This is a quick post, and this is not about me. (It’s a quick post because very late, for reasons I can’t divulge just now.)
Two days ago I was trying to come up with a theme for a blog in a group on FB and an Amanda (there are three of them and I can’t for the life of me remember which) said a good theme was “trust but verify” even yourself.
I normally don’t have this issue TOO FAR because I take no medications that could influence my mood. Because of this, I don’t even take percocet until I’m at “pain screaming” levels. I’m one of those people who look suspiciously at aspirin. It’s how I was brought up, but also a wish to have my mind be my own.
However, sometimes books influence me. Usually this influence is minor, like craving a certain food, or speaking with weird vocabulary choice. (Lately Irish.)
But even when you’re not on meds, you can spin out.
The thing is when your brain is wrong, you won’t detect that you’re going crazy. No, seriously. It’s what you are thinking with that’s broken. I’ve had friends spin out over post partum depression, or illness, or other stuff, that suddenly makes them paranoid or obsessed.
In my case, I went through a period when my hormones were off and I got PROFOUNDLY depressed. Fortunately it was the “beige” and “do nothing” depression, so I wasn’t actively causing harm to myself or others, but I was passively doing so by lacking the ability to do/complete anything. I knew I was off, but not by how much till it was fixed.
To a certain extent I’m going through that now, as I recover from years of illness (in large part also hormonal, but also chronic pain that kept me awake. I’m still in shock at sleeping through the night almost every night, unless act of cat disrupts it.) and amazed at figuring out how “off” I was.
But particularly when you’re on meds and go out of control, sometimes people don’t realize how out of control they are, or how atypically they’re acting.
I had a friend who overnight decided I was her first and foremost enemy. Yeah, eventually she got better, but the friendship will never be the same.
So, what can you do?
Well, if you starting in in a way you know you normally don’t/people tell you is not quite right, particularly if a lot of people who know you really well are telling you this?
Trust but verify. If you’re under treatment consider if your meds stopped working/are having weird side effects.
If you’re not under treatment, check that you’re OKAY. If you’re ill, even if it’s something stupid and minor, see if this can affect your behavior. (Things do you wouldn’t believe.)
If you have a tendency to depression, figure out if you’re in the middle of it.
And if none of those, consider if you’ve been influenced by a book, a movie, an experience. These are often of shorter duration, but I swear there have been books that left me… evil. It’s the only way to put it. And sometimes it lasts days.
Because your brain is what you think with, it’s important to make sure it’s not lying to you.
It’s also important to check with unavoidable reality. I mean, maybe you think that your dog is trying to kill you, so observe carefully. If he’s licking, not biting you, probably not.
So, trust but verify. EVEN (Particularly) yourself.
And now I go because this week is unbelievable. I’ll be back on track next week. (And yes, this is also something that influences you. When you have fifty things coming at you at once, you WILL do a great impression of an airhead. Even if you’re not one.)