Gifted

Posted on by Sarah A. Hoyt

This is the time of year to give/receive gifts.

Now, I’ve written before about the lousy economic sense of gift-giving. There is always a ton of money that gets wasted. We have some friends that have the strangest gift giving ability. Like… No. there is no way to explain. If its both perfect and needed, they give it to me the day after I order it for myself.

Yes, there are also friends who marvelously discover my wish list and are smart enough to navigate what I’m saving for the kids, as opposed to what I want for myself.

But there is an inability to tell what someone wants that makes the mismatch inevitable, particularly in the very large aggregate numbers.

And that’s why communism doesn’t work.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, to get down to brass tacks about gifting.

When I was a kid, I loved receiving Christmas gifts — who doesn’t, right? — but Portuguese Christmas gifts are different. The whole family gets together and give you ONE thing. So, you know, I usually got a doll for Christmas, and later a book. Later yet I got money or clothes. (You know you’re a grownup when money or clothes excite you.)

But when I started making a little money I found the real joy, which was to give gifts. I would plot for months to give someone something. It was always something I knew they liked or wanted and would never buy for themselves.

I managed to be the only person to give mom stuff she didn’t hate — mostly jewelry because our tastes are similar, so I knew what she wanted. Not real jewelry, but Portugal means sometimes you need costume jewelry. And when I couldn’t afford anything else, I wrote a poem for my best friend and illustrated it.

Now I’m not going to claim I always get the perfect gift. I very often don’t. But when I do, there is this feeling of elation. It’s much better than getting a gift.

And then there’s kids, and gifts from the kids and for the kids. We just want to make them happy, and … well, when the kids are grownup, you have to balance not overwhelming them and not offending their sense of independence. So it’s difficult but they try.

But the truly ridiculous thing? We’ll love anything they give us, no matter how silly.

Now, mind you, this year I got amazing gifts. DIL gave me jam she made! And she helped me in the kitchen on Christmas day. And future DIL and son cleaned my garage, which might be the best present I’ve ever gotten from anywhere. Yeah, there were also actual gifts, but those were my favorite.

And then there’s …. well, they were both here, for pretty much the whole day. And that’s very much the best gift ever: having the family together for a whole day. It’s a rare and precious thing, more and more as they grow into their own lives, and it’s distilled sweetness and joy for us as parents.

There is nothing that compares to that. A perfect day with the kids and their spices (well, only one is a spouse so far, so we’ve decided their collective name is spices) when we got to be together as a family and enjoy each other.

And the memory of that to take to the days when that is impossible for whatever reason.

Those are gifts beyond price, and quite beyond economic calculation or mismatch.

74 thoughts on “Gifted”

  1. A long-time friend of C’s and mine practices traditional fabric arts, particularly spinning and knitting. Earlier this year, while looking at classic paintings, I ran across Velazquez’s Las Hilanderas (“The Spinners”), based on the contest of Athena and Arachne. The imagery seemed a perfect fit, so we bought a print of it and sent it to her for Christmas. I just got a note back saying that she’s very happy with it and plans to frame it and put it up in her workshop. That kind of success—spotting something that another person would like but would never think of getting—is a big pleasure.

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  2. Our grown children were here for Christmas as well. My daughter found an artist who embroiders clothing, so each of us received a sweatshirt. Mine was: “I lift my eyes to the mountains” from Psalm 121. It was the perfect gift for me. The best part was seeing the joy in my daughter’s face when we opened the gifts she’d gotten for us.

    You hope your children figure out that the magic of Christmas is the giving of gifts. The gift of time, of thought, of love. Seeing this was the best present I have ever received.

    God bless, dear hostess.

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      1. Absolutely! They could only be here a few hours (work schedules and travel time), but that was the best part of Christmas for me. They only gave us very little in other gifts – “touristy” things they bought on their trip to Japan (but we wouldn’t buy them here, mainly because we’d never find them!).

        On gift giving – we gave the gift of a warm place, preparing them dinner and cleaning up afterwards; that is actually a precious thing to young people that both work long hours. Physically, they asked for two things – a step stool and steak knives. Beyond that, I pretty much give them gift cards for places they try to avoid spending money for these days – for the birthdays, restaurant gift cards; for Christmas, one to the crafting store and one to the gaming store.

        Oh, and not going to call her “spice.” Son made a quip about one gift that it was from “daughter two and half” – so that is her title now. Gives me a reason to twit him about getting the other 50%.

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        1. LOL yes on the other 50%.
          We got younger son a hamper. His, from high school, was falling apart. This allowed us to make upteen jokes about giving him a trash can. (That’s what it looked like, wrapped up.)

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          1. We got my granddaughter a trash can (among other things) last year; it was what she wanted for the new house. Really fancy, a powered lid. :-)

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            1. LOL. Honestly? First, absolutely Love what hubby picked out for anniversary/Christmas (only 3 questions: How does it fit, can I get it off, when my finger swells due to arthritis, is it too big if not swollen – answers: No, and it won’t fly off, so No; and yellow gold or platinum, latter which he picked out – answer: Platinum, yellow gold too gaudy in same setting.) But he has said absolutely no way to robot vacuums (we need at least 2). So, yes would have been shocked (and thrilled, what he got will last longer) at two new vacuums :-) :-) :-)

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  3. I agree, we had all the boys and spices here all day as well, it was great! Giving someone a gift that is both wanted and unexpected is an indescribable kick, with helping someone in need anonymously a close second…. Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

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  4. You and Dan are blessed to have such a wonderful, loving family, not that a lot of it isn’t of your own making of course in how you raised and loved your sons. May all of you have many happy years.

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  5. Broke the bank a little too hard on gifting for my wife this year. But it’s worth it. She was so depressed coming into the holiday season that I had to kick it up a notch. No huge gifts, but let’s just say that she, who was huge on stocking stuffers growing up (whereas my family never did stockings AT ALL), had two full stockings and a paper bag labeled “STOCKING #3” this year. And the resulting goodwill and bonding helped fortify us for a hellish trip to the step-inlaws on Christmas.

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  6. The extended Red family tends to give useful/pretty/necessary stuff at Christmas, and something off the wall and fun for birthdays (having a bunch of birthdays in January and February plays a role.) So books are common at Christmas, and Lego sets, dolls, kooky art stuff, and what have you get spread out around the year. And yes, the fun is in finding the odd and perfect gift for an Odd relative.

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    1. Anonymoose and I get each other whatever we can think of (we’re difficult to buy for). The family tradition comes with Kid, where HE buys her whatever seems like fun and I buy here one single extravagant thing. The payoff is that I get to torment her about it from date-of-purchase to date-of-receiving, and most years that pretty much makes my fall. :)

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  7. A family member had lost some books when there was a fire in the apartment building where he’d lived (the fire didn’t get into his apartment, but the enormous amount of water that was used in putting the fire out flooded a good part of it). Our local discount store had a book I knew he’d like, so I snagged it for his Christmas gift — and he was very happy to see it. Apparently it was one he didn’t even have, and he’d had a huge collection, and not everything could be restored by his insurance company’s restoration company. It was good to see him smiling, because it’s been a very difficult situation for him.

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    1. I gave one of my older brothers a book for Christmas this year – he just lost his job and while he’s not hurting financially yet, I figured he could use something to distract him from waiting for interviews. He was quite surprised, and, I think, a little bit delighted, though I can never quite tell – he hides his emotions behind a wall of snark.

      Everyone else got homemade jams, jellies, and preserves.

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      1. Mid ’80s when I was off I got into crafts. Knitted, sister’s and folks got Irish vests (mom & dad had just gotten back from Ireland from a job that had them there for about 14 months). Nieces, nephews, some young cousins, and cousins kids, got homemade teddy bears and sock rabbits (sewing). Inlaws got framed embroidered pictures. Appreciated. But pretty sure another year and they’d been helping to pay for me to go back to school :-) :-) :-) Also made us a quilt. I don’t know how many baby quilt (all given away, son and my sisters kids never got one :-( )

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  8. Yeah! I got my wife a pair of the good scissors and a miter saw. Kids liked their stuff too. One I was worried about loved a copy of “Steam, Its generation and Use” (and has played with the electronic gadget received).

    Textile major got a sewing machine (and “Into the Real” by Sherrer and Ringo).

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    1. I found Steam Generation And Use on Gutenberg and it was very interesting. I know a lot about boilers that I never did before.

      ‘Into The Real’ sequel ‘Through The Storm’ was published in November.

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      1. “The sight-gauge shows dry.”
        “So add water.”
        “HELL NO!!!”
        “Then what?”
        “Cut off the fuel, and open the relief valve!”
        “Huh?”
        “Look… how many blocks away do you want the boiler to be found?”
        “Uh…. zero.”
        “Cut the fuel. Release any steam. When it’s COLD, THEN do a re-start from most basic.”
        “Won’t there be complaints?”
        “Sure, but none will be regarding NEXT OF KIN – including yours.”

        [I have never had THIS conversation. I did have one that kinda rhymed… the guy is now a boiler op – and knows the CORRECT procedure. And, no, ox never operate a boiler. You can breathe again, now.]

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        1. I read the after-disaster report of a steam explosion at an Ohio(?) exposition back in the 90s. Multiple failures beforehand, not least was an overly thin main sheet, then too little water. When the steam tractor encountered a slope, water sloshed over the very hot main sheet and Glen Reynold’s Earth Shattering Kaboom did its thing. Survivors were a distance away from the tractor. Victims rested in pieces. (That entailed a short (multi-year) ban on steam at the venue, then insistence on proper tests and inspections. A thorough test takes much of a day, but it’s worth it.

          Several years ago, (mid-late Aughts) I participated in the steam part of the state historical park’s annual roundup for a couple-three years. Two or three test days, then I ran the 25 HP engine that ran the shingle saw or the 10 HP tractor (tiny; the big one is a 75HP Aultman Taylor (located at Collier State Park). I steamed up the A-T, but never drove it. It’s funnnnnnnn!

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          1. One of the steam engineering books I looked at was written in the 1870s. It mentioned that the engine rooms of the armored steam riverboats used in the recent war would reach 160F, and enginemen were limited to 30 minute shifts less they pass out from the heat. I guess the boilers at full boogie were simply too much for whatever ventilation they had.

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        2. You almost owe me a new keyboard and monitor.

          Had I been drinking anything, that is.

          “Add water?”

          <b<AYFKMRN?!

          That’s the sort of sod you want sweeping the floor, or washing the dishes. Keep him/her/it away from anything expensive, explosive, complicated, difficult, or something you want to keep. Idiots like that are the reason folks don’t bag their own groceries.

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  9. We’re giving gifts to my niece’s kids, and not to any of our siblings. D is 3 and a half, and we were assured he’d like the Tonka bulldozer. S is a year and a half, and she got a series of knitted hats for when she grows. She was stealing D’s hats and wearing them inside. (She’s really tiny for her age because reasons, and the cold hits her hard.)

    Niece’s inlaws have more money than sense, and D & S are the only grandkids. D got tired of unwrapping presents (we are told) and they are putting off the rest for a day or three.

    Last year, we gave some magnetic tinker-toyish things. D liked making things with the set, and S liked knocking them apart.

    Not precisely a Christmas present, but after we got new siding for the house, the snow panels (to reduce the amount of snow on the porch and to ensure access to the front door) needed to be resized. I did a full redesign and build, and the plastic that let in light but distorted vision was replaced with clear acrylic panels. $SPOUSE is happy with her pre-Christmas present (and they went up right around Thanksgiving). I’m happy because the monolithic panels that were easy(ish) to install 19 years ago are now modular and easier for $OLDER_ME to deal with.

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    1. Last Year’s “Christmas Present” was new windows… that didn’t get installed until late January (and had been ordered in the Spring, if not earlier)… and.. it’s so nice NOT having drafts, etc.

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  11. Growing up, we got one big present (a bike, or a toy) and several lesser presents (toys, underwear, other clothes.) And a stocking with an orange and some kumquats and nuts (still in the shell) and some candy. Wife had a similar background (me mid-60’s, her early 60’s.)

    People these days don’t understand how wonderful a gift of fresh fruit was back in the day. Oranges were always expensive (compared to bananas) and very seasonal, like all fruit was before the international airfreighting and cold storage and forced ripening of green fruit was introduced.

    Even today, a nice small seasonal fruit selection is something that get’s a very huge twinkle in my wife’s eyes. Persimmons, kumquats (which are hard to find not on the internet these days) and an orange or two. And it’s the type of gift that we talk about when she’s eating. And one ‘big’ present and several small presents, usually things she has talked about and I’ve actually listened and wrote down so I wouldn’t forget.

    She does the same for me. Thoughtful gifts of low cost but great value.

    And to the extended family, home-made Christmas breads, shipped to them. It’s what I can do, and it’s appreciated.

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    1. Fresh fruit.

      I went to a (small, not exclusive or ‘upper crust’) New England boarding school for high school, early to mid 60s.

      One of the instructors told us he could tell when a boy’s family was well-to-do: he liked grapefruit.

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    2. We gave a couple we know well fresh pears from Harry and David, which were very high quality, but they weren’t a “small” present. On the other hand, C gave me a chocolate orange, which WAS small, but delicious.

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      1. I did the Harry & David catalog phone line one year. Definitely not cheap, but the whole concept is the convenience. (One of my favorite parts of that job—which was only incoming, so people wanted to talk with you—was that if a floor supervisor heard you doing an upsell, you got something right there. They had one week where the upsell was two boxes of pears for $5 more than the single box, so I made a ton of upsells, and they gave me things like a package of baklava. Mmm.)

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        1. Had a friend who got hired by Harry & David. They used to setup a temporary call center here in Eugene. She didn’t make it past training (not sure if frustrated quit or was encouraged to). She couldn’t handle the software or the fast pace data entry while on the phone. (For reasons, not surprised.) Not sure it is a job I could handle either. Oh, definitely possible to do. Bonus, people are calling because they want to buy something, not because something is broken or out of wack. OTOH people are calling.

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    3. Same growing up.

      I spent a lot of time tracking down salt water taffy. It has all but disappeared locally. Candy Tyme for the win. Bonus. Birthday is in 2 months.

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        1. Coast used to have stores that made it. Last time we were there (been awhile), those stores had disappeared). Fred Meyer (kroger) used to carry bags of it. Haven’t had any in stock for a couple of years. Last Christmas Cabella’s had bags of it.

          I won’t eat it. Haven’t since I got my apnea mouth piece. Occasionally I have nightmares about not ever reproducing taffy (or gum, I don’t chew gum, anymore either) that I can’t get off my teeth. Then I semi wake up and realize what is happening. But still.

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    4. Once Again, TODAY is the Age of Miracles… even if people have to “do it themselves.” You can go into most any grocery store/supermarket and get almost anything almost any time/season. Yeah, fresh sweet corn is seasonal…. but that’s usually locally sourced. Tropical fruits? In February? They are there. Bananas, oranges, etc.

      And what makes this miracle (these miracles) possible? PETROLEUM.

      And guess who is anti-miracle? I do not need to tell you. You already know.

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      1. No petro also means no modern medicine. At all.

        On the one hand, all those old democrats would die off in a few months. On the other, mass death of everybody else. Not even the former is worth the latter. Not even close.

        But ask a democrat what’s the problem with ending oil? Hah. They have no answers, merely fanaticism. Their cult demands it, thus sacrifice 90%+ of the human race.

        And the death cult is not even the most disturbing of their sects.

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          2. That is why it should be replaced as fuel. Nuclear is better in every way, and wonderful chemical feedstocks won’t be set of fire. And for high density portable fuel…….. nuclear lets you do that too.

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  13. Wife had intentionally bought a small house before we married. My old house had been the family house and wasn’t to her liking at all. So we really don’t have room for more ‘stuff’. Our major gifts for each other are going on Trips. This past year, my big gift was getting to go to FenCon, while I set my wife up in a nice hotel in Waco where SHE had quite a good time, as well. Since I got to meet both Larry AND Sarah, as well as quite a few other great people, I naturally felt I get the best part of THAT bargain!

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  14. No big gifts for the two of us, just stocking stuffers.

    But I helped her do Christmas Eve and Day for friends and family, which was the best gift of all.

    Along with the mandatory viewing of the original and only True version of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!”.

    “Christmas Day is in our grasp
    So long as we have hands to clasp”

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    1. One (of the precious few) bright spots of the 1970’s was that amongst all the other things in the stocking… was a MAD Magazine. The rest is long forgotten, and/or was consumable. But MAD Mag? That endured.

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  15. I installed two new porch lamps for my wife. She was tired of the old corroded ones. So that occupied a few hours of my time, and only had one grounding issue to fix that wouldn’t let me reset the breaker for that circuit.

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  16. I knitted for everyone this year, except the BiL who has made it very clear that the best thing I can get him is an amazon card so he can buy exactly the books he wants (the man reads 3-4 books a day, so it’s hard for the rest of us to keep up…)

    But seeing the delight on faces when open gifts they actually want and will use…. it’s a gift in itself.

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  17. We always got an orange at Christmas and still get them for our kids. The oranges from Valencia came up to Ireland around that time and my mother kept the tradition going here even though scurvy wasn’t the issue it was for her when she was a girl.

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    1. We did that for the inlaws in mid-’80s. SIL and family drove up from San Diego and stayed with older sister. BIL’s son was brought up by friends and we picked him up. Christmas morning, they were arranged in front of the tree. Told inlaws we had a “really big gift, would they go into the bedroom while we brought it in.” Last time the entire family was together.

      Getting harder to do this for mom these days. Came close for her birthday. Youngest nephew (school) and one nephew-in-law (work, new job) couldn’t make it. Mom’s been spending more time at youngest sister’s. Both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Reason? Easy. Where is the newest great-grandbaby?

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      1. We managed the whole family for Dad’s burial. Not what most consider a festive reason, but as Dad would want, we had a grand time in his memory. This was only missing one Nephew, and one Great Grandkid, both who were at Ma’s not long ago.

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  19. “Orange Curaçao”
    Island of Curaçao. Why that name? ORANGES. That CURED.
    CURED WHAT?
    Scurvy!
    Sailors had scurvy, a NASTY vitamin C deficiency disease.
    Cured by vitamin C… found in in oranges (and other tropical fruits).
    And the island had ALL THESE WONDERFUL ORANGES…
    So… rest on the island, and eat local, and be CURED.
    Today… the cure is so available… we make cocktails with the medicine.

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  20. I do a lot of hand painted gifts for Christmases and Birthdays, and paint cards and bags to go with it. Always fun to see the looks on their faces when people get them.

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  21. Nearest family is my sister and BIL.

    Their dog keeps eating their chickens, so she got a chicken run. He’s keto and I have a freezer full of meat, so…

    I just realized this moment that I didn’t get a (physical) Christmas gift. ROFL

    Sooo worth it!

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  22. This was a fairly low-key Christmas because it was the first one after Mom passed away and this was her holiday.
    We also make enough money that most of the things we get for other people have practical reasons and/or “it looked good” when we saw it somewhere.
    …still miss Mom.

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    2. Price of love is always loss. It is worth the price. Always.

      Long as you live, a piece of her is within you. Carry that on. Bring a bit of her to life as you interact with others.

      That’s the kind of immortality that lasts. Chin up. One foot in front of the other. Chances are, you’re not the only one hurting. Lean on others, and let them do the same.

      You are strong. You will endure. You will leave your own mark, shaped as it was by hers.

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  23. Then there was my brother, the “white-hat hacker” IT security guy. I gave him as a joke one year one of those “The WiFi Password Is ____” plaques for Christmas, not realizing he’d wear a T-shirt to the gift-exchange that said “Your password was unsecure. So I changed it.” He liked the plaque

    But his least-favorite media properties short-list turned out to include “My Little Pony” and Monopoly. And my daughter had just the gift for his daughter (her cousin): a MLP Monopoly set.

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  24. Just got home from the overnight hospital stay. It looks like I am now cancer-free! I will celebrate when the nausea eases and the second biopsy comes back.

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    1. Son managed it for dad (husband) this year. I did give him the idea. We had the same idea on another item, problem is too many variables. Mentioned it to hubby, he agreed. He does acknowledge he needs one, he is not sure what features he needs/wants. Another item son got for both of us. Something I’d have no idea about what to look for. Hubby also said he’d been thinking along that line too. Son nailed it for me too. Something I’d never have thought about for myself. Problem, need larger size. Hopefully the larger size fits (should, smaller size almost fit, just couldn’t zip up all the way). Heated vest. I’ve never been able to pull anything off for hubby.

      This year hubby nailed it for me. I love it. Last year hubby and son had similar thoughts. Son got me a generic travel mug with animal tracks (puppy and kitten). Dad got me a custom coffee mug with Pepper’s picture on it.

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