Delayed

Posted on by Sarah A. Hoyt

A minor planning issue has me stuck away from home and the net, typing this on my tablet. Depending on when I get home, I’ll post something.

76 thoughts on “Delayed”

    1. Actually, this is the pre-post post warning post. There remains the chance of a later post explaining why there was no post today, which would be the post-post pre-post post warning post.

      There remains the probability of something happening so appallingly enraging that a pissed post may be posted, as has happened in past posts piquantly pestering.

      The questions of how many posts would a pissed poster post if a pissed poster posted posts remains unaddressed although a stamp has already been applied to the ante-lope.

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    1. I’m a time traveler from the 31st century, on a mission in the 21st.

      How do you like our research department’s results?

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      1. Pretty good, but I think fewer people will run away screaming if you turn your “Trump/Clinton 2016” shirt inside out. They are fleeing so fast that they can’t see the “I <3 Prez Cruz" on the back.

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        1. Eh, I’m wearing a T-shirt with a 19th century fairy tale illustration on it. Not worked up enough about politics to wear a t-shirt with it on it.

          I don’t think that’s my costume next year, either.

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          1. I can see why that doesn’t work for you; Trump/Clinton is a fairy tale, sure ’nuff – but even Clinton isn’t quite 19th c.

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  3. I first read the opening sentence as “A minor planet issue has me stuck away from home…” Those pesky asteroids always get in the way.

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      1. The major planets have higher EVs, and the General/Admiral planets can hold one-to-five stars in place.

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    2. Try Preparation A, proven effective in tests in the treatment of asteroids. Preparation A reduces the burning, itching sensation often accompanying asteroids without greasy residue.

      If symptoms are not alleviated within seven days, check with your meteorologist.

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    3. “Look, all I’m saying is, next time you schedule an in-system jaunt, it would behoove you to member that the planets keep moving while you’re away! Things change, even when you’re not there to notice it!” She clung tightly to a handhold while throwing the other arm out dramatically. “I’m not five years old, like the last time you left orbit, mom’s remarried, and now you’re out of fuel and drifting! What did you think, you were the center of the universe?”

      She whirled, and kicked her way down the passage, hair streaming out and bobbing in her wake. Major Collins waited for the impressive feat of slamming a door in null gravity, and then settled back in his chair with a sigh. The comm channel was still open. “Go ahead, McNeil.”

      “Teenagers. Unexploded ordinance is safer and easier, you know? Good luck with that.” The chuckle from the other end brought Collins’ mood up. “Is our quarry reacting yet?”

      “Oh, yes. Looks like I’ve lured a salvage and two escorts out.” He flagged the sensor data going downstream. “They’re not even bothering to hide, and their weapons are still cold.”

      “Wonderful. By the time they come back to their little nest with you, we ought to have a nice warm welcome ready.”

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    4. “Minor planet”? What, is Pluto claiming that being called a dwarf planet is a microaggression?

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          2. NaNoWriMo is starting up. If I didn’t already have one in mind, I’d be tempted. Well, and if I had the faintest notion of how to write comedy. The only kind I know how to do is strictly unintentional.

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            1. This might fail. While the intelligent part is debatable, the exploitable part is pretty clear.

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    6. No, its a minor planeing issue – that which is not flat but should be, so the BbESP has to don her cape and mask and go do some flattening.

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  4. This is an unofficial Guest Post. While it may not be as dumb as a post, neither does it stand mute as a post.

    This post is suitable for the hanging of hats of all persuasions. It may be used for fencing but my personal recommendation would be to use a rapier.

    All comments in reply are self-obviously stupid, unless they agree with me, in which event they are perceptive, wise and prudent.

    In the matter of proposals for redecorating I advise against digging up the Rose Garden. Those persons familiar with the fertilizing agents employed there know why this is necessary and those not already aware Do NOT WANT to know. Trust us on that.

    Whoever ordered the dozen casks of Kraken is requested to remove the pallet from the entry before Fluffy gets into it — we all remember what happened last time and the blast curtains still haven’t completely given up the stains.

    The Decor Advisory Meeting Committee has charged me to inform all and sundry that proposals for flock wallpaper in the reading room have been voted down; apparently the price for that acreage of walls was too expensive and pleas for donated wallpaper were confounded by the realization that nobody gives a flock. Complaints are referred to the DAM Committee.

    Efforts to extend the sub-basement have been discontinued until the scheduled visit from the Balrog Exterminators. In the meantime we are continuing development on the Infernal Heat Pump to ensure proper function once the heat source has frozen over. Recommendations for elimination of the lingering odor of Brimstone will continue to be entertained.

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    1. We…might be able to save on the Balrog Exterminators. I could explain to Fluffy that it was those nasty Balrogs in the basement that gave me the recipe for Dragon Tail Soup. Plus, it might keep Fluffy away from the Kraken casks.

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    2. “Recommendations for elimination of the lingering odor of Brimstone will continue to be entertained.”

      Have you tried Faebreeze? I’ve heard it is magic at removing unwanted orders, and their sources.

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      1. This reminds of when I was working at a movie theater complex back in the Eighties. We were showing, IIRC, Ghostbusters* and during the early evening show somebody had become noisomely ill (it was not unusual for us to discover empty beer cans dropped on the theatre floor after some films; after one showing of Ghostbusters I recall finding a 12-pack of discards) rendering the screening unroom unfit for further use.

        In an effort to reduce the … bouquet in that room one of the assistant managers ran out to a local drug store to purchase a dozen or so Stick Ups Room Deoderizers — pine scented, as I recall — which he then dispersed throughout the screening room. The combination of air-freshener gel and puke lingered in that theatre for over a year and was worse than anything I ever found in a baby’s diaper.

        *When you work in a theatre you develop a unique rating system based upon which films have the best Exit Music for picking up the showing’s debris. In this regard, Ghostbusters was one of the best, along with Die Hard 2.

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    3. “Those persons familiar with the fertilizing agents employed there know why this is necessary and those not already aware Do NOT WANT to know.”

      I will at this time observe that quicklime can be a pretty wonderful thing. Also that the current proprietors of said garden are probably too effete to even know about such things.

      They stuff ’em in closets and hope for the best.

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        1. Well, they were originally from near Granny’s cottage. At least these ones don’t move when anybody’s watching.

          And whoever taught them about nail files needs to ‘fess up.

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        2. Also, please do not disturb the minion pool while the sea serpent polishes her gold. It upsets her. Fortunately, she’ll be done in a hour and will not need to do it again for a year and a day.

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    4. The aardvark is offering bonbons.

      (He’s carefully keeping all the ant-flavored ones for himself, so you don’t have to worry about eating one and making him sulk.)

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      1. I initially read that as “The aardvark is offing bonobos.” What you actually wrote is much less bizarre. :)

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            1. This brings up an interesting speculation: Were Neanderthal chicks hot? Did Homo Habilis babes like to party hearty? Were there any Australopithecines worthy of a centerfold?

              Time travelers want to know.

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              3. Given the fact that those of us with European ancestry seem to have a pretty solid chunk of Neanderthal DNA, I think we’ve got to go with Neanderthal chicks were hot or Neanderthal dudes were hot, or both. Don’t know that we’ve got any record of the others intermingling.

                Point being, I guess, that homo sapiens came with a built in Other = Sexy to go along with Other = Scary. Or maybe it’s Scary = Sexy.

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            2. Coming soon to a bookshelf near you: “If You Were a Bonobo, My Love.” (No, not really. At least I hope not.)

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        2. I initially read that as “The aardvark is offing bonobos.”

          I read it as “bourbon” at first.

          Given the nature of this comment thread, I didn’t see anything unusual about that.

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      1. Yes, although I’m not certain we should tell Undead Gaius Iulius Caesar that he signed for it. Well, technically he didn’t sign for it, Otto the First signed for it, but we all know who that really was, so yeah, SPQR signed for it. I’m not certain whose credit card we used to pay the handling fee, though. But it went through, so no worries. Just make—

        No! No, Fluffy, bad dragon, bad, bad. Do not open that crate. *reaches for rolled up kevlar-reinforced, flame resistant newspaper* Bad Fluffy!

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  5. It never ceases to amaze me how well we Huns entertain ourselves in the absence of our hostess.

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  6. Sigh. I had something witty to say here about proper planet planning, but the fingers twisted while trying to get it out.

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    1. “Proper planet planning” Heinlein did that in Number of the Beast Are you suggesting he did it wrong?

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  7. I’m glad Sarah choose to not post using the ‘keyboard’ on a tablet. Three bonobo astronomers furiously typing on tablets would be unlikely to produce any post containing substances other than Kraken poo.
    The last time I tried typing anything significant on my tablet, it would take a moon of Pluto to cool my fevered brow, and 20 Sirens couldn’t sing sweetly enough to drown my curses.

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    1. If on occasion you note a post here from me without any typos, it is not an imposter – it is most likely that I wrote said post on one of the computers instead of this here tablet thingee. Even with the bluetooth external keyboard, the spacing is off the wee typo fae have their way with alarming ease.

      UNless I switch myself into full ‘sending-email-to-the-boss’ copyedit mode before I click the button, I’m pretty certain I’ll immediately see something I should have fixed just after posting.

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  8. This post is at present a suitable companion for the post that has not yet been written. However, it is exceedingly dumb. The only thing it knows how to do is to hold up fences. It hasn’t quite graduated to convenience stores or Krispy Kreme donut shops.

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  9. It hasn’t quite graduated to convenience stores or Krispy Kreme donut shops.

    Convenience stores and doughnut shops being post-graduate work?

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