
I need to stop being surprised at how bizarrely naive people are. I was going to say I don’t think I was ever that innocent, but of course I was. I mean, I know this isn’t entirely believable to most of you (as Bradbury demonstrated, the old were never children) but I was once a little baby, a toddler, a little girl. And I can still on occasion be startlingly naive and well meaning, particularly when I have some reason to like the person selling me the swamp land in Florida. … And since I generally like people (they’re fascinating) this leaves me open to a lot of bs.
But let me put this way: I was never happily and stupidly credulous. When someone tried to tell me to do something for my own good or worse for a bunch of other people who weren’t asking me to do it, I always wondered what was in it for the person. Always as far back as I remember.
Which is why I sometimes hit my desk so hard with my forehead that it leaves big dents, and I wonder “How can adults not see the trap in giving a lot of power to the government? Precisely?” Particularly a bunch of power over your ability to express yourself on the internet?
Yeah. Increasingly I’m coming across articles on the right lauding the kind of Self-Doxing that Europe is requiring of people on the net. Because, you know you should prove your age before you access stuff. And also we really should “clean up” the net. For the children.
When I come across this nonsense I’m neither child nor work safe for about ten minutes. And I’m fairly sure I invented some new German swear words.
Look, yes, there is horrible stuff out there. Arguably there always was. Not just the internet but everywhere. My parents kept a tight rein on me and we lived in a village. Most of the books I read had been stored by some ancestor or other. Apparently some of them liked spicier stuff? I mean– weird, but– Look, Victorian porn was bizarre, okay. Anyway, moving right along, there was also Roman myth available because I sneaked the books from a friend’s father’s library.
If you’re laughing, don’t be. It gave me a very weird idea of what went on between men and women. And the livestock manuals didn’t help. Not even slightly.
The point being that a child who is curious and will read everything could stumble on bizarrely inappropriate stuff even in the “safe” mid sixties in a country known for ALMOST keeping its women in purdah.
And I raised kids in the age when the internet was a wild frontier. You could — and sometimes hilariously did, at a con, in front of a bunch of people, type something innocent in, and get page upon page of outright gross porn opening up on your screen. Add to this that my kids each had their own computer, kept in their rooms from age three, and had internet connections from age 8 and 12.
So, how come they didn’t get catfished by pedos, or get a porn addiction or– Well, like with houseproofing the house, we didn’t internet proof the house. We internet proofed the kids. We explained all the possibilities, the pitfalls, why things weren’t good for them, until it came out their eyes, I think. We still dealt with an addiction issue, but it was to neopets, not porn. And we talked to and with them. A lot. Some would say endlessly. So we knew what they — even super-secretive younger son — were thinking and doing. And they were aware that Dan could — and did, about once a month — look at their history and see what they were up to.
We were very hands on, very active parents. And when they read something that had mention of adult relationships (usually not terribly explicit) they were comfortable enough to talk to us about it.
Oh, and we raised them in a church that gives a strong moral foundation.
Did it work? Seems to have. They’re in their thirties and seem like decent human beings.
Was it a lot of work? Oh, heck yes. I refer to days and weeks of getting up each day with a longer to-do list and never getting to sleep 8 hours a night, and–
Was it worth it? Absolutely.
Because it was tailored to our kids, whom we understood, we could keep them out of danger without nerfing everything around them. When they came of age, they were prepared because they’d never been over protected.
As I tell people: The Spanish royal family tied pillows around very tree in their park to protect their hemophilliac sons, who still got injured and died young. Because nerfing the world doesn’t work. Preparing the kids does.
Are there misfires? There are always misfires. Even in the tiny village where I grew up, girls got persuaded away by traffickers, and kids found out things they shouldn’t be exposed to, and child abuse is a human failing. BUT I was okay, despite my bizarre reading and some very weird ideas, because my parent shad made me suspicious of strangers bearing gifts. Perhaps a little too suspicious but that’s better than the alternative.
Unfortunately telling people “The solution to keeping kids out of trouble is to watch them, to talk to them, to discuss things with them, and to know your own kids” is not popular. “Let’s give the government the ability to see that everyone is on the internet under their own real name and address and says only things that are safe for the kids” is. Because it involves no personal work.
It does however open the door to a lot of horrible stuff and to totalitarian control, that has nothing to do with the children. And don’t come back at me with “if you’ve done nothing wrong, you have nothing to worry about” because you’re not an infant or a mental defective and you KNOW better.
For one because every one of us who is on the internet publicly and on the right has a passel of stalkers. They’re mostly annoying and probably harmless. Maybe. Looks at Charlie Kirk’s death. MAYBE. Yeah, people can find addresses for us. If we’re smart enough, those are decoys (not counting some bizarre internet confabulations that link me to people I’ve never met, too. And the fact that Dan and I have apparently to body doubles running around who are married to each other. For a while we lived in the same neighborhood in Colorado Springs. Never managed to meet. Now we’ve both diaspored away. I usually find out because someone tells me they went to my talk. It’s not mine. Or for a while that they saw a house I’m selling. The other Sarah Hoyt is a real estate agent. Their sons have the same names as ours. I have a head story that they’re us from other universes.) Anyway…. we all have people who’d like to kill us for things we say. And some of them don’t even work for the government.
If I were doing this again, from the beginning, I’d fly under a nom de internet. Heck, I did for a while, I just dropped it because it was so much effort. Because you really don’t need your net life to bite you in the *ss in real life, because you didn’t do anything wrong, just said some thing that someone else didn’t like. Or even didn’t say it, but they spun it up in their heads to where you said it.
To clarify: I’ve had people furious at me for writing a post about my own struggles with awards and whether to campaign for them, that someone else convinced them was about THEM. (Hint to anyone wondering: I NEVER WRITE THINGS TO GIVE HINTS. If I think you’re doing something assholish, I’ll name you by name. You’ll KNOW if I’m talking about you. The exceptions are close friends I don’t want to call out, just say “well, they’re good people, but they’re wrong on this” because they’re friends. And I don’t name writers and books when I find a book horrible, because I don’t need total strangers googling themselves and coming over to yell. I have trouble enough.) I’ve had people have a confrontation on this blog and decide I was the devil and go on multi-year revenge quests, at least three of them ongoing (and crazy. Did I mention crazy?) I’ve had people develop a crush on me sight unseen and try to move INTO MY HOUSE (which was fortunately not my house, but our drop address. But still.)
Forcing me to dox myself would materially endanger me and mine. My husband, my kids, my cats. Yes, the kids are grown and moved out, and fully able to defend themselves, but they have their own social lives and careers that don’t need my public life hanging over them.
And this is me: I do nothing more wrong, ever, than writing some things that upset people for reasons that often are in their own heads. And for questioning orthodoxy because it makes people uncomfortable.
Then there is the governmental decisions of what you’re not ready to see. Yeah, yeah, it was supposed to be stuff like porn. Guess what? It took them zero seconds in the UK to decide kids needed to be protected from knowing about the rape gangs. Or the Israeli hostages. Or….
Yes, yes, all that is strong material for young minds, but guess what? It can happen to kids, so kids should know about it.
The government can in fact take something as simple as “protect kids from porn” to “Protect” kids and adults from the truth. And will. As soon as some bureaucrat with an ax to grind gets hold of it.
I’d think after the gaslighting of COVID you wouldn’t be so eager to give the government the power to control what you see and what you read, and to come down like a ton of bricks on anyone who says something they don’t like.
And don’t give me “The US is different”. Yeah, until we aren’t. We’re still living with FDR’s bs. And this would just make it a lot worse and postpone getting rid of it.
We’ve been fighting back, to the extent we have, because the internet gives us the ability to talk freely and to talk back at the barrage of mass media propaganda. To codify some “internet safety act” would be to tie us hand and foot and deliver us bound to our foe.
You can take your little horse out of the rain. And not wait with sandwiches by the phone. Because we’re not — repeat not — going to let you do that. Particularly not after the last 5 years. We’ve seen what y’all want for us. And we don’t want it. Bleating “For the children” is not persuasive anymore.
“BUT SARAH! CHILDREN WILL SEE BAD THINGS!” Oh, yeah? And they won’t in schools? This article is horribly written, but the point is the books this school carries. Click through. The ones I’ve read are appalling for eighteen year olds, and I wouldn’t want anyone younger getting them. And yet, they’re fighting back against the mom trying to remove them from the school library where kids are supposed to roam free.
Nerfing the internet will do nothing if you let your kids go to public school. Nerfing the internet will do nothing, if your kids have friends whose family situation might not be ideal.
Look, the truth is nerfing the internet will do NOTHING. Yes, there is bilge out there. There has always been, there will always be. Don’t delude yourself the situation was better pre-internet. It wasn’t. It was just different.
The solution to keeping your kids safe and introducing them to this fallen world at a safe and sane pace is to WORK WITH YOUR KIDS. There is no other solution. There is only blood, sweat and tears, day in and day out. And yes, sometimes it will fail, because horrible things happen to good people. But it is still the only solution.
I don’t remember who said that it makes no sense to prevent adults from eating steak because children cannot chew it. However, it’s even worse to prevent the children from seeing the inappropriate by blindfolding every single person, and giving the government the chance to say what is inappropriate.
Don’t be naive. The government is not your friend, even when it is, temporarily sort of kind of on your side. People in government are there because they like power. And the more power they get, the more they’ll take.
The solution to raising moral, sane kids is for PARENTS to raise them.
Not to nerf the world with injurious laws.



































































































































































