Though Hell Should Bar the way

Posted on by Sarah A. Hoyt

Yesterday in the Huns discord, we were talking about …. um…. aging and other subjects. Honestly, I’m not as sensitive as Granny Weatherwax. You don’t need to mumble about the maiden, the mother and “the other.” I don’t feel like a crone, yet, but my medieval definitions, I definitely am. Not only because they lived much shorter lives than we do, and sixty would be “old and full of years” but because the kids have left the house and are adults, and though we don’t have biological grandchildren yet, it definitely could happen. So, crone.

That’s not the issue. I was never a beautiful woman. Wait, I was, physically. I think. But I didn’t know it, so that was not how I defined myself. I only realized men no longer turned around on the street to watch me when I gained sixty pounds over six months of bed rest with older son. And my reaction wasn’t great grief, but rather “Oh, were they doing that? I’d never noticed.” Look, half the time I forget I have a body.

And that’s the problem. Because not realizing I have a body means not treating it particularly well, and blaming all my failures on a lack of will power, or intent, not, you know… on the fact that I can’t do what I used to do.

Which, frankly mostly consisted of abusing my body and mind to achieve the impossible. Six books and fifty short stories a year, sure! I could do that. While raising the kids. With both hands tied behind my back and a sack around my legs….

And I could. For a while.

Then between hypo thyroidism and sleep apnea (both now treated) something broke, and I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. The first year without being able to finish a novel scared me, but I couldn’t seem to get out of the hole.

In retrospect, the altitude was doing me no favors, either. even after I started de-satting overnight, and kept my oxygen in the upper 90s, something must have been going on, because I look at some of my work from that time and it …. it’s like I was trying to write without being able to remember page to page the name of the characters, or what I was doing.

It’s getting better. This year has mostly a lot of life/health events, which honestly, is probably the tax I pay for all the time I ignored body and life. Mostly because in the last years in Colorado there was really not much I could do.

But as I start recovering, I have become aware that it will never be the same. Call it age. Call it that some broken things will never come back fully. Or perhaps I lack enough will power. Who knows.

These days, I listen to this song (finding out it’s about Louis XVI makes me wonder if they ever actually read about him — as opposed to watching movies — because this makes no sense for that. But it’s a great song, anyway) and cry a little:

However, I think — and am experimenting with — at least some of what has been lost can be recovered.

My experiment with sleep hygiene seemed to indicate the stories can come back, full sound and technicolor. If only I hadn’t fallen off the wagon. (Yes, yes, must work on this again.)

So — because we have a fight ahead of us, and it’s hard to persist though hell should bar the way (and it will) — I must enjoin you to try for the sleep hygiene things: A set bed time, all electronics off for at least a couple of hours before, and try to stay away from blue light, try to stay in bed and not read, even if going to sleep is difficult at first, and no naps during the day, because it messes your sleep cycle. And for heaven’s sake, if your bed companion complains of your snoring, do take a sleep test. Sleep apnea causes something too akin to dementia to be comfortable.

And try to eat well. Meaning, unless you’re a full on carnivore (which works for some) try to eat at regularly spaced intervals, and have something green every once in a while. And some protein.

20 minutes of exercise a day, even if it’s just running up and down the stairs with laundry. (Guilty.)

And drink some water.

And if things are off, do try to track down why. Sometimes even seemingly small things can throw the entire complex body system off. A friend says the mystery is not that humans die, but that we somehow manage to live for years and years.

And if we’re going to do battle and push our way through — even if “just” in the culture war — we must be able to perform at our best.

So, you take care of you. It’s not “Indulgent self care.” It’s battle prep!

And then we’ll get through. Though hell should bar the way.

167 thoughts on “Though Hell Should Bar the way”

        1. On your computer, you can install a program such as f.lux that will adjust the color of your screen to reduce blue light glare.

          Additionally, your (android?) phone should have an “eye saver” setting which you can set or maybe even tell to turn on automatically. Mine does, although it’s a cheap model. :)

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Some laptops have a night setting, where you can turn it on and have it much dimmer than normal lighting setting (mine is adjustable also)-very handy for reading a bit before going to sleep.

            Liked by 2 people

        2. If it’s a windows, yes.

          Do a search for the “Night Light” setting.

          It works fairly well, I type in bed on my laptop and other than being a little annoyed it’s orange I fall asleep fine.

          Liked by 1 person

      3. Kindle has “Blue Shade.” It is the setting picture that looks like a bed. You can click on it to get all kinds of custom settings.

        Liked by 1 person

    3. I, too, usually read or write before going to sleep, but I do have f.lux installed on my laptop to keep the blue light from messing with my circadian rhythm, theoretically. In the summer, especially, I do my best work late at night/early in the morning, because it’s just too hot to do anything but nap in the afternoon.

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    5. You can get glasses that are supposed to block most of that blue light. I have a pair around here I use when I remember to and they do seem to reduce eyestrain. Whether they help with sleep I can’t say — falling asleep is rarely a problem for me. When it is it has nothing to do with computer use.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m recovering from minor surgery. Well, compared to some things it was very minor. It has still taken almost three weeks for me to get back close to where I was in early June, physically. I lost a lot of muscle tone, as it turns out (your abdominals are involved in everything). As I rediscovered last week at the gym, doing very, very light weights. Today was much better. I will rebuild, I will get even stronger, but I’m also not 18 years old any more, physically.

    Healing is not pampering. It is a necessity.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Last fall I spent a week incarcerated in the local Medical Industrial Complex prison (it was beneficial (at least to me, some may have a different opinion), wouldn’t have survived without it, and – I saw the bill – the surgeon got a new low-end Mercedes out of the deal. Also have to give full credit to the nursing staff – they’re where the rubber meets the road, without them no amount of expert blade work would be fully productive) and a couple of the Darks Arts Practitioners mentioned that each day of a hospital stay requires 7 days of post-parole recovery.

        For someone who was quite active aerobically and lifting “well above age range” I scoffed. Shouldn’t have – turned out 10:1 was closer initially, and majority, but not complete, restoration of energy, strength and ability took much, much longer than I expected, considerably over triple the mathematically computed 49 days, even when very deliberately working at it. No idea what the “official” ratio is for out-patient procedures but I’m sure it isn’t 2:1 or even close to that.

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        1. On August 24, 2012 I had major back surgery. The entire lumbar spine was involved because of a bulging disk and stenosis. I was in stir 7 days and was still not right by the end of the year.

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  4. “A friend says the mystery is not that humans die, but that we somehow manage to live for years and years.”

    Sort of true, I think. The human biomachine is an amazingly complex and surprisingly durable thing. But it is also trivially easy to break, too, in certain very specific ways.

    Minor sleep deprivation is insidious. You literally cannot tell, most of the time, that you aren’t operating properly. Or you know something is off, but cannot quite say what. Or you’re just in a long series of minor ailments/injuries/infections that don’t seem to let up. Or you think you’re just getting old.

    Same with diet. Exercise. Exercise also helps your brain remain healthy and plastic. Plastic in the sense that it isn’t an ossified bone from ear to ear, you can still learn and retain information.

    If you need encouragement, just turn on the TV. Listen to some mainstream talking head for, oh, five minutes or so.

    Step one (really step oh point one, it’s that obvious) is to realize they hate you. They really, really hate you. The idea of you, the reality of you, the presence of you, all of it.

    Step two is to realize that you’re just the ornery, contrarian sort that wants to live forever just on spite.

    So get healthy. Get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Get married, make babies. Get healthy, live long enough for all your enemies to die off first. Teach your children well, and your legacy will far outlast your mortal life.

    It’s the best revenge.

    Liked by 1 person

    2. And humans are wide-range as things go. Now that phrase “healthy as horse”? Well, it’s not quite Perfect Health or Dead, but the area between those states is Rather Narrow for horses. “Sick as a dog”? The dog might be sick indeed… for now. And then fine. The dog is still alive to BE sick.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t forget it’s possible to do everything right and still have stuff go wrong, because Crud Happens.

      Doing things right just increases your odds!

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      1. …that was encouraging, as in, makes your odds of a good outcome better.

        Not increases your odds of Crud.

        Although that dang black dog keeps insisting…..

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        1. This. If I hadn’t done “everything that you should,” it’s probable that what they found wouldn’t have been “just” precancerous. (I got a double-dose of genes that predispose me to having higher odds of something. Oh. Goody. Joy.)

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  6. The secret of a long and comfortable life is is to pick the right parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents.

    If you did that right, the rest is easy.

    Oh, and more unsolicited sage advice, that I just passed on elsewhere, for all those throughout the world who are younger than me (Based on latest data I could find (2020) that’s 98.1% of you.), PUT YOUR TOOLS AWAY AFTER EACH USE!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Guilty, of having “picked” the correct familial lines. Mom is still going at almost 89. Her parents were all over 90, as were most of their siblings, and their parents. Her siblings are still alive despite being long term smokers. Dad’s side isn’t “as long” lived. But still into their ’80s as long as they don’t smoke.

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      1. Mom is still going at 89 and dad at either 92 (almost surely not, as we found his birth year wasn’t his birth year sometime back) or more likely at 95. Still living independently, etc.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. PUT YOUR TOOLS AWAY AFTER EACH USE!

      :grumbles:

      I do.

      I also have an almost year and a half old who will follow me around and undo what I just did… I spent half an hour searching for a measuring tape I was SURE I’d put away.

      I did.

      He pulled open my desk, then dropped it under the other side….

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I learned that if you hurt all over, all the time, get checked out for sleep problems. Oh and in retrospect, if you don’t remember dreaming. I went in because I was always hurting. Got a sleep study. Mild sleep apnea. Got the treatment for that. Was shocked when I started dreaming. Also shocked that I had been snoring. Now if I dose off for a nap (no-no without sleep apnea device) snoring wakes me up.

    I too don’t give up reading devices before bed. One improvement is my new glasses which filters the blue light coming off of TV and computer/tablet screens. Meletonin helps too (mostly so the middle of the night wake up means I can go back to sleep).

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Diabolical thought. What if we gave George RR Martin a transfusion of your blood? Would it move the needle? Could he get to a novel per year/decade??

    Just musing. 😉

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      1. I get the impression he doesn’t want to. Writing is work, and he has enough money that
        he doesn’t have to ever work again. He’s been retired ever since he left the Game of Thrones TV series. (Effectively before that, I think; pretty sure he wasn’t writing for the show.)

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        1. No, he wasn’t. And he’s said that the ending of the show isn’t how he’s going to end the series. If he ever ends it. (I noticed a new Wild Cards anthology out, so he’s probably getting money from that, plus the second backstory book that released late last year.)

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  9. Diabolical thought. What if we gave George RR Martin a transfusion of your blood? Would it move the needle? Could he get to a novel per year/decade??

    Just musing. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

      2. Well, then, in that case it would at least end the suffering of his fans waiting for him to finish his series. 😉

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      5. You say that like it’s a bad thing.

        Why yes, I am feeling extra salty today. Blame it on being forced to sit through DEI training at work.

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        2. I once wrote a Rada Ni Drako story about why she’s not allowed to go to DIE training. Short version is that she made the presenter cry. (Don’t wallow in “microaggressions” and “a pin-up is sexual harassment” if there’s a survivor of real sexual assault and worse in the room. One who doesn’t want to be there, and who has no patience for whining.)

          It felt good to vent. beatific kitty smile as she tidies her claws

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Back in the 90’s I attended Corp. cultural diversity training. Instructor really didn’t like me (My ethnic background? Generic Mid-West American. Where did my people come from? IA and IL. But about before that? Doesn’t matter. Once in America, all else is irrelevant).

            I think the only reason I didn’t get really onto her list is that she had us do Cultural Roleplaying of a culture not ours. She told my buddy (Ex Army SF, with some knowledge of Mid-East cultures even though his focus was on Korea) to act as a Muslim. His first words were “You! Shut up! You woman! Cover yourself up and sit down!

            Liked by 2 people

              1. That wasn’t even nearly as off the rails as it might have gone.

                There is a reason SF is sometimes known as “the island of misfit toys”. Their sense of humor is… epic.

                Epic.

                Liked by 1 person

            4. That’s even better than my first Sexual Harassment training, where the woman from HR came into the room and asked, “So, do you all know why you’re here?” and the “class clown” answered from the back, “Because you’re a babe!”

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              1. And they keep booze in their division refrigerators. Or so I’ve (seen/heard/touched/all of the above) They’re SOF they actually DGAF. I saw two Navy captains each with a six pack, taking care of their troops, at the end of a duty day. Awesome.

                Liked by 1 person

        3. Crazy Idea for a Story.

          A group of people have been required to attend a DEI secession.

          Out of sight of the lecturers but in sight of the audience is a person.

          As the lecturers are talking, the audience sees the person changing its appearance while winking at the audience.

          It changes its sexual appearance and changes its “racial” appearance in counter-point to what the lecturers are saying.

          It gets to the point where the audience is reacting more to the unknown person/being that the lecturers.

          Worse for the lecturers, as the unknown person seems to be laughing at the lecturers the audience begins to share in the laughter.

          It would be especially interesting if the lecturers realize the person/being is there and react in outrage toward the person/being. :lol:

          Liked by 2 people

          1. The person/being disappears, but reappears at EVERY DIE session from then on. The person/being doesn’t show on cameras. They call in the police. Police say there’s no one there. Supervisor ends up being committed, where S/He/It keeps seeing a shadow in the corner of the isolation room.

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        4. The husband of a friend of mine kept being required to go to DIE training. They told him he would have to lead one session. He told them they didn’t want that. They asked why. He told them he would tell the truth.

          He’s no longer required to attend those.

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      2. Coldplay’s song “Viva la Vida” owes its title to a painting by Frida Kahlo. The liked her determination to continue despite surviving polio and a spinal injury that caused her chronic pain. About her politics the less said the better. The song is about a King who’s lost his kingdom. About people who aren’t on St. Peter’s list. The best fit for the lyrics isn’t any of the French Kings but one of the Roman Emperors who retired to Capri as a street sweeper and died peacefully in bed. Ruled in the 1st Century AD IIRC. Tiberius?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I think Suetonius may have had him murdered by Caligula. (The TV version of, I, Claudius, involved Caligula and a pillow).

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          1. And anyway, Tiberius didn’t retire to blah blah blah. He went there the same way people go to lax principalities: TO SCREW LITTLE BOYS. No, I don’t mean pubescent boys, which was okay in Rome, within limits. I mean LITTLE boys.
            Tiberius was considered a horror by his own contemporaries.
            And according to the band it is the French Revolution: https://www.chosic.com/viva-la-vida-meaning-and-the-story-behind-coldplay-famous-song/
            ALSO otherwise “revolutionaries want my head on a silver platter” and “who would ever want to be king” would make no sense.
            Kindly credit me with having done research. I do it kind of automatically.

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            1. This is not intended as sounding angry at you guys. Just…. I did research, and this is what came up. And why I think they didn’t actually research Louis XVI.
              But the song is great.

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              1. I know.
                I’m reading a popular history of the first century, for Rome, China and the Jews. I noticed the author (who is nicely -as in, very fairly – agnostic regarding Christ) depicts Tiberias as gloomy, grim, competent with a cruel streak….and mentions his “sinking into depravity,” on Capri in passing and never really mentions it again.
                Hmm.

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                1. I only know because I did very serious research on Rome way back. I thought I could write a novel set there. I couldn’t. I don’t want to. But I spent years and years doing the research.

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  11. It’s okay to go full on carnivore, but to do it properly, you need to personally run down and kill your own meat. ;-)

    Sleep deprivation via sleep apnea will cause you to have dementia, and the longer you don’t treat it, the damage accumulates. You are literally starving your brain for oxygen, and everyone remembers how long you can go without breathing before brain cells start to die, right?

    You want signs? Do you always feel tired, even in the morning, no matter how much sleep you thought you got? Do you fall asleep during meetings? I mean literally. Do you catch yourself dozing off and almost falling out of your chair? Do you find yourself missing seconds of awareness while driving? (That’s what clued me in that something was amiss and got me to talk to my doctor.) Is your attention span lagging? Do you have problems remembering what you were doing or looking for? Everyone has these issues once in a while, it’s when they start happening daily that is a red flag. Obstructive sleep apnea usually affects those who are overweight, or were overweight, of the elderly with lower muscle and skin tone (flesh sags into the airway, blocking it partially or totally.)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I had most of those symptoms for several years before $SPOUSE (then $SO) said I had apnea. Since I’m that way, I set up a couple of microphones and recorded my breathing. Yep, apnea.

      Sleep Apnea and AFIB

      FWIW, sleep apnea is also related to, and can cause/intensify AFIB. My SWAG is that the longer the apnea is untreated (I first noticed difficulty staying awake in ’90 and wasn’t treated until 1998), the worse AFIB can be. That wasn’t diagnosed until 2012 after the second round of cataract surgery. (Had power issues from a bad transformer that killed sleep a night or two before that round. Stress sets AFIB off for me. Whee.)

      AFIB can be treated if caught early (way too late for me). I think there are some medications that attack the symptoms. (Warfarin and the fancier anticoagulants prevent clots from forming and killing you, but don’t do a thing about the actual fibrillation.)

      There’s also a surgical procedure to zap the relevant part of the heart. My cardiologist says I had it way too many years for that to work for me. So, I use Warfarin (Rat poison for the win!), keep my eating consistent, and get tested as often as necessary. In my case, we’ve set a menu that I can keep to, so I usually only need clotting tests every 8-12 weeks. Before we got the eating & dosage right, I was tested a few times a week. If I get sick/dehydrated/do a lot of strenuous activity, it’ll muck up the numbers.

      Getting useful information from a CPAP machine

      Most modern CPAP machines will record the sleep information. Mine (a ResMed 9) dumps it onto an SD card, and while ResMed has a program to read it, a free alternative is OSCAR. (To find it, search on “OSCAR apnea monitor”.) Note: some machines (Phillips Dreamstation 2) don’t play well and want the clinician to set basic parameters, including humidity. That’s bad practice, IMHO. I was able to prevent further nosebleeds from hell by raising humidity on my ResMed. (I got the clinician manual downloaded through apneaboard dot com, and made the humidity control a patient settable parameter. Problem solved.)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh yeah, the OSCAR people said that Phillips encrypted the data on the DS2 card, so it would only be readable by the clinician’s software. (Said encryption is now defeated in the current version of OSCAR.) No idea if it’s Phillips or some EU nanny state thinking, though I’d be inclined to suspect the latter.

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        1. I pulled the card from my RESMED and stuck it in my SD card reader on my computer. DIdn’t have any trouble reading the data off it. Understanding the data was something else, so I had to go hunt down the manual like you did.

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      2. There are quick and dirty solutions for looking at your sleeping patterns. While they can’t replace a proper analysis, there are mobile device apps that will listen while you sleep, record any noises that you make (snoring or talking), and otherwise try to analyze what you did during the night (for instance, noting that at such and such a time, you entered a more restful sleep).

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        1. Heck my Fitbit tracks 4 stages of sleep, as well as oxygen saturation (94.5% average). Sleep clinic sleep study involved home monitoring system (8 hours average, 6 – 8.5 hours range actual sleep, about 1.25 hours awake regardless of how much total time slept – bladder, cats, or dog, are at fault). Went in to clinic around 8 PM, got hooked up, equipment tested, shown how to do final setup and turn on/off monitoring equipment. Took in test equipment the next morning. That equipment also does oxygen saturation, and a lot more sleep levels. The test did its job. But that night’s sleep was not the best. For three reasons: 1. The equipment (duh). 2. Didn’t take Meletonin or any OTC pain meds, which normally do. Bad choice. 3. Cats decided the connecting hoses and wires were toys (duh).

          OTOH having to do an in clinic sleep study is not going to work for me. I don’t do well in not-my-bed sleeping. I toss and turn at home in my own bed, looking for cooler sheets, and swap/flip pillows. It is worse if not in my own bed. Add monitoring equipment and what would be the point. At least my sleep apnea solution doesn’t involve masks or hoses (dang cats), but does trigger mouth full of taffy and gum that I can’t clear out, dreams. I then wake up just enough to tell the dream to stuff it, it is the mouth piece. Oh, learned with the first mouth piece version that I grind my teeth; go figure.

          First version I broke it 3x’s in 14 months. Second, more substantial version I’ve had 3 years now. Not broken it. Same one my dentist has been using now for 40+ years and he said only replaced when it got too “gunky”, never broken. Did not get the first one from my dentist (he wasn’t on the “list”). Got the second one when I found out they could get them made. Don’t as a rule. But have them for themselves, staff, family, and clients, who bring it up.

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          1. I was chipping lower incisors and the dentist suggested a night guard. Paid for one that installs easily when heated (I’d soak mine in hot tap water), but the lab screwed up and did a thinner version first. They did the right one immediately, but I have both. Turns out the thin one is far more comfortable.

            Yeah, it seems most of the staff at the dentist’s office (including my dentist) use a night guard.

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            1. As far as I know only Dentist Sr. and Dentist **Jr. (father/son duo), from the clinic wear the mandubular devices. Sr. has worn it for decades. Jr. got his just couple of weeks or so before I got mine. Jr. warned he was still unconsciously removing his at night. I teased him a bit on subsequent visits that I never did take them out at night. Not my fault he didn’t remember that this pair wasn’t my first, even though the first pair wasn’t made by them or anywhere near as bulky. Granted the plastic/epoxy (whatever they are made of) only broke once, and it was the arm pieces that kept breaking, but still it repeatably broke, At rising cost, $500 each instance, to keep getting it fixed? Heck no. It was worth the $500 (after customer *cash discount and insurance paid) net cost to replace with a more sturdy (if “old tech”) option.

              The good news is son isn’t likely to require the device as he gets old. Granted my problem is not helped by age, and being overweight. But even losing weight won’t help my diagnosis. The solution was to move my lower jaw forward which does not allow the tongue to fall back and block the airway. Son wore special headgear (internal 24/7) for 9 months as he grew to force his lower jaw forward. Neither of our overbites are particularly bad, nor visible, but they are there (or were for son). To correct mine now as an adult would mean breaking my jaw medical procedure. That is a hard no.

              (*) Dentist discount for paying upfront and not having to file for insurance reimbursement. I filed insurance. Because “dentists & orthodontists don’t file “medical” claims, they file dental claims. Learned that lesson with the first device.
              (**) Hints that siblings also were getting the devices.

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          2. When I got partials, I got the trial pack of Efferdent from the dentist. Bi-Mart’s generic version is as good, and considerably cheaper. Partials go in for overnight, and I’ll use another tab to soak the night guard when I get up. Seems to solve the gunk problem quite well. It’s nice not having to worry about abrasion on an appliance made of softish plastic.

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          3. Yeah, the mask did exacerbate the tooth grinding problem for me by bringing my jaws together. First week with the CPAP and I could taste my ground teeth. Rather than cough up the $500 for a “customized” mouthguard the dentist kept pushing on me, I did the same as RCPete, bought a couple of thin sports guards, heated them up and molded them to fit. Mine don’t get “gunky” because I clean them every morning when I get up and brush my teeth.

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            1. I clean mine every morning with commercial denture/retainer tablets, and again brush them, before using very hot water, to soak them in. I suspect over a very, very, long time, which is what dentist was talking about, short of taking them in to have hygienist clean them, buildup will occur.

              Mine were not $500 custom. They were $1900 “custom”. But then mine aren’t for protecting my teeth (though it does that) but to pull my lower jaw forward, which prevents my tongue from blocking my throat airway.

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        2. FWIW, OSCAR runs on the major operating systems, and the sufficiently motivated can build it from source. I did that with the predecessor project (“SleepyHead”) that OSCAR picked up on.

          It takes the waveforms from the SDD card; not sure if it takes the top level data (AHI for the night plus hours used), or if it reconstructs them. Top level numbers seem close.

          I’m prone to Cheyne-Stokes breathing, where over the course of a minute I’ll barely breathe, then resume normal, rinse and repeat. (Unlike obstructive apnea, there’s no sudden onset of air.) A lesser value of CS is hynopnea, where the low point isn’t almost “off”. The program figures most of this out, though occasionally some CS events are listed as obstructive, but a close look at the waveforms show what’s real.

          I talked to the cardiologist about this a few years ago, and he didn’t feel it was an issue; he figured it wasn’t hurting my heart, and if I was worried, I should get a referral to the pulmonologist. I see a new cardio doc in a few weeks and we’ll find what she says. (My regular cancelled. He never bought into the COVID and not-vax narratives. TPTB were pretty pissed when they heard about any doc not pushing the shots. Don’t know if he was found out.) Non-insurance costs for a servo-type machine were well beyond my budget the last I loooked. (Seems very Prussian. You Will Breathe! On Schedule, verstehe?) We’ll see.

          FWIW, if I’m not sleeping well (first night in a strange bed or on a road trip, or if the hose/wires are in the way, or, or…) my Cheyne-Stokes numbers are really low. Single digit AHIs usually mean I didn’t sleep well that night. It is what it is. :)

          There’s capability to merge in O2-Sat data. I don’t know the details.

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          1. My O2 levels were dropping below 80%, enough that it was impacting the EEG telemetry they were monitoring at the same time.
            Yeah, I did NOT sleep well at their lab, even with a decent bed. Part of it was being wired worse than a dozen extension cords plugged into single outlet, the other, not being able to move much, or sleep in normal position to keep from dislodging the sensors.

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            1. Coworker went in for his in clinic sleep study. After one hour they woke him up and sent him home, with a cpap loaner. That bad.

              In clinic test would go “better”, because no dog, and no cats. I have to move at night when I sleep, and I do not sleep on my back, unless exhausted. When either I can’t move, or I sleep even a little on my back, I do not move immediately when I wake up. I have to work up to it. My back aches/hurts badly. Not quite back spasm levels but can too easily trigger them. Put me on an unfamiliar mattress? OMG, No. (I suspect the moving at night, changing positions, is what is keeping the back, etc., active enough to not ache in the morning.) I also suspect moving around at night is not good for keeping sensors properly engaged.

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              1. Sounds like you sleep like I do. Roughly 90 minutes on one side, roll over to the other for another 90, rinse and repeat throughout the night. On occasions where I am totally exhausted, I might fall asleep for the whole night on one side. Back only spasms when I get up if I’ve spazed it out from overexertion and I’m trying to recover from it (usually 2 weeks of ouch.)

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                1. About right. My back goes into spasms (eventually, doesn’t happen immediately) if my pelvis locks out of level. A sore back in the morning makes that more likely to happen. I have specific stretches to do before sitting up to prevent that. Yes, about two weeks of severe ouch once the spasms start, until the either I can unlock everything (using OTC pain medication and prescription muscle relaxers, latter of which is apparently *addictive) or chiropractor and then sometimes OTC medication is needed. I am very religious about doing those morning stretches.

                  (*) Took less than half dosage to knock me out. Don’t remember the name, now, haven’t used them since learning chiropractic option worked, 15 years ago. Not one heard on the news, and didn’t find out supposedly addictive until ran out of first two week prescription, six back spasm incidents, and a year later. After first incident, with prescription on hand, could stop full blown incident if I used prescription early (not as tightly locked up), instead of waiting to get to doctor appointment. Had no problem getting prescription refilled when I saw the doctor and told him how I’d handled it. The last prescription, after going to the chiropractor, was turned in to prescription disposal, expired and barely used.

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              2. Husband’s sleep test went pretty well, he was out for about as long as at home …except they recorded zero REM.

                The nurse was impressed, just not in a good way.

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                1. Yes. Zero REM is not good. I suspect mine was the same given the dreams started again after I started actually sleeping good again.

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                    3. I know I dream, I just (almost) never REMEMBER the damn things!
                      ……….

                      I know I’ve dreamed. I remember them on waking up. Just not, usually, very long after waking up.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    4. One can be dealing with their sleep apnea properly, but still sleeping poorly. I know the current heat has been a problem for me. I really can’t sleep these days without the house cooling down. We don’t have central air. Floor air (3 through Costco), and one wall unit. Keeps the house tolerable during high heat. But even keeping it going well after the sun goes down, the house is still mid to high 70s at bed time. Temps don’t drop enough outside to cool the house until 6 AM. Even if we were to leave the lower floor windows open. I’ve gotten where I sleep some, 3 – 4 hours, get up, open up the windows at OMG-thirty, get the house cooled down to 68 or so, then close everything up, go back to bed and sleep for a 3 – 4 hour nap. Not as good as a straight 7 – 8, but better than trying and failing to sleep at all. There are other reasons why I might not sleep good, but right now the heat is the major identifiable cause.

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      3. I was hospitalized about five or six years ago for a disagreement with my heart over proper behavior. They eventually used a procedure called “cardioversion” to correct the AFib. I remember the doctor was a bit cagey about whether it involved stopping my heart but I had to sign a temporary suspension of any DNRs so I figured it did. I looked it up later and — sure enough — the idea is to stop the heart and restart it a few seconds later with, hopefully, normal sinus rhythm.

        That is why I sometimes jokingly refer to myself as a zombie.

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          1. Shortly after I got out of the hospital the cardiologist sent me for a perfusion test. That left me sufficiently radioactive that I was advised to avoid airports for at least two weeks.

            That Halloween I was still within the two-week “too radioactive for the TSA” time frame. Since I was also still wearing that stupid portable defibrillator I was — wait for it…

            A Radioactive Zombie Cyborg!

            Too bad I didn’t know any still living movie makeup artists. I’d have paid to have someone make me up as a melty-faced zombie with green glowing highlights just for the trick-or-treaters.

            Yeah, I love Halloween like a Weson.

            Liked by 1 person

      4. I had suspicions of apnea back when. Bedmates reported bad snoring and stopped breathing. I had to bring earplugs for camping buddies for the snoring. Talked to my doctor and he pooh poohed it saying it was all in the news so now everyone thinks they have it.

        Being of a similar sort I got my video camera and VCR, a 25 watt red bulb so I could sleep but the camera could see, and wired up the Schwinn heartbeat bicycle monitor I found at a garage sale and put it in view of the camera with me in the background.

        Lovely video of heart rate going from 60-130 followed by a small convulsion as I gasped for air, over and over again for as long as I bothered to watch.

        That finally got me a proper sleep study which found I had pretty bad apnea with pretty grim O2 saturation levels.

        My musical ability had gone away and took over two years to come somewhat back, not all the way, and I’m sure other stuff isn’t as good as it once was. Sigh.

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        1. Dad and maternal grandfather never got sleep studies. Their snoring was raise the roof epic singularly, not to mention together (post holiday dinner chair snoozes, and hunting camp tents). Did not bother me until left home for college and no longer around it. Then we attended youngest sister’s wedding. We “messed” up and didn’t get one of the block rooms set aside for family at the hotel venue (were in discounted room block for wedding guests, just not “with family”). Sister and BIL did, just a couple of rooms, and across the hall from mom and dad, and grandparents. BIL reported he could hear them from their room (muffled, but he knew what the sound was). Not a cheap venue either. Still comes up during family stories (wedding was 35 years ago this fall).

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    2. Had most of those issues 6-7 years ago, got a sleep test, and SonofaB! Had apnea. Got a CPAP and I now remember what fully rested feels like.

      I’ve also found I don’t get sinus infections nearly as often as I used to. I think the warm humidified air in the winter is the reason.

      I never had any issues wearing a mask while sleeping. Years of 80’s era Chem Warfare masks (M-117) and aircrew masks, and a CPAP is nothing.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. She who was to be $SPOUSE dogsat when I had my titration procedure. When I came home, she was amazed at how chipper I looked and sounded. My obstructive AHI was around 60, so even the analog system back in the day was a huge improvement.

        Had to wear a face diaper in the IC test area, and a bunny suit in addition to that on my rare trips into the fab. (Circa 1990s). So, a CPAP mask wasn’t a big deal. OTOH, I found a really comfortable nasal pillow system (now long obsolete and long gone supplier) and switched to it after a few years. I tried ResMed’s version, but found it painful. Gimme the mask with air.

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    3. I must’ve been hyper-oxygenated when much younger. Seemed like I recalled every dang thing – even (especially) if I’d rather not. Some of that still lingers. Humbug.

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  12. I’m good at 4k altitude but did a fourteener this past Friday and was not happy above 10k. Headache, fuzzy brain, nausea. As I went down from the peak I felt better with each step down in altitude. This is what Sarah must have felt like moving thousands of feet down in altitude, I thought. And I was just up there for an hour or so, not a period of years.

    You figured out what was wounding you and you’re still in the process of healing from it, I think. I hope!

    Liked by 2 people

    3. I recall hearing a Telescope Operator who jogged etc. at 7,000 ft (Kitt Peak) figuring to have advantage at Mauna Kea (14,000 ft). She related that maybe it helped, but no way was she ‘right’ at 14,000 ft for any length of time. As I recall, they tried Very Hard to spend time at a ‘mere’ 7,000 ft if & when they could, if not near sea level. I believe the absolute max (unless snowed in, etc.) for ‘at peak’ was 3 days – and you really did NOT want to (have to) do that.

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      1. I’ve been working out regularly, with a trainer, to be reasonably back in shape for our trip, because knew we’d be at elevation. One hike at 8k-ish feet (Peto Lake, Banff National Park), my legs were fine (didn’t hurt), but my lungs were going “where in the hell heck is the oxygen?” going up the trail. Not only that but sucking in that much not cloudy or rainy cold air (mid-60s) Hurt. It would have been worse if I hadn’t done any exercising, and recovery was quick. But dang.

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      2. Hubby and son, when son was 13, hiked up South Sister, with son’s scoutmaster on non-troop outing to scope for potential outing stop on the 10 day summer backpack. Overnight campout at Moraine, then hike up the next morning. Two things happened, one, apparently the kid never shut-up (the kid who rarely talks) the entire hike up the trail, and final scramble, while the two adults huffed and puffed, stopping frequently to admire the scenery. Two, hubby did not make it to the top. He couldn’t get enough oxygen. Could see the top, just couldn’t make it up the last scramble.

        Troop did do the hike that summer, but the previous trip taught the adults that that part of the hike had to be volunteer, at least 4 groups. 1) those not going, left with an adult 2) first group, the younger, least experienced, slower, start two hours early (with an adult), 3) second group, intermediate level, with an adult, start hour later, and 4) last, advanced group, star level and above, including one jr scoutmaster. All 3 latter groups meet up just before last scramble, to finish climb, just after dawn. Worked great. Until at dawn a major thunder storm could be heard, and seen, starting to roll in. Scoutmaster called off the last scramble, down they came. Camp was broken. Rain gear on. But didn’t get out of campsite area before storm hit overhead so had to huddle down (for once no loitering on camp pack up, and clean up, storm moved in fast). Not the best spot to ride out a thunder storm, downpour, and hail included. Better than the summit, or further up the mountain. I was the adult who volunteered to forgo the climb :-)

        Another observation. Our group was prepared. Other groups, including families with small children, in particular the ones who left the closest trailhead for a long day hike. Were very unprepared for the weather change (never, ever, hike in the Cascades without at least raingear!) Evidenced by USFS having rangers already on that trail to deal with problems. We met them where the PCT trail north met the trail they (had to have) ran up (quickly hiked at any rate, and it is not level). There was an offer to help (we met the first family about the time the rangers got there), but the rangers preferred us to move on. One group they hadn’t had to help.

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  13. “Call it that some broken things will never come back fully.”

    This is a truth that is very hard to accept. I’ve been in a process of repairing what I can and having to accept that the rest is up to other people or Himself. Hard to swallow. Some things I wrecked will never be quite right again, they might be workable, even amiable, but if I hadn’t been such an idiot, what might have been … hiraedd …

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Trying to take care of us. Got blindsided this morning when I got a call from a rehab center thanking me for a donation. My brother never went to that sort of rehab, but….had to ask to cut the call short because something reached into my heart and dug. Would rehab have helped him? I’ll never know. And his birthday is next month, so another hurdle to face. He would have been 62.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Seconded. If you’re vertical and breathing, everything else is of secondary impotance. Of course, if you’re vertical and not breathing, that is a problem . . .

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      1. As George Burns famously told Johnny Carson when asked by Carson how it felt to be 98, “it beats the alternative”.

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  16. I like how I see this while on a gurney in the ER. I noticed something, sent email to clinic, they said make appointment, I did, and later got called go to ER NOW! Been here a while, had a head CT and electrocardiogram, now waiting on results.

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  17. I like how I see this while on a gurney in the ER. I noticed something, sent email to clinic, they said make appointment, I did, and later got called go to ER NOW! Been here a while, had a head CT and electrocardiogram, now waiting on results.

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  20. Look, half the time I forget I have a body.

    I can’t forget. I keep getting reminded. Painfully. For some reason, my body regularly tries to pass through objects that steadfastly refuse to allow it to do so.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Ow. Found the tow hitch on my truck a few weeks ago that way. Yesterday, was at work and found the underside of the pallet I was in the process of shrinkwrapping when I tripped over another pallet. Ruptured a varicose vein and when I lowered my sock to see the wound, it squirted on the floor about 18 inches away.

        Note: Despite horrible description, not a serious injury. Went to ER, took a few minutes to decide how they were going to keep it from doing that while they worked on it, got a temp tourniquet put on, doc put in one stitch, all done but the gift wrapping!

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      1. It is also the chronicle of things survived. Skull fractures did not kill me, but in an ironic turn they made the migraines more bearable somehow. The stabbings didn’t either, but they remind me I’m alive when I move a certain way. Pointedly, one might say.

        All the other stuff, the accumulated damage of misspent youth, violence, and the occasional personal idiocy builds up over time. The joint pain, bad knees, bad back, and all the rest are indeed proof of life.

        Getting old ain’t for sissies.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. The joints, knees and back the Reader expected as he approaches the end of year 70. Dupuytren’s contracture in his left hand with no family history of it and none of the suspecting aggravating factors except being male and over 50 wasn’t on the Getting Old bingo chart. Xiaflex procedure brought partial improvement, but the Reader still cannot grip a golf club(sigh).

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Odd. I have Dupuytren’s on my left hand also. I stretch it daily, so I still have full rom, but the lumps on the tendons can be annoying at times.

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  21. Pingback: no name post on a Muhndaze eve | Dio's Workshop

  22. Take care of yourself. I’ve been worried about you and the family.

    On another note, my latest CT scan came back clean, still cancer free. Have another one in 4 months.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. No clever advice or aphorisms today from The Phantom.

    One of my characters in current WIP opined; “Try not to be an a-hole, and everything will probably be okay.” I take no credit, they come up with this stuff on their own. ~:D

    Liked by 2 people

  25. My mind still thinks I am forty, most of my body ain’t bad for 60’s, four back surgeries in five years is starting to convince my mind I am no longer forty, but alas I am 60’s. As far as hell barring the door, I’ll hobble my way through and still kick it’s ass. Might take longer, but I got time, besides hell ain’t getting away. Ye thou I walk mother……

    Liked by 1 person

  27. At one of our mission work meetings, our Facilities Manager, a retired sheep farmer who is on the go here dawn to dark, reminded us other old folks that all we had to aim for was “to do your best — just don’t try for your 35-year-old best.”

    I’m hoping someday to at least get back to my 65-year-old best!

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  28. My heart and kidneys are about ready to quit and conspired to order a shutdown of my voluntary muscle system, which is waking back up all too slowly for my taste. I should be out of rehab and back home by the end of the week.

    . I’ve managed to outlive both paternal grandparents, but my maternal grandmother made it to 104. I don’t expect to.

    Still have stuff to do, but I’m running out of time to get it done.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Having crossed over into the land of the septuagenarians I gotta say I’m doing OK. Most of me kinda works. So, so, so glad I’m not as ignorant, arrogant, feraful and stupid as I used to be. I wouldn’t trade that for the ability to do any number of push ups.

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