Post Tomorrow Morning

Meanwhile could I get those of you who’ve bought The Musketeer’s Mysteries, now that they’ve been re-released to leave some reviews, because, ick, the house, well… (That and I was burned out, so I didn’t notice things in page proof.  And I made what I thought were jokes.  Don’t even ask.  They were worse than the puns around here).  And oh, yeah, The Musketeer’s Inheritance is out.  This is the cover:

the musketeer's inheritanceAnd if you guys come back with the old “why don’t the musketeers have any muskets, be aware it’s like asking Wyoming Knot “Why Not?”  It was never funny — they did have muskets, in combat, not in dueling because the d*mn things had no accuracy — and everyone who thinks they’re going to be funny says it.

Actually, because these days I just tend to get rude when people say it, does any of you have a better one liner I can answer with?

And of course — I’ll be sending out the clean copy of Witchfinder soon (sorry, was battling Create Space.

witchfindercoverfinalI’ll post tomorrow, but probably around eight my time.  Those of you on the East Coast I hope will forgive me.



83 responses to “Post Tomorrow Morning

  1. Actually after some research I know why the Musketeers don’t have Muskets.

  2. Re: dueling — Yup, there’s a reason nobody says, “I choose muskets at 100 paces.” Especially not those. Muskets were a volley weapon.

    I guess if 100 of your friends all got insulted at once….

  3. Sarah, the muskets are in their burrows, having seen their own shadows. Which means it will take us another six weeks to pay off our taxes…

    • Six weeks? You optimist. Okay, we paid the taxes — now our ability to pay anything else is impaired for a year or so. I told them we couldn’t afford socialism. I TOLD them.

  4. sabrinachase

    They were waiting for their concealed carry permits? (I know you can’t conceal a musket, work with me here. We’re talking provocative cognitive dissonance.)

    • Nah, it’s because the peacetime paperwork to carry outside of garrison was so foolishly complicated, not to mention having to carry special bullets that had the individual musketeer’s name molded into them for forensic purposes, that carrying daggers, sabers, rapiers, epees, or a small thermonuclear device was less hassle.

    • A great cloak can conceal a musket, but you sure can’t get it ready to use in a hurry if you have to take it out from beneath one.

      • Your wife tends to get irritated about all the slow match burns in your clothes when you carry ‘cocked and locked’ under a great cloak, also.

        • Pfagh. Your wife will get greatly irritated about the burns when you carry ‘cocked and locked’ under a pretty durn good cloak.

          • Ha! As we know, boys will be boys.

            Which is why a truly practical, resourceful and intelligent wife/mother would build a time machine and travel to the future, so as to purchase the necessary yardage of fireproof fabric with which to line your coat.

  5. The good news this year: I didn’t owe anything. You can guess why. BUT it beats the year I had to come up with $6K for the feds and $1.5K for the state on two days notice. (Be very, very, very careful about the date from which you or your tax preparer record capital gains.)

    • This isn’t as bad as the year we had to pay 15k — which considering I’d made maybe 25k HURT (but we hadn’t used anything, there was self employment tax and… owy.) — but it’s damn close. If you need me, I’ll be in the bathtub, slitting my wrists.
      Hey, president slacker, I built that. Now stop milking it.

      • You can’t milk a steer.

        I didn’t have to pay much of anything this year either, but I had some good right-offs, next year is going to hurt. Well I hope so anyways, because if taxes don’t hurt this next year, it means I’m going to be hurting worse before it comes time to pay them.

  6. Happy April 15th. NOT

    • and Amazon sales are in the cr*pper. Not that I blame anyone.

      • So true– It is hard to grow sales when there is a big damper like tax day– and it is an expensive day for anyone who pays taxes.

      • I got a bounce last week, but overall ditto. The other two outlets have not moved since Jan 15 or so. *shrug* Taxes, the insurance deadline (but I repeat myself), and IIRC I read somewhere that March tends to be a bit of a lull in book buying overall because it is between the winter holidays and the summer reading season ramp-up.

  7. BobtheRegisterredFool

    It’s like complaining about the lack of shooting in ‘Drunken Knife Fights of an American Rifleman’.

  8. BobtheRegisterredFool

    ‘They were mostly too drunk to hurt any one by shooting at them with a musket.’

    IIRC, back when corn whiskey was the big drink, there was a time and place where you were considered effeminate if you didn’t opt in to eye gouging in fights.

  9. “Why don’t the musketteers have muskets?”
    “Because they’d die of old age before they managed to hit each other in a duel with muskets. Think of it as if they’re modern tank crews– what we see is mostly bar fights when they’re off duty.”

    • Shucks, it is easy-peasey to hit somebody when dueling with muskets. Run up and club the varlet with it.

      • Or have duels with a barn…

      • Finally, someone with sense!
        Do you know how many places I’ve gotten REALLY strange looks because I turned down the (usually pink) girl guns due to inability to beat someone to death with them if everything goes wrong?

        I’ll take the slightly higher discomfort from packing a heavier weapon when it’s one I know won’t be worth less than my shoe when I run out of bullets.

        • Just put a nice pistol bayonet on it and you’ll be fine! /sarc

        • Kind of like the strange looks I get when someone asks what rifle they should get for their wife or kid and I tell them NOT to get a youth mode. Because those small light guns kick twice as hard, so giving them to someone who is likely to be twice as recoil sensitive is a really bad idea.

        • Combat Tupperware is my nickname for ’em.

        • While The Daughter often refers to shoes with heals as ‘stupid’ shoes, I have read that a proper pair of stiletto heals comes weaponized.

          • Yes, but unlike the guns people so often make the comment about, with stiletto heels, without training, you actually are more likely to hurt yourself than the other person.

          • It does.
            Must be a generational thing. I explained to Robert that high heels are sexy and he looked blank “no. Girls look much better in flat shoes.” — go figure. We’re OLD.

            • I agree with your son, does that make me young?

              • I guess?
                I lived in stilletos till after I gave birth, when my hip started locking up. Now I can’t even wear cheap shoes, which is a pity because I used to buy those cheap crappy moccasins made in china, wear them till they died, and buy another pair.

            • Look at the shoes in the stores. No, this does not make us old, I think it means The Daughter and your son individuals who are not afraid to think for themselves.

              What makes us old is that we have refused to cease breathing.

          • I’m with the daughter– a good weapon is one that is more likely to hurt your target than you. Stilettos fail at that.

            • Without even taking them off a good pair of stilettos can be handy. If someone grabs you from behind aim for their instep and come down hard. (My Momma was the font of some strange, but useful knowledge.) Once in hand they can be even worse.

              Strangely, when wearing boots, The Daughter, for some reason, finds walking made easier by some height to heal.

              • I have the same result with boots, but even “wide” and “sensible” heels on girl shoes make me fall over. (My theory is that it has to do with the way boots don’t allow much side-to-side motion.)

                It doesn’t do any good to be wearing a weapon on your foot if you already broke your ankle……

                • Get sidetracked by turkeys in the back yard and forget to hit post, and come back twenty minutes later and as soon as I hit post I see someone else has already made my points for me. And better because they have actually wore girl shoes, instead of just watching girls wearing them trying not to fall on their… and this is supposed to be sexy?

              • Moderate heels are shown to be helpful for people with back problems, but only if they are real full sized heels that they can walk in, not something as big around as your little finger that you are wobbling around on and liable to throw your back out just trying to stay upright. Also boots provide ankle support which not only helps walking, but helps stabilize your heels.

                Personally in boots I find about a 1 inch spring heel to be ideal for a combination of stability and comfort.

  10. The term “musketeer” is a typo that stuck. They were actually “muscateers”: drunks named after their preferred drink.

  11. When originally chartered, due to the sharp points of their rapiers, they were to be called the Muskeeters. Sadly, a typographical error in the commissioning paperwork forever changed it to Musketeers.

    It’s true. I swear.

  12. BAAAAAAAAAAAAD people grin sheepishly.

    Ok. Ok. I’ll stop.

  13. Musketeer was a step up from Arquebusier, a matter of titular entitlement, and there was also this small matter of being a KING’S Musketeer.

    Not on the King’s business? Carrying the musket about would be a bit like the policeman wearing his badge / uniform / full kit while off-duty, moonlighting as the bouncer for a brothel…

    And OF COURSE there is the wee small matter of rate-of-fire. ROF far more important than accuracy, as I understand matters. Accuracy issues can be overcome, or at least offset. (Load with small-shot, frex.) Making your second shot with the ramrod as a supplemental bit of ammo makes third shots far less likely…

  14. O.K., perhaps on a brighter note than comentary on the Ides of April in the USofA:

    I like the cover for The Musketeer’s Inheritance.

  15. From Sharpe’s Eagle, set during the English Iberian Campaign of the Napoleonic wars:

    Sir Henry Simmerson: Wellesley, ha! Wellesley don’t know what makes a good soldier! Not many do. Do you know what makes a good soldier Mister Sharpe?
    Sharpe: Yes, Sir.
    Sir Henry Simmerson: And what makes a good soldier, Sharpe?
    Sharpe: The ability to fire three rounds a minute in any weather, sir

    If the new addition a century and three quarters of technical advances makes it possible to fire three rounds in a minute, I would conclude that dueling with muskets would be avoided not only because of issues of inaccuracy, but also because of aesthetics. When one’s blood is at a boil one they usually want the visceral satisfaction of a quicker and more active solution. One that is to the point, the point of the sword.

  16. The Musketeers muskets? Oh, they traded them in for these hats with mouse ears. Surely you’ve heard of the Mousketeers?


      [The screen is dark. Suddenly, driving music begins – something like The Dark Knight score – oh, hell, just use the Dark Knight music, they can sue us.]
      [Flashes of light illuminate shapes in the darkness, but it’s too hard to make them out]
      Announcer: In a world where honor and duty are seen as dim jokes…
      [The flashes come faster now, starting to ouline rounded dark shapes against the blackness]
      Announcer: One man finds a way to stand up for freedom against brutal tyrranny…
      [The shape is starting to resolve – two rounded ears…]
      Announcer: And is joined by a team of heroes against unspeakable villany…
      [It’s a mouse ears hat, and there are more surrounding it…four more pairs]
      Announcer: From the global bestselling novel by Sarah d’Almieda Dona Hoyt De e Assim Sucessivamente
      [The mouse ears are together, and now a rapier, glinting and polished, swings up into view, pointing out at the audience. Yes, we’re doing the trailer in 3D.]
      Announcer: The Mystery of the King’s Mouseketeers Inhertance! In Theaters This Summer!