So Here Is Some Fun Stuff

FB showed me this from 7 years ago. I still found it hilarious. And I am going to throw down the gauntlet: Come up with more of these!

It is a little known fact that before the foul censorship drive of 1971 all the great works of Western literature were acknowledged to be about chickens.

Nowadays a great effort is being made to restore our heritage and we can finally read the great lines in the original.”Christmas won’t be Christmas without any chickens,” grumbled Jo, lying on the rug — Little Women “

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a chicken” — Pride and Prejudice, hattip RES.

“Dorothy lived in the midst of the Great Kansas prairies, with uncle Henry who was a chicken farmer, and Aunt Em who was the chicken farmer’s wife.” The Wizard of Oz.

“It was a pleasure to burn chickens” – Ray Bradbury.”

There was no possibility of taking a chicken that day.” Jane Eyre.

“It was a bright day in April and the clocks were striking chicken” – 1984

“Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chickens” The social contract (it made much more sense that way.)

“Two coops both alike in dignity, in fair Verona where we lay our chickens” — Romeo and Chicken.

“It was the best of chicken it was the worst of chicken.” A tale of two chickens.

“Sing, O Chicken, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaean chickens” – The Iliad

(What? Well, this was the dinner conversation chez casa Hoyt, and I thought you needed to share the… ah… joy.)

171 thoughts on “So Here Is Some Fun Stuff

  1. A most appropriate theme! The chickens need cheering up after yesterday: National Rotisserie Chicken day.

  2. One dollar and eighty-seven cents. That was all. And sixty cents of it was in chickens. — The Gift of the Magi

    In five years, the chicken will be obsolete — Steel Beach

    Happy chickens are all alike; every unhappy chicken is unhappy in its own way. — Anna Karenina

    As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. — The Metamorphosis

    The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead chicken — Neuromancer

          1. If you LET them! Egg co’s and stores keep advertising their eggs are “vegetarian” — so: laid by SAD (and no doubt hungry and nutritionally deficient) chickens. Alas for the hungry chickens!! Reparations for chickens — send them MICE!

  3. “If only it were so simple! If only there were evil chickens somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every chicken. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own chicken? ”
    -Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Gulag Chickens

    “I don’t mind if you don’t like my chickens. They’re pretty bad. I grieve over them during the long winter evenings.”
    -Raymond Chandler, The Big Chicken

    “The man who has a chicken suffers whilst acknowledging his sin. That is his punishment.”
    -Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Chickens and Punishment

    “Let all the chickens that lurk in the mud, hatch out.”
    -Robert Graves, I, Gallus Domesticus

    “All happy chickens are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
    ― Leo Tolstoy , Anna Chickenina

  4. To be a chicken, or not to be a chicken…that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the pecks and rakings of outrageous roosters, or to take wing against a barnyard of troubling fowl and by opposing end them.

  5. Some more fowl play to egg you on… It’s like poultry in motion.

    Bubba:
    Anyway, like I was sayin’, chicken is the fruit of the land. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey’s uh, chicken-kabobs, chicken creole, chicken gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple chicken, lemon chicken, coconut chicken, pepper chicken, chicken soup, chicken stew, chicken salad, chicken and potatoes, chicken burger, chicken sandwich. That- that’s about it.

  6. There ain’t no such thing as a free chicken.
    Chicken Farmer in the Sky
    Time Enough for Chickens
    At the end they learned that stobor were chickens.
    Heinlein

    1. Small chickens can often be found under seat cushions.

      If you don’t like yourself, you can’t like other chickens.

      It is better to coopulate than never.

      Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of chicken, take big bites. Moderation is for hens.

      –Notebooks of Lazarus Rooster

    2. “Chickens, Mr. Rico! Zillions of ’em! I’m a-burnin’ ’em down!” “Hughes, take a close look at those Chickens. Any of them fighting back? Aren’t they all hens?”
      Starship Chickens by R.A. Heinlein (and several chickens…)

  7. “And when you look long into an chicken, the chicken also looks into you. Ahh . . . an educated man. Well, you’re not as stupid as you look. Don’t quote Nietzsche at me, kid. That German crackpot wouldn’t know a real monster if it bit him on the ass.”
    -Larry Correia, Chicken Hunter International

    “I am an officer of the Royal Chicken Navy, Sir—” Venizelos felt an undeniable rush of adrenaline and pleasure as he faced the burly captain squarely “—and the Royal Chicken Navy does not ‘bluff.”
    -David Weber, On Poultry Station

    “There is a rooster somewhere that is angry because we’re combining stuff like Cutty Sark with fifty-year-old Laphroaig,” Paula said. “We are one day going to run afoul of him and he will raise a great storm to punish us.”
    -John Ringo, To Sail a Rubber Duckling in a Sea of Chicken Stock

    “You have to know exactly what you’re doing before you decide to use chickens.”
    -David Drake, The Complete Chicken’s Pickens Volume 2

  8. Out, damn chickens. – MacChickens

    (For extra points – Out, fowl chickens.)

    (Bonus, Out, fowl chicken nuggets. )

    ___

    T’was beauty killed the chickens. – King Chickens

    ___

    Thou art Chickens. – Chickens in a Strange Land

    ___

    Prepare to be contacted, – Chickens of the Lens

    A chicken keeps nothing for itself. – Shards of Chickens

    ___

    Until every chicken has a chance to enter Heaven, you can consider me a conscientious objector. – Sympathy for the Chickens

  9. Pullos orbis, postquam cuncta vastantibus defuerre terrae, mare scrutantur: si locuples gallina est avari, si pauperem, ambitiosi

    Tacitus, Agricola Pulli

    1. In den alten Zeiten, wo das Wünschen noch geholfen hat, lebte ein Hahn . .
      “Hänchen- und Hausmärchen” der Brüder Grimm

  10. There are no dangerous weapons; there are only dangerous chickens.
    — Robert Heinlein

    Some ideas are so stupid that only chickens can believe in them, particularly left-wing chickens.
    — Poul Anderson

    If I have seen further than other men it is because I have stood on the shoulders of chickens.
    – Issac Newton

    If you do not take an interest in the affairs of your government then you are doomed to live under the rule of retarded chickens.
    — Plato

    Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for chickens ever conceived.
    — Isaac Asimov

    Whoever claims the right to redistribute the wealth produced by others is claiming the right to treat human beings as chickens.
    — Ayn Rand

  11. “He fell into despair, and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a chicken?” Beauty and the Chicken.

    “But oh, to be free. Not have to go poof! What do you need? Poof! What do you need? Poof! What do you need? But to be my own master, such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the chickens in all the world.” Aladdin.

    Here’s a whole bunch from Robby C Heinlein, RAHs feathered doppleganger from the Avian Universe:

    “There are no dangerous weapons; there are only dangerous chickens.”

    “Violence, with naked chickens, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor.”

    “Liberty is never unalienable; it must be redeemed regularly with the blood of chickens or it always vanishes. Of all the so-called natural human rights that have ever been invented, liberty is least likely to be cheap and is never free of cost.”

    “Our behavior is different. How often have you seen a headline like this?–TWO DIE ATTEMPTING RESCUE OF DROWNING CHICKEN. If a man gets lost in the mountains, hundreds will search and often two or three searchers are killed. But the next time somebody’s chicken gets lost just as many volunteers turn out.
    Poor arithmetic, but very human. It runs through all our folklore, all human religions, all our literature–a racial conviction that when one chicken needs rescue, others should not count the price.”

    “To permit irresponsible authority is to sell chickens.”

    “Any group is weaker than a chicken alone unless they are perfectly trained to work together.”

    “Chickens are simply wonderful. Just to stand on a corner and watch them going past is delightful. They don’t walk. At least not what we do when we walk. I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s much more complex and utterly delightful. They don’t move just their feet; everything moves and in different directions . . . and all of it graceful.” Obviously Rico learned English as a Second Language; the word he was searching for was “strut”.

  12. “Give me liberty or give me chicken!” – Patrick Henry
    “Midway this course of life we’re bound upon, I found myself lost in a dark chicken.” – Dante. (May he forgive me.)

  13. “A taxpayer voting for Obama is like a chicken voting for Col Sanders.” — bumper sticker on my truck.

    Feel free to substitute any Democrat’s name…..

  14. We the chickens of the United Coops of America, in order to form a more perfect union…

    US Cluckstitution

  15. “Everything he cooks tastes like chicken except chicken. And that tastes like fish.” — One of Bilbo’s Trolls in Tolkein’s epic adventure about a chicken who faced down a dragon…

  16. So I’ve been digging around for music that sounds similar to the Mega Man X themes. Supposedly they were based off of the originator’s love of rock and roll.

    Well, I actually found it. If you dare, go to your local music app, or youtube, and looks up “Enter the Chicken” by Buckethead.

    And no, I am not making this up, at all. Guy has like 300 albums, and what I’ve heard so far is really good. I suspect he’s not a well known as he could be, mostly because I’m pretty sure he’s about 75% off his rocker too…

    1. Buckethead wears an upside down KFC bucket on his head while he plays guitar. He’s a good guitarist, but reason has flown his coop.

      1. Yeah. Apparently he’s a bit to out there for even Ozzy Osborne.

        I get the impression whenever he drops an album on wherever he puts them, his publishers grab it and publish it as soon at possible before he vanishes on them again…

  17. Gil-galad was a chicken-king.
    Of him the songbirds sadly sing;
    the last whose realm was fowl and free
    between the Mountains and the Sea.

    His beak was long, his spurs were keen.
    His shining comb afar was seen;
    the countless stars of heaven’s field
    were mirrored in his feathered shield.

    But long ago he flew away,
    and where he dwelleth none can say;
    for into fast food fell his star
    in Mordor where the restaurants are.

    1. Three spices for the chicken-kings under the sky
      Seven for the cow lords, on the plains they rove
      Nine for tasty pigs, doomed to fry
      One for the dark chef with his dark stove
      In the land of Mordor where the kitchens lie
      One spice to rub them all
      One spice to brine them
      One spice to bake them all
      And in the restaurant dine them
      In the land of Mordor where the kitchens lie

  18. If you eat a live chicken first thing in the morning, nothing worse is likely to happen the rest of the day.

    To you or the chicken.

  19. Once upon a time there was a chicken named Valentine Michael Smith.

    (Don’t you mean ‘before the fowl censorship drive of 1971’?)

  20. Chicken of the Ishtar Gate.

    (Which is kind of appropriate inasmuch as chickens are small dinosaurs.)

    1. Don’t get all eggcited. Just set your alarm cluck for 7:00 pm so you can watch poultry-geist with your current chick.

      And always remember that the top spot in the pecking order is occupied by Attila the Hen.

  21. ‘I have come,’ he said. ‘But I do not choose now to do what I came to do. I will not do this deed. The Chicken is mine!’ And suddenly, as he set it in his hand, he vanished from Sam’s sight.

    — The Return of the Chicken

    And far away, as Frodo held the Chicken and claimed it for his own, even in Sammath Naur the very heart of his realm, the Power in Barad-dûr was shaken, and the Tower trembled from its foundations to its proud and bitter crown. The Dark Lord was suddenly aware of him, and his Eye piercing all shadows looked across the plain to the door that he had made; and the magnitude of his own folly was revealed to him in a blinding flash, and all the devices of his enemies were at last laid bare. Then his wrath blazed in consuming flame, but his fear rose like a vast black smoke to choke him. For he knew his deadly peril and the thread upon which his doom now hung.

    — The Return of the Chicken

    ‘Chicken, Chicken, Chicken!’ Gollum cried. ‘My Chicken! O my Chicken!’ And with that, even as his eyes were lifted up to gloat on his prize, he stepped too far, toppled, wavered for a moment on the brink, and then with a shriek he fell. Out of the depths came his last wail Chicken, and he was gone.

    — The Return of the Chicken

    1. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such chickens. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the chicken that is given us.”

  22. “You came with that chicken? You’re braver than I thought.” – StarChickens – A New Coop

    “It’s my Timey-Wimey detector. Goes ‘ding’ when there’s stuff. Also, it can boil an egg at twenty paces. Whether you want it to or not, actually. I’ve learned to avoid chickens. It’s not pretty when they blow.” – Dr Cluck

    “My brains, your strength, and his steel against 60 chickens and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy?” – The Chicken Bride

    “But, one chicken, against seventeen. What are you going to do?”
    “I’m going to pluck them all, sir.” – Soldier

    1. “These are not the chickens you’re looking for.”

      “Only Imperial Stormchickens are so precise.”

  23. “We have come to bury Chicken, not to praise him.”

    “Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio. A chicken of infinite jest and most excellent fancy.”

      1. “Hi Mom”
        “It’s your son”
        “Your son Benton.”
        When the local station played that, my folks had their clock-radio set to “Wake To Music” and it went off at precisely the time the Theme went on, so every weekday morning, we woke to Chicken MAAAN” ‘he’s everywhere, he’s everywhere”

  24. “On one otherwise normal Tuesday evening I had the chance to live the American dream. I was able to throw my incompetent jackass of a chicken from a fourteenth-story window.”

  25. From my grandfather Verus I learned to relish the beauty of chickens, and to restrain all anger. – Marcus Aurelius

    1. Which in the original is of course:

      “Παρὰ τοῦ πάππου Οὐήρου τὸ κοτόπουλο καὶ ἀόργητον.”

  26. “Something is rotten in the chicken coop.”

    “A chicken, a chicken, my kingdom for a chicken!”

  27. Major Strosser has been shot! Round up the usual chickens!

    “He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was chicken.”

    We were just outside of Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the chickens began to take hold.

    1. There’s a chicken waiting in the sky, he’d really like to meet us, but he thinks he’d cluck our minds

  28. When a chicken loves a chicken.

    Chicken in a Chicken Land.

    Every(chicken) is easier to get into than out of.

  29. “It is a little known fact that before the foul censorship drive of 1971 all the great works of Western literature were acknowledged to be about chickens.”

    Ah, Critical Poultry Theory.

  30. Chicken Chicken, burning bright
    In the farmlands of the night
    What immortal hand or eye
    Could frame thy feathered cluckery?

  31. “But this was no chicken. This was evil made manifest.”

    …what? You can’t improve on perfection!

  32. His name was Gallus Gallus Domesticus and he almost deserved it. The Voyage of the Dawn Clucker.

    The jokers at Scholastic forced a rewrite, but if you can get your hands on the original Scots edition: The Cockerel Who Lived: Feathery Pecker and the Philosopher’s Egg.

    Pullum dormiens nunquam titillandus – The Cockwarts Motto.

  33. A little fowl Indiana Jones
    “Chickens. Why did it have to be chickens?” ― Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Ark

    Dr. Henry Jones: “We named the chicken ‘Indiana.’”
    Indiana Jones: “I’ve got a lot of fond memories of that chicken.”

    “Archaeology is the search for fact… not chickens. If it’s chickens you’re looking for, Dr. Tyree’s philosophy class is right down the hall.” ― Dr. Henry Jones, The Last Crusade

    “The Bible speaks of the Chicken leveling mountains and laying waste in entire regions. An Army that carries the Chicken before it… is invincible.” ― Marcus Brody

    Maj. Eaton:
    We have top chickens working on it now.
    Indiana:
    Who?
    Maj. Eaton:
    Top… chickens.

    1. But choose wisely, for while the true chicken will bring you life, the false chicken will take it from you.

  34. “There’s no chickens in baseball!”

    “If you let my chicken go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not root for you, I will not scratch at you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will peck you.”

    “It’s a very distinctive chicken.”

    1. >> “Pachelbel’s Chicken:”

      …Why did I spend two minutes of my life watching that? I knew I wasn’t going to get those minutes back!

      1. Are you kidding? That was awesome! For starters, how do you play different notes on a rubber chicken’s squeaker?

  35. “Do you expect me to cluck”
    “No Mr. Chicken, I expect you to fry”
    —–Chickenfinger.

  36. As I pass through my incarnations in every age and race,
    I make my proper prostrations to the Gods of the Market-Place.
    Peering through reverent fingers I watch them flourish and fall.
    And the Gods of the Copybook Chickens, I notice, outlast them all.

  37. The War of the Worlds, H.G. Wells

    Book I

    THE COMING OF THE FOXIANS

    Chapter I

    THE EVE OF THE WAR

    No one would have believed, in the last years of the nineteenth century, that chicken affairs were being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than chicken’s and yet as mortal as his own; that as chickens busied themselves about their affairs they were scrutinized and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a rooster with a microscope might scrutinize the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water.

  38. “Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the chicken.”

  39. “Once you have eliminated the impossible whatever is left, however improbable, must be the chicken.”

    1. A Chicken With No Name — America

      Run With The Flock — Bad Company

      Surfer Chick — The Beach Boys

      Hell Is For Chickens — Pat Benatar

      The Chicken Went Down To Georgia — Charlie Daniels Band

      The Earth, A Small Man, His Dog And A Chicken — an REO Speedwagon album. For real.

      1. You can tune a piano but you can’t tune a chicken. Another REO Speedwagon album but not exactly for real.

    2. Afraid To Shoot Chickens — Iron Maiden

      An Innocent Chicken — Billy Joel

      Walk Like A Chicken — The Bangles

      The Chicken Man — Iron Maiden

      Turbo Chicken — Judas Priest

  40. “My neighbor killed and cooked his noisy backyard rooster at my request.”
    “Oh? And how did you manage to convince him to do that?”
    “I told him the only cock I wanted to wake me up in the morning was his”

  41. Take it from someone who grew up in this business. You should never, ever, ever hunt vampire chickens in a dark basement as the sun is going down.

  42. Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little
    Cheep Cheep Cheep! Talk a lot, pick a little more.

    Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little
    Cheep Cheep Cheep! Talk a lot, pick a little more.

    Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little
    Cheep Cheep Cheep! Talk a lot, pick a little more.

    Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little,
    Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep
    Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep
    Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep Cheep
    Pick a little, talk a little, Cheep!

    from “The Sound of Chickens”

    😉

      1. You are correct. I hatched the idea when I was reading the other comments, and was trying so hard to pullet off, I didn’t realize until cock crow that I had fowled out. Now I have egg on my face.

        Thanks for catching it! 😉

      2. >> “I thought that was the Music Chicken.”

        …ya got trouble, folks!
        Right here in Chicken City
        Trouble with a capital “T”
        And that rhymes with “P” and that stands for Popeyes!

  43. Thanks. I think I needed this; this week has been like the padre looking for his communion set (see “The Longest Day” at 1:15:30).

  44. My god, it’s full of chickens.

    Open the coop door, HAL.
    I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.

  45. TIM: There he is!

    ARTHUR: Where?

    TIM: There!

    ARTHUR: What, behind the chicken?

    TIM: It IS the chicken!

    ARTHUR: You silly sod!

    TIM: What?

    ARTHUR: You got us all worked up!

    TIM: Well, that’s no ordinary chicken!

    ARTHUR: Ohhh.

    TIM: That’s the most fowl, cruel, and bad-tempered poultry you ever set eyes on!

    ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

    TIM: Look, that chicken’s got a vicious streak a mile wide! It’s a killer!

    GALAHAD: Get stuffed!

    TIM: I’m warning you!

    ROBIN: What’s he do, peck your bum?

    TIM: He’s got a huge, sharp– eh– he can leap about– look at the bones!

    ARTHUR: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!

    BORS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One chicken stew comin’ right up!

    TIM: Look!

    CHICKEN: Squawk!

    BORS: Aaaugh! [Head torn off]

  46. Pride and Prejudice affect Chickens, too:

    “There is, I believe, in every frozen chicken recipe a tendency to some particular evil—a natural defect, which not even the best sauce can overcome.”

    “Do anything to your chicken rather than marinate without affection.”

    “You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to fry a chicken worthy of being roasted.”

    “We all know him to be a proud, unpleasant sort of chicken; but this would be nothing if you really barbecued him.”

    “From the very beginning—from the first moment, I may almost say—of my acquaintance with you, your barnyard manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form the groundwork of the disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last rooster in the world on whom I could ever be prevailed on to fry.”

  47. I’ve Got A Chicken in Kalamazoo
    PEnnsylvania 6-5chicken
    Chattanooga ChickenChicken
    St. Louis Blues Chicken
    In the Chicken Mood
    A String of Chickens
    Little Brown Chicken
    That Old Black Chicken
    My Blue Chicken
    Song of the Volga Chicken

  48. The lady wife is returning home this afternoon from a week in Florida with her parents and, following that, a week (again in Florida) at a professional conference. At her parents’, everything they eat is heart-healthy; no salt, no sugar, no fat, no cholesterol, no reason for living, you know the drill.

    At the professional conference, no red meat is served because it’s mostly women, they’re all involved in healthcare in some way, and frankly most of them are about as progressive a bunch of hippies as the day is long. (Most of them. Not all of them. I have hope for the younger ones.)

    She is so sick of eating a) healthy and b) chicken and salad (sometimes chicken salad), that I imagine tonight we are going to have a big, fat, unhealthy dinner of something which includes beef. Because pretty much I was told,

    “NO F***ING CHICKEN!”

    Yes, dear 🙂

    1. K, I gotta brag, husband just ordered the whole cow we’re buying from his co-worker’s Retirement Farm.

      They kept the same price as last year, $2/lb hanging weight and we pay the butcher bill.

      This site explains live, hanging and final (stuff you actually cook) weight:
      http://www.mossbackfarm.com/2013/06/hanging-weight-and-final-weight-some-information

      We were happy with the price last year; we’re freaking elated with it this year, and the guy we’re buying the cow from is elated that he doesn’t have to find someone to buy the other half.

  49. “When shoes and clothes and food, when hope is gone we’ll all have the chicken.”
    ― John Steinpeck, The Grapes of Wrath

  50. “I’m afraid the situation’s totally CLUBAR, sir.”

    “CLUBAR?”

    “‘Clucked up beyond all recognition,’ sir.”

    “Ah. In my day we called that a ‘Foxtrot Charlie.'”

    “‘Foxtrot Charlie,’ sir?”

    “A fustercluck, son.”

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