My Last Post On SFWA — Pinky Swear

Posted on by Sarah A. Hoyt

I’ve belonged to blogs in the past which got in fights and arguments with other blogs/organizations, and even when I agreed 100% it got boring really quick.  So, I’d fully intended to have that blog on Sunday be the very last one I did on the SFWA mess.

But then I got selected for worst person in the world (though I have to share the trophy with Kate) and I thought, what the heck, I’ll do a final post on my dealings with SFWA from beginning to end, and because I’m tired of being misunderstood, I’ll do it in a way they’ll understand: with video clips.

So, in the mid eighties, I started writing sf/f, and I was so green that I sent submissions to the subscriptions address.  I still managed to get a personal rejection asking for more, but I thought “I need help.”  And then I heard about SFWA and how it was supposed to help SF/F writers and as a newby, just arrived in the country, with no contacts or connections, I was like:

Yay, they’ll help me. That’s their whole purpose. Yay.

So I sent them a letter and they were like: You need to have three pro short story sales or one pro novel sale.

Not so fast, bitch

So, I was like “But how do I get that if I don’t know how and no one has invented google, yet?”  So, I was all like:

But I don’t give up easily, so I was like:

So I was like:

And I finally started selling.  And I sold two shorts, and then, before the third I sold the novel, and I was like “Now I qualify for SFWA!”

And then I had some problems with my agent, and some problems with my publisher, and SFWA was like “oh, no. If we get involved in all that type of thing, the publishers will stop publishing us.  There’s nothing we can do.  And besides your agent and your publisher are members.”  And I was like:

But then they said “You know we have helped these people” — mostly against small publishers — “and we run Editors and Preditors and we have a medical emergency fund” and I was like:

At least I was now a member of SFWA, so I could prove I was a real pro, and anyway, I got this nifty directory of all pro writers, so… I was like:

Yeah, I’m a member of SFWA, baby!

And then I heard from some friends that SFWA, in the past had caused issues for them in their work for hire, by going to the publisher and saying they were representing these people, who had no problems whatsoever with the contracts but who now were told they’d never work for the publisher again and I was like:

But I thought maybe they’d misunderstood something, and SFWA hadn’t done anything bad to me, so I continued paying my dues and I was like:

And then, you know, things happened, and I decided to go at least partly indie, and then SFWA got into this big fight with Amazon over some small-press distributor who was all butthurt.  And they were like removing the amazon buttons from member pages and being all like “All of SFWA hates Amazon.”  And I was looking at my check from Amazon and looking at SFWA and going like:

So money was a bit tight and when the renewal came around I didn’t renew.  If they weren’t going to help me, at least they shouldn’t mess up what was making money for me, right?

And then I heard they were kicking out a life member because they didn’t like stuff he’d said on a kind of might be sort of SFWA twitter feed (oh, there were other excuses, but if that were true, they’d have to get rid of half their membership, including the person he got in a fight with.)  And I was like:

But hey, I wasn’t a member and it was nothing to do with me, right?  I mean, they said they were a private organization, which is fine, but then shouldn’t they add an S to their name?  SSFFWA  Some Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America?  Just for truth in advertising.  But still I was like:

And then in my writing daze, I hear they’re going after Mike Resnick and Barry Malzberg for being sexist, and I’m like:

So I ask what the EFFE is going on, and I’m told that they were making lewd comments about women in bikini, and I know Resnick and know of Malzberg and I’m like:

Not unless both men suffered massive strokes?

So I asked around and got the article sent to me and I was like:

because the column was completely unexciting.  They were talking about female editors and writers they’d known, you know, back when they were still rare in the field.  Part of what seemed to have kicked this off was that they called them “Lady editors” and “Lady writers” which was apparently sexist and I was like:

I mean, it’s an article about female editors and writers.  Perhaps they’d prefer they’d used Bitch and Hoes Editors and Writers?  Or People of Vaginitude Writers and Editors.

Oh, yeah, and the bikini thing?  They said one of the editors was exceptionally beautiful and that all the male writers’ wives were jealous when they saw her.  And that was totally sexist because women never talk/have thoughts like that, no way.

And they were also all upset about like women in chain mail on the cover, and the bulletin needed to be carefully censured, so that no bit of sexism got through.

And I was like:

And they were like:

And I was like:

And then my friend Kate blogged about the latest insanity, where established writers of every political stripe signed a petition to have SFWA give up this charming notion of censoring speech on their bulletin and a coalition of young no name or very little name writers (and a few decent writers who are my friends and who must be smoking something) were like:

So, Kate made fun of them, because she does, and an idiot troll came out under the impression it was all about the blogger named Vox Day and I was like:

But then he said that people like Vox needed to be cut off from society and I was like:

Because it was like:

So I was like:

And then some idiots saw it and they were like:

and also:

Because apparently telling them they can’t kill/kick out of human society everyone who hurts their feelings is like:

And also, I dissed Marxism which is totally a saintly ideology, because I’m a dumb American and all this makes me the world’s worst person (though I have to share the trophy with Kate Paulk, which is too bad, because I had a place all ready for it on my shelf.)

But life is full of these little disappointments, so then I thought…  Hey… I’m the world’s worst person.  By pointing out that Stalinist purges are Stalinist and never end, because someone is always going to be offended, I’ve made myself the worst person ever.  Worse than Hitler, Mao, Pol Pot, Stalin, Lenin, and the blood soaked mass murderers and tyrants who have oppressed humanity.  I’m worse than Caligula!

I’m worse than Caligula! And I didn’t even get to put on shows at the Circus.

And I realized this is incredibly freeing, right?  I mean, if you’re already worse than Caligula, how much worse can you get?

I even caused a commenter on that blog to want to change her gender!

So now I’m like:

Yay!

And I have SFWA to thank for it.

This, my friends, is a full account of my interaction with Mr. Whickam the organization formerly known as SFWA.  And now I’ll stay out of it, no matter what the temptation:

Because they’re like this:

And I need to be like this:

 

UPDATE: WELCOME Instapundit Readers and thank you to Glenn Reynolds for the link. (I should have done this two days ago, but I was in a fever daze.  Anyway, ya’ll know me. Pull up a chair.  Stay a while.

407 thoughts on “My Last Post On SFWA — Pinky Swear”

  1. I remember, in what now seems by comparison the good old days, Vivian Kellems wrote to Buckley objecting to his reference to “lady theologians” on Firing Line. She politely suggested that the theologians’ gender was irrelevant, and made her point by sending greetings to “the two gentleman economists who were on your program.”

    No “off with his head, burn the infidel, ecrasez l’infame!”

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  2. My dear Sarah…. I’m almost glad, in a felix culpa sort of way (you remember Felix, he was the middle Culpa brother; he’s a pharmacist in Hoboken nowadays), that this happened, because if it hadn’t, there wouldn’t have been this post. Which I have been snickering about for a full day now.

    And there’s another bright side, too. I mean, you think this bunch is nuts, come and try hanging out with historians for a while. (I never get to play in the good reindeer games….) At least you fictioneers can Tuckerize your foes and kill ’em off, messily.

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    1. Markham, make you a deal. I write historical fiction, after all. You want someone killed, you send me the name, description and whether it should be sf/f/mystery or historical.
      My pleasure to do your fictional killing…

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            1. There is beauty in – wait a minute, you’re supposed to be a little maid from school, Sarah, fresh from a ladies’ seminary. What are you doing with a Little List?

              So… don’t know many school girls, eh?

              Or was it an allusion to the ludicrous notion of a school girl having a LITTLE list?

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              2. As to not knowing many schoolgirls … well, not in some decades. And if memory serves, the young ladies of Hollins, Randolph-Macon, Sweet Briar, and Mary Baldwin had very different sorts of lists….

                Still, it amuses me, in a tongue-in-cheek fashion, to pretend to believe that Our Sarah is a demure and delicate flower.

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                1. I know. But every time I threaten the Author with going into politics if writing stops paying off, my income doubles.
                  Which reminds me we’re going to be devilish tight in two months (I MUST finish books) so, hey, You up there with the typing fingers — remember, I can go into politics ANYTIME.

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  4. On SFWA, Fairness, and Awful Things:

    I sigh when anyone complains at length about “fairness,” for two reasons:

    One: unless you’ve put in the years to be a pro comedy writer, complaining is not actually skilled, productive work.

    Two: Fuck Fairness, Get Results.

    No one is entitled to a level playing field, anywhere, anytime; fairness is a human mental construct. In game design, play balance is an issue. Fairness is required for the game design, because a game is a mental exercise. Whether it’s moving checkers or letting the Seahawks stomp you, every good game is balanced by design, to be playable AS a game.

    So the sigh comes when I hear “fair” applied in anything BUT a game, since it makes me wonder, “Are these adults who think this world IS a game?” 7 billion people use the same planet. Every one acts in their self-interest. That’s as balanced and fair as “the game” gets. All else is up to you. “Fair” doesn’t enter into it. The rich don’t say “Damn, I’m selling the yacht because it isn’t fair that I am so wealthy!” and the starving don’t say “Damn, it’s unfair I’m hungry so I’ll suddenly have two college degrees. And my STR will be 18, too!”

    We can CHOOSE to be kind and helpful and fair, but it’s never, ever something that’s owed to us, and it sure won’t spontaneously appear.

    Complaining serves two main functions: it airs a concern to others who might have been unaware of it. Secondly, the act of complaining distills nebulous ideas into the form of a sentence or two. Much like “having someone to talk to” doesn’t actually fix anything, it instead works to make feelings coalesce into communicable form. That’s where its applied usefulness ends, though.

    If you have a situation in your life that has hurt you, and feels unfair, then Ass Must Be Kicked. Misogyny? Racism? Oppression? Use Your Power. Do legendary things by facing terrible odds. Are you tiny or tall, mentally impaired, this or that color, birth-defected, diseased? That’s your circumstance. Be smart. Gain grit. Armor up. Outwit and overpower. Is it easy? Fuck no. Should it be easy? Wrong question; it is what it is. Investigate, quantify, verify, strategize. Overcome. How you do it is up to you, but it never has been, and never will be, a fair game.

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    2. I’ve told my students from time to time that fair is where you go to show pigs and eat too much funnel cake and thing-on-a-stick. It usually cuts off the whining, or at least pushes them to state exactly what they think was done unjustly.

      And I really like your and Misty’s work. The Valdemar books got me through some rough patches as a teen.

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        1. *evil grin* September is only five months away. (Unless you buy one of those at-home kits, but I don’t recommend that. Save you rmoney for the frozen chocolate-dipped-strawberries-on-a-stick, unless you wear braces.)

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          1. Wha-huh? That’s supposed to be seven, not five. I knew I shouldn’t have washed my hands so many times today – now I can’t type straight.

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            1. I don’t spend much time in shopping mall food courts (except when waiting on car repairs in distant cities) but last time it happened I seem to recall a shop calling itself “Funnel Cake” (or something similar.) That would imply the comestible is offered on consistent basis, although until they find a way to make it low-carb my awareness will remain academic.

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      2. Fair also covers weather, skies, complexions and hair colour.

        I have carefully examined my birth certificate’s fine print and found no promise of fairness, nor justice nor peace.

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        1. Also covers certain of the less boring outcomes in baseball.

          My birth certificate certifies that I had two parents who were married to each other. That was already a pretty unfair lucky break for me, right from the start.

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  5. Hey Ms. Hoyt, long time lurker first time poster. I had a two-minute long belly laugh over the cat+model train gif.

    My own little gesture of protest….I just bought the first two Darkship novels on Kindle. I hope you get more lovely moneys from them than the wood-pulp versions.

    And for any future gif posts, I’ll have to see if I can dig up one for you of BRIAN BLESSED yelling “Don’t let the b*st*rds grind you down!” Should come in handy.

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  6. I read this with ever increasing joy. I love you. Can I stalk your blog and paper my walls with pictures of your site header?

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  7. Always amazing how an organization can so easily be taken over and turned into a clique for the easily offended, and the politically correct.

    Good for you! :D

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  8. Pingback: Sarah Hoyt Battles the SFWA Fascists and Their Glittery Hoo-Has | Andrew J. Patrick

  9. While you were busy writing all of this I was busy reading Darkship Thieves…okay, so mostly I’m readying on the train home and sometimes in the morning but I’ve been reading it.

    Based on what I’ve read you’d be better served (okay, I’d be better served) by you working on the fourth Darkship novel (I’ve already bought the second despite not having finished the first) than worrying about the FSFWA.

    Still, they did help you indirectly. When Vox wrote about the Resnick and Malzberg I decided to immediately buy a book by each of them. I also bought from the list of people he talked about defending them which is how I discovered Darkship Thieves and Monster Hunters, Inc as well as a couple of other authors who haven’t gotten read yet (it’s a big queue).

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    1. “We’re shaved apes”
      Well that explains a lot: If you shave an ape he’s likely to become rather bad-tempered. (ducks)

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  10. I’ll toss this on out…

    I have been a member of model railroad clubs, Ferarri clubs, Lotus (car) owners groups, falconry organizations, games clubs, and so on…

    … and the farting-in-a-hurricane scandals within SFFSSWAWAS pretty much parallels what happens in all of those.

    We’re shaved apes, predisposed towards schisms and tribal bands. With our fantastic technology, we use light and lightning to do it, but essentially we’re still banging bones and screaming.

    However, some of us look FABULOUS doing so. *gleam*

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  11. So I’ve been staring at those GIFs, mostly because they’re right next to the “Latest Comments” panel, and a couple of questions come to mind that I fear will only display my ignorance.

    Is that, in fact, Molly Ringwald trying desperately to scurry away on a parquet floor in highly impractical fashion boots?

    Who is the rather pretty actress illustrating the hilarious wrongness of the idea that our gracious hostess might be a white supremacist?

    Is that really our gracious hostess admiring her tan in the blue bikini? I dunno, I somehow pictured her being a bit shorter … ;)

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  12. Someone needs to start a new association for SF & F writers that does the things that writers need: Provides good rates on insurance, healthcare, retirement plans, and (when needed) legal help. You know, the kinds of things most -real- associations provide for their members. SFWA really seems to be nothing more than a garden society.

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    2. SFWA has, from time to time, tried to do the health insurance thingee. What with their wide distribution and the large number of people who had insurance elsewhere, it didn’t work well.

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  14. Pingback: Fair Comparisons | MCAH Online

  16. Thanks for the post Sarah. It was informative and entertaining.

    SFWA, why do I have this image from Star Trek. People being told they are “not of the Body.” Which brings up the history of the Salem Witch Trials.

    Think will crib Harlan Ellison in regards to SFWA, No More Dangerous Visions Comrade!

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  17. After following a link from Ace of Spades HQ and discovering this blog, you have now vaulted to (nearly) the top of my bookmarks.
    Proficiat!

    I have seen your name, but know not your work. I will remedy that.

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  19. Re Mercedes Lackey’s foolish, ignorant and bigoted talk of “Teabagger Taliban”:
    Russian chess master Garry Kasparov has tweeted “I’ve said it before, but if Barack Obama had been president instead of Ronald Reagan, I’d still be a Soviet Citizen.”
    So I guess Kasparov is another one of those scary, scary Teabaggers.

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  20. Pingback: Inside Politics and Publishing | The Stars Came Back
  21. Pingback: SFWA, Seinfeld, and the Ribbon Bullies | Wesley Morrison

  22. Wow, as an old time SF fan, I know this blog post is worthy of award for reminding me of the values from SF I learned in the 60s and 70s.

    A thing of beauty — thank you so much!

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  23. I ran across this little todo when I did a search for SFWA. A lot of invective from both sides, so it’s refreshing to see a more common sense approach, not to mention funnier than the original cast of SNL. I’m not a fan of the thought police, though I tend to describe them as being culturally correct (versus being politically correct which is a different kind of nonsense.)

    Since I self-publish at Amazon and Smashwords, I can’t say that it affects me much. I suppose I should be grateful. I am happy to see that Pournelle is still alive and apparently so is Niven. It’s hard to keep up these days. I still have the copy of Footfall those guys signed, though I still think Oath of Fealty is a better concept and will certainly, someday, be made into a movie.

    Is there a new and improved version of SFWA around, willing to accept someone as a member who believes that no human civilization ever existed that did not have elements of both socialism and capitalism, and that those economic systems are coded into homosapien DNA? If so, please make a note of it here. I’m bookmarking this page. (Fair warning)

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