I know you guys have been worried about how unorganized this blog (and frankly my writing for PJ and other things) have been this last month and a half or so. I know because some of you have pinged me by various means to make sure I was okay.
I am okay. I’ve been caught up in a cycle of cleaning/repairing and doing home improvement projects. It started with my “having had enough” of the cat pee problem in our basement and taking a black light to the walls of that bathroom. I realized every one of them were marked, and honestly probably by the former owners’ cat whom they used to lock up in the master’s bath. Because that wall had never been painted, since the original builder’s pain, I killzed the wall up to two feet (no, our cats aren’t that tall, but the wall wicks moisture) and then painted the whole bathroom. That was a day, but then other things happened. The pantry into which we’d just thrown stuff on moving got on my nerves enough that I just HAD to organize it. That took an entire day. Then there was preparing the downstairs apartment to be a fully independent place (because having older son eat with us every day and simply have a tiny counter at which he can make coffee and a bar sink big enough to wash cups at is okay, but I refuse to have newlyweds actually LIVE with us and that’s on the plans soon enough — guys, I need dates, and what I’m supposed to do! — so, there must be a functional (enough) kitchen down there. The entrance is already independent, though I wouldn’t advise the side-steps in winter.)
Then I cleaned and organized my closet, which was still cluttered with moving boxes. Weirdly some of the clothes I was ready to donate as too small when we moved in fit me again (yay) so not all is lost.
Anyway, in the middle of that there was buying wood for two rooms on the bottom floor, which will need to be done, and yesterday “finding the pee spot that is stinking up the entire house” and neutralizing it as well as fall cleaning of the downstairs.
There are still all the floors to redo in wood (no asthmatic — even if it’s been in remission — should live in a house with carpet floors.) and the guest bathroom to get the same treatment as the master bathroom for the same reason (except there it’s been painted and the walls are purple. BRIGHT purple. It’s a tiny bathroom. I’d ask what the former owners were thinking, but I don’t think they were.)
I know, half of you are rubbing your heads and wondering if this is writers’ block. I’ll be honest, I wondered the same, but I don’t think so. Or not anymore, anyway.
I think I know what this is. For the last twenty years I’ve been hypothyroidal. For the last five years before two years ago (so, seven years) the hypothyroidism has been critical. Which meant among other things that everything was let go. Two years ago I started being treated, but the dose was nowhere near right till this February. (MIGHT still be on the low side.)
This feels like waking up. When you’ve been severely depressed, the first emotion that comes back is anger (and that happened with thyroid treatment too, btw) and apparently for me recovery means cleaning and organizing. Which makes perfect sense.
That this is on the borderline of a transition to “just us two” is also part of it. Because if things are organized, I can actually be MORE productive. I.e. with “just us two” it doesn’t take much to keep an organized/finished house clean.
The thing is, though, that I didn’t realize that was what I was doing, or that the net result has been EXPONENTIALLY more clean and organized. Why didn’t I notice it?
Well, because when you start projects like this, it gets way worse before it gets better. Particularly when the project is “house improvement” it’s like your entire house becomes a construction zone. (When we had a bathroom built adjacent the master bedroom at a former house, we slept with a bucket of cement and discards next to our bed for three months. It seemed permanent.)
So to me this has been “riding the edge of crisis till they resolve.” And things seemed to get exponentially worse until they got sort of okay. By that time I didn’t remember the previous state of things, so I just felt they were “sort of okay” when done.
Then older son came back after two months away and kept commenting on how clean and organized everything was. which was a bit of shock, because that’s not how I thought of it. I just thought of it as “For some reason I find myself creating these messes that take me forever to clear and leave me exhausted.”
But he’s right. And when he said it, I blinked and suddenly saw how much more organized/cleaner/easier life was becoming.
The thing is that in most big projects, you make a bigger mess on the way to cleaning it up.
Please keep that in mind when it seems like the world is coming apart at the seams.
Actually what’s happening is that, the left’s lock on the news being broken, people who don’t agree with Marxism no longer feel alone and isolated. I.e. we’ve woken up, and we’re aware of the need to clean society of this corroding philosophy.
They of course are reacting with madness to losing what they thought was a locked-in position of power. And cleaning this up and bringing that portion of the country into marginal contact with reality is going to take forever. And it will probably look worse before it looks marginally okay. Also, because the left exerted a monopolistic control on media, entertainment and education for about 100 years, most of us don’t even remember what the previous state looked like, so we might not realize when its improving.
But the thing is even the mess is a sign we’re starting to clean up.
Be not afraid. Go and clean.