When Men Hoist the Pirate Flag a blast from the past from September 2013


When Men Hoist the Pirate Flag a blast from the past from September 2013

I have bad news.  Men and women are different.  Oh, I don’t mean that – vive la difference, right? – I mean men and women are different in the way they relate to others, the way they relate to society, the way they present.

Is some of that culturally set?  Well, no sh*t Sherlock.  The “revolutionaries” and “daring innovators” of the sixties kept coming up with ridiculous things like you know, in some cultures wearing pants would make you non-womanly, and in Scottland men wore kilts.  Well, again, no sh*t Sherlock.  A lot of the external signaling of gender and the way people er… for lack of a better phrase, strut their stuff for the opposite gender (or the same) is different depending where you are.  (I had the d*mndest time convincing my parents that no, Dan wasn’t gay, because he doesn’t drink alcohol, or not a lot of it.)

Do these differences in the way gender is expressed invalidate the concept of gender and make us all tabula rasa? Can we raise boys to behave as women and women as boys and nothing at all will be different?

I’d ask how stupid you have to be to believe that except that I know most psychologists and sociologists practicing today were TAUGHT that – whether they believe it or not depends, I guess on how much exposure they’ve had to the real world.  And I know places like Sweden and Holland and Germany and other “enlightened” locations have swallowed this hook line and sinker, which is why we have “gender neutral” toys and the idea that kids get to choose their gender as adults, kind of like some “enlightened” parents let kids choose their own names “when they’re old enough”.  As though it were just some accoutrement, and not an essential part of who you are, formed and molded into muscle and thought and hormonal load from the time you were in the womb, and formed before that over millennia of evolution.

Yes, men and women had different evolutionary pressures.  There is a pattern to humanity.

Yes, yes, I know.  If you look hard enough you’ll find a tribe in Africa where, if you squint kind of sideways, the women hunt and the men look after the children.  Humans are very plastic and in unusual circumstances or due to some external reason, that pattern can emerge.  Yes, yes, there have always been women warriors, and I’m sure there have always been men who spun and sewed and looked after the kids, too, though those aren’t nearly as celebrated as the “warrior women.” Because in these enlightened feminist times, women who act like men are celebrated, but never men who act like women.  There is no worst chauvinist than a “feminist” for devaluing traditional female roles and valuing male ones.

HOWEVER those are outliers, whether tribes or individuals.  Throughout most of human history and pre-history, men did the outdoor/dangerous/difficult work and women the boring/annoying/indoor work.

It all comes down to men hunted and women gathered.  Neither work was – before I get jumped – easy or what we’d call safe, but they presented different kinds of danger and different kinds of overcoming it, which in turn led to very different group mechanics.

Men needed to trust each other absolutely; needed to know their place in the hierarchy; and allowed for innovation in the service of group success.  Women, on the other hand needed to have a cohesive group, meaning you had to behave like the rest of the group.  Sticking out was bad because it didn’t materially help the group – you didn’t have to corner berries together, or … And striking out on your own was bad because, if we see the patterns in the rainforest today, for instance, the berry-gathering group is also the child watching group.  Mothers like me, who rather preferred not to be submerged in a ‘mommy group’ would either have to be beyond very good, or they’d lose the vast majority of their kids, and thereby not pass on their genes.

More than that, when it comes to the relationship between men and women, it is marked by the fact that they outweigh us, out-lift us and out-run us.  We can outlast them both in effort and in longevity, for what consolation that’s worth.  BUT physically they’re stronger than us, even at the same size.  (I had a moment of shock when my then 11 year old son, who was still shorter and slimmer than I, could easily lift 100 pounds in a dead lift which I couldn’t do.)

This means in interactions between men and women – as adults and partners – men must modulate their strength and women must find non-physical ways of projecting theirs.  We see women doing this as far back as pre-history.  The wise counselor.  The advisor.  It’s in all our legends and quite a few of our histories.  The man goes home and consults with his wife.

I’d say our “civilization” – our road to being human – started when hominid males decided to court women rather than simply overpowering them.

Is it evolutionarily favored?  It would seem to be.  Women are more likely to raise to adulthood children willingly conceived.

Not to say that rape isn’t good reproductive strategy – if it weren’t, the Vikings wouldn’t have left swathes of blue eyed people all across the shores of Europe.  I’m just saying it’s not EFFICIENT.  Unless you’re going to make rape a way of life, and have a way to spread the damage across the world, then I wouldn’t recommend it, because I’d guess a lot fewer children conceived of rape reach healthy reproductive maturity.

So overall the men who courted won out over the men who raped.  Regardless of the whole culture of rape thing, very few men want to pursue rape as a reproductive choice.

But… women don’t understand this.

Heinlein had something in Stranger about men and women each being locked in his own way of being in the world and unable to understand the other gender.  This is not true at least for some of us who grew up with mostly members of the opposite sex, and who still have members of the opposite sex as close and trusted friends.

A while back there was a book about a woman who dressed up and passed as a man – I think it’s called Self Made Man – and the revelations she got this way.  The things that “wives can’t know about husbands” type of revelations.  By and large, she got me to blink and go “you didn’t know that?” or “You mean most women don’t know that?”  Because I already did.  But I might be a different case.  As I said I grew up around my brother and his friends, and they tended to think it didn’t matter what they said in front of me.  And my husband and I talk about just about everything.

BUT that said, there is a group of women, we’ll call them “the sob sisters” who are really really dumb about this.  They either view men as a sort of hairier woman with a penis, or they wish he were so.  These are the women who fight you tooth and nail on things like “Men are truly different” and “No, gender is not all ‘social construction’.

I never understood their psychology, though I’ve been interacting with them since Kindergarten.  They were the little girls who wanted boys to admire their pretty frocks, but didn’t want to play rough lest they tore the frills, and therefore demanded that boys not be “rough” around them.  (Which largely amounted to their not being boys.)

They don’t understand that the decision to court rather than rape is built in very deeply in a man’s psyche, layered by thousands of years of evolution and – yes – sexual conditioning.  It is a gentleness born of strength.  Men who know themselves to be stronger than any woman they want, discipline themselves to go slowly, to court her.

Even in the most primitive tribes, rituals are instituted to bend men into this civilized mold.  Because when the mold is broken, the result is that men abuse women, women abuse children, and the world goes to hell.

The sob sisters don’t get this.  They are gentle because they’re weak and this forces them into being gentle.  Hell hath no fury and ability to oppress as one of these weak, die-away sisters given some power, but every woman here will know what I’m talking about, because sooner or later you find yourself fin a group where one of these has got the bit between their teeth.  Their power is mostly gossip and back stabbing and unbelievable psychological abuse, but they use it to the hilt.

Which is why they think that if men aren’t using their superior strength, it must be because they’re weak, and the “solution” to society (they nurse in their black little hearts the hope of not just making women equal but reversing society and having women do all the masculine jobs and men do the feminine ones.  It’s nuttiness) is to raise men to be weak and not to know their own strength.  Hence the entire “rise of the sensitive male.”

The problem is this – you don’t reverse evolution in two generations.  Even if you could, it would be stupid, mind, since there are muscular and hormonal reasons for men’s strength, but the point is you can’t do it, anyway.

So when you educate children to believe it’s all a social construct and there’s no difference, you run up against the fact that there’s differences.

Yes, girls can sleep around as much as men, but since our endocrine system predisposes us to attachment after sex, this means the majority of women CAN’T do that and be happy… Even when they tell themselves they are.

And yes, boys can be taught to act weak and much like the sob sisters.  The problem is they aren’t.  Not even when they’re raised to act that way.

The end result is that they don’t know how to express their strength and they’ve never been taught to modulate it.

Men who have only been taught to “act sensitive” but have no other discipline, no other moral, no other idea of what it means to be a man, will in fact hoist the pirate flag.

Whenever a memoir surfaces from the sixties, the thing that always strikes me is how these men who were considered champions of women were in fact nasty little petulant creatures, taking advantage as much as possible.  Say, the story of Ayers raping a girl and then making her sleep with someone she had no interest in, by bullying her with the idea that not to do so would be unenlightened.

I often think that the people now controlling education were women who went through this, and therefore want to stop boys from being… well boys.  But what they’re doing in fact is creating more sociopathic males who will act as you want them to, but will take as much advantage as possible.

If they’re going to be considered criminals for being males; if none of their good qualities (their superior strength, their loyalty, their protectiveness) are appreciated; if they’re told they can only be this sort of inferior ersatz female… what is there for them to control themselves for?  Why not present the face the world wants and take advantage of women behind it?

Chivalry and the code thereof was the laying down of those good reproductive (and civilizational) rules that make for a functioning society that passes on its values to its young: men who put their strength at the service of the weaker; women who praised them and admired them for it; and children who were raised to do the same.

Tearing it down might seem like freedom, but you can’t remove the walls and wish the roof would remain standing.

This has nothing to do with women working (women always worked, at least in the lower classes.  And in the upper classes they often helped administer domains) though working outside the house is a new thing for both men and women, frankly.  What it has to do with is the relationship between men and women.

Men and women are not the same.  They are different at the sinew level, at the hormonal level, and yes, at the brain level.  Different signals of dominance and submission are baked into each of them by thousands of years of evolution.

You can’t upend it quickly or efficiently and the attempt is likely to reduce to rubble everything built since the first proto-human gave a girl a flower instead of throwing her to the ground and having his way with her.  You’ve been warned.  Disregard it at your own risk.

215 thoughts on “When Men Hoist the Pirate Flag a blast from the past from September 2013

  1. I would expect the future will not improve much in regards to male-female relations.
    So few youngsters have a brother or sister. Those that do, have a greater appreciation of the differences between men and women. Worse, many children grow up with only women for functional parents, which further skews their understanding of the nature of masculinity/feminity.

    1. Roe effect. There are couples who still have some idea what is going on, raise children, and those children are a wee bit less messed up than average, statistically.

      1. But ended up bringing down a bunch of Hollywood lefties instead. But they couldn’t very well switch off the lynch mob mentality they had unleashed, no matter how much they would have wanted to.

    1. Some women just have sex. It’s a continuum.
      It’s however a luxury of a very wealthy society and won’t survive any upheaval. Because women get stuck with the results of “just sex” sometimes, however good the contraception.

      1. It’s a continuum, but there are tendencies.

        “Yes, girls can sleep around as much as men, but since our endocrine system predisposes us to attachment after sex, this means the majority of women CAN’T do that and be happy… Even when they tell themselves they are.”

        The upside here, such as it is, is that if girls sleep around *enough* their endocrine system will stop forming unwanted attachments.

          1. And then when someone suggests that a person doing this might not be the happiest they swarm the heretic on the twatter, yelling that they are happy and their life is just fine.

            Which seems moderately incongruent with the fact that their twatter bios list subjects such as “talking about handling depression”.

            Ah, I’m imagining it, must remember: five lights.

            1. It’s worse than that– the strategy means that the only support they’ve got are the “this will make you happy” folks.

              So if they admit that they’re not happy, because they followed the bad advice, they lose the tiny scrap of friendship that they’ve got left, and they’re left alone. In the life that their choice destroyed. Because they chose wrong.

              Which is why it’s so evil when folks attack the idea of forgiveness, and/or flat out copy the Leftwing tactics, or when escapees declare that both sides are the same.

              There is an escape– and forgiveness is available. They can have lives again, if they’re brave enough to take that step and keep working forward.

              …but generally, they just stay there, because Everyone assures them that while the place they are has made them miserable, they can’t go anywhere else, so if they SAY it makes them miserable they lose everything. Forever.

              1. I disagree. They’ve always got booze, drugs, and cats.

                And frankly, their marriage market value takes a massive hit.

          1. Save for VDs…

            I pity them. Yes, I know, for the most part they made their own beds. But if they’ve not been taught any better by the time they are young adults (as in legal adults), well, any chance they had is pretty much squashed. Pity them, but don’t expect any change despite all evidence. If they are to find the way back, they need to make those first steps on their own. No one else can do that for them.

        1. Here’s some of that ‘girl sleeping with four guys’ thing in a polyamorous relationship. I think most of us just see this current arrangement she has as a trainwreck, but apparently she’s pregnant.

          And it did not surprise me when she later revealed that the guy who is the biological sire is the one amongst the four that looks closest to ‘normal human being, could be described as the most attractive of the men in her life.’ Her husband… uhm. Is the rat-faced guy with the huge pedo vibe. I wish I didn’t have to describe that dude that way, but he, like the ‘manly vegan’ bouncing vegetable attached to the shorts tennis guy from that ‘vegans are sexy’ commercial, has “OPPORTUNISTIC PREDATOR” vibes all over it.

  2. “Do these differences in the way gender is expressed invalidate the concept of gender and make us all tabula rasa? Can we raise boys to behave as women and women as boys and nothing at all will be different?”

    Can it be done with chimps or monkeys? Gorillas? No, not that I’ve heard. You can make them go insane, but you can’t make a boy chimp into a girl chimp.

    Here endeth the lesson.

    1. The lesson does not end until reality bashes them over the head with a clue-by-four.

      And even then, when they have torn down 3,000 years of civilization, the only lesson they will take from it is that they didn’t do enough.

      Just like all the idiots that believe the problems in Russia, China, East Germany and North Korea were caused by ‘not enough communism’.

      We are a tribe of smart-ass monkeys. Pretending otherwise never ends well.
      Artie: “Don’t open that!! It’s the original can of worms!”

      1. Alternatively; If we are anything MORE than a tribe of smart-ass monkeys, it is because of the instruction and encouragement given us by the Creator…which the Left conspicuously rejects.

  3. This explains so much of the #metoo stuff. Act one way for the public, but then exert a bunch of manipulation to take advantage behind the scenes. But because the public face is all that’s important to so many on the left, any knowledge of such heinous behaviour is covered up or ignored. Well, except for the open mocking of the culture itself by the selfsame victims and perpetrators (casting couch jokes/scenes have been around for how many decades now?).

    1. How sure are we that the manipulation was always or mostly from the male side. Did the men start to push it because they had been taught that the women were OK with it and they didn’t get any BAD reactions???

      I am not saying this is the case but women manipulating men is as old as time. “Rich powerful Man” doesn’t that pretty much define most women’s target male.

      1. Except that laughing at guys who are dragged around by their little head is also very old–if anything, it would be normalizing the idea that women always use sex as a weapon.

        It’s human to abuse power, sadly. That’s why Spiderman is a hero, not a “wait, why is he pointing out the obvious?”

      2. Evidence is that it’s not just the male side. There was a very brief window right after Weinstein hit the public’s attention when people talked about women in power doing similar things. Also, California’s politicians started to get some attention from pulling similar nonsense. And the female legislator who was put in charge of investigating it promptly get caught up in two incidents from her own past of abusing her position with men.

      3. Women “offering” themselves to powerful men is nothing new. Very Biblical.
        I heard a preacher suggest that bath on the roof Bathsheba took was carefully timed. She made sure David was out looking down on her, so just who seduced who?

        Men need to learn how to be dangerous. Power under control. Pretending you are not dangerous when you are is living a lie.

        1. Another argument in favor of that theory is that in the genealogy in Matthew, the women named are Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and Mary. Bathsheba is not named, but mentioned as “Uriah’s wife”. Which suggests, though it does not prove, that the apostle Matthew considered Bathsheba more guilty than Tamar.

              1. As… dubious.. as the Norse pantheon is/was, at least they seem(ed) to rather like humans, overall, and give fairly decent (though not ideal) treatment. The Greek pantheon… considered anyone other than themselves as toys of one sort or another. The one exception might be Hades, who did his job and kept his word.

                By comparison, consider the words that Jesus is supposed to have said. Pretty much, “Believe in this ONE… follow this short of list of rules to be nice to EACH OTHER, and you’ll get a better world… AND, you’ll get another even better world after that.” That sounds like a pretty good deal, by comparison. At WORST*.. it’s all deception to get people to try to behave.. and the attempt still at least aims for a better world.

                * Assuming *proper* TrueReal Believers, and not those who find religion “useful.”

          1. I mean, the joke about the number of opinions on a doctrinal question one gets being different (and higher) than the number of persons in the discussion group rather argues that He already has one (or several), no?

            And what’s *really* interesting is the number of groups, and the differences between them, where that can be true.

  4. whether they believe it or not depends, I guess on how much exposure they’ve had to the real world.

    Over sixty years of observation has persuaded me that the primary effect of a good, solid, modern education is its insulating effect against ever dealing with the real world. It is not without reason that “Ivory Tower” has acquired the associations which it carries.

  5. :There is no worst chauvinist than a ‘feminist’ for devaluing traditional female roles and valuing male ones.

    Only a male chauvinist would suggest that they are driven by resentment and envy, sure that the “grass is greener” the other side of that fence. Because while they “know” the drawbacks on their side and take the benefits for example, they imagine exaggerated benefits on the other side and are ignorant of drawbacks.

    Their agenda has nothing to do with enlightenment and everything to do with resentment.

  6. There is no worst chauvinist than a “feminist” for devaluing traditional female roles and valuing male ones.

    There’s some push-back going on, as best I can tell, from their assumed base– one of the librarians is old enough her kids are in their 50s, and while we were making small-talk she kind of looked over at the kids and said “you know, home schooling them really is a full time job, isn’t it?”

    This is the kind of lady who frowned at my mom sacrificing her career prospects to help dad; locally, she’s one of the enforcer of social norms. And she is publicly stating that being a stay at home and teaching your kids is on par with a real job. And all three librarians like the kids, exactly because they act like immature adults, not spoiled brats.

    And also because they read like loons. ^.^

    *largely about how even ten, fifteen years ago, it would’ve been so hard to homeschool, but now there’s all these great resources; yes, I get a little evangelical, she’s in a good position to help anybody whose kid is struggling with the “social” aspect of schools, ie, that’s all they get out of school and it’s agony.

    1. In the “fyou don’t miss your water until the well runs dry” category, people tend to assume well-behaved children as the default state … until it is too late and they’re swarmed by feral brats.

      1. Don’t worry about it, everybody is cleaning out their book shelves right now, from the “free to a good home” pile. (I got a REALLY NICE “how to eat like a wild man” book, tips on preparing everything from acorn bunny to zucchini opossum.)

          1. *book

            Some of the secondhand bookshops we used to scour for treasure in France had at least one or two of those. The TAFE library I used to sit in for a while had them too; I would haul away any interesting books. But from what I can see, Aussie options in the book department aren’t as wide ranging as they would be in the US. Reading seems to have been more of a thing over at the cousin country.

    2. Foxfier, if there is such a thing as a non-evangelical home schooler, I have never encountered them, and I certainly am not one of them.

      Carry on with the recruiting! The more the safer for all of us.

      1. I swear, 90% of the outreach I do is simply saying “hey, it’s really not that hard, now. There’s all these websites that all you have to do is go ‘oh, Billy can’t figure out log division. I will type it into Khan academy– oh, look, six different ways to understand it!’ and at worst you learn it along with him.”

  7. Or men could just ‘transition’ enough to complete with the gals, then whoop their butts.

    I see all this male to female transitioning as a sign of male adaptability.

    1. I, that am rudely stamped and want love’s majesty
      To strut before a wanton ambling nymph;
      I, that am curtailed of this fair proportion,
      Cheated of feature by dissembling nature,

      Deformed, unfinished, sent before my time
      Into this breathing world, scarce half made up,
      And that so lamely and unfashionable
      That dogs bark at me as I halt by them—
      Why, I, in this weak piping time of peace,

      Have no delight to pass away the time,
      Unless to see my shadow in the sun
      And descant on mine own deformity.

      And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover
      To entertain these fair well-spoken days,

      I am determinèd to prove a villain
      And hate the idle pleasures of these days.
      Plots have I laid, inductions dangerous,
      By drunken prophecies, libels and dreams,
      To set my brother Clarence and the king

      In deadly hate, the one against the other;
      And if King Edward be as true and just
      As I am subtle, false, and treacherous,
      This day should Clarence closely be mewed up

      I didn’t have more than the sense of ‘screw this, I’ll go villain,” but the full quote seems to fit.

      1. More like a tertiary antagonist. I’m thinking something like Thenardier’s song after the battle in Les Mis when he’s looting the dead: “I shall profit from this madness while laughing at its perpetrators-turned-victims.”

    2. Isn’t that what is happening in women’s sports???
      Men who can’t compete with other men, competing with women and winning.

      1. They didn’t start this, and they can’t fix it, but they’re benefiting from the situation so good for them!

        1. Benefiting from a situation they didn’t create, exploiting the weakness of others?

          How unmanly of them!

        2. You left out “by victimizing the weak who were already victimized by the situation” in how they’re benefiting.

          Definitely not good for them. Temporary advantage, for them, and when they get forcibly reminded that they are not always at a slight advantage among the previously innocent victims, they’ll scream like crazy.

          1. I’d say they were making an effort to expose how ridiculous the system is, at the cost of their own careers.

            Their records will be revoked when the stupidity goes away, you know.

              1. Stupidity only profits this much when civilization guards against the lethal consequences that normally attend stupidity. *shakes head*

                Don’t get me wrong. I’d have been dead at least twenty times over in my grandparent’s generation alone. But sometimes the best teacher is to allow consequences to fall short of maiming and death without being nerf darts.

                1. That has to start when the natural consequences are small– part of why I’m so delighted we’ve got a bunch of area for the kids to run around and be stupid in.

                  1. Absolutely. Also, little kids are made of rubber and kevlar. That’s the only way I can explain how my godson manages to (mostly) escape damage from all the things he has gotten in to…

                    1. Amen!

                      I mostly point it out because I’ve noticed the school standard of “whatever path causes the least trouble for me” is spreading out, badly. So a lot of people are all for consequences… the instant that it is easy for them. If it means they don’t have to do anything, cool! In fact, upgrade the consequences, teach twice as much in half the time!

                      When the hard, correct answer is to use punishments when you can block consequences, and to start early. It’s a ton of work. Silly example, my poor husband sat by the dinner table for four hours last night, because our son wouldn’t eat his dinner. He won, and will probably not have to fight again– or only has a few more battles. But it is a pain in the tukis.

                    2. We call these either the the Green Bean or Cream Corn battles.

                      Green Bean Battle –

                      How little sister remembers it: Eat the Green Beans OR get a spanking.
                      Had dad & mom remember it: Get a spanking AND eat the Grean Beans.

                      Cream Corn Battle –

                      Mom/Dad – Eat the Cream Corn
                      Me – (ate it) Threw it up. Got spanking … it was a royal battle to get me to eat it. Someone thought stage 2 was a frame up.
                      Full disclousure. Before Christmas Break I wasn’t the only one with the flu. OTOH last time we had the Cream Corn battle. I won’t eat cream corn to this day.

                      OTOH when mom & dad said we’d walk to school if we missed the bus … we believed. When they said that mom would accompany or escort us to each & every class if we skipped a class or the day in high school … we believed. We Belived a lot of pronoucments, which in hindsight was BS. But, believe me We Believed.

                      Also for what it is worth – our kid. By the time he was in scouts, especially boy scouts, and playing sports, where his dad coached. His advice to his teammates? My mom & dad don’t set rules for the fun of it. They will follow through with consequences described. Had some kids test some of the rules, not many. Kids learned. Parents, some of them, not so much. It was their kids that paid when the parents screwed up. We never laid a (spanking) hand on our kid. Didn’t have to.

                      Regarding spankings … I’m 63 now, and baby sister is 58. Both battles occurred a Looooonnnnng time ago.

  8. Ages ago, I was a research assistant for a prof at my undergrad and she was dating one of the theater profs. She ended up dumping him because, she told me, while she found his “feminist” approach (i.e. beta male) nice at first, it ended up driving her nuts because he simply would not make a decision. As a grad student/slave labor, I didn’t say anything, but I did laugh once I got home…

      1. *shakes head* I get it. I do. But inability to be decisive and commit crosses gender lines. Men do it, too. Well, men do it differently, but to the same result, often enough.

        1. Dan, he was indecisive in the sense that he kept asking her if everything he did was OK with her. Even things that only remotely impacted her. By the end, she was all “make a f*cking decision!”

    1. Eh. No, but Dan’s maternal ancestors were followers.
      Possibly because Amerindian genes gave them NO head for alcohol.
      Dan doesn’t OBJECT to it, he just likes very few alcoholic beverages and couldn’t drink at the level Portuguese do. It’s about Vodka pundit level, to be fair.

      1. I never got around learning how to drink myself, despite taking two different thermodynamics courses (and eventually passing both). Considering how broken-hearted I was after the unfortunate 51 weeks dating the computer science student those decades ago, it’s just as well. (Cue up “I Thank God for Unanswered Prayer.”)

      2. If it’s any comfort, I’m not terribly fond of alcoholic drinks, either. The occasional Scotch (Speyside by preference), or glass of wine (Shiraz by preference). Very occasional…as in perhaps three every two months.

        1. Not much of a drinker either. Margarita, Raspberry or Blackberry, & I rarely finish. Must be slipping. Actually have had 2 in 3 days. Saturday, took kid out for dinner after he got home from work, then tonight … well it is our 41st anniversary …

          1. Back when I could, I enjoyed drinking, though there’s enough alcoholism in the extended family that I learned to be wary. Now with meds, it’s an exceptionally bad idea (warfarin has the biggest Do Not Drink warnings, but I’m sure the others say it’s a bad idea.)

            Overeaters Anonymous: Where (some) Anonymous Alcoholics end up after too many doughnuts at AA meetings.

            1. “alcoholism”

              Never at risk. I don’t have minimum tolerance to build up to that type of tolerance. I get sick. Or I go to sleep (okay if I get sick, I go to sleep too). If I have a glass when I’m eating, it takes me the entire meal to drink it (I’m a slow eater), & it is a light drink, I can have it.

      3. That gene must be dominant. Most of my maternal family has it. Despite having a reputation as one of the best moonshiners in three states around the turn of the century, four in five tend to alcoholism and (at least initially) lightweights when drinking.

        Of course then there is aunt Minnie, all five foot nuthin’ of her, who made a hobby of drinking burly coal miners under the table…

        1. All of my relatives are addicts or alkies. I guess my stoner gene is defective, because I never saw the attraction.

          1. My dad’s side:
            1 each: alcoholic, heroin, chain smoker, gambler

            There are reasons I never drink alone, and never try anything more than booze.

  9. Hence the entire “rise of the sensitive male.’

    Because even Liberals understand these guys are mock-worthy.

  10. It seems that the sexual stupidity has only gotten worse in the past six years, (Who would have believed that politicians would be advocating abortion rights for transgender females?) and won’t go away until the Gods of the Copybook Headings arrive to once again explain reality with terror and slaughter.

  11. The comic strip SYLVIA holds a special place in my heart for many reasons, but one of the top is the strip in which her Psychic character (in response to the usual Feminist complaint) goes into a trance and pronounces “On June 3, 2025, men all over the world will start talking bout their feelings. Women will be sorry within seconds.”

  12. Thank you to all who offered prayers, kindness, etc. I’m afraid the spark has gone out.

    S/he’s the same size as two and three weeks ago, and was too small then, and there’s no more heartbeat.

      1. Thank you.

        I don’t want to do anything to rush it… but… if it’s got to be over, I’d really rather that part not be going on in the middle of celebrations.

        1. When we lost ours, she was a little further along, and the messy aspect was a bad cycle.

          Drinking mint or ginger tea can help, and work to keep your iron up. I ended up fainting when it first started, because I was basically out hiking. (Tacoma zoo is about a square mile of area on a mile of land. *mimes a sheer cliff*) When I wasn’t being a pig headed idiot, even going on a normal, brisk walk was fine.

          I’ve also heard of some very nasty complications from surgical interference right off the bat, though that might be selection bias.

          1. I am only planning to request a D&C if they… you know, check afterward, and there’s residual tissue that they’d expect to cause future problems?

            I accepted a prescription, thinking — well, last time (which proceeded naturally) there was no bad cramping, but they keep offering me narcotics just in case and I used to occasionally get menstrual cramps that kept me in the bathroom for hours and made me throw up, and my in-laws’ house only has the one toilet…

            I am not seeing an obvious moral objection if the baby’s already dead, but it’s still an uncomfortable idea, and I admit I’m not thinking my best, right now.

            There are some hints that my body might be giving up on it pretty soon anyway. Might have done already if not for the progesterone supplements, which I was prescribed just in case the previous ones were a hormonal rather than chromosomal problem. So it may all be moot.

            1. Sensible plan.

              If you’re already seeing signs that the clean up will take care of itself– then the hurry-up might cause bad cramping as it pushes too fast. (highly simplified)

              Dash it all….. *e-hug* This sucks.

              1. Yeah, I — God help me, it really is the infamous abortion pill, I looked it up. The accompanying prescriptions for painkillers and nausea are pretty clear about the expected side effects.

                1. FWIW, that’s oddly…reassuring. That is actually fixing a system that might malfunction, rather than breaking a system that is working but folks don’t want to work.

                1. I sort of feel like I should apologize, but I am really grateful for your letting me talk about it here. My mother listens, my husband listens, but I don’t want to pour it out on them constantly…

                  1. Selfishly, I am glad you are– because I’ve been able to lean on here, sometimes, too– and while I feel helpless to actually DO anything, at least I can be the one who is there to listen, for once.

              2. Well.

                The prescription assistance seems to be unnecessary.

                Once we confirmed it had to happen, I’m… relieved not to have had to wait very long.

          2. six? months before they’d do a D n’ C. Because it was better if the body did it naturally.
            It was hell. They gave me tablets to speed it, which is how I ended up almost bleeding out on Christmas eve. Doctor was a lunatic.
            Go to a non-lunatic.

            1. Many places have flipped the other way, ALWAYS wanting to do a D&C right away, with some having the express idea of scraping the lining of the womb so badly that it will prevent conception to allow recovery time for the rest of the body. (also works nicely with liability, and it is a billable procedure that’s covered under normal maternity insurance)

              Sometimes, that deep scraping scars instead. *shudder*

              1. > , and it is a billable procedure that’s covered under normal maternity insurance)

                In my recent encounters with the Medical/Insurance establishment, I’ve come to the conclusion that a large percentage of tests and procedures are done, not because there’s any real medical need for them, but simply because they figure your insurance will pay for it. Many of the rest are “due diligence” CYA, or “because we’ve always done it this way.”

                1. And, the doctor is less likely to get sued for ordering too many tests. When sued, he can point to all those tests as proof of how hard he tried.

                  There are more liars lawyers than doctors in our health care system, at least here in the U.S. Every one of them is looking for patients that didn’t get better, or didn’t get ‘enough’ better, so they can sue a doctor, or a hospital, for a hundred million dollars. They waste enough money on those lawsuits to fully fund Obamacare.

                  Medical malpractice insurance can cost millions of dollars a year.

                  And there are more bureaucrats than doctors and lawyers combined.
                  Get the government involved in medicine, and you wind up with bureaucrats playing doctor, and doctors filling out mountains of government paperwork.

            2. Uh. Yikes. Six months?! You clarify where I have cause for gratitude, ma’am.

              I misdoubt mine is adamantly pro-life but he is not by any observed evidence a lunatic. Gave me three options (wait, drug, D&C) with the option of immediate prescription/scheduling if I wanted but perhaps gentle encouragement to wait a bit first, or maybe that was gentle support of my preference. Even there, his idea of waiting is another couple of weeks, not months.

        2. Also:
          You are going to be beating yourself up, most likely. It is the hormones. It does eventually go away. It sucks horribly. Don’t let the black dog drag you down, please.

          1. Oh. *grimly* It can only take me so far. Thinking of that vicious so-called doctor who tried to convince our hostess she was a burden on her family or something — if I think about my own death I end up with a vicarious dread of the resulting logistical problems and end up making to-do lists I should really get around to finishing, because it’s not like any of us are really safe.

            …But yeah. Intellectually I know it’s not my fault. Emotionally…

            …Well, it’s probably a little bit my fault for waiting so long….

              1. Nonononono. I didn’t mean fault in waiting to give the baby a chance. I gave it every chance in my power once it got started and have no doubts about that. I meant I was horribly intimidated by the idea of being a mother — not the biological part, the raising — and put it off.

                And the first time, the very first, still, it went fine. And I cannot, would not, will never regret getting that particular child. I just sometimes feel like I killed the rest by being too old.

                1. Ah. You know, you can’t tell that either. We started trying at 22. Finally managed oldest at 28. The only one that happened naturally, without trying, and was a live birth happened at 32. Sometimes I wish we’d gotten married at 18. Because I hit menarch at 11, perhaps I was too old at 22.
                  But perhaps it was G-d’s will and the ones I have are the ones who are supposed to be here?
                  Not all is in our hands. We shouldn’t claim too much guilt either.

                  1. This. Claiming too much guilt is an occupational hazard for the Odd, though. Just have to work harder at letting it be a signal to avoid and not a stone constantly on our backs.

                2. It’s beyond your power, except in a daydream. Daydreaming ‘might have been’ can be enjoyable– but don’t let it drag you down. After all, your first child at 20 had a complication that killed him and left you sterile, because of a gap in medical advancement. Wait, that didn’t happen– because when you did eventually have a child, you were different, and so is medicine.

                  1. This.
                    And when Dan and I married while in college, we ended up getting divorced because we were too young and couldn’t take the pressure.
                    Only it never happened because we waited till 22.

          2. Yes. It’s not your fault. Nothing you could do or not do.
            With Marshall I carried boxes.
            I used to worry about how I might have stood too long, or walked to long and that’s what caused one of the miscarriages.
            I barely slept for weeks, as we packed, then moved and carried boxes till four am for days. Marsh was fine.
            It was meant to be. We don’t choose.
            HUGS. Big hugs.

    1. So, sorry. Virtual hugs.

      I know what it is like to want it to happen, have the hope it has, only to have that hope ripped out. Only went more than 12 weeks once (before success). A lot of shorter times when the home tests said yes, but never got confirmation from medical people. Since those never, not once, occurred after we had our son, conclusion (to me) is evident. We never once used pregnancy protection, figuring “if it is going to happen, it will”.

      I can’t add much to what Foxier has already said. I remember the hormonal aspect was not much fun. Medical may have said I wasn’t pregnant with a fetus, but my body sure thought so.

      Quoting Foxier “You are going to be beating yourself up, most likely. It is the hormones. It does eventually go away. It sucks horribly. Don’t let the black dog drag you down, please.”

      Again. Hugs, and more hugs.

      1. *hugs back*

        I’m grateful the first time went well. Very much so. Sometimes I think I shouldn’t have put it off so long, but I can’t regret the little wonder we got, you know?

        I’m not absolutely sure there was anybody there the second time. It went so early. The third we saw something at least. This time — heartbeat. But not anymore. Poor little thing.

        Hormones have been a weird trip. No nausea — very little with the living child either, and my mom didn’t have any more than a lack of appetite for breakfast, so despite what some articles say I don’t associate that with the problems — but very early on, before I even knew, I would boil over in fury over some of the dumbest things. Less random rage since finding out, but still a bit wildly up and down, especially after the ultrasounds started looking ominous. Not sure how much of that was hormones vs. tenterhooks and grief.

    2. My condolences for you and your family. Such events are ever undesirable.

      I will put you in my prayers, as well, but cannot hold out much hope there; if my prayers were ever answered I’d not wear that wet wallaby whifftiness on damp days.

    3. I join the others in expressing my sorrow at the sad news.

      I pray, and will continue to pray, that you will know comfort, healing and find peace.

  13. Completely off-topic, but related to recent discussions here, in two parts because two links.

    The map is self-explanatory, I expect.

    1. Source comment and additional map (of Virginia state senatorial districts):

      Virginia’s Second Amendment Sanctuaries: An Update
      Last week I wrote about the spread of Virginia’s “Second Amendment sanctuaries” — counties, towns, and cities that vow not to enforce state gun laws they deem unconstitutional, in the wake of the Democrats’ taking control of the state government. There are a few new developments worth noting.

      For starters, the sanctuaries have spread dramatically. They’re up to 93 jurisdictions — covering roughly 40 percent of the population, by my quick spreadsheet tally. That’s huge, though the biggest victory, in Prince William County, is likely to be overturned when the county board flips to the Democrats, and some of these places have passed vague resolutions in support of the Constitution rather than the more aggressive language proposed by the Virginia Citizens Defense League.

      As I noted in my previous piece, these resolutions have limited legal effect; local governments are basically subordinate to state governments. But defiance like this can put political pressure on moderate Democrats — …

      1. > are basically subordinate to state governments.

        Which is subordinate to the Constitution of the United States, which contains the Second Amendment.

        Alas, the Constitution is pretty close to being “just a piece of paper.” Way too many courts, politicians, and bureaucrats only seem to feel it is valid when it is to their advantage, and they feel free to ignore it when it is not.

        There’s no emperor, no priest-king, no dictator. That piece of paper is the difference between “functioning polity” and “Road Warrior.”

        They want Road Warrior? Virginia shares a common border with the Hive of Scum and Villainy. They already burned Richmond once; there are still people who’d like to return the favor.

        Keep on kicking, the dog is going to bite eventually…

      1. Newport News, Chesapeak, Hampton. These are in the Hampton Roads metro area. All three cities/metro areas went over 70% democratic in the last few elections. These are a few of the “big cities” of Virginia, along with Outer DC (aka Northern Virginina) that wag the whole state bluish. The rest of the state leans hard the other direction.

        This last election for Virginia saw epic amounts of out-of-state cash flowing in. A lot of DC folks live in Northern Virginia. Democrats brought in more than three times as much money from out of state. Millions more. That much money *can* swing elections in states as closely locked as Virginia.

        1. Which I *don’t get*. Those areas are heavily military. And military retirees. It dossn’t make sense to me.

          1. and people that moved there for union ship construction jobs that no linger exist

            and children and grandchildren for all of the above

      1. Of coarse not. I’m hoping those who would be in charge in the VA National Guard, are thinking, if everyone leaves who won’t obey that order, who will be able to stop it? If I stay I can stop this insanity. Might be wrong. But if they resign it is given they can’t stop the insanity.

        1. I suspect that they are also thinking “President Trump has ample precedent (Eisenhower in AR; Kennedy in AL) for calling the VA NG into Federal service, thus removing it legally from the state government’s control. Then he orders us all to stand down. At that point, I can tell the governor he doesn’t have the authority to order me out, and I’ll still have my benefits.”

      2. Do you expect they would resign in anticipation of such an order, or reject the order and defend their refusal as proper response to an unlawful order?

        Until they’ve been punished for refusing an unlawful order they have no standing to bring suit, as I understand the doctrine of standing.

        1. Mass resignations would communicate very clearly how little chance he has of success. It would have a salutatory effect on the leftists who gloat that they will bring us to heel.

          If they deem refusing the order more effective, well, it is a prudential judgment.

      3. Too soon IMO for resignations from the Virginia National Guard.

        The Governor Has Not Said that he’ll use the NG to enforce the New Laws (if passed & signed).

        Of course, we don’t know what he has privately heard from the Commander of the VA NG.

        1. Probably a diplomatic version of “If I issue that order, all of their equipment will malfunction, and it will not function again until I order them to arrest you.”

          1. I’ll have to check out my assumption that he hadn’t said that he’ll use the VA NG.

            The last I heard, it was a Senator from VA that said the NG should be used.

            1. Ah, it’s possible that got mixed up. The burning question is whether to resign in time to discourage them, and if so, when.

      4. Why on earth would someone be dumb enough to resign because some a-hole declares he’s going to give an unlawful order?

        You reject unlawful orders, you don’t pre-emptively resign.

        1. To hit him upside of the head in a perfectly legal manner.

          And of course to send a message to the numerous leftists who imagine that the military and police will turn into docile secret police on cue.

  14. I keep remembering that part of being a man is loading the women and children on the lifeboats…and then going down with the ship. To stand and be still to the Birkenhead Drill. Rank Hath Its Responsibilities.

    1. Mostly it’s promising to move a mountain for her and then realizing it’s mostly a mountain of dirty diapers, dirty clothes, and going to ballet recitals. And killing bugs.

      And, yeah, being the one to go see what that noise is in the middle of the night.

      1. To share the load. We men are built to carry such weight. It makes us better men. Have tasks, complete them. Be reliable, trustworthy, and true. Nearly all men have their role models. Fathers, if we are lucky. Doing these things makes that voice in our heads say, “good job. Now go do another.” *grin*

  15. And since Vikings and ladies were mentioned, I’ve got a copy of the Viking Shieldmaiden Recipe for Chocolate Chip Cookies…

    Swords and axes

    1. Take swords and axes in hand. Board longship. Sail to Belgium.
    2. Raid Belgium, get chocolate chips. Reboard longship. Do not eat all the chocolate.
    3. Sail to France. Raid France, get flour.
    4. Sail to Portugal. Raid Portugal, get eggs.
    5. Sail to Ireland. Raid Ireland, get butter.
    6. Sail to England. Raid England, make them bake cookies.
    7. Load cookies on longship. Sail home. Do not eat all the cookies at once.

    : )

  16. Ever notice that as womyn get more “emancipated”, the less emancipated they seem to be?
    The current bunch of 3rd wave wokesters would make the most fragile Victorian maiden fainting couch fancier want to re-create the “get ahold of yourself” scene from ‘Airplane’.

    1. I certainly have. Victorian women wore the lace and velvet…but under it was steel. Today, it’s outlandish costumes on the outside, rancid fat on the inside.

        1. I have seen with my own eyes a Southern lady quiet a room full of roudy, raucus boys with a single glance. Without even a word spoken. I have heard a quiet word in the right ear draw a crowd of protectors willing to lay down as much violence as necessary to keep injustice from occurring. I have seen the smell of perfume on a letter turn a bad day good, and the taste of a home cooked meal enough to revive the nearly dead.

          I have seen a simple smile bring forth a whole day’s worth of sweat and effort, an embrace summon forth more courage than the man ever knew he had, and a kiss become a promise carried to the grave over many long years.

          Women- and men, too- very much discount what masculinity and femininity truly are. They make us more than we ever could be, alone. We civilize and temper each other, to make us better human beings. And to make better human beings. *grin*

          That is not to say it is easy. Rather, better to say the reward is worth meeting the challenge well, every day.

          1. Thank you for summing up what I’ve been trying to put into character words but never quite get it. (Lelia and Grandmother Priesterson [André’s grandmother] are going to have, ahem, A Talk.)

          2. Southern lady quiet a room full of roudy, raucus boys with a single glance.

            David Weber called that glance an “old fashion look”.

            With Mom, it was the “Dark Brown Look” and/or the “School Teacher Look”. 😀

            Mom thought that when I, Dad or Ruth talked about her “School Teacher Look”, it meant “something terrible” but to us it was just Mom. 😉

        2. I’m a southerner, and heavens yes, a Southern Woman is a thing to fear and dread when she’s angry.

  17. Feminist men have probably done more to ruin my dating possibilities than about 75% of what kind of stupid that I’ve done.

    Why? They’re “nice guys.” They are “kind people, that treat women well.” But, once you get to know them and they let down their mask a bit…oh, they are some of the most misogynist people you will ever meet. After all, since women are “liberated,” they don’t have to think of them beyond what their needs are.

    Meanwhile, I am genuinely nice. Very old school. But, it looks from the outside like the classic “nice guy” behaviors.

    1. To be a good man means, at times, to put aside what is “nice” and do what is good with ruthless efficiency. A man can be courteous. “Nice” in current parlance. A man can be gentlemanly- gentle with the little ones, with old people, with ladies.

      And deliver a very gentlemanly punch in the nose when required, because some men will hear no other language.

    2. Yeah, they mimic the Truly Decent Guy as a hunting mechanism.

      Sort of like the gals who act like they’re interested because they like yanking guy’s chains.

      1. There is some suspicion such gals like having somebody else pay for their drinks, their meals, their entertainment, their jewelry, their clothes …

        1. Which the “nice guys” (or other flavors of entitled SOB) then use to declare that any gal they invite on a date, who does not sleep with them, is thus using them.

          Nevermind that if you invite someone on a date and they insist on going dutch, it’s a mildly rude way of saying “I am not that into you.”

          1. It is almost as if Lucifer rigged the game so that everybody loses.

            Almost as if there were a Gresham’s Law of human morality: bad behaviour drives out good.

            1. Good thing he made some really bad assumptions, starting with the idea that we’re all going to be selfish– may all who follow him do the same!

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