Hi to everyone out there. My human, Sarah, says that there are many many people you can reach through this computer thing. I don’t know what she means, because I’ve walked up behind this computer thing — and coughed a hairball or two on top of it, and let me tell you, it’s not touching anyone. But then humans are weird that way. I mean, it’s like the whole thing with water. what sane species keeps water in their lair, ready to dump on them at a moment’s notice. They could just lick themselves clean like normal people, or have their friends lick them, at least. I mean, it’s fun and no sudden water on head.
But Sarah-human is looking over my shoulder, and anyway, I didn’t mean to make this a post about humans. You know, I’m not complaining. Oh, well, okay, I’m complaining, but it’s not that bad. They give us food twice and a day and everything, even if Havey eats most of it. Of course, I can’t figure what they put into those cans. I’ve never seen animals that shape running around. Perhaps they just press squirrels really well? Sometimes I have nightmares where those wheel shaped things are spying on me with beady little eyes. They have purple fur, and they hate me, becaus ethey know I’m going to eat them some day. But then my tail… Uh… no, Sarah, I don’t need to see the vet for more valium. Whatever gave you that idea?
Sarahhuman says if I’m going to blog — like it was my idea! — I might as well promote her stuff, so look, Sarahhuman has books out this month. And last month and things. Only she doesn’t write as Sarahhuman — apparently there’s a lot of them, though I’ve never met another one — but as Sarah Hoyt, where she has this great book called Gentleman Takes A Chance. It’s all about this cat called Not Dinner and how brave he is and the adventures he has, though there’s some boring parts about a guy who changes into a dragon and a girl who changes into a panther some ancient canine trying to kill them or something and this whole courtship thing humans do, but they don’t yowl or anything, so it’s boring. Then there’s one called Dipped, Stripped And Dead about this cat named Fluffy, though Sarahhuman says it’s really about some girl who refinishes furniture and dates this hot policeman and solves mysteries. Whatever. It’s written under Elise Hyatt, because Sarahhuman was asked to have another name, like when you go to the humane society and they give you a name. Let me tell you about that.
They called me Tootsie. TOOTSIE! As if it weren’t obvious that my name was Euclid. And they were going to put me down till Sarahhuman and Danhuman and their two cubs came and rescued me at the last minute. My tail was so scared that it’s never been the same since. I can’t sleep without its sneaking up on me and trying to strangle me, and then Sarahhuman makes me swallow valium, which only makes the tail take advantage of my confused state and it just isn’t fair.
But Sarahhuman is coming again, and if she reads this she’ll say I need to see the vet, so let’s keep that between us. Buy her books, because then she buys us kibble and toys and stuff, and is too busy to think I need valium.
Till next time.
Euclid Hoyt
According To Hoyt 