When you figure out your family is weirder than you

Too complicated to explain, but I’m the SANE one in this family.

No, seriously.  It’s not weird I read and write science fiction…

The suitcase was found. I now need to decide which of the THREE wedding outfits I wear….


Lots and lots of meh-itude. 😀

82 thoughts on “When you figure out your family is weirder than you

    1. Yeah. Sounds like the sort of story that needs the assurance that it’s real to work.

      1. I dunno … “The story you are about to read is not true; the true story is too incredible to be fiction.”

          1. Yep. And some stories — such as the coat worn by Frank Morgan in The Wizard of Oz being discovered to have been previously property of L. Frank Baum — can only be believed because they’re true.

            Hence the approach of “The truth is too incredible, so I’ve adjusted the events to retain believability.”

        1. I have felt that way about the whole Russia / Spygate narrative the last two years.
          Nobody would dare pitch that as a movie plot.

          1. I don’t know. Executive Orders by Clancy covers this, kind of. Granted President Ryan wasn’t elected, either as part of a ticket as vice president or president. Became president legitimately (because reader knows “truth”) but deep state, pretty much as described by President Trump, was against him being and staying president.

            I mean, how Ryan legitimately becomes president might be a little dicey believable (legally possible, just not believable, FWIW not as unbelievable as the impeach President Trump, impeach (now) President Pence without getting his choice as vice president confirmed, Pelosi is now President so she gets Vice President Hillary, and Pelosi resigns as President … legally possible, not believable.

            Although the process to Presidency is not believable, the background deep state, and political, resistance to political outsider President Ryan is 100% believable.

  1. OT (but I take a swipe at Spain so…)

    I bought a bottle of discounted Spanish brandy (Torres) figuring how off could brandy be, and it wasn’t Christian Bros.? (I prefer at least E&J, Korbel is for mixing at best IMO – and yes I grew up in Wisconsin which is Korbel-country). Oof. The stuff tastes not like brandy, so much as raisins which is just wrong. Raisins have there place, but NOT as a dominant flavor in brandy. Conclusion: Stingers are about all this stuff is good for. The creme de menthe has been moved next to the Torres bottle.

    1. Apparently Torres is aged in oak barrels instead of used sherry barrels, and before that it is twice distilled in an alembic, all like a cognac instead of a brandy. And it does taste a lot like raisins and figs. It is argued online that the twenty year old Torres is better.

      Maybe it would work better for cooking, in a context where you would like the raisin taste? Like cooking meat?

      1. I’m going to take a look for it the next time I’m at the booze warehouse store. Sounds like just the thing I want for one of my steak sauce recipes – that calls for raisins and brandy among other things. Getting rid of the “paste the raisins” and “strain the sauce” steps would be a goodness.

    2. I love Torres 5. Wish I could find more, but I’ve only ever found the one bottle. If you were expecting a standard brandy though I could see where you might be disappointed.

      1. If you were close, I’d give you (nearly full) bottle. I suspect you are NOT close to southern MN. (As in, a wrong turn will get noticed before Iowa… but the miles might be in single digits).

  2. It would seem that there are a whole range of options at the Sci-Fi/Fantasy costume events.

    Mother or Auntie or Weird-Cousin shouldn’t wear white but beyond that there are warehouses full of options.

    If rthey know you and invited you, they know what to expect. “It’s Her!”

    Think of the family albums! “Yes. Your sister is a bit “unusual” but this is where it came from……”.

    Enjoy yourself. That will make the event a glorious family event to remember.

    Me? I am that Uncle who gets pieces of the wedding cake dropped down the laundry chute….

  3. LOL 😆

    Of course, it could be a matter of them “not changing” and you becoming Americanized. 😉

    Glad the Luggage found you. 😀

    1. Now I have a picture of our gracious Hostess being followed by The Luggage on its hundreds of little bare feet.

      And wouldn’t THAT shake the sang fraud of even the most together airport security?

      1. Chuckle Chuckle

        I also thought of Master Sean’s (from the Lord Darcy stories) magic bag.

        In Too Many Magicians, he gets locked in the Tower of London and his magic bag is left in his hotel room.

        There’s an amusing series of scenes about how it “just happens” to be moved from his hotel room to his prison room. :grin”

        1. Yes you do not mess with the master magicians in Lord Darcy’s Universe, unless you are one yourself and even then it is a last choice.
          Although the thought of the Luggage from Discworld would be amusing…

          1. A true master.

            Remember the evil magician in that world also held the title of master, but they intercepted his tools.

      2. You’d probably be able to track its progress through the airport via the missing persons reports, as The Luggage baited various opportunistic individuals into making foolish (and final) life choices.

      3. If you like silly books and D&D, Morningwood (subtitle: Everyone likes big chests) is fun. It’s about a mimic that gets out of its dungeon, told from the mimic’s POV.

  4. Good about the suitcase. I have lost mine once, back in the eighties, thankfully when I was going home to Finland so missing clothes was not a real problem, and it finally was delivered about a week later. From the new baggage slips attached to it it had done a rather big detour, starting by going pretty much in the opposite direction from Finland when leaving New York.

      1. People here voting for which outfit kind of reminds me of “Let’s Make A Deal” with the audience shouting out door numbers. Except the audience on LMAD probably wasn’t as Odd. 😉

  5. An appalling number of Life’s Great Accomplishments — and assuredly successfully launching a child into orbit counts as one — produce no greater feeling of achievement than “Meh”.

    Frankly, hardly anyone notices what the mother of the Groom wears, if she does it right.

  6. When you stagger under the burden of constant sorrow; when you are so tired your Wile E. Coyote class Super Genius brain turns into a potato; when the pebble in your path trips you up and you become fixated on only one possible solution; when a chipmunk sneeze disrupts your routine and the whole day along with it; there is always this:

    1. Apollo was before my time on console. We did ground support for Spacelab missions.
      There was always a profound sense that each of us on console in some small part held the lives of the astronauts in our hands.
      By my day we no longer had to wear ties, smoking was banned in the control room, but a hell of a lot of coffee was consumed.

    2. And if you liked that, try The Martian. The author described it as a whole book based around problem-solving scenes like that and it does not disappoint.

  7. Glad your luggage found you.

    Enjoy the second time seeing your beautiful son join his life with your new beautiful daughter.

    Enjoy the days (weeks) you stay afterwards. Show around your new family your country of origin.


    Pack carry on or mail home what you can’t loose on the trip home, and don’t worry about luggage on the way home.

    May the airlines pay you back for the extra expenses of their flight screw up. File complaints, report it, and write about it.

  8. Reminds me of my father’s comment after the last time that they went back to visit my mother’s home in St. Louis:

    “I’ve learned something about the sane members of your family. Namely, that there aren’t any.”

    Glad the luggage is back with you!

    1. Detective Kenda’s book.says that he told his daughter, “If you meet someone you are serious about, ask him about his crazy family members. If he loves you, he will be comfortable with telling you about them. If he cannot think of anyone, he is the crazy member of his family.”

      1. I have been known to bid farewell to family members’ fiances with the observation that after this, they know what they are getting into.

  9. Well. One for before the wedding, one for the ceremony, one for the reception…

  10. Whenever you become certain you are the sane one in any gathering, be confident of one thing: everybody else there disagrees with you.

    ABSOLUTE certainty you are the sane one is typically the greatest indicator that you are not.

    Of course, even a brief perusal of the dictionary

    adj. Of sound mind; mentally healthy:

    adj. Having or showing sound judgment; reasonable.
    More at Wordnik from The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 4th Edition

    … suggests that being “the sane one” can be conditional on the crowd around you.

    Finally, a moment’s contemplation of the concept reveals that if everybody around you is weird, you are indeed the weird one. When all about you wear their pants on their noggins you have to weird not to conform.

    Which is one reason I never make much effort to conform. I may be “the bald monkey” in the troupe, but on me it looks good.

  11. “Too complicated to explain, but I’m the SANE one in this family.

    No, seriously. It’s not weird I read and write science fiction”

    I’m wondering about cause-and-effect.

    1. You still have to beat them up. They basically tricked us out of a flight and delayed it enough they didn’t have to make good. We flew Delta.

  12. “Writing Observer” is actually Carol Stoddard, wife of William H Stoddard.

  13. Fashion Hint: Do not wear all three wedding dresses at the same time.

  14. Glad to hear your luggage found its way too you.

    And your remarks sound a lot like my family: during some familial drama a while back, my mother, younger brother, and myself came to the realization that the three of us were probably the most normal and sane ones in the whole extended clan. And given that each of the three of us has a respective collection of idiosyncrasies, oddities, and issues that would make the average head-shrinker salivate over (or possibly run away screaming), we all agreed that said realization was pretty darn frightening indeed.

  15. On a totally different tangent, I was reading “Three to Conquer” by Eric Frank Russel published in 1955 today and ran across the statement “No protectors of civil liberties are going to bawl about the freedom of suspected lepers”. This statement was self evidently true to the author. A few years ago a court freed a nurse who had come back from treating Ebola in Africa from quarantine on civil rights grounds. How times change. Also, how sci-fi authors fail to predict the future.

    1. “A few years ago a court freed a nurse who had come back from treating Ebola in Africa from quarantine on civil rights grounds.”

      Retards on the court had not read medical history, and were dooming the rest of us to repeat it. Antibiotics have made people cocky about infectious disease.

      1. Well, they are logically consistent– if we can’t lock up the insane when posing an obvious, immediate risk, and can only stop them by infringing on EVERYONE’S rights such as firearms restrictions, then logically….

        (Yes, it is stupid, they grew up being taught Typhoid Mary was a poor victim of racism.)

        1. That would explain New York’s decision to quarantine healthy people who have not been vaccinated against measles, while letting the people who are currently sick with it run around free.

          …Although, if one were to spin it as the city attempting to test the efficacy of the measles vaccine, by exposing all of the vaccinated to actual wild measles….

          Best hope they have people tracking things.

        2. Wait, say what? Typhoid Mary a racism victim? How does that work?

          (not being sarcastic, I honestly don’t see the logic trail)

        3. Interestingly enough, in AZ, having untreated TB and refusing to follow the course of your medication WILL get you locked up until the course of treatment is finished and you are no longer contagious. Court has upheld it.

  16. This thread reminds me of the First Rule of Poker: When you sit down at the table, the first thing you should do is look at the other players and try to spot the sucker. If you can’t, then get up and leave, because you’re the sucker.

    As for crazy vs sane: consider what passes for “normal” in polite society these days. All things considered, I’d rather be crazy.

  17. “The vampires chase Grant into the Portugueses wedding reception, and all hell breaks loose.”

  18. The cultists chase Grant into the wedding reception. All hell breaks loose. Poor vampires.

  19. I always knew that you were sane. Don’t believe those who say otherwise: you’re as sane as I am!

  20. “All the world is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer.”
    ― robert owen

    (at the time, c.1800, queer still meant eccentric)

  21. Travel and in-laws and questions of sanity, all in one package. Movie trailer for “The In-laws.”

  22. 🙂 Kinda why I like Florida… I can never, ever be the weird one again. 😉

  23. Well, from the sounds of it we have little worry that Sarah will decide to stay in her homeland.

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