
Recently husband and older son were having one of their financial planning discussions. This is fairly normal.
If you’ve read “Rich dad, poor dad” — I haven’t, but I’ve heard enough about it second and third hand to know what’s in it — the idea is that there are “rich” mindsets and “poor” mindsets.
Broadly speaking it is correct. “Poor” people — who might temporarily have lots of money — have habits that involve short term gratification, avoidance of risk etc. But I’m not a 100% sure those are all in the brain. I like Terry Pratchett’s theory of the boots because it makes more sense. Sure, poor people know they can buy these super expensive boots that last forever and they can will to their kids. The problem is that they can’t afford them. So you have to solve the physical poverty before you solve the mental glitch. I will however admit that the mental glitch often follows the physical one, and can in fact cause the “having money” condition to be temporary.
The men were discussing it, because our entire family has “mental glitches” of very poor people, though we haven’t been that for a while. Dan and I get it from our mothers (even though his mother was not raised poor, but her parents were) and we passed them on. Our glitches are also covalent with ADD though, making one wonder which came first. Yesterday, during my epic fight with the gazebo (I won, which I think makes me a legendary D & D fighter. I’d like some songs about my prowess as a barbarian warrior, honestly!) Dan came out to ask me a question and looked down in dismay at six garden shears on the ground. “Why do we have six?” “Because I threw the seventh away. It was really really dull and rusty.” (I wasn’t cutting the metal gazebo with those. I was cutting the wisteria that was interlaced all through it. We’ll see if the wisteria can be moved (I plan to roll for son with shovel) to new gazebo’s place. If it can’t, I’ll just put a trellis up there. The gazebo whose screws had rusted, forming a less fragile bond than the REST OF IT had to be dismantled with hatchet, tin snips and the big hammer. Yes, you’re getting this post late because I hurt. All over.)
The truth is that’s the ADD tax. Over the last ten years we’ve moved…. a lot. And those shears ended up in boxes and the boxes in places not even G-d himself could have guessed. The end result is that I bought another one. Which is fine. What isn’t fine is that I kept them all. And this has happened with clothes. Dishes. Cooking pots (I need to replace all of mine, honestly. With ONE coherent set.) implements. Office stuff (I have no idea where the keyboard for the remarkable went, and I must find it.) Etc. etc. etc. Which means our household holds about 10x what it should. Everywhere. Which in turn costs us money both in mortgage and in time consumed cleaning and organizing and– And yes, that is totally a neurological problem made financial drain. (I am, at least after the garden stuff and painting outdoor stuff is done) turning my hand to getting rid of stuff. The local Good Will should be happy. Because if we move again (we should really. For one this yard is not acceptable for someone who has a lot of books to finish) I want to make sure we’re not buying a house for stuff we never use and can’t find.
Which brings us back to their conversation and one conversation I had last night with a fan.
Older son said something like “There are a lot of rich people with no money, and a lot of poor people with a lot of cash, but it all resets, inevitably, because of what’s in the head.”
And I thought “that’s true” then made the leap to other things. What other things? Well, last night I had a conversation with a young fan who said there were a number of times in his career when he was set up to fail so they could “get rid of him.” This is a young man who is fairly successful for his generation. (Yes, he is looking. Any of you young women out there who are looking also, drop me a line, okay?)
But it was his experience that made me go “uh.” Let’s say he’s not in the type of profession where you’d expect that. But I think it’s an absolutely universal experience for us, Odds and Weirdlings who “think too much.” All of us were so setup at least once sometimes more. I think some of them I completely ignored simply because I’m that oblivious mentally.
I’d already been thinking about that, from husband and son’s discussion. About the fact that mental habits influence a lot of things, not all of them financial. And sometimes we need to be aware our mental habits are detrimental.
Most of you — most of me — had/have careers that falls short of our potential. Now, that could be said of everyone, and a lot of us also suffer from gifted child syndrome. Because we were identified as exceptional early we feel we should have achieved MORE. But that’s not the way the world works and “If you’re so smart why ain’t you rich” is a cliche for a reason. There are lots of things that go into being successful, and they’re not just “potential.”
But a lot of us fall short of ability and DEMONSTRATED ability, too. How come?
Well some of it, speaking for self, is inability in some parts of our would-be job. Like, I suck at self-promotion, which, yes, was important even in the days everyone was trad-pub.
But there is more to it. Oh, yes there is…..
Look, guys, most of us make people uncomfortable. No. Sorry. It’s a fact. Part of it is because we don’t read the “monkey signals.” No, I’m not talking about other people as being monkeys. In this sense we ALL are. Humans are actually great apes (or at least pretty good ones) but I’m referring to us as monkeys because it’s clearer. Humans are apes/monkeys. We’re primates. And the brain doesn’t override everything. There are signals at a non verbal level, that range from gestures to other physical attributes. Dave Freer once explained to me why men love women with long hair even when it annoys the women. He said it’s a social signal from before there were clothes. Or really humans. Long, clean hair means high status, because it means you have enough “subordinate monkeys” to pick your hair clean of parasites for you. Of course that no longer applies, but the back brain doesn’t know that, and so guys go gah gah for women with long, well groomed tresses, because it means no more dominant female will kill the babies they sire on that woman.
Our people — Odds — tend to be blind to that stuff. Oh, we have some of it, not all. And we’re utterly incapable of knowing when someone is doing monkey-aggression or monkey-dominance at us. It’s not that we’re not one of the species, it’s that we’re usually so far inside our own heads we’d need a seeing eye dog to find our way out. So we ignore the signal. And the other person interprets it as either aggression or insubordination. And then the war is on. And we are completely oblivious to it, and wondering why this person is so bent out of shape, because we were doing the thing and thinking about the thing.
And then, being us, when we find ourselves in a situation where we were setup to fail, we assume this is because we’re not good at the thing. Not that we were setup to fail and the problem was that we weren’t doing the monkey-dance right.
Look, in the eighties there were a lot of books like “dress for success” and yeah, we probably need those too. Because most of us just throw clothes on to cover everything. Took me years — years — to realize that dressing from thrift stores was fine, but I should prioritize things that were or looked new. Because people absolutely judge you at the subconscious level of you wear older clothes. I.e. they immediately assume you’re not that successful.
So, there are books out there on how to dress. Dress the best you can and usually a level above your work.
Behavior? Well, I know you’re there to do the thing. But you know? You still need to play the monkey games. You just do.
You’re not going to do it well absent a whole brain transplant, but I find a lot of books on how to succeed like “seven habits” are highly effective in telling you how to pretend to play the monkey game.
Let me explain, the seven habits type of thing never work for me. Actually trying to live by those “how to be highly successful” things completely short circuits what I do well and the other stuff doesn’t work for me for various reasons.
However, PRETENDING to follow the seven habits signals to your co-workers and bosses that you’re a very serious, very competent monkey who should be advanced with all possible expediency.
Ultimately I’ve noticed, by watching husband’s career, the people who get the highly valuable player treatment aren’t usually even that competent. (Some are okay. The vast majority would be better as plant food. I killed some of them under deeply hidden names in my books, because they annoyed me that much.) But they are very good at stuff like: be seen to come in early. Be seen to stay late. (Even if you do f*ck all of consequence in the middle.) Dress well. Speak well. Act like you know everything.
The last one is where our people fail, by and large. Because we tend to love our fields and be so deep in them that we’re aware of all our flaws.
For that, I need to advise you to look at how the people around you perform. What we told Bob last week about “Yes, you’re highly verbally fluent and language competent. Have you met the rest of humanity, much less the rest of humanity in the sciences?” Like that. Don’t make excuses for your colleagues. Don’t go “Yeah, Ezechiel is an idiot about this, but he’s the exception.”
Because of the obsessive nature of this group, I’d bet you you’re HIGHLY competent. Compared to everyone around you, including your bosses, always accounting for experience differentials.
Yes, you see every mistake you make. Sure. But again, you’re human. That desire for perfection is why you’re highly competent. But no one is ever PERFECT.
Keep things in perspective. Because being highly competent while acting nervous and insecure is how you get to the point that other people’s monkey brain marks you as not just a threat, but one that can be easily taken out.
Save yourself from that. ACT like what you are: highly competent. Because you are. And if you have to study some of the poseurs at work, or books on success to figure out how to do that? Fine.
Inside, you’re allowed to be as trembly as you wish. But on the outside?
Well, there’s that other saying from the eighties: Fake it till you make it.
I’m here to tell you that eventually your internals catch up with the fake facade. It finally happened five years or so ago.
BUT until it happens? Fake it till you make it, my friends, fake it till you make it.
You might not speak monkey-brain, but you can at least learn to translate.
Go.






























































































