State of the Union Bingo — Wrongfun for the Whole Family – by Ellsworth D’Silva

*I’ve been having trouble keeping my equanimity “in these trying times.” Also I need to finish a Dyce book for a wife (not my wife, one of your wives. And that’s after the Shifter’s book.) Fortunately guest posters come through again – SAH*

State of the Union Bingo — Wrongfun for the Whole Family – by Ellsworth D’Silva

We don’t actually recommend that you subject yourself to the State of the Union address, but if you absolutely must because –say– a mush-head relative insists you must watch it, we suggest you print and distribute these bingo cards. Wrongfun for the whole family.

We also suggest you don’t make it a drinking game. Even Stephen Green doesn’t have a good enough liver to survive that.

134 thoughts on “State of the Union Bingo — Wrongfun for the Whole Family – by Ellsworth D’Silva

  1. Would I be foolish to draw a conclusion from the guest poster’s use of the D’Silva name?

  2. This pic is a hoax. There are too many free squares that aren’t marked “free.” Don’t use this as a drinking game unless you’re using someone else’s liver!

  3. How about a song to sing while playing the game? To the tune Bingo, perhaps?

    There was a moron gave a speech
    and Biden was his name-O

    B I D E N
    B I D E N
    B I D E N

    And Biden was his name o

    While behind him sat the b-tch
    And Nancy was her name O

    N A N C Y
    N A N C Y
    N A N C Y

    And Nancy was her name o

    And in the front row sat a rat
    And Chuck was his name o

    C H U C K
    C H U C K
    C H U C K

    And Chuck was his name O

    And on the TV barked some seals
    And the media was their name O

    M E D I A
    M E D I A
    M E D I A

    And the media was their name O

    One could go on.

    1. You could go on, but need not, as Biden* will be doing enough of that all too soon, and almost certainly with less coherence than your creative adaptation of that old nursery rhyme.

      1. Satire is dead.

        Pity that. This has turned into an ear worm for me,

        The puppeteer sat pulling strings and SOROS was his name O,
        The billionaire sat eating bugs and Bill Gates was his Name O,
        Pooh bear sat laughing in Beijing and Xi JinPing was his name O

        1. I appreciated it, I just think there’s a lot of going on and on that will be coming from Biden*.

          And there’s even more carrying on from a limitless host about the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Most of it is likely to be lies and propaganda. Putin is horrible tyrant who’s invasion is bringing misery and suffering to millions. Beyond that, I doubt much of what I hear, whether it be from Putin’s apologists or from the Ukrainian side. I’m rooting against Putin, of course, but there’s been so much pro-Ukrainian propaganda disproven (Snake Island, Gray Ghost, sunflower seeds, etc.) that I’ve become even more cynical.

          1. My view is if you don’t laugh you’ll cry and, in my own depressive way, I’m a happy warrior.

            Last one, promise 😇

            We had joy we had fun
            ‘Cause Joe Biden’s very dumb
            Then we thought and we cursed
            ‘Cause Kamala is much worse

          2. Thank you for saying this. In just the last 24 hours, I have been called a fool, a CIA agent, a Satanist, and a ‘Globohomo’ (whatever that may be), all for the crime of saying that the Ukrainian people have a right not to be invaded and conquered.

            1. The troll farms are putting in overtime.

              Sometimes it shows. Saw one cutting and pasting comments in the same blog post.

            2. Have you run into the thing where Russia invading the Ukraine is America’s fault because we were not “gracious” when they lost the Cold War?
              We were, apparently, much nicer to Germany and Japan, so one really can’t blame Russia for being so threatened by tiny neighbors that it takes them over…..

                1. Back to front– yes, really, that IS the strongest argument that we weren’t properly gracious to the people of the country, that we didn’t go through and collect the war-criminals. The logistics would be difficult, and the long term effects would be a problem, but … ah well, squid farms on Mars.

                  We spent millions a year for decades to rebuild the economy of Russia alone, nevermind the escaped countries. The world allowed Russia to step into the USSR’s position in the UN and treaties. And so on.

                  But… we didn’t make them the first country invited into NATO, so we were not ‘gracious’.

                  Aaaargh.

              1. It’s our fault because we taught them you could do anything if you called your victims Nazis.

  4. I like the Babylon Bee’s recommendation for this SotU:

    “State of the Union Will Just be 90-Minute Broadcast of Dumpster Engulfed in Flames”

    1. Or a gif of a male bovine doing his business in a field. On a loop. But that might just be too much truth-in-television, so it’d have to be Not-the-Bee.

      1. Now I’m imagining Orvan writing the SOTU. We’d have to make him agree to use English instead of just saying “Moo,” but otherwise I bet that would make for fun reading.

    2. Would Putin use nukes using the SotU; the bulk of federal elected officials are there and given the already known incapacity of Biden, there could be enough chaos for his nukes to hit before any sort of response.

        1. I’d give him a prize for materially improvising human happiness for every federal official, elected or otherwise who went down. The missile would be for the innocent waiters, maids, and hookers whom the nuke would take with it. They don’t deserve to be lumped in with politicians.

      1. Cardshark, look up a system called ELF. It’s basically a way to communicate with our subs using low freq sound (and it’s been described in open source that way). If that cuts off, our subs are under standing orders to consider NCA gone and are authorized to launch.

          1. Da Feds reliably tell me ELF never existed and all those jobs created to build the ELF aray in the U.P. of Michigan was a hallucination . . . at least once it was completed, any how.

  5. It occurred to me that the question isn’t whether Stephen Green’s liver could survive. The proper liver for checking is the one belonging to one Keith Richards.

    And I suspect even he would be in trouble!

    1. Yup if there was an end of the world the surviving creatures would be tardigrades, cockroaches and Keith Richards. I remember seeing that in like the 70’s he was arrested for having an OUNCE of heroin in Canada presumably for personal use. That is a truly heroic quantity and would end most junkies lives as they kept feeding themselves more and more and end up OD’d. Somebody ought to take a look at his geneotype.

          1. Actually it was probably way better than 80 proof so likely would burn …

        1. TXRed that seems a good idea but I do not believe Mr Richards is a U.S. Resident (or nuke plant) so the UK will have to deal with that biohazard.

        2. I always figured Wilson Tucker’s liver would be found 1000 years from now by a team of astonished
          archeologists. I experienced the only hangover of my life (so far) from attending one of his room parties.

      1. My favorite KR story: Back some decades the Stones were on tour, and the Sunday newspaper magazine had a RS quiz of like 10 questions.

        It gave rankings for the number right. 0-1 ranking was ‘Get up Mr Richards, it’s time for your set.’

        1. And the image doesn’t post-go to the link-its one of the many Keith Richards memes.

    1. His speech can be summed up as “The problem is because government isn’t large enough or powerful enough and everything bad is the fault of Trump and Republicans” while claiming that he has done a great job and that anything to the contrary is “misinformation”.

    2. Putting on my tin-foil hat, how do we know that the creature giving the speech is the authentic Brandon? As opposed to an animatronic model? Or a body double, an evil real-life version of Lorenzo Smythe from Double Star?

      1. Far more likely that the whole spectacle is being done in CGI; they have more than enough material for deepfake.

  6. The only relatives that might try to push me to watch it have learned they really don’t want me to, because I will discuss it with them using transcripts and quotes.

    …for some reason, folks who like watching speeches don’t like those so much….

  7. What no square for the Turnip In Chief to have a biological “accident” of such proportions that Pelosi and Schumer are visibly distressed and gagging?

  8. I have watched a couple of the clown in chief’s speeches before and I have been extremely disappointed and saddened.

    He hasn’t stroked out on live television even once.

    Maybe a rousing game of bingo will help deal with the disappointment.

    1. There’s always a first time, and maybe this is it. Unfortunately if it is it we get V.P. Harris. Unless of course the the Secret Service agents have a standing order to resolve the issue…

      1. Or the Capitol Police, who have pretty much become Pelosi’s own Stais anyway. The SOU is held in the Capitol Building after all.

  9. No. I gave all my students time off to go vote if they had not. I’ve done my civic duty for the day. I’ll read the transcript once it’s available.

    1. What’s the point of watching. Pretty much everything Biden says will be BS and he will blame everything on Trump and Republicans while denouncing everyone not fully on board with the radical left’s agenda as being racists or traitors or both. We all know what the state of the union really is, and the Babylon Bee’s “dumpster fire” nailed it.

    2. For a moment there, I had this fear I’d missed the primaries, then I checked and saw the Ohio primary is still two months off, and sighed in relief. I need to take a really close look at the senate candidates. We need a pro-liberty senator, one who’s not owned by China.

    1. “In 2020, several posts using the same image claimed that Bernie Gores went missing during the explosion in Beirut. The image of the supposed CNN reporter is actually a photo of American Twitch streamer Jordie Jordan. Jordan, who goes by WingsOfRedemption on Twitch, also has a popular YouTube channel.”

      and another…

      https://www.shorenewsnetwork.com/2022/02/25/bernie-gores-is-dead-again-this-time-killed-by-a-landmine-in-ukraine/

      Yeah, if they’re this blatant, cannot trust a word any of ’em says.

      1. Hannity* was describing a video today, and my propaganda detector immediately pinned itself. I’ve noted a fair amount of falling for fake stuff lately. (Current favorite is a “Girls with Guns” pic described as a Ukrainian model gone to war–with an Airsoft rifle.)

        (*) I try to avoid Hannity, but was flipping through the sources menu in the car.

      1. They’re the reason that Twitter put in check-mark/verified accounts– deliberate false news.

        He was also executed by the Taliban, according to the fake accounts.

    1. I think the Sears Catalog or Corn Cob would be preferable. I can’t imagine that kind of nonsense wouldn’t cause an allergic reaction or something.

  10. @Sarah, thanks for the work-in-progress. I found some novels (Nick and Nora series, with Nick a tomcat) that sound diverting enough, but Dyce will help…

    1. What, you think a supposed Catholic would actually know when Lent starts?

      … I should probably give thanks he didn’t go to a vigil distribution of the ashes or something equally scandal-icious.

      (For non-Catholics: Ash Wednesday is a day for fasting and abstaining– quite sure Biden is too old for the fasting– but ashes are not mandatory. They are very visible, that’s all.)

      1. I know, and I’m a Methodist.
        (Am contemplating giving up sweets/sugar, with the possible exception of occasional small quantities of bittersweet chocolate drops).

      2. You’re never too “old” to fast. You’re just not required at that point. Most of our elites could do with a bit of deprivation and physical mortification.

        1. That objection would work better if it recognized that one can choose to fast at any point, but the disciplines of fasting, abstaining, and penance are obligatory for certain people on certain days.

            1. Yep. Sick, hurt, pregnant, nursing, heavy labor– basically anything that takes it from “self-discipline” to “hurting yourself.”

              Which happens to also gut a lot of the nit-picky enforcement-on-others impulses, as a nice side effect. 😀

    1. I’ve been watching the news out of Ukraine with some interest and I am struck by how closely the real Russian Army is acting like the fictitious Soviet Army in several late-1980s/early-1990s “WW3” novels, such as Red Storm Rising and Team Yankee. They put on a great show, but all they really have is numbers. How can a modern army be so ignorant of basic tactics and logistics?

      1. Because the Soviets had an entirely different doctrine from the West. Soviet doctrine during the Cold War was built around the idea that you take more casualties early in the war so that you take fewer casualties later on. Whereas a Western army would focus on making use of terrain during the advance to cut down on enemy lines of fire, and minimize casualties, Soviet doctrine would focus on getting to the objective as quickly as possible in order to grab as much ground as you can so that you both maul the defending formations before they can withdraw, and so that your follow-on forces can launch their offensives from further forward.

        Or as I put it on one forum where this came up (it was for a company-level miniatures wargame of a hypothetical mid-80s WW3 in Europe), the goal is to absorb more casualties now so that you can get to Antwerp before the Americans do, causing you to take fewer casualties later. Many people who played that game viewed the developers as “biased” because the Soviet units tended to be easier to hit. Those who were more knowledgeable countered that Western training in things such as using terrain to avoid enemy fire while advancing simply wasn’t part of the Soviet training. That’s not to say that they would advance in the open. But the goal was to cover as much ground as possible. And looking for every protected spot on the way to the objective tends to slow down advancing troops. The fun bit was when someone piped up and related how, shortly after the collapse of the Soviet Union, he’d spoken with a Soviet officer (a colonel, iirc) in conversation, and the officer had essentially confirmed the above.

        Of course, that doesn’t exactly work with the supply limitations noted in the article i linked above. But the jump-off points then were in Eastern Europe, which might not have had the same issues.

          1. Honestly, though, I think the Russian military is mostly not trying. They’re mostly draftees and not stupid, and I don’t think they wanted to invade anybody. I would loaf too.

        1. Back in the ’70s and ’80s I played a whole bunch of different hex-and-counter wargames (from different companies and designers) of WW3 in Europe, and in pretty much all of them if the Sovs bogged down before reaching the Ruhr they were incapable of getting moving again. Depending on assumptions and the competence of the NATO player their spearheads would either get whittled down or everything would escalate to nuclear.

          Also, in every one of those games the Soviets led with their A team, and used the B team to exploit weaknesses. So I disbelieve analysts today saying “oh the Russians sent in the B team to evaluate how good the Ukrainians were and now they’ll crush them with the A team”. Doesn’t hold water. I think the A team just isn’t very good (outside of their special forces and some elite Guards Tank units).

          1. I suspect we played the same games. I used to play test them for SPI, they paid us in games since they had no money.

            I agree that the notion the Russians sent in the B team is fatuous. The closest they ever came to that was sending the penal battalions to soak up fire in WWII and even then the armored divisions following were the best they had. Everything I’ve read about the Soviet army said use the best you’ve got as spearhead to break in then use the rest to follow up. It was always about speed since, as you say, once they bog down it’s almost impossible to start them up again. They had to win before the US could bring in reserves and before the industrial capacity of the west could tell. They aren’t stupid.

            This was a coup de main that didn’t come off and now they’re in a bad place. Zelensky didn’t run and the paras got shot down. So much for that Hegelian philosophy of history BS. Pfuii.

            1. Yep, I think three or four SPI games and then the Third World War series from GDW, where a couple of times I put together all four maps and played the campaign game.

              I used to subscribe to Strategy & Tactics, so there are a lot of little bits and pieces floating around in my brain from their mini-games in each issue.

      2. You might want to read the “Third World War” books by General Sir John Hackett.

        Fun historical note: If you watch “A Bridge Too Far”, he’s the officer blowing his hunting horn from the Arnhem Bridge, which is an actual event.

        1. I haven’t read it. I have read Team Yankee, which the author set in a slightly updated version of Hackett’s world.

    1. So I’ve heard. I think the decision I made to take the wife out to the theater and watch “Death on the Nile” was the correct one. If I’m going to watch a bunch of fiction, I’d at least it to be enjoyable.

      1. We rewatched a Midsomer Murders episode instead. Protip: if you’re exhausted and drowsy, MM episodes don’t make much sense. We did a lot better last night than we did Monday.

    2. I watched part of it. Ow. Glad basketball was on. And that I had books to read. And an issue of _American Essence_ to finish.

  11. Didn’t watch, but a scene of Pelosi smiling, standing and rubbing her hands together when Biden talks about soldiers being exposed to toxic smoke looks downright surreal. And I gather Schumer got confused and stood up to clap too soon – the look on his face was priceless.

      1. Depends whether you take ‘diminished’ as an adjective or a past participle. I mean that several members of the junta (as you aptly call them) appear to have just as much mental capacity now as they ever had, which is not saying much.

  12. I see a Yoo-Toob video of the speech that’s an hour and three minutes. Is that for real?

    How many times did some minion have to sneak up behind Biden and pull his string?

  13. Well, Biden’s sure that Putin will never win the hearts and minds of the Iranian people…or was that Uranium people…

    1. Hildebeeste already won the Uranium people.

      Meanwhile, the Ukrainian IRS has the right attitude:

      “Message from the Ukrainian tax office: “Have you captured a Russian tank or armored personnel carrier and are worried about how to declare it? Keep calm and continue to defend the Motherland! There is no need to declare [them as income].” “

      1. Why do I get the feeling that if anybody invaded the U.S., the IRS would be auditing anybody seen picking up spent bullet casings?

        1. Because the Biden* Regime and the Deep State are only slightly less oppressive and authoritarian than the Putin Regime and its minions, or the Castrudeau Regime and its thugs? Hopefully they’ll all be overthrown sooner rather than later, so we can then turn our attention on the Chicom threat.

  14. I admit, we sat through probably 3/4 of it at my house–mostly in the interests of a.) a train wreck can be interesting (it wasn’t) and b.) to make fun of it.

    But it was so damned predictable, we finally got bored and wandered off to do actually-interesting things.

    1. I listened to it secondhand while trying to put together chapter 9 of the WIP. Biden swiped several things from the Trump years to try and… I’m not actually sure. His radical base isn’t going to be happy he says he wants to fund the police. Or secure the border. Those things were pure MAGA last week, but now they’re Biden’s?

      The incoherent mumbling and misused words were expected. I think Biden’s speechwriters wanted him to sound tough and in control. He didn’t talk about anything that happened in the past year, save to claim victory over the coof (I think that’s what he said anyway). The rest of it was “I’m gonna cure cancer! And make medical care affordable by lowering prices!” And other such bullcrap.

      I think somebody in the White House knows that Biden is bringing down the D party. That oh-so-coincidental relaxing of mandates before the State of the Idiot. I don’t think it’s going to be enough. They can’t fix the economy in time for the midterms. They can’t even patch it together with hasty fixes and pretend. They can’t pretend they’re tough internationally. China won’t let them and Russia won’t play ball. They can’t memory hole the whole covid disaster. All they’ve got to run with is the same excuses the abusive partner gives: “Baby, I can change!”

      We on the other side had best look closely at the prospective candidates on the midterms. The Stupid Party is going to try and run a bunch of Mich McConnel/Lindsey Graham limp wristed pencil necked spineless wusses. Bet me they won’t try. Americans are fed up with democrats, now’s the time to get the cronies elected. Primary those bland, useless fools. We need Trumpian lions. Not another McCain disappointment.

      1. I’m not taking that bet. They usually try that for senate and gubernatorial races, sometimes for others. When it fails, the GOP establishment usually don’t support the primary winner (e.g. Jim Renaci vs. Sherrod Brown in 2018), and sometimes goes so far as to support the Dem (e.g. Kris Kobach 2018, Trump).

    2. I thought about watching, mostly to see who curried favor by applauding at prescribed points, but an hour of that drone strike on my brain was more than I could justify. Apparently all I missed was the desire to bang my head on the nearest desk.

  15. Great news, President Brandon’s going to cure cancer! I’m sure this will work out perfectly, just like everything else he’s done.

    1. Knowing Team HarrisBiden and the mad scientists like Fauci they give aid and comfort to, I fully expect any cancer “cure” they come up with to be the Krippen Virus from I Am Legend movie.

      1. EVE online with massive fleet battles? Or Project Zomboid with maxed zombie population? Or ARK with tons of mods? Or cryptocurrency mining? FFXIV? League of Legends? Maybe several of those at once?

        All be a better use of electrons, I think.

        1. If we agree to let the crypto-miners have dibs on the next-gen supercomputers, can we at least get them to leave the @#$%ing video card market alone? I miss the days when you could buy a decent gaming machine for less than a grand-and-a-half.

          1. I’m trying to update one of the kids’ computers to be able to run basic games without stuttering– FF14 on normal settings, etc, nothing amazing– and the stuff *on sale* for just under $300 is among the stuff that I passed over at half that price before prices spiked!

            1. My condolences. After my last desktop gave out I made do with a cheap laptop for several months, hoping prices would come back down. I eventually had to cave because I needed a real machine for work, and the price tag wasn’t pretty.

              But on another note… As a long-time budget gamer, it caught me off guard that you’d call something like FF14 “basic.” We’ve come a long way, haven’t we? 😉

              1. Yes, we have– a long, gorgeous way. 😀
                They’ve got a video quality upgrade coming, and there’s been some minor ones– but it is so beautiful while still being something that can run on my 6-10 ear old, second-hand, luggable business laptop.

                THIS is what they feel the need to upgrade:

                /fangirling

                1. Those clothes? They move, and in different ways for different materials. The hair? *it moves*– when you have a braid, it thumps along in time to your running, and differently than unbound hair or a pony tail.

                  And the shadows behave like shadows.

                  1. Haven’t been into MMOs since Tradewars – if that even counts – so my closest exposure to FF14 was those parody videos I linked a few weeks back. But if what you’re showing is typical of the game, I agree that it already looks great.

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