lack of support/mutual aid (voluntary)/demand for no ties is based on the idea you’ll be young forever.

I was watching a movie the other day where the character has an abortion so she can dedicate herself to her career, and from my mouth unbidden came the words “Of course. Because you’ll be forever young.”

Not that having kids helps, in a society where ‘break the tie and do your own thing’ is the norm. (Guilty as charged. Though there were other reasons.) But– BUT — the underlying message of the culture is that you’ll be forever young, forever able to take care of yourself, that your capabilities only increase till your drop in your traces.

And choices/lifestyles are adjusted to that.

I’m not saying everyone lives like that. Obviously not. A lot of people are now forming associations of the aged, trying to look after each other. And there’s a lot of you supporting/caring for aged parents. However, that’s not the message in the culture. In fact woke has taken that to 500 with the Disney princess goal now being not even to get married but to “be a great leader” (the last two or three I have seen.) Even rom coms are now ending with the girl leaving to have her great destiny.

Most of us, let me assure you, don’t have a great destiny or a magnificent career. Most of us don’t become great leaders. Yes, sure, it is a thing to aspire to, when you’re young, but not to push on everyone as a universal goal, which everyone should achieve. Because life doesn’t work that way.

Yeah, not all of us marry or have kids, and if we do we won’t have perfect marriages or kids. But the goal of a “good enough marriage and kids” is achievable to the majority. The goal of “World shattering success in business politics or the arts” just ISN’T, let alone the goal of “world changing leader.”

And when things start failing/not working/the physical extracts its due — as it always does, no matter how long you cheat it — having had kids, having something after is much more satisfying than the told watch and the handshake.

Yes, some kids turn out rotten. Some families are toxic. But I think you’ll find movies/tv/books exaggerate the incidence of that. Most of us have a decent care for those who birthed us/raised us. And most parents care for their kids, however imperfectly they express it. And even with the stretchy bonds of the times, it’s better than nothing. It’s the natural aid and comfort society.

But it’s not just about having kids. How many people put off learning something they always wanted to learn, writing something they always wanted to write, doing something they always wanted to do? Because there is always time. And then you hit sixties, and things aren’t perfect, but they’re good enough, and there’s always time. And then one day there isn’t time, and you never saw it coming.

The problem of course was the ideal of youth culture, which came from the elephant of boomerdom passing through the snake. Combined with, yes, longer, healthy lives.

But the way it’s in the culture it’s the “I dictate my own reality” that seems to be part of Marxism.

You don’t dictate your own reality. I’m here to tell you that you live not only in a slice of space, but a slice of time. And that one day you and everything you know and are will pass. You’re given so long. No more.

Worse, I’m telling you that no matter how long we can prolong youth and relative vigor, at some point “Things get worse.” And you need to make provision for that: Mental, physical, monetary, community.

And most of us — note what I’m saying US. I’m not preaching from a mountain top. I’m here, with you — haven’t. Maybe we’ve made SOME, but most of us haven’t internalized that unless we’re very, very lucky — I want to go like great grandma who dropped while doing her work. Dead before she hit the ground. Blessed, really — there will be a prolonged period of “things get worse”. Of being unable to. Of things that exceed our energy. Of aches and pains. Of days when you don’t have the spoons.

Because we’re human. And no one has found the fountain of youth. (And if they had, we’d just postpone things till we died by misadventure with everything undone.)

We haven’t dispensed with the common lot of human kind. We just lied to ourselves and told ourselves we had.

In reclaiming the culture, it is important to make adult — foresightful, capable, competent, willing to work even for long term goals — an ideal again.

Being a college student is fun, I suppose. My college years — or my kids, for that matter — weren’t typical. But living like you’re one until you die is not possible. You will get old. You’ll have to make concessions. And it will be easier if the approximately final third of your life is planned for. If you’re ready.

Getting old isn’t for sissies. Nor is it for people in denial. It’s important to stop the denial, and to orient our lives to being an adult as long as we can be, so that our old age can be less painful and more productive.

And now I’m going to get off the computer and spend ten minutes wishing I could be my cat, sleeping in the sun. And then I’m going to work on my chapters for subscribers, which have been put off by very weird stuff this week. I now owe four each novel, to catch up. Ah, well. It’s doable today and tomorrow. So, I go.

Because metaphorically the light is failing and night comes soon. And I’d best be ready.

126 thoughts on “That Water Is Not The Fountain of Youth”

  1. I’ve always been grateful that I somehow memorized the Stephen Crane poem in high school:

    A man said to the universe:
    “Sir, I exist!”
    “However,” replied the universe,
    “The fact has not created in me
    A sense of obligation.”

    Obviously my parents raised me in such a way that this sounded wise when I heard it. Very big on “the world doesn’t owe you anything,” they were.

    I have more hope than Crane reportedly did. But God is not “the universe” and mercy is not obligation. Within the poem’s frame of reference he got it exactly right.

      1. To quote Mr. Falk playing the Grandpa in Princess Bride “Well, who says life is fair? Where is that written? Life isn’t always fair. ” To quote a more authoritative source:

        Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind:
        “Who is this who darkens counsel
        with words without knowledge?
        Get ready for a difficult task like a man;
        I will question you
        and you will inform me
        “Where were you
        when I laid the foundation of the earth?
        Tell me, if you possess understanding.
        Who set its measurements—if[ you know—
        or who stretched a measuring line across it?
        On what were its bases set,
        or who laid its cornerstone—

        This is Job 38 vs 1-6 from the NET translation , there are 35 verses more in that vein in Chapter 38 as well as chapters 39, 40, and 41… Job essentially gets read the riot act by the Author. It is gorgeous poetry and worth reading for just that in the King James or Jerusalem translations (best online source of translations I’ve found is this https://www.biblegateway.com/ it has over 40 English translations as well as MANY other language translations and several Koine greek NT, Hebrew OT and the Latin Vulgate and you can have it lay translations out side by side).

      2. Indeed and what it is based on is the negation of one (or perhaps two depending on how you count them) of the Laws handed down to Moses on the stone tablets. That is it directly violates “You Shall Not Covet”. I think Screwtape said in Karl’s ear “Look he has more than you do why is that? Obviously they cheated and you need to make it equal. Look the inequalities are all over the place, point it out to a few others and a group of you can take back what is rightfully yours…”. Even the Fall to some extent comes out of this weakness, when the serpent said to Eve (Gen 3:4b-5) “Surely you will not die, for God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will open and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” The serpent is saying to Eve “Look the Author has something you don’t have and you could take it, it’s not fair that you don’t have that knowledge.” It may be that of all the 10 commandments the most dangerous is that of envy/covetousness .

    2. I suspect it shows up because it is the exact negative of free market economics. Which means some variation of it will be a perpetual pest, until/unless we find something better than free markets. And then the dark mirror of that will be the pest.

      1. After a failed experiment with communism, William Bradford wrote, in his Journal of Plymouth Plantation, about the communal living:

        The experience that was had in this common course and condition, tried sundry years, and that amongst godly and sober men, may well evince the vanity of that conceit of Plato’s & other ancients, applauded by some of later times;—that the taking away of property, and bringing in community into a common wealth, would make them happy and flourishing; as if they were wiser than God. For this community (so far as it was) was found to breed much confusion & discontent and retard much employment that would have been to their benefit and comfort.
        …
        The aged and graver men to be ranked and equalized in labors, and victuals, clothes, & etc., with the meaner & younger sort, thought it some indignity & disrespect unto them.
        …
        Upon the point all beginning to have alike, and all to do alike, they thought themselves in the like condition, and one as good as another; and so, if it did not cut off those relations that God hath set amongst men, yet it did at least much diminish and take of the mutual respects that should be preserved amongst them.

        Bradford wisely deduced that, what we now call, “Marxism” is a vain humanist conceit against God’s natural order.

        1. That first winter of communism in Plymouth… Well, only four women survived the winter. The ladies who did, were originally from Yorkshire and Lancashire. So they might have been a little hardier and more careful about preparing for winter, or maybe they just had the DNA to survive famine.

          But yeah, I wouldn’t be here if one of those four hadn’t made it… so remember to watch out for yourselves and take care of those you love.

        2. What has always surprised me is that the Pilgrims tried that at all. The New Testament book of Acts and many of the letters of Paul have embedded in them issue after issue of the early churches failures in respect to holding everything in common. At a minimum the leaders of the colony would have been well read holding scripture (ESPECIALLY the Epistles given their strong part in forming Protestant Theology) in VERY high esteem. It has always seemed odd that they just said “Oh this didn’t work for the saints of the early church, but we’ll get it right.” Hubris given their knowledge of Greek literature ought to have been more strongly in their vocabulary. Over half of them paid a rather steep price for their hubris

          1. That seems to be a recurring problem with socialism: “Oh, they failed, but they didn’t do it right. But we’ll make it work properly this time!” Yet they never do anything different to make it work right, because if they did it wouldn’t be socialism any more. And they just can’t stand that.

          2. The Council for New England, the joint stock company that owned the Plymouth charter, inserted the socialist rules into the charter. They thought it would maximize their profits. They “forgot” to tell the colonists until it was too late.

            1. OK so that makes more sense. I was familiar with the Mayflower Compact but looking at its contents that pretty much only says the undersigned agree to abide by any rules that they democratically create. The Council for New England was established by James I and contains what looks like a bunch of nobility and others. So essentially a group of Upper Class Twits created the rules 🙂 Color me shocked.

  3. I cannot remember the show 20-25 years ago, with a guy getting together with a couple of friends from college. He’s gotten married and(if I remember right) had one kid and he and the wife wanted another; the friends still largely act like they’re in college.

    After some mess, he asked his father what happened to him that he doesn’t act that way anymore?, and the father said “You grew up, they just grew.”

    If you said that in a show now, there would probably be protests over it. Because some seem to think the idea of growing up is somehow bad.

  4. My grandma died, when I was thirteen, of a massive stroke carrying folded clothes from the dryer to her dresser.

    At the time I thought, “Oh how awful”.

    But now I think, ” She would have wanted her clothes to be folded”. Because I am an adult.

    The sad part was that my cousins found her when they stopped by on the way home from school.
    I could do worse. And probably will.

    1. My father’s mother died at the age of 98, sitting in a chair in the hospital waiting to be seen for an appointment.
      She just stopped.
      Well, her body did at any rate. I have little doubt she’s running Himself ragged, along with all my other passed relatives.

      1. Mentioned here before. The only reason why my grandmother and grandfather were found in their house before they both died was because grandpa (95) triggered life alert when grandma (93) didn’t respond to him. He couldn’t see that she’d collapsed in the kitchen (because he could barely see). FYI, county had denied grandma’s a life alert of her own. Life alert shows up thinking grandpa is distress (well he was, just started as emotional not medical distress. By the time they got there he was in full medical distress.) So then they find both in severe medical distress. What do they do? They call in. “What do we do?” Luckily they were dispatched from the county north of where they lived, not the county they lived in. The latter would have left grandma there (I swear, mom fought their county to get both medical alert setups, 50/50 success). When they were both assessed the intake county was not happy about their state. Trust me, extended family let them know exactly what the county grandparents resided in was not allowing family to do for them. When intake county elderly services saw the status of their house, we thought their children, all of us grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, were in trouble. Luckily the officials recognized the “rock / hard-place” everyone was located and blasted the home county instead.

    2. Paternal grandmother died overnight Christmas Night, in her sleep. Official DOD is 12/26. Cousin went to wake her up that morning for breakfast. Cousin was in her late teens home from college for Christmas. There are signs that cousin was affected, even now 36 years later.

      1. I had a bit of that myself. Dad’s first two heart attacks happened when I was young-ish, probably the first when I was 8, then the second a couple years later. (So early to mid 1960s.) The first was at a golf outing (Golf scores similar to Dad’s pro-quality bowling scores), and the second was with an obstinate lawn mower. He got an electric mower and I got the lawn duty.

        Dad took Warfarin, Nitroglycerin for heart pain, and Vitamin K for injuries. (His dose was high enough so that a harsh look would trigger a bruise.) When I started at University of Redacted, he, Mom and Grandma Pete did a trip around one of the Great Lakes. Where he caught a virus.

        He almost recovered from the bug when it was time for the Dad & Undergrad weekend at U of Redacted. I was first-year, and for no particular reason, I’d hitched a ride back home the night before Dad and a friend were going to go visit me. We had a ball, but the environment wasn’t great for Dad. The football game was fun (U of R’s team was between recruiting scandals, and was abysmally bad that year), but the nosebleed seats were catching the November wind. The concert across campus (Everything of note was across campus, modulo sports and PE stuff. The non-frat athletes lived there.) was also fun, but I saw Dad taking nitro.

        The next week, Dad went to his usual bowling league, but slept in another room as he wasn’t feeling well. Last heart attack. Timing was such so that I could be at the wake, funeral and post-funeral chitchat. (I missed the bit where Oldest Brother and THAT SIL tried to talk Mom into giving them a bunch of money from Dad’s negligible estate. Probably best I didn’t hear about that for decades.)

        I felt guilty for a long time. “If onlys” were running amok. Better seats (not doable), get a taxi (nobody thought of it) for the concert, and so on. I finally realized that Dad was doing what he really wanted, having fun with his youngest son.

        Dad died at 53. Mom outlasted two husbands, both sisters, and all inlaws, dying at 99. I’m 70, in tolerable health (waggles hands), noticing that things that were easy 20 years ago aren’t any more, but still doable. We contracted out getting the house re-sided and painted. I’m doing the master bedroom. We’re pulling the last of the furniture, and I’ll pull the carpet. Paint, new flooring, and molding. It’ll look good when it’s done. Then more outside work…

        1. FIL had a major heart attack almost immediately after retiring at age 55. Recovered. Next one was at 73. Did not expect him to come home from the hospital, but he did. We also ended up announcing the pregnancy, or were outed, earlier than planned. We went to Thanksgiving at inlaws because no one expected FIL to last to Christmas. When one spends most the weekend in the bathroom (very much had all day morning sickness) in the house of a retired nurse, and hubby is stating “not catching” (darn it, wish it was), MIL was all but busting with joy. On learning, FIL was bound and determined to live to that baby’s birth. Another 7 months. He held on long enough that when that last attack sent him to the hospital, we were surprised. Missed the baby’s birth by 6 weeks.

  5. Backyard fusion may still be a long ways off. But backyard fission is another matter. IIRC, there’s a commercial fission reactor that fits in a standard-sized freight container. A lot of “normal” backyards could accommodate that (though possibly not much else).

      1. I am sorry I don’t want some Bubba with a reactor going, “Here hold my Beer”… Nope Nope Nope.

    2. I am fairly sure my neighbors would object to my having a “backyard nuke plant.” Then, I suspect they’d object some of the things I already have and do. It’s also the case that I do not trust at least certain neighbors with much of anything.

  6. Two thoughts on the Fountain of Youth.

    First, a bit humorous, I saw a TV cartoon where the main characters find the Fountain of Youth but also find Ponce de León caring for a bunch of babies. It seems that the babies were his men but got turned into babies by the Fountain. 😉

    Second, while it doesn’t involve an actual Fountain, the circus master in Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury tempts people by offering youth (or in the case of two boys becoming adults). One of the characters, a Miss Foley, becomes a young girl but remembers being an adult and the horror is that there’s no home for this little girl. 😦

    So, the moral is “be careful about what you wish, because you might get it”.

  7. You’re hitting close to home today, Sarah. I spent the last decade or so almost in a second youth, raising my physical condition to a pretty high peak. I was literally trying to outrun age, for as long as I could.

    And I did it … for as long as I could.

    Then I had a fiddling minor illness earlier this year, and the ground seemed to fall away from my feet. I can’t build back up to where I had been; I can only resist, not all that effectively, getting even worse. There’s no denying any longer what’s ahead of me.

    I have a couple of solaces, one of which you’re welcome to share. One is that it is potentially a long way down for me before I hit rock bottom. The other is that writing is, physically, one of the most forgiving vocations. There are authors who write into their nineties or even beyond: Herman Wouk, Roger Angell, Jacques Barzun, Thomas Sowell. If you’re looking to die in harness — and I definitely see the appeal — writing is a fine, fine selection.

    There are no guarantees, except that it will end, but I’ll take the odds that gives me. I hope you like that outlook, too.

    P.S. Any particular reason for switching out cats at the top of the home page, or was it just time to work on your Midjourney-fu?

      1. I didn’t know you wanted us all to make a big deal of it every time you changed the picture. I’ll be sure to hoot ‘n holler about the next one! 😛

          1. You said you were a cat person, and would post cat pictures.

            That second part is redundant.

            (Grin)

            Oh hi, Miz Kitty. Yes, will get offline now.

  8. I actually wonder if the real safety valve of the US was the frontier and the ability to start over?

    Marxist systems work by feeding of the productive few, but in the US you couldn’t really do that because the productive could just leave.

    1. And the productive are, from Cali, New York, Mass, Illinoise, (Sorry had to hate the place) and heading towards brighter landscapes farther south.

        1. Ah? But have they successfully collected? Or have the productive to date been under the $30M minimum? Just asking.

    2. Frontiers would be nice, but not needed for that, because you can’t do that ANYWAY because our economy is so massive the collapse would be fast, horrible and total. Watch closely, we might be headed for that soon> The rebuilding will be a right mess.

      1. We ever get low-cost-to-orbit figured out, and start really exploring Out There, you just watch how fast the world empties of competent, risk taking individuals.

        We’d get gone fast. And I only include my own meager self in that total because I’d beg, borrow, or build my way out there immediatest, if not sooner!

        1. You think we have a tyranny NOW, contemplate the tyranny that can be imposed when a low social credit score gets your bedroom sealed off and then opened to vacuum.

        2. LEO and anything further out will likely be very reliant on certain basic necessities from the surface for a long time.

        3. When I was on Kwajalein, I spent a lot of time doing SCUBA things in odd orientations. I told myself that I was training to work in a ‘weightless’ environment in order to get a slot in space a la Allen Steele’s Orbtaql Decay, et al.. But that was @ 30 years ago; I doubt the old ticker would survive the trip to orbit these days.

    3. Marx believed in American exceptionalism. He observed that America certainly was not suffering what he diagnosed, and blamed it on the frontier.

      Stopped clocks.

  9. So they’ve gone from

    “Everybody will be above average!”

    To

    “Everybody must be in the top 1%!!”

    And when that doesn’t happen,

    “Everybody not in the top 1% is Oppressed!!”

  10. In my mind I am still young, my body is constantly arguing with my mind about it. I am stuck out here going dudes, if you could just get your shit together. On a serious note there is one thing that is very true my grandfather told me. “Son after forty you never put your ass higher than your elbows”. It now makes sense.

    1. “There was never a woman born that ever grew older than 18 in her heart. Getting old doesn’t matter to us, but it does to them. Look at her!”
      Jubal Harshaw, Stranger In a Strange Land.

  11. I used to have a single weekly shift at a newsradio station. Since it started early on Sunday morning, it was the joy of infomercials. Specifically, it was infomercials about “nutritional supplements.”

    And after a while, it was quite easy to parse out that every single one of them was selling the fear of death. Sure, they phrased it like “stay young and healthy,” but all the time, it was “You don’t want to think about death. Use our product and stave off that fear a little longer.”

    Kind of funny, when you think about it.

    1. That’s what I think it’s really all about. The denial of aging is just a symptom of the underlying problem: The denial of death.

  12. “Probably this is because my main feeling right now is of being exhausted. Physically, emotionally, morally. It doesn’t matter, mind you, because the burden is right there, and what are these shoulders for if not to bear it. It has to be done, so it’s done.”

    Yes. Hitting close to home.

    I understand exhaustion. We (wife and I) took in an elderly parent a few years ago. Now diagnosed with dementia and is in hospice. There are other siblings, but we were the only ones with the resources to do so. Physical and mental exhaustion is our norm.

    I’m pushing 60, and things are starting to hurt. We recently purchased some land, with the idea of moving there in a few more years and starting another chapter. That may have been a tactical error. We have no children.

    When I was 35, I was in a relationship and she decided to make a choice rather than have my baby. I still grieve. Honestly, that experience kind of broke me for a long time. Between that and the deployments, I didn’t date for seven or eight years. Anyway, I have none and the woman I eventually married was unable.

    Perhaps I can be the uncle with “a country place that no one knows about.”

    1. I am so sorry for your loss.

      And yes you absolutely can be a “spiritual” father/parents to those in need.

      Beloved and I have raised our children, however, they have little use for us now. But our across the street neighbors really need parents and don’t have any because theirs are drug addicts. So we are stand in grandparents for non blood relatives and it is a very satisfying relationship on both sides.

      So yes, you can do it and you will be better for it.

    2. I understand exhaustion too. No cause found to date. Thyroid is fine. I don’t have diabetes (A1C of 5.5). My heart is fine. I am not depressed.

      Regarding getting land and moving and wondering now if this is the best idea. Understand that too. When we put an offer in on the house we learned it was in Bethel and not 4J school district (by half a block). Well, barely pregnant, had over 5 years to decide and make a change (I went through 4J school district). Getting ready to put the kid into kindergarten. Well his teacher was his pediatric physician’s wife, oh, and the grade school was rated top in both districts. Okay, now we have another 5 years (through grade 5). By the time we get to HS, short of enrolling in the private HS or the elite public one. So, again, didn’t move. One constant we’ve stated is when city finally manages to incorporate our little patch we’re out of here. Um, well, wait a minute. We’re past 60 (hubby – 71, me 66). Finding a property, building, maybe. Actually packing up and moving? Maybe not.

      I still grieve. Honestly, that experience kind of broke me for a long time.
      ………………

      I’m sorry. You’re own little angel to greet you later. You did have a child. Just one you can only hold in your heart.

      I can guaranty all of us on this blog who has suffered miscarriages, that we never could hold in our hands, hold the little ones we lost in our hearts for reunion later, as do our spouses. Circumstances are not the same. Does not change the emotion.

      1. Other than Our Friend Vitamin D, pretty much all the vitamins are good for exhaustion (it turns out Vitamin C is pretty important for energy, for instance, and of course B12). But you also need to balance that out with minerals like potassium and iron (so your B12 knows when to stop increasing blood volume), and don’t forget magnesium (in a non-poop-causing form).

        Also, a lot of women don’t get enough protein in middle age, probably just because there’s more places to put it. So supplementing with either a lot of protein foods or powders is a good idea.

        The chocolate Vital Proteins collagen is pretty nice, albeit you have to eat it cold. (I mean, nothing bad happens if you eat it hot, except that it magically becomes meat broth instead of collagen.) Very nice at night or first thing in the morning.

        Whey protein helped me a lot when I was coming back from being sick a lot and from breaking my arm. And yes, both whey protein and Vital Proteins are pricey, but a single tub lasts forever and ever.

        And of course, eat your vegetables and fruit, in some form.

        1. Thanks for telling all this to Sarah and everyone else here. Friend is in a rehab facility having had a cardiac arrest and pacemaker installed and is so weak and demoralized, a vicious cycle. he won’t get well. He needs protein and he’s not eating well, and I was trying to think of how to get him extra. I’ve got the whey and can make more brownies and cookies with it, but the vital proteins I didn’t know about and that’s worth trying too.

    3. The white-haired uncle is a very good thing to be. Those who elude the eyes and get out beyond the wire are going to need people like you.

  13. We run into this all the time building my parents’ house.

    “Oh sure, we can knock that project out in a weekend, no problem”
    6 weeks Later. If we’re lucky
    “Finally got that done. We need to stop planning projects like we’re 30.”

    1. Which is why I dug my heals in on repainting our house by us. Not. Happening. Finally convinced hubby we need a contractor. Getting bids now.

      1. Oh, man… I wish we could have found contractors.

        Alas, none to be found that wanted to do the work.

        So we’ve been getting by with my semi-skilled labor and occasional apprentices and retired contractor friends of friends.

        And after four years we are almost to the point that the master suite could be lived in. Almost

        1. We need contractors. I can choose between writing or weeding the flower beds, picking up fallen branches, etc. etc. etc. My gardening time is best used growing food. (SO MANY TOMATOES TODAY. I think once the growing season is done, I’m off tomatoes for a year.)

          1. Best of luck finding them!

            I think I gave up on growing tomatoes when the only thing I actually wanted to do with them was sauce them.
            Which is a massive pain.
            Also, the result, though tasty, was way too sweet for what I expect from tomato sauce.

          2. Lois McMaster Bujold finally gave in and let somebody else mow her lawn, when her kids pointed out that every hour not writing was losing money.

            But yeah, you have to have money to make money. Sigh.

            1. It’s the “how much is your time worth?” question, combined with the “Of time, money, and skill, which do you have the most of for this project?”

              I can buy a decent meal to take to work for the price of 20 minutes of working time, or I can buy ingredients and spend and hour or more of my time cooking it, which makes it worth while to just buy it.

              … until I get sick and tired of eating that particular meal. and then I have to find something else to buy.

                1. Right. That’s family, not economics. For that combination, family is the right choice and let the economics take care of themselves.

      2. My father decided he’d repaint house by himself at 79 while my mother was away visiting her aunt in another state. Afterwards his back hurt a lot. A lot. Couldn’t walk. Didn’t tell me for two days that he’d hurt himself badly and was passing blood in urine.

        Turned out he’d dislodged a kidney stone doing the up and down and painting. Almost lost a kidney bc he couldn’t tell the difference between that and his back being so terrible he wanted to die after working too much (and mom wasn’t there to stop him doing too much.)

        That’s reality. At 50 the work you keep thinking should be normal means recovery is slow and getting up is dread. At 80 it can be life threatening.

  14. Ah yes… we (the delightful Mrs. and I) have hit the 70’s and while still “going” we sure aren’t what we used to be! I retired just four years ago and have, sort of, marked time from then – I’ve slowed down on the physical front and have noticed the impact of age on a now daily basis. Can’t walk as far or fast as I used to just a few years back. Knee hurts, hands hurt, feet are sore too but I’m still plugging along.

    At retirement many folks sort of fold up as they were “the job” and once that is gone, so are they. I was smart enough to see that and have made myself learn new things (got into ham radio) and do mental/physical things that are new and different to keep the flame still flickering. I also try to keep information avenues open, such as this site, to provide me with interesting things to think about and deal with. So yes, tired but still willing to carry some of the burden and to work at passing on something from all I’ve done. So, thanks to you and all the other folks here – you all keep me “thinking” if nothing else along with often amused. Carry on one and all as shall I!

    1. While it was hard to decide to stop what I was doing, once I made that decision I had no problems walking away. Hubby was the same. He golfs. Me? A lot more sedentary. I read. I work with the dog. I go to the gym. Where I can read on treadmill, elliptical, or even bike, all with music going. Hard to read with the more physical stuff, but I can keep the music going. Would like to get in shape physically enough to be able to take up the Eliptigo Stand Up Bike (regular bikes kill my back). Not seeing that type of progress. It is a goal.

      Bike Family

      1. Try longer handlebars that don’t make you ride all hunched over. If that doesn’t work, look into a recumbent bike.

        For some reason, bicycle manufacturers are convinced that all of their customers want to be in the Tour de France.

        1. I’ve tried higher handle bars on a bike, no go. Recumbent bike? Would like to be higher when in traffic. OTOH even sitting stationary bikes with a sitting seat are hard on my back. So, no. Stand up bike or nothing. Thank you for the suggestions anyway.

  16. Since I refuse to grow up, I shall never die of old age!

    Lol.

    “Snap, Crackle, n Pop” used to be just breakfast companions. Now we are inseparable.

    Lol.

  17. “Not that having kids helps, in a society where ‘break the tie and do your own thing’ is the norm. (Guilty as charged. Though there were other reasons.) But– BUT — the underlying message of the culture is that you’ll be forever young, forever able to take care of yourself, that your capabilities only increase till your drop in your traces.”

    I “wanted to have kids. Didn’t work out that way. As it does for, oh, a lot of men out there. But…

    Suddenly one day it turned out that there are all these younger (sometimes very young) people looking up to me and expecting me to have all the answers. And sometimes I do. By shamelessly stealing from wiser heads that bopped me on the noggin when I was small, doing things I ought not.

    The young are, many of them, screaming for role models. Metaphorically speaking. For adults that have their heads screwed on straight, that take their responsibilities seriously, that Can actually tell them “Look, this ain’t gonna work out how you think. If you really want to try, though, it’ll take work…”

    When I was young, I wanted to be old immediately, too. Just like a bunch of them. Responsibilities? Gimme! I wanted it all, independence, work, and the rewards that come from honest effort and striving. That was freedom. Free to fail, again and again, and then finally succeed.

    Being young was what annoyed me. Had to deal with other kids. They were immature! So was I. Being adult- and older- is pretty great, busted body and broken bits aside. Eternal youth? Forget that! A good long bit of maturity makes for a proper mental life cycle.

    I’d not go back to being young. Being twenty- thirty or so? Sure. Wouldn’t be dating that one girl, ask a different one out. Take that job offer I declined at the time. Spend more time writing.

    But youth? Bah. Don’t miss it. I miss the folks that died back then. Friends. Family. I miss that old fuzzball that decided my lap was her kingdom and gave me the look of death when her spot moved on her. I miss reading my now favorite stories for the first time, running without pain, and music.

    But being young? I’d have skipped that if I could. Adulting is where it’s at. I buy my own books! Write some, too, when I can.

  18. Bidenomics will cure aging! We’ll all die young and so won’t have to worry about age any more.

    Fitch, which has historically been the most credible credit rating agency, just downgraded the US. Yellen says the data it’s based on is outdated, its not as though they have to pay what’s coming up to a trillion dollars per year to service the debt. F’ing morons.

    1. Yep. My beloved is waiting for the recession to hit. I’m waiting for a black swan.

        1. I remain (pleasantly) surprised the long knives haven’t come out. I remember 1968.
          Meanwhile, RFK Jr. claims he can’t get Secret Service protection. Yes, he’s a minor candidate, maybe, but it looks bad. Though I think DeSantis is in more danger.

    3. Yellen says the data it’s based on is outdated,

      …but neglects to mention that the up-to-data is even worse. 😦

      Kalifornia is on track to beat the federal government to junk-bond status, but not by much.

    4. She’s right. The data is outdated. It probably would be A instead of AA if the data was as current as possible. IF Fitch was feeling charitable.

  19. The problem with immortality, among other things, is that it usually comes with something along the lines of people chasing you down allies with swords screaming “there can be only one” .

      1. David Eddings played a lot with that in the Belgarath books and particularly in Polgara the Sorceress. She had to move herself and her charges fairly often to keep people from noticing she didn’t really age.

        1. That was the background for my immortal protagonists. Since they moved to the US, they move every ten to twenty years. Just long enough for people to start to remark on how little they’ve changed, but not enough to really cause people to say, “Hmmm…”

          Of course, things get a little odd when someone goes looking for one of them online and turns up the name of a college student that seems to match… but it’s obviously someone else’s info since the college student attended back in the ’50s.

          What a strange coincidence… 😛

          1. Which works until some mundane has an interest in an immortal. At which point you get the scene in Barbra Hambly’s vampire books where Asher’s wife starts looking for patterns and finds 75% of the lairs of the London vampires, besides proving their existence.

            And that was Victorian tech and record keeping. Add in tech and surveillance cameras and you end up with the signature matching scene from Highlander. The most unbelievable thing about the Howard families was how well the masquerade held up.

            1. Young Thug: “Hey, old fool!”

              Old Gent: “You don’t gets to be old, being no fool.”

              (Surprise mayhem)

              …

              The old gents lesson.

    2. One Greek myth had the protagonist ask for immortality but not for endless youth. Not a good thing.
      Diane Duane did an interesting variation on that; the bad example asked for immortality and endless youth, but didn’t get the ability to mature. He went insane from frustration at being an endless teenager, knowing there was something more but never able to achieve it.

      1. It sounds nice to be an eternal young adult, always healing from injury and can’t be killed.

        Until an enemy doesn’t kill you but imprisons you in an escape proof cell. 😈

        Worse, your enemy learns about your gift and wants you to share the secret (which you don’t know). 😈 😈

        Imprisonment and torture are your fate until he dies. But somebody may learn about your gift and takes up where the first enemy stopped. 😈 😈 😈

        1. The background notes on the background of my immortal protagonist include notes that if someone imprisons him and doesn’t offer a ransom, fortuitous events will eventually happen to let him out. Word starts to circulate about that, and the non-idiots play along (it helps that he doesn’t hold a grudge if he’s ransomed).

          And there’s the local official that burned him to ashes just to be a jerk. One year later to the day, the ruler in question mysteriously ignited while seated on his judgement seat. The protagonist arrived home (which was some distance away) a few weeks later. No proof he was involved, but… (yes, he did it without leaving any evidence)

          Not mentioned in the novel, though, as it’s not relevant to the plot.

          1. I read, Tuck Everlasting, last year and the Tucks have that sort of immortality: they don’t age and they can’t be killed. And it’s a burden to them. Among other things, as society changes their skills are less and less useful, but their habits are more and more set.

            1. I like how Rogue Angel handles the two immortals. Getting harder in the 2010’s as cameras etc. are employed. But for people who knew them in the past, they are reintroduced as a son, or grandson, depending, using the same name.

          2. In other words, there’s something special about him besides immortality.

            1. In the former, yes, an eye is being kept on him. And it goes both ways. If he crossed certain lines, he would be dealt with.

              The latter was all him, with plausible deniability. Regeneration to deal with the “reduced to ash” issue.

      2. It was a minor goddess that asked Zeus for immortality for a young man she liked. IIRC, he shriveled as he aged, and eventually turned into a grasshopper.

    2. IIRC, that is one reason that Chinese society is so regimented: Flood control. One need lots of conscripts to build all the needed levees – and if they don’t build them, everyone drowns.

      1. Yeah. It’s a fascinating and really complicated story. In the north, you have deforestation and (unknowing) terrible land use that led to the disaster that is the Now-Yellow-River. In the south? Different, up until the modern dams started getting built, and farming in places that really should not be farmed, and not in that way. Ruth Mostern’s The Yellow River is fantastic. The River, the Plain, and the State is a case study that is a lot more detailed, and more academic as well. I’d start with Mostern if you want the latest research.

        1. This isn’t the Yellow River, which keeps its distance from Beijing (skirting around Hebei province, which surrounds Beijing). Beijing does have a few small rivers, though, which are apparently tributaries of the Hai. I’m guessing that they also tie into The Grand Canal, which – like the Hai – links Beijing to Tianjin on the initial stretch.

  21. I have been having the weirdest discussions in YouTube comments. As in, “Why would they bring that up?” levels of weird.

    Topic of the video involved the possible US defense of Taiwan against a mainland invasion. I posted in a few different threads in the comments section, but have only been getting responses in one of them. The general gist of it went something like this (the “quotes” are actually rough paraphrases; and my apologies to anyone who served in Afghanistan and disagrees with me based on what they saw and experienced over there) –

    A: “The US will lose in a conventional war against China.”
    Me: “We have no idea of the skill of China’s troops, but India seems to be doing okay against them. No one has used China’s military equipment in a war, so we don’t know how well it works. And China’s maintenance is shoddy. So maybe not. Plus, we could also seize China’s oil shipments from the Middle East using our navy.”
    B: “The US has lost a lot of conflicts since the end of WW2. It’s not all that great.” Lists Vietnam (of course), Laos, Bay of Pigs, something in Malaysia (I think), Somalia, and Afghanistan.
    Me: Notes that after reuniting the country, the Vietnamese promptly beat the Chinese while simultaneously occupying Cambodia, so Vietnam is a bad example to use when talking about whether we can take the PLA in a fight. Laos was part of the Vietnam War, we didn’t even have ground troops in two of the conflicts mentioned, Somalia was a UN-led disaster, and I blamed Afghanistan on the locals not being willing to stand up for themselves against the Taliban. And then I noted that the four of those with US ground troops present all had lots of guerilla warfare, and not much conventional warfare..
    C: “You think there won’t be guerillas when fighting against China? Also, why are you so mean to the people in Afghanistan?”
    Me: “We’re talking about a Chinese invasion of Taiwan. Also, we were in Afghanistan for twenty years, and the Taliban are a minority. The locals could get rid of them if they wanted to badly enough.”
    C (again): “But the Chinese have agents in Taiwan who could fight as guerillas against the US troops. Also, what makes you think you know what the people in a place thousands of miles away from you like Afghanistan are thinking? Also, have you ever been to China or Taiwan?”
    Me: “You really think there’s enough support for mainland China in Taiwan to support a guerilla movement against its own army?” Also repeated the general gist of my earlier Afghanistan comments.
    D: “Taiwan makes chips used for IT. They’re worth more than oil.”
    E: “Yeah, the US has plenty of oil, and needs semi-conductors more than it needs more oil.”

    /facepalm

      1. I know there are people on the right who aren’t depressives but it’s hard to find them sometimes.

      2. Some of them are trying to use the threat of Russia and China as a motivator for political action here. And some just seem to be mischief-makers.

    2. Side note: I discovered last year that Taiwan has the BSA. As in America.

      Mainly because there was a troop from the Far East council at the summer camp my kid went to—and they go there every year. From Taiwan.

  22. The great problem with telling everyone to be a leader is that you can’t be a leader without followers. It has a certain affinity with feminism as the concern with whether women are in the board room and nothing lower.

    Marriage is, in fact, more attainable for most.

  23. I’m not afraid of dying. I’m afraid of being unable to care for myself and having no one to help. Or perhaps worse, being able to care for myself and being stuck in some nursing facility for my own good because the kids running the world Know Better.

    I’m working hard on building a homestead that will take care of me with as little effort as possible. I still have a few years to get everything done.

    2. That’s why we bought a duplex. The other half can be used as an incentive for some sort of attendant when it becomes necessary. Meanwhile, we can rent it – if the remodeling ever finishes – a year and counting. There are plenty of contractors around, they’re just all booked solid. Two years and counting on the deck.

  24. Sigh.

    There are always things out of kilter. And people. And we can’t move them back because our job is to make the best of the scenario He provided for us. Even if it’s not our version of how it was supposed to be. Even if it doesn’t taste good. Even if we lose “all”…

    But I’m encouraged by Job. He lost his children, his wealth, and had boils from head to toe but he said, “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.” I had a boil once. One. I can’t imaging poor Job’s trauma. And yet, he got it all back, including ten more children.

    Let us each take whatever God, Satan, Fate, or [insert your words here] dish out and so live (and if need be die) such that, even if there are no more “songs of valiant deeds”, yet even our foes will remark about our integrity, our faithfulness to our beliefs, and our refusal to kowtow to what is evil and denounce what is good.

    We may not live to see the promise; but like Sarah points out, they still lose.

  26. Think about this for a moment.

    To people from less than a hundred years ago, this is the Earthly Paradise.
    Seriously.
    You have to work hard in most places to starve.
    Illnesses that were brutal killers then are considered “minor problems” today.
    You won’t lose have of your kids to “childhood diseases.”
    Most work in first and second-world countries isn’t brutal and back-breaking, seven days a week.
    We have options for entertainment that even the wealthiest of people could have only fifty years ago.
    We have more options for transportation than the same wealthy people could ever think of.
    And barring the idiots in charge screwing things up, it’s only going to get better. There will be bumps on the way, absolutely…but we’ve survived bumps. Some of them were long bumps…but it’s survivable.

    And I would prefer the issues of immortality to the issues of mortality that we have. If you want to opt out of the world, fine! The way I figure it, there’s at least five hundred impressive waterfalls all over the world and I want to see them all. There’s thousands of microbreweries that I haven’t had a beer at yet. There’s hundreds of women that I would want to try my better pick-up lines on.

    I haven’t eaten every sandwich yet.

    I haven’t seen every science museum yet.

    I’d like to hack my brain so that I can turn my particular Weirdness off so I’m not the guy in the corner being miserable. And back on again when I need it.

    And if we have most of the technological forms of immortality out there, I could opt for trying different ways of life. “Yea, last century I was an even more femme David Bowie-type, but this century I’m doing the ‘muscular barbarian’ look. Or I might find a guy that I like, get a Stepford body and have some kids. And be as good a Mom to them as mine was.”

  27. I will be turning 50 this year, and I have been thinking a LOT about this stuff.

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