Coming Home to You

Posted on by Sarah A. Hoyt

My assistant shocked me last night by saying the difference between my early writing and the current publications is as though they were written by two different writers. There is a connecting thread and a hint, but it’s in no way the same person writing it.

It didn’t shock me because I disagreed, mind. It shocked me because no one had ever seen it before.

Sometime around Draw One In The Dark — though not showing fully in that book, yet, because… well, because I was severely concussed WHILE writing it — I stopped holding the prose and the story in a death grip.

… So, okay. Everyone here knows (probably) I have a driving phobia. (It set in around the time of the most recent concussion, about 12 years ago, and I assumed it was a matter of “getting over it” until very recently. Recently my husband has become convinced it’s a matter of my eyesight. Though the astigmatism and nearsightedness can be corrected, my visual acuity is more or less gone. It never was great, mind. I’m talking about the ability to, say, see a bird against a tree. That ability was never great in me. I sometimes could only see such things when they moved. (Like a cat, yes.) But over the last 15 years, since night blindness became absolute, I have trouble with things like seeing a red kindle cover against BROWN wood. Similar colors blend together. We keep running into situations where my husband thinks I’m a ditz because I lost something, coming to help, and realizing I’m actually “blind” and can’t see the thing right in front of my eyes. Not was in not noticing it, but not seeing it, till he lifts it from the background. So now he’s not sure I SHOULD be driving, as this worries him terribly.

But that’s a digression.) The thing is I learned to drive at thirty five. And the first few times I went out alone in the car, I held the wheel in a death grip. And I did truly lamentable things, like braking too suddenly, or being terrified of deviating an inch from the center of my lane. And don’t talk to me about passing. Heck, I got in a lane and was in that lane forever. I might make right turns to avoid changing lanes. By the time I hit my head the last time, except for night driving which was already very scary, I was fine with driving. I drove the kids to things. I drove myself to things. I drove to places I got lost. And the thing is, while I paid a lot less attention — I once set off to North Colorado Springs and ended up in the outskirts of Denver, because I was trying to plot in my head — I drove a lot better, because I had internalized the process.

Writing is kind of like that. You start off all tight and trying to control everything. Like if you woke up tomorrow as a centipede and tried to walk.

Add to that, it took me almost 14 years to break in with novels (12 with short stories) and it’s more like my first years learning to write, I was in a car with the world’s most cryptic instructor. “THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUBMISSION. WE’RE NOT INTERESTED.” “Was that my sudden stop? Did I not pay enough attention to the changing light? Was it the sudden turn? Did I cut someone off?” Or if you prefer “Was it my characters? Was my plot too silly? Did I use strange vocabulary that betrays I’m not a native speaker?”

By the time I actually broke in, I was not only a nervous Nelly (more like a nervous JELLY) but I’d internalized a lot of rules that I don’t think actually exist. Stuff like “The outline must be detailed and fifty pages long at least.” And “I must research everything, even things I know.” And “I must remove anything that doesn’t advance the plot.”

I mean, these might be rules for SOMEONE, but they’re not good rules for me. By doing that, what I did was prevent the sudden gaps into which magic falls. In No Man’s Land when Brundar promises Skip his first born, I sort of knew how the book ended, but I wasn’t thinking about that. It was just a silly overreaction on Brund’s part. He’s exuberant, you know? And yet, it’s one of the things that makes the novel feel TIGHT and properly foreshadowed.

In fact, my obsession with removing anything that didn’t advance the plot meant I removed ALL foreshadowing, until Dave Freer pointed it out.

And I went on like that for a long time. The constant threat of “most careers are three books long” and “This could end at any minute” and the fact baby needed shoes didn’t help. At various points people accused me of being scared of success. I never was. I might not like some side effects of success, like fame, but baby needed shoes. However, I was terrified of failure, and terror is not good for artistic expression. (See, Maggie, I’m admitting it.)

And then about the time of Draw One In The Dark, I formed a resolution as to my career. “I” (meaning my career) “Won’t die, even if they kill me.” (Again, meaning my career.) It’s been largely true, btw. And also, it gave me the back bone — stuborness mostly — to keep going, and to…. let go of the wheel. Slowly. Learned to hold it normally, not with white-knuckled fear.

Draw one in the Dark I committed the great act of courage of not removing an unnecessary but charming scene: the one with the three guys in the car. If you read the book, you’re going “But that’s essential to character development.” Yeah, I know. Now. But just a year prior it would have been ruthlessly cut. The people who tell you any story can be improved by being cut to the bone aren’t right. They’re people who like a certain type of story, and also who write long and florid. I write excessively lean in first draft. My revisions, as I gained confidence, started being “put ins.” As in “Oh, dear Lord, no sensory input for a chapter.” Or “Oh, I forgot to mention.”

And slowly, slowly, the books became mine. Like the Darkship Thieves series.

Which I think is what my assistant is seeing. The language became more natural. The characters became more themselves, not cartoons….

No Man’s Land? Well, that’s a horse of a different color. It was my first, real indie novel. Yeah, I know Witchfinder. And it did very well. But Witchfinder was “my indie novel while my main income came from trad pub” so I was still trying to be…. I don’t know, respectable? Maybe? Trying to …. uh…. my older DIL keeps threatening me with a sign that says “As far as anyone knows we’re a perfectly normal family.” Like that. I was trying to be a perfectly normal writer. Then there were Deep Pink and Another Rhodes, but they are very short novels written while I was profoundly ill.

No Man’s Land was where I went “Screw normal” kicked off my shoes and went into a dance without knowing any moves, and without caring what people thought.

Terry Pratchett said the way to be successful was to be yourself as hard as you could. Is it true? I don’t know. But I feel a lot better about my work when I am.

What lies ahead? I don’t know. But for the first time in many years I — at least when I’m not sick — am excited when I sit down to write. Every workday is an adventure. And for the love of Bob, I’m writing song lyrics. And they’re not bad (she says immodestly.)

So what is all this all about? I don’t know. But if you’re out there, feeling like you’re working as hard as you can to keep up a facade, unless that facade is absolutely necessary to keep your job or not to get killed (and even then, find a place and a time you can take off the mask and let the skin relax. And remember who you are. Trust me. It’s what will give you the strength to go on) dare to let go.

Take off your shoes, and join me in this new dance neither of us knows. Yes, our feet will get filthy and people will laugh at us. But we will be more alive than we’ve ever been.

And if we produce art, maybe, just maybe, it will be our best work.

Trust me.

On the count of three, kick off your shoes.

113 thoughts on “Coming Home to You”

  1. Dear Sarah

    Rest easy, you are not alone in all this by a long shot. By “this” I mean the difference between how women see and how men see the environment. After 40+ years of marriage, my wife cannot see thing sitting in place, or rather as I coin it, you look but do not see. This is of course a great point of friction, yet the evidence is self evident, *hee*.

    My other theory is there is division between the hunter brain and the gatherer/nurture brain, evolution has made vision for each half of the species somewhat different as this promotes survival. I mean, as a child, were you not absolutely convinced mother had eyes to the back of the head? Able to see impending disaster of shenanigans (some overlap) before they actually darted into action? And as a guy, I can see a barn owl perched on a tree limb at 50 yards, or the deer deciding if it will jump out in front of the car, while the wife cannot see either without my pointing it out in detail.

    Yes, we are all normal this way, nothing to worry about, except that I am also convinced it is the duty of the female to worry about everything in excruciating detail, no matter how remote the possibility of it actually happening.

    Obrigado,

    Edward in SW MI

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    1. Huh? Isn’t it a trope that the spouse and the kids cannot find what is obvious to mom? With a few exceptions as we get older? Dang glasses, they never stayed where I put them. Unless I do not put them where I always put them. Then they stay where I left them. Just like cups full of hot coffee, they do not heel at all. OTOH, soon I can just have reading glasses left all over the house.

      As far as spotting wildlife or features in outdoor wilderness settings. Depends. Sisters, cousins on mom’s side, we were all trained to spot (prep for hunting deer). Some of us kept it up. Not for rifle hunting, but camera hunting. Hubby and I are both good at it. I’m slightly better, if it means spotting something peripheral to the left. He has a disadvantage, he is legally blind in his left eye from a childhood accident. Sees shadow movement. But not left off across in a deep valley as the car is moving down the right side of the two lane highway, slowly. Why slowly? Line of parked cars overlooking a deep valley, the big cameras out, in Yellowstone? There. Is. A. Bear. Guarantied (almost, could be a wolf).

      Liked by 2 people

      1. My folks will spot cows that are smaller than a fly on the inside of the windshield, over on a mountain, and without even saying something like “hey look cows over there” will go “hm, two pair you think?” “looks like a pair and two dries to me.” while the rest of us are looking around wildly for what the thing is.

        Pretty random on which speaks first, too, even though it’s almost always mom driving.

        Different training definitely comes into play.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I do not remember ever not playing “spot the potential fall freezer filler” (deer/elk). I know we (cousins) before I was in grade school (1st grade back then, and I was *5). Which means, the others were: 6, 4, 3, 2, and 1. West side of the Cascades and coast range, isn’t easy. East of Cascades, it is easier.

          (*) I was 6, before November. By the time the one-year-old was 5, she was outperforming the rest of us. OTOH, she and her two siblings also regularly played “where did the cows hide their calves”, too (small farm).

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I played, “Where did the cat have her kittens?” This sent me crawling into other people’s crawl spaces because she always picked the back corner of the crawl spaces. Looking back, I’m surprised at myself.

            Liked by 1 person

        1. True.

          Which is why it is the full coffee cup or my *glasses that are the problem. That and the “put it away in a safe place” items. I forget where the safe place is, unless there is a specific location the safe place should be. Glasses? If not on my head, there is nowhere for them to be “put back”. Same with the full coffee cup. Both have locations that it is logical for them to be (same place). But if I’m not sitting there, that isn’t always true.

          Glasses it comes down to “why did I take them off?” Too often I did not misplace them. Took them off to pull something out of the hot oven (prevent steam). Put them on the kitchen table. Or put them on the bed to change shirts. Both instances? I did not “lose them”, one of the cats went “oh look, new toy” and took off with them behind my back.

          (*) Soon to be reading glasses. So will regularly need them. If I don’t go with prescription reading glasses, and there will be a case for that. I’ll have multiple pairs. One for the house (sits where my computer is), one for my purse. I’ll be sure to carry both when traveling.

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  2. My last (and best) boss was big on the concept of “the second guy to dance” If you’re not familiar, a fifteen second search will lead you in the right direction. It’s a major part of his leadership/mentorship role, and he just might know something, going from living in a car as a kid, to being on the fast track for ESE in the Department of War, with a PHD in international leadership (a program he designed and sold Gonzaga on) Yes, it’s relevent.

    Liked by 1 person

          3. Huh. OK try this https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=7d6107df9b4ed3fc6d96872844aa96f7d2f87fca8c392c5b1b2b73f544181faaJmltdHM9MTc3MTAyNzIwMA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=4&fclid=025faec3-b04b-6d7b-0056-ba4db1666cea&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cueW91dHViZS5jb20vd2F0Y2g_dj1mVzhhbU1DVkFKUQ

            https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=35c16d44ca99acf0ce4b5732a637d330bf66bff2ff068ca1dab0ac5a6f8ec5dcJmltdHM9MTc3MTAyNzIwMA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=4&fclid=025faec3-b04b-6d7b-0056-ba4db1666cea&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly9lbWVyZ2Vjby5jYS9sZWFkZXJzaGlwLWxlc3NvbnMv

            https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=2d48ec2c1a221e85818dd519f01efab7c9d2e97a5ae2c39527ce307a0cef3ce8JmltdHM9MTc3MTAyNzIwMA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=4&fclid=025faec3-b04b-6d7b-0056-ba4db1666cea&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly9zZWxmZGV0ZXJtaW5lZGxpZmUuc3Vic3RhY2suY29tL3AvdGlwcGluZy1wb2ludC1sZWFkZXJzaGlw

            https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=d1031df5bcc7f05afa0ee5994c5a75bb58dbc0a5aa7c278097f8c1d7eefed6c6JmltdHM9MTc3MTAyNzIwMA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=4&fclid=025faec3-b04b-6d7b-0056-ba4db1666cea&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZXZlcnl0aGluZ3N1cHBseWNoYWluLmNvbS9maXJzdC1mb2xsb3dlci1sZWFkZXJzaGlwLWxlc3NvbnMtZnJvbS1kYW5jaW5nLWd1eS0yLTktbWlsbGlvbi12aWV3cy8

            and many more.

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      2. Don’t know if it’s the same, but what I got in business school was the second guy to get into the market with a new product often does much better than the first guy. Don’t know if he learns from first guy’s mistakes or something else.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I’ve heard it as “the first follower.” (At least it’s probably the same concept…the example the speaker used was a lone dancer in the middle of people sitting down at a festival.) Anyone can *attempt* to lead people into something new, but nothing will change until someone is willing to visibly follow and evangelize; it’s the first followers that actually make these big new things possible by demonstrating to other people that there IS worth in whatever weird new thing is going on.

        Liked by 2 people

  5. If the change in how you write happened while you were recovering from concussion, is it possible that it was to some extent prompted by the concussion? I mention it because I had an MTBI, and (I’m told) my personality changed completely. Not for the better, at first, but I became more willing to take risks to accomplish what I wanted. Strange things happen when the brain gets jiggled.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I disagree that your Shakespeare books or Musketeer mysteries are not you. They are very much you, but… with guardrails. Which is explained by you trying to follow “the rules”.

    And your plotting is much more harrowing when you’re going from your gut, rather than an outline. This is a good thing.

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  7. I was pondering this morning about the question “If everything has a cost, why do I (we) always choose the path of self-destruction in the workplace rather than trusting that Himself will honor my (our) creative work? Is trust harder than self-destruction?

    My last disastrous job at Home Depot and my brother’s death have moved me to the trust side of the aisle. This post makes me feel as if it’s the proper choice!

    My favorite scene in the movie On Golden Pond is when Katharine Hepburn dances by herself in the woods. I imagine myself doing just that.

    Let’s dance!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am deeply sorry to hear of your brother’s passing.

      May angels lead him to paradise. And my his memory be a blessing to you and everyone who knew him.

      🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

      Liked by 1 person

        1. God bless and comfort you.

          And that’s a really good question,BTW. I have variations on the theme I’m just barely starting to consider. Good for you!

          Liked by 2 people

    2. Let’s Kathy. You need to have some courage. You know, weirdly, everytime I get the job and do the safe thing, it fails. When I just jump with both feet across the chasm? I win. Is it guaranteed? nothing in life is. But if you’re going to fail, don’t want you to fail at something you actually WANT.

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      1. Life sometimes requires putting it all, existence itself, on Double Zero, and giving the Wheel a final spin.

        Most folks will not.

        If you can do that on the moment, any moment, you are truly free.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. “He either fears his fate too much,
          Or his deserts are small,
          Who dares not put it to the touch,
          To win or lose it all!”

          James Graham, 5th Earl of Montrose
          1612 to 1650
          Royalist General during the English Civil War

          Liked by 1 person

      2. Same with me, Sarah. It’s past time to have the courage to do what I actually want.

        This past week has brought some big changes–

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve been trying to re-find that happiness in my work, as I near 60, that I used to have. And I can’t. I don’t create works of art or craft like you do, I do repetitive work testing software, and what little creativity and flair and skill existed in the software development/testing world is being squeezed out by AI and terrible management and floods of less-skilled workers that I see getting pushed past me.

    Who I am doesn’t seem compatible with my chosen profession and definitely not with my current job. But it’s so hard to let go of that wheel. And I can’t figure out how.

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    2. For what little consolation it is, I can sympathize.
      (Not in the particulars. My wife is a decade into chronic illness. While her health isn’t exactly stable, her mental and emotional states are worse. And all of it is somehow my fault.)

      Life can be rough.
      Nil illegitimatii carborundum.

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      2. Dang. Condolences. This has to be hard.

        Cannot relate directly. I’ve watched it happen. A big fear is putting my husband through something similar. Note, neither of us are suicidal. While there is life, there is hope.

        In-laws went through something similar, only not as long. MIL had a brain bleed that changed her personality. But at it’s worse, it removed any social filters. No one had a clue how bad it was, how much FIL was covering up, until after he died. Her decline was not decades.

        My parents went through sudden illness and decades with dad’s medical problems (22 years), but he never declined mentally. He fought to the end, even after he went on hospice after the doctors said it was suicide to physically intercede (wouldn’t survive surgery). Medications could make him comfortable, but nothing was going to cure him. I’m sure they kept things from us “kids” (I was 52 when he died). Mom starting to give hints unintentionally over the last year or so. He’s been gone 17 years, and she’s 91.

        Watched a friend whose wife, after almost 10 years of marriage, it was determined 12+ years into alzheimers. I am sure he keeps tabs on her, but he isn’t dealing with the day to day. Her children have custody. (Not a mater of finances. She doesn’t have any. Neither does he.) (Been a few years, for reasons, so I don’t even know if she’s succumbed. We tried to stay in contact. We’re no longer involved with the bigger organization and have lost contact.)

        Liked by 1 person

    3. Oh my, where to start….

      Career IT. I have no idea how many long weeks and weekends were caused by buggy released-way-to-soon software. Good software, well tested, is balm for my soul and a joy of my work.

      Thank you for testing software and getting it right.

      “What -else- can I do, for pay.” can be a vastly liberating line of thought.

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  9. I’ve always been the one who says the embarrassing things at the appropriate times. In fact sometimes I think I’ve turned being awkward into a science.

    There was the time at a lecture by a big screenwriter about how to break in to Hollywood. At question time, I asked, “So you’re saying it’s importance to have chutzpah?” pronouncing it with the ch as in China instead of ‘khootz-pah’. The auditorium roared in laughter, but the speaker said, “Wait. No, that’s an important thing to bring up. You need to learn how to say it right, or you come across as an outsider.”

    Then there was the time my big boss was giving the 30 of us working on a project a “pep” talk. He laid out 3 separate tasks, saying each of those will take 100% of your effort to meet the deadline, so I asked, which is the most important? He replied, “They’re all equally important.”
    So I said, “So you’ve just given all of us your task of setting priorities.”
    Way to suck up to the boss, Frank!

    Yeah, I’m that guy.

    BTW, you might need cataract surgery. It worked miracles for me.

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  10. I liked the Shifter novels. No doubt.

    But … No Man’s Land? Not only do I like, but it is “real”. Like you are narrating what actually occurred in real time.

    Yes, you have said you are writing what is shown to you in a series of movies and dictations (probably by the cats, telepathically, 🤣). You are not the only author who have said something similar. That they are only narrating what is being dictated to them and collated into a coherent whole.

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  12. At the risk of speaking out of turn, I feel it may be possible that you worry too much Sarah. ~:D

    As to being blind, I’ve got you beat. I can ‘lose’ my coffee cup on a clean counter. Happens to me all the time. It’s right there on the counter, but I can’t see it. Sometimes I must draft long-suffering Mrs. Phantom to rescue me. She will pick it up from where it was trying to bite my hand and roll her eyes.

    Happens with tools as well. I put the hammer down for a second, and it’s gone. But no, it’s still there on the bench where I put it, I just can’t see it. Even though I’m looking at it. And my eyesight is pretty good for my age, glasses or no glasses.

    Not incipient dotage either, I’ve always been this way. One shudders to thing what it”s going to be like when I’m old old.

    As to rules, in truth I might benefit from learning a few if they’re good ones. Currently I write exactly as I please, or more accurately as my characters please. The only one I try to follow is Chekhov’s Gun. I always liked that one, it has guns in it. Thus, if there is a Nuclear Frammistat (TM) in chapter five, by chapter eight someone has tripped over it, or it has melted, or otherwise done something interesting.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Have you seen the Instagram/FB-Reel where there is a “Help Husband Find … Help Desk”?

      Setup is husband calls help desk, to find an item in the refrigerator. Not only can’t the help desk find it (man, of course), help desk loops in other husbands. Finally, the help desk asks if anyone has their wife or a daughter available who won’t snitch on the help desk. Female helper spots the not hidden behind anything, item immediately.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Haven’t seen the video, but have had this scenario happen SO many times. Multiple males ransacking the dang refrigerator, can’t find The Thing. Wife walks up, barely even pauses to look, pulls out the thing, gives us a pitying glance and a longsuffering sigh. Also happens with pantry cupboards from time to time, but it’s usually the fridge. I don’t know what magic y’all females have got, or what kind of curse the men are laboring under, but whatever it is, it is real.

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        1. My husband cannot find the ketchup on the same drawer shelf it has been stored on since we have owned this refrigerator. There are only 8 items on it.

          He can, however, navigate cross country to the Church my Godmother’s funeral is going to be. In a state he has never been. Where my car navigation has “no service” based on vague recollections of my childhood and a Rand McNally map from 1987.

          To say we have different ways of “seeing” is the understatement of the millennium.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Same in our household. Put me on the streets, no matter where, and I need navigation. Hubby no problem. Worse? It is the same for Eugene/Springfield metro area. People, I was raised here! Granted I never had a car locally, until after we came (back) to town. But still. Would be a bit embarrassing, except I know what my limits are.

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            1. My brother gave us car directions once that not only would have put us in the ocean, but which moved us around three sides of an apartment complex before taking us in the long way when we could have gone in the close entrance and been right at his door. Or he’d end up in the next city over instead of back at home.

              Contrast that with tracking down, on foot, a set of dumped gear in a snowstorm based on a vague description—or doing the math properly so that a probe out by Pluto was pointed back at Earth to transmit information.

              Same guy. I swear the metal of a car must act as a Faraday cage and turns off his inherent ability to navigate.

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              1. You will appreciate this.

                Long weekend hike in Cascades. Get to a junction. Looks like a minor junction, not much used. Cannot be the one needed. One needed is not a minor junction off the PCT. “Haven’t come far enough from last night’s stop”, declared the two expert navigators (one retired army), the other I’m married to. But, the map disagrees. I catch up (always tail, by definition the sweep) to the group (rule is always stop at junctions, bunch back up). I look at the map, that they are discussing, look at the ground and mountains, the trails, and ask “aren’t we here?” Answer, “Haven’t gone that far.” Me. “Hmmmm? Scouts? Triangulation exercise.”

                Guess where we were? I was correct. Why? Because I know I am wrong, the USGS Wilderness based physical Map is going to be correct. Especially off the PCT and the trail needed (north, down to Scott Lake, past Obsidian Falls). They were trying to get their perceived locations (they did not agree where on the map it had to be) to force the map to cooperate.

                Common occurrence. There is even a description for it, but Google foo is failing. The question provides how to find your location on the ground on a map. That I already know.

                This common occurrence is how people, especially without maps, get themselves lost.

                Groups on the PCT without maps, is very common. We’ve run into multiple groups over the years. One was even a scout troop from out of the area. Met them at the top off the Butte pass by George Lake (where the trail is at the highest point on Mt Washington, I think), *mid to late afternoon. They were headed to Obsidian Falls for campsite reservations that night (one of the PCT reservation required sites). Doable, especially heading south. Better if they detour around the PCT section for N. Mathew Lake, which drops into a basin, and it is a steep climb back out to S. Mathew Lake. (Longer to go down to Hwy 242, go east to Lava Lake campground, then pickup trail to S. Mathew Lake, then on south to Obsidian Falls, but less climbing. Even shorter to go down to Hwy 242, turn west to Scotts Lake/Obsidian Falls trailhead. But it is a steep switch back climb, over downed trees (then), poorly maintained trail, to the Obsidian Falls campground.) They would have gotten to their campsite very late that night. How did we know? We’d come through there the day before. Camped the night at S. Mathew (out of the restricted reservation section). Granted, we had a major climb up from Hwy 242, that day, that they’d be going down, to meet up with them. Regardless, they were not the couple of more miles they thought they were. (Stupid google. Not even the PCT trail information online was easy to extract the actual trail mileage.)

                (*) If we’d met them mid-morning, they’d had plenty of time to get there before dark. As it was, pretty sure they were setting up camp after dark.

                Liked by 1 person

            2. Usually women have less sense of direction. Unless you’re from a seriously afflicted family in which case it can strike males. I needed GPS when I drove. So does older son. He can’t go three blocks from his house without getting lost, otherwise.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Question: Why can’t women be starship navigators?

                Answer: In space, there’s nobody to ask directions.

                [Very Very Big Crazy Grin While Flying Away Very Very Fast]

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                1. Nah. In our family that’s reverse. Some of our biggest arguments are because I HATE asking for directions. NOW the reason for that is that I don’t hear too well AND my accent throws some people off too. You know what: Don’t hear too well, don’t see too well, and this was before I got OLD. My husband got me at a scratch and dent sale. I’m going to tell him that. Wish me luck. :D

                  Liked by 1 person

                  2. Sarah, every time Em says that to me, I just send her this link again. There’s really no other answer.

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              2. Amen.

                Take Beltline locally. It runs east/west! Dang it! Until it doesn’t. Then it runs north/south, as it passes over Hwy 99.

                Hwy 99 runs north/south. Hwy 99 is an extension of 6th and 7th, except the number streets all run east/west. Blink. Which means Willamette runs from the river south into the south hills. Willamette intersects the number streets so if one can keep that in mind, it works. But since 6th and 7th merge (there is a big large curve along the way) to become Hwy 99, I get corrected every single time. Giving me written or verbal instructions? Tell me which street to turn on, with left or right. Do not give me compass directions.

                Then too, I had people tell me Eugene streets are weird and make no sense.

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        2. I’d say it is motherhood, but this started happening long before we had our son.

          Come to think about it, might be marriage. I, too, victimized my mother with this inability to find anything “if it’d been a rattlesnake I’d be dead 10x’s over”, syndrome. Then I got married, and magically I was the one who could find anything in our new household.

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        3. Happens here all the time..

          Him: Have you seen my wallet/car keys/glasses?

          Me: Do you mean this (whatever)?

          But also,

          Me: Do you know where I put X?

          Him: Let me check.

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      2. Old cartoon: husband (a cartoon bear in overalls), standing in front of open refrigerator, saying ‘Honey, where is the …’

        Approximate Punchline: Husbands and sons are afflicted with Male Pattern Blindness.

        The heartbreak of MPB!

        One of the drawbacks to living alone now – no one to help me find things.

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        1. There’s a YouTube skit of a woman finding a pair of Man Glasses. She walks around seeing things she always complains about magically disappear when she puts the glasses on, like a full garbage bag appear empty (because that thing you want to throw away will fit in there) or a messy room appear completely clean.

          But then she starts seeing things her husband complains about magically appear when she puts them on, like her “clean” makeup area becomes a disaster with the glasses on…

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    4. I’ve had many a tool go missing in the 15 seconds between setting it down and needing it again. OTOH, I can (usually) find things in the ‘fridge. Not in the pantry, unless I can count on muscle memory to guide me.

      The interesting bit for me (for values of intensely frustrating) is that if something white(ish) is on something white(ish), it might as well be gone. We have white countertops (quartz in the kitchen after Ye Dishwasher Disaster, melamine elsewhere), and if I drop rice or the white backing paper from Band-Aids on a counter, it’ll take a while to find them. Some of it’s vision; my left eye Has Issues, so texture doesn’t help due to semi-monocular vision, but I’ve had the tool/can’t find whatzit issues for decades. (I had to do failure analysis on integrated circuits. Finding the right defect was a challenge.)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. yes, but that’s one thing. Simply being unable to see soemthing….
        our new printer has buttons that are black on black, and Dan has to operate them for me. I CAN’T SEE THEM.
        And yes, I have issues with with seeing while in the car, in the same way. And having cars be invisible is a problem.

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        1. Longshot:

          Have you tried a yellow filter for driving? (Yellow safety/shooting/driving glasses)

          For odd reasons, this greatly helps some folks.

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          1. Might be worth seeing an actual ophthalmologist. There are a plethora of things that could cause that kind of issue, but contrast and color issues sounds vaguely in the realm of cataracts. Even a decent optometrist would notice cataracts. And you did live at altitude for a while where the UV is more pronounced.

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            1. Have you tried keeping a small, bright flashlight around for things like the printer buttons? Aiming it at different angles might make them legible.

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      2. “I’ve had many a tool go missing in the 15 seconds between setting it down and needing it again.”

        It’s –constant– with me. Take ear protection headphones off, go to put them on again, and they’re invisible. [!@#%!!!]

        Accordingly, I’m quite paranoid in the shop. Everything has a place, and every machine has a procedure. Other people find it maddening to watch me work, because I’m soooo slooooow. But I still have 10 fingers , so I figure that puts me ahead of the game.

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        1. “still have 10 fingers , so I figure that puts me ahead of the game.“

          –

          Know someone who upcycles old pieces and sells them. She still has all 10 fingers. However, on one hand, the three middle fingers are the same length from a mishap with a saw.

          Liked by 2 people

      1. One of my characters is Alice Haddison, she is -mega- focused on keeping all her kit sorted and on-hand because she has been caught short and improvising under fire so many times. Machines and weapons break, vehicles stop working, so her personal items she keeps perfectly organized, each thing has it’s own place.

        Alice was standing next to the canal in front of the restaurant, doing her final check. She had finished swearing at her jump suit to kill the gremlins, and was going through her personal equipment and the pockets of her innermost armor, in preparation for the coming confrontation. “Wallet, phone, keys, gun, gun, knife, knife, knife, baton, cutter, breaching charge, mag, mag, mag, mag, rope, hook, first-aid, backup phone, matches.” She repeated it like a mantra, saying the word and touching each pocket as she did so, to make sure each thing was where it belonged. Then she did it again, because it hadn’t felt right the first time. Halfway through she stuck her hand in a pocket and pulled out a business card. “That’s what it was,” she muttered, happy to have identified the unknown anomaly.

        Siska looked on with mixed feelings of awe, fear, and admiration. “Do you really have all that on you?”

        “Better believe it,” muttered Alice absently, looking at the card. “This is my bare minimum. The jump armor has food, water, medical and a ton of ammunition. The two of us could camp out for a week.”

        “I’m afraid,” said Siska, looking away toward the canal. “Are you?”

        “Not really,” said Alice, pulling out her backup phone. “Right now, I’m angry. Afterwards, then I’ll be afraid.”

        “If there is an afterwards,” said Siska apprehensively.

        “That’s true,” said Alice, frowning at the card as she punched the number into her ‘Blackberry,’ “but on the bright side, if you’re dead there’s nothing to be scared of. Right?”

        Siska found that fatalism oddly comforting.

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  13. Tesla’s self-driving/robotaxi will be a lifesaver for people who lose the ability to drive themselves as they age (or for people who can’t drive themselves at any age, like my mother with narcolepsy who would randomly fall asleep any time she was sitting down)

    It would be really good if a gas car manufacturer got a clue and was willing to invest the time/money to license the technology to their cars (there is no reason for it to be limited to electric cars, but they are a bit easier). Tesla has stated a willingness to license it, but the auto companies keep insisting that software must be easy and not being willing to commit to the scale that Tesla is requiring for it to be worth the time of the Tesla engineers to ramp it up with another company.

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  14. I see the difference quite clearly,although I cannot say just what it is. Neither Ill-Met nor Darkship Thieves is a comfortable read for me. Perhaps I just cannot put myself into the story and character?

    The opening chapters of Witchfinder were a little heavy, too, but a fifth of the way into the book it began to flow, and then to sing. Most writers would have struggled to achieve camp in the chapter with the Sword of Arthur; you made it into something wonderful, like a bardic song.

    (If I could, I’d add a photo of a detail of the roccoco ceiling of the Methuen Memorial Music Hall. The interior was done by someone who understood the vocabulary of that style of ornament. It works. If (generic) you or I did it, it would not.)

    I enjoyed the Musketeer mysteries from the first page; the Shifters too.

    You do something almost no one does well and do it seamlessly, and that is dropping into backstory/sidestory and returning in a way that strengthens the main thread instead of orphaning it. NML depends on this throughout. The book’s balance between summary and immediate narrative, assisted by the effective digressions, should make it required reading for aspiring writers. (Yes, I’m serious.)

    I’m saddened to hear of your physical and sensory problems, but glad that you are working within them instead of throwing up your hands and watching soap operas (which would probably drive you mad with their junior-high-school plots). Please don’t ever do that!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Let me clarify something: Witchfinder was started for submission in tradpub. It was only when that failed that I decided to start writing it on the blog, and being responsive tot he comments, too. That’s the one complaint I have of substack: I don’t get the discussion in the comments.

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    2. “You do something almost no one does well and do it seamlessly, and that is dropping into backstory/sidestory and returning in a way that strengthens the main thread instead of orphaning it. NML depends on this throughout. The book’s balance between summary and immediate narrative, assisted by the effective digressions, should make it required reading for aspiring writers.“

      –

      Agree.

      As a series progress, the repeated recaps, while undoubtably needed, usually irritate me to no end as a reader. Interestingly, with No Man’s Land, this did not. It was not only needed, just enough detail to apply to the current story, and I wanted to know where to find the story behind the backstory. Great-uncle. Great-grandmother. Mother’s perceptions of prior events VS Skip’s. Are just a few examples.

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  15. This reminds me of something that I read years ago (I don’t know where, might even have been here), to the effect of: “It’s obvious that even God hit ‘Publish’ before everything was completely polished. Really – the appendix? That big part of the back that only a contortionist can reach to scratch? The dangly bits that were left out in the open on half of the species?”

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    1. “That big part of the back that only a contortionist can reach to scratch?”

      That’s part of the reason He Said that it is not good that Man Should Be Alone. [Twisted Grin]

      Liked by 1 person

  16. “The constant threat of “most careers are three books long”

    I’d never heard that before? Where does it come from? The writer runs out of ideas after three books, or sales suffer after three and the writer gives up. ‘Cause, I have more ideas than that. Doesn’t mean they’ll happen, but….

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    1. Back when TradPub was King, Queen, and Emperor, if your books did not earn out, plus a profit for the publisher, by the third release, that was it. No one wanted to work with you.

      The first book tends to sell well, but sales for most second and third books are lower than for book one. And since TradPub contracts often included rights to the characters, stories, and setting of the books, you as an author had to start over. Sometimes with a pen name, in a completely different genre.

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        1. Writers were interchangeable, especially as small publishers were swallowed up into the Big Ten, then Eight, then Big Six, now Big Five. Unless you were a one-off like Dick Francis, or Tom Clancy, or Danielle Steele, someone who sold huge amounts with each book, OR had an editor who would fight for you as well as help you grow and improve, you were just another midlister, and could be dropped and swapped out. There were thousands of other writers clambering to be published.

          So you had three novels to prove yourself, and if you didn’t stand out, well, no great loss as far as the publisher was concerned. There were lots more where you came from. (Now, it’s gotten so warped that if you do too well, and produce a best seller when you were supposed to be midlist, the person who “hired” you might get fired for having such poor judgment in estimating market and sales.)

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            1. Same.

              I picked up Galbaldon’s Outlander as a paperback. Did not pick up subsequent books until Snow & Ashes, which is the 4th or 5th book. Then I had to find the books in between and start over with Outlander, and read in order until I was done.

              Stirling’s Emberverse had two of the first three out before I found the series. First had read the first book of Nantucket series, discovered way later that the subsequent sequels were already paperbacks. As I was picking up the third, there were the first two paperbacks on “what happened to those left behind”, *Dies The Fire (third wasn’t released yet). Also interested because it centralizes (mostly) clear across the country from Nantucket, and in the Willamette valley. Yes, there is the journey from N. Idaho, to the Willamette valley, but that reads as a narrow (ish) wagon train saga.

              All six of Rawn’s Dragon Prince and Star Scroll trilogies were already paperbacks before I found them.

              Just a few examples.

              Under the trade model, series can be dumped before I even find them.

              (*) Got in on the FB conversation on “with the appropriate thumb on the scale, you knew to bug out or stay, immediately, what would you do, where would you go, and why?” I did have an answer for ’98. Now? No. Not just age. Our bug out location connections are gone. Being able to liberate bows from a local manufacturer, and save horses from nearby boarding stables, is not enough, if you have nowhere to go, that is far enough, and not defendable, from hordes of the desperate.

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    2. A lot of authors only have one “world” for their stories. That might be one very long book. Take Outlander. It is one very long book with 10 main line sections (#10 isn’t released, yet), and a number of shorter (novelettes, Lord Gray centric) to very short (short stories).

      Others, some traditional published authors, have books or series, that they’ve ended on their own. But they also have series, or books, that their publishers will not contract for, no matter how much their fans beg.

      Authors, who are using the new indie sales method, but do not continue a series because earlier books are not earning, or the series quits earning. Yet they still have their passion series that continue. This author uses a pen name for different series. Similar genre have the same pen name. A two or one series book might appear the author name is a blip, with only a few novels. This author is very direct in the blog. Lists the series, what are the plans, and why. Translation? If a series hasn’t made earned the value, there are more on the back burner, not a passion project, and you want it to continue? Start selling people on buying it.

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    3. Good Lord. NEITHER.
      Most careers were three books long in trad pub because if you didn’t automagically become a mega bestseller your publisher showed you the door. AND SO DID EVERY OTHER PUBLISHER. Because a book failing was ALWAYS the writers’ fault, no matter the real reason.

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    4. One of the reasons I started talking to people on line was because Ifound a message board about a book I’d really liked that said the author had previously published under a different name.

      Don’t even remember the book, now, but I found out the super-fans would keep track of what name a good writer was shoved under because they sold but didn’t become a super-seller.

      Some didn’t get new names. Christopher Stasheff had his good selling “A Wizard in Rhyme” series pretty obviously mangled by an editor’s demands, and then vanished from the face of the earth. I thought he’d just gotten ill and stopped writing the books, but no, they fired him.

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  17. I have trouble with things like seeing a red kindle cover against BROWN wood. Similar colors blend together.

    Yep, I know that one. Besides being red/green color blind, my discrimination of the rest is very poor. In practice, I can see three colors: blue, mudcolor, and yellow. Mudcolor might be lighter or darker, but it’s still mudcolor. Rainbows have three strips with gaps. Traffic lights are a mystery, particularly in towns that run them sideways or, in a few cases, upside down. (Apparently a money-maker for some towns. Either red/green is much more common than the accepted statistics claim, or most people go by position instead of color.)

    A lot of “obvious” things are invisible to me. On the other hand, a lot of “camouflage” stands out like a cockroach on a white countertop.

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  18. Draw One in the Dark is the first of yours I read. I think I must have unconsciously picked up something from you there. I wrote the Academic Magic series just as it unrolled in my head and I know I didn’t worry about writing to conventions. After that I started reading more about writing and struggled with the next few books. I’m still struggling, but I think I’ve managed to get back to the feeling I had when I wrote AM. At least I hope so because I really like these current characters and story and want to get it all out. I’m going to stop reading about “must do it this way” writing and just keep writing.

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  20. On a philosophical bent, are any of us the same as we were at earlier points in time? I’m not the eager 18 year old that graduated from High school. I shifted almost chameleon-like across 4 years of college. Nor am I the young engineer and young husband of my 20’s and 30’s. This is not to say I totally changed, but (I hope) that my experiences affect my habits and patterns. Why should we expect 2026 Sarah to write like 2010 Sarah? The experiences differ and writing seems strongly colored by experiences. The thing is that being inside the experiences and that the happen over time it is sometimes hard to see the change in ourselves. We have the continuity that we ARE ourselves and that certainly colors our actions.

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  22. Don’t feel bad about the driving. My aunt got so involved in conversation with my cousins once, driving from Glasgow, MT, to Bismarck, ND, that she didn’t realize she had turned left instead of right until they had to stop a the Canadian border. Mind you, this was a drive they made half a dozen times a year for several years, and never noticed that the landmarks weren’t the same.

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  23. Sarah, sounds like you decided to listen to your own inner muse (meaning the voice that knows what excites YOU) instead of being a slave to the RULES that THEY (the experts) are always touting. I’m glad you’ve escaped that torment.

    We all find our own process over time – the things that make us happy to sit down and create rather than feeling tormented by what we might have done WRONG.

    I barely plot anything myself, and only do it marginally in LONG fiction (and that often only after the story has been spit onto the page in the first draft or so.) I’ve read about all the things I SHOULD do to make my story RIGHT; it just may be my own stubbornness (not like I sell much), but I wouldn’t enjoy creating if I had to do it in someone else’s straightjacket.

    Creation should give you joy; stick with what makes you happy.

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    1. That’s right. If I like a story, I can’t believe I’m so exceptionally weird that I’m the only one to like it. 😛 So I write what I want to read, and other people seem to like it too.

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