Years ago, at a con, I heard Connie Willis talk about new writers who over-hype themselves. The words she said still haunt me. “In the dark of night, in the solitude of your own heart, you know exactly how good or bad a writer you are.”
If this is true I’m in trouble. I woke up last night, as I often do, in the middle of the night, with the absolute certainty everything I ever wrote and everything I’ll ever write sucks. It’s the sort of unalterable certainty of the heart that the mind can’t argue against. “But, I sold stuff.” “Yeah, they just haven’t noticed it sucks yet.” “But, people pay me.” “For now.” “But people travel to see me at cons.” “Only a few. And obviously they just haven’t read you properly yet.”
Yesterday, to be honest, I came up with a new reason why I suck. “Too many feelings. People don’t want to feel the story that much.” No, in the daylight I do NOT believe this, but…
In the silence of my own heart, in the middle of the night, I should just give up on writing altogether. And yet, I wake up in the morning and I tell myself none of that is true, and I forge on, with more or less ability depending on the day.
So… Is it the realistic accessment of my talents? Heavens, I hope not. I hope it’s just the trailing end of some nightmare, the tiredness of waking mid-night, the doubts every writer experiences.
And what does one do about these crisis of confidence? Nothing. You forge on. You shoulder your doubts. You do what my grandmother called “make your gut into a new heart.” And you go on…
Sarah
According To Hoyt 
This was the first thing I read this morning after putting on my laptop.
It’s good to know that even an accomplished author such as yourself still have feelings of doubt. It IS something we have to learn to deal with. Shoulder it, bag it, throw it down a well, let a dragon spit on it.
Thanks, Sarah!
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Don’t you dare
listen to those doubts. You know better than that. It’s the crush of too many deadlines at once and too little rest on top of everything else. Now, tell those insidious little voices to go back behind their doors and stay there. Then listen to the rest of the voices in your head clammoring to get out. And always remember, the dancing boys are waiting for you but only if you’re good. *G*
Seriously, there is nothing to worry about and certainly no reason to doubt yourself. I wish I had a tenth of your talent. Now, go make your gut into a new heart.
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If you can’t shut those voices up, I have no doubts you’ll be able to prove them wrong.
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Sarah – it’s just your blocked mind speaking. You gotta get those musketeers out of your head and through your keyboard so that you can think straight again. There are two choices – either your writing sucks and I have extremely bad taste in reading material or you have an amazing ability and I am a reader of great discernment. I prefer to believe that I’m incredibly discerning so you’ll just have to accept the fact that your writing doesn’t suck. :P
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Connie didn’t mean you!
I was there, too. She was referring to the authors who are unpublished, but are certain they would be, if only someone would recognize their genius. She was referring to the authors that loudly proclaim their brilliance, despite their lackluster sales figures. She was referring to the authors that claim “they” are keeping them from being bestsellers.
Sarah, you are none of those. Don’t worry.
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