I Am Alive

Posted on by Sarah A. Hoyt

Apparently my life was getting boring so this morning, in the shower, it seemed a good idea to have a cardiac episode.

Now, I sort of assumed this was my body being my body and giving it attention would just encourage it, but my husband doesn’t have the jaundiced view I have and insisted on driving me to emergency.

There seems to be something wrong with the electrical part of my heart and typing this is really frustrating because I have a sensor on my middle left finger.  Anyway there’s something about  a circus rhythm.  (I hate clowns.)

I had planned to work today, d*mn it.

I feel stupid and guilty for letting my body get out of line and encouraging it in its nonsense.  But they’re keeping me under observation till tomorrow, and I can’t even type with this thing on my finger.  And I’m worrying my family.

So.  That’s where I am.  More when I  can type.

279 thoughts on “I Am Alive”

  2. Sheesh….. We all know you’re spending the time gathering material for a future book involving a hospital scene.

    You get too much done as it is, try and convince yourself to relax a little!

    After all, one of the markers for high intelligence is a certain level of efficient laziness…

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  3. Posting some get-well wishes here, then doing as some of the above mentioned, and making a stop at Amazon to send some sales your way.

    Get well soon!

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  4. I haven’t read the preceding comments, and so might be repeating already said — several times even. But don’t feel sheepish. I’m a man who had a heart attack at 42 and as they informed me, I “presented like a woman,” which is to say I did not have the elephant-on-the-chest and neck/arm pain that are the stereotypical [male] symptoms. I had a not-too-painful-but-unremitting pressure in my chest and some serious sweats. Even after doing an ECG on me, the symptoms were so ambiguous they were still unsure if I was infarcting. That’s inFARCTing, son! It wasn’t till a blood test detected a hormone in my blood which only appears as a result of heart tissue death that they decided I WAS in the middle of a heart attack. Sadly, that period of indecision allowed a significant portion of my heart to sustain damage, and though I’ve had a VERY fortunate 20 years since, scar tissue buildup on the dead heart muscle is coming back to haunt me. Point is, better be sheepish and alive than stoic and dead. Particularly considering the reality of the kind of ambiguous symptoms a woman can experience. Watch out for yourself. I’m no SF fan, but we can’t afford to lose a single sensible conservative these days.

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  6. Glad that it doesn’t appear to be worse. Please ask your son to keep an eye on your husband; I learned to my cost that the stress on the one not in crisis can sneak up on them. Please get better soon. You’re in my prayers.

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  8. “I feel stupid and guilty for letting my body get out of line and encouraging it in its nonsense.”

    I sympathize deeply on that score, and yes, being grumpy about it is fine.

    Sending lots of love and prayers and well wishing for you to get better soon T_T

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  9. *hugs* You know we love ya, right? And we don’t hold you to the standard that you hold yourself to! Get some rest, catch up on some reading… and fess up if someone sneaks you a jelly donut before the nurses freak at your blood-sugar readings!

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  10. A character in Joe Haldeman’s Worlds has a stroke, and can only say yes, no, and shit.
    So cheer up dear Sarah, it could be worse.
    O que não mata engorda.

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  11. The streak continues. I take it this is a new “most days alive” record for you? Well done Sweetie! Hope you set new records for years and years.

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  12. Am I a bad man for worrying about the next Darkship book not being completed?

    Get better soon Sarah. And take it easy.

    *wanders off to Amazon to see what he’s missing on his kindle*

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    1. Well part of me is wondering about the revised books Sarah was going to put on Amazon. :wink:

      Of course, part of me isn’t a nice guy. :evil:

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      1. Well, at least you’re not asking for free ice cream; you’re asking for an opportunity to throw more money!

        But I’m pretty sure you don’t have to give Sarah any more encouragement on this topic. OTOH, if you have any spare teenagers or vacationing college students, who can read and take dictation for free? Yeah, that would probably help keep Sarah relaxed on the couch, while continuing the flow of places to throw money. They can put it on their resume as an internship.

        Make sure the teenagers bring along food money.

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  13. Oh, Sarah! I’m so grateful you’re OK! I freaked out yesterday after coming back from meetings to find this out. Please, PLEASE take care of yourself better! You’re so loved by your family and friends!

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    1. In my experience you can shove articles on studies proving the necessity of getting decent sleep and warning of the hazards of not sleeping in front of your sleep deprived loved one time and again and it does little but annoy.

      I have therefore concluded that one symptom of sleep deprivation is a noticeable inability to comprehend said articles. I admit that my sample pool has been small. I am now open to any available grants that would allow me to continue as well as expanded my test pool. I propose to start by traveling to Colorado and in order to observe a non-sleeping author in her natural habitat. ;-)

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      1. *wry* If you were hobbling around on a broken foot, and someone kept giving you articles that it was bad, wouldn’t it annoy you?

        Trouble sleeping can be caused by so many things that it’s almost impossible to pin down, but it’s not like the person that’s exhausted didn’t notice. Right up there with informing someone that’s fat that being fat can hurt their health.

        I know that sleep dep in my case is classic mom type– either I can’t sleep because I have Things To Do and am doing them, or I can’t sleep because I have Things To Do and I am not, I’m laying in bed.

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        1. Well of course, you are right on the annoyance. sigh

          Yet trouble sleeping is not the same as denying you need sleep and teaching your body not to sleep. Warning: Parental not sleep, the Things To Do family you describe, can eventually become so habitual that you have to willfully break before it breaks you.

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          1. Mom’s youngest is 30.

            She still hasn’t managed, and it doesn’t look like she will.

            This Does Not Bode Well for my managing it.

            This might be one of the reasons that women in her mom’s family tend to take up late-night praying/meditation.

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            1. I went through a period of consistently waking up in the wee hours of the night unable to get back to sleep. I found that when I stopped trying to go back to sleep, but remained in bed praying through my list, I feel asleep before I finished. :-)

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  15. Sarah, we thank the Gods great and small that you are still with us and typing. Let’s not repeat this anytime soon, ok?

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  17. Do not ignore husband who just wants to keep you alive and well. Thank God you came through it ok. Please take it easy and get better. I left work apparently before this was on your blog and this is the first thing I looked up, typing with Booker the boy cat gnawing my knuckles.

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  23. Jesus Christ on a crutch! 2016 was bad enough in the Dead Pool without adding you to the list. Take care of yourself and thank your husband for taking you in!

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  24. Might want to check the weather forecast in the nether regions.

    “steve davidson on December 3, 2016 at 5:21 am said:
    Best wishes to Sarah Hoyt: sounds like they’re looking for irregularities (my wife was on a 7 day digital monitor for the same thing following her strokes – found nothing).”

    (Lest anyone accuse me of only picking the worst from File 770 to share here)

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  27. Prayers and best wishes sent your way.
    Do get better. We miss you.
    And it’s hard to keep this crowd under control.

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  28. Sarah, I posted news of your continued existence on my Facebook page. Speaking personally, I find that you are much more fun and valuable when you exist, than when you do not. So, in due consideration of the similar requirements and desires of your family and friends, please persist to exist.

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  29. Praying for your swift escape from the building of scrubs, where in my experience they don’t scrub enough. ;) and may I suggest a king Charles Cavaliers spaniel for joy and snuggles. Best cats we ever had ( they think they are, climb, lick, and talk to you.) Very glad to hear you are, please maintain that position? Love from the south.

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  30. I’m so glad you didn’t ignore your warning signs. Here’s to hoping you recover quickly and well, and i hope discover the causes and treat/remove them so it doesn’t happen again! We don’t talk much (because I rarely have anything clever or wise to contribute to the rollicking conversations that occur here), but I look forward to your posts and exploring views I wouldn’t have thought of on my own. :)

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    1. “I’m so glad you Dan didn’t ignore your warning signs.”

      Fixed it for you.

      “I rarely have anything clever or wise to contribute to the rollicking conversations that occur here”

      That hasn’t ever deterred me from posting comments, don’t let it deter you.

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      1. It’s pretty intimidating, but I love reading the comments. Especially when they get snarky and full of banter. :)

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        1. Thanks to the time lag enabled by the internet, not only is l’esprit d’escalier operable in virtual real time, so are the virtues of spellcheck and quipedit.

          On the internet, nobody can tell you took a sip of coffee, took a shower, went and fixed yourself a sandwich and returned to your keyboard with “What I should have said” at the tip of your typing finger.

          Jump on in, the water is awfully damned chill fine!

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          1. Just make sure that if you want to dive into the minion pool, that the sea serpent isn’t in the way, and that you don’t go anywhere NEAR her gold.

            On second thought, we have a very nice pool in the rose garden.

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            1. True. Stepping back and thinking before I speak is the greatest thing about conversing on the computer. :) IRL I am prone to inane comments that make sense to me but get blank stares from everyone else who didn’t jump from A to Q and then back to F before commenting on Y. It was related, I swear!

              Pools are nice. Fewer things to eat me, and you can see the minnows coming. :)

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              1. IRL I am prone to inane comments that make sense to me but get blank stares from everyone else who didn’t jump from A to Q and then back to F before commenting on Y. It was related, I swear!

                This is a thing that probably everyone here is familiar with. :D

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                1. (Stares haughtily down nose at Foxfier… wait, is that MY nose? Good gravy, how long IS… “I’ll take nose hairs for 200, Alex!)

                  I’m sure I have NO idea what you’re talking about. Hmph.

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    1. N.B. for those wishing signed Kindle books by Sarah: send her an email at the address [2BProvided] and she will respond with a digital signature you can add to your Kindle.

      Offer not valid with other invalid offers, prohibited where void.

      Liked by 1 person

  33. http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-34277960

    I think my original position was that, given the official criteria, the Nobel peace prize is no more than the due of certain US officials. Given the apparent unofficial criteria, Arafat, Annan, etc…, it turned out also appropriate to award it to Obama.

    It will be a travesty if the next Nobel peace prize is not awarded to Trump. In such event, I would urge him to consider nuking Oslo.

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  37. Do not feel stupid and guilty — talk to yourself when you have those feelings. Contend with it. I contend with RA and I often feel mortified by it, but I do myself no favor by punishing myself for something that is out of my control. And neither do you. Save shame for when you’ve been shameful.

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  38. Do not feel stupid and guilty — talk to yourself when you have those feelings. Contend with it. I contend with RA and often feel mortified by it, but I do myself no favor by punishing myself for something that is out of my control. And neither do you. Save shame for when you’ve been shameful.

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  40. Pingback: Sarah Hoyt | Transterrestrial Musings

  41. “Get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, you haven’t got anything.” ~ Count Rugen

    More: I applaud Dan’s caring assertion of need for medical intervention. (My wife’s cardiologist would too. :-) )

    Take care. Be well.

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  43. I have had similar issues – both with my heart and my reluctance to go to see a doctor. It’s amazing the kinds of problems they can manage with the right meds and behavior. The important thing is to think of your medical issue as a new toddler… you learn pretty quickly the difference between “I’m cranky and I want attention” vs. “I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP.” Trust what you feel and stay healthy, and God bless you.

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