What (Fever) Dreams May Come

Posted on by Sarah A. Hoyt

So, first an update on the – physical – state of the writer.  It turned out that the sinus infection doubled back, and had hit the ears when I thought I’d got rid of it.  Ie. I got better for a little while, then it got way worse, fast.  Meaning I had the wrong anti-biotic for this particular bug.  Yesterday I felt like I was somewhat drunk (as to balance) and completely foggy in thinking.  Now if I’d been drinking nearly enough for the symptoms in the last day I’d have thought it was that. But because I hadn’t, and because I’d been this way before, I said “uh oh, doctor.”

I got the megadose antibiotic that cleared the last time things got this far, and I’m pleased to report my thinking is clearer.  I just don’t have “strength” to pull from.  I keep thinking I can do things, like I volunteered to make Robert an omelet, and afterwards I felt like I’d done a 12 hour shift as line cook.

Very annoying, since now both Through Fire and Darkship Revenge (they’re related, though I don’t think they share chapters.  Through Fire ends, then DSR2 begins.) are literally trying to dictate themselves.  This means I’ll try to write a bit before the workshop (supposing after the trip I’m not laid flat) tomorrow and Thursday (for those not initiated, I’m teaching a workshop in Bedford library (TX) Friday through Sunday (then flying back Monday.  Yes, I’m still terrified of flying, so ya’ll keep my plane in the air, okay?)  If you are not yet enrolled and decide you need it, ping Amanda S. Green on Facebook or email me.  Next year we’re going to try to do it at a different time, perhaps just after Liberty con.) and if I’m sort of spacey over the workshop you’ll know why.

It’s very frustrating to have the whole d*mn things (and btw The Brave & The Free thought it was a good time to start unspooling, too) in my head, knowing they just need to be typed, and have NO strength.

I guess I didn’t have strength before the meds either, but I also couldn’t think clearly enough to want to do anything, so that was okay.

The funny (but not ah ah) part of fever dreams is… they’re fever dreams.  Not to get into whoo whoo stuff, but when my health is weird, my dreams become unmoored in time.  It was in this situation I dreamed of Draw One In The Dark.

For those who don’t know the DOITD story: This was at a time when I couldn’t sell my books even if I printed them in gold.  I’d just crashed and burned with Shakespeare. My agent had dumped me, and no one would touch my stuff – and my agent wouldn’t let me send it under another name without informing the publisher.  This is when I got sick and while sick I dreamed someone brought it up to sign, and it was a bestselling series, though I’d broken into bestseller with another series.

What I dreamed specifically is that I was at the Mission Palms (my favorite con hotel) in Tempe AZ (though that might just be it had been the last I’d been at) and we were having an outside signing at night (when it’s warm, not sweltering) and someone came up with a box of my books to sign and started unpacking them.  They had the Shakespeare, and then they had this other series, including the hard cover of DOITD with the horrible cover and I said, “Oh, man, you are a collector.  You even have the terrible cover.” And she said “Well, I discovered you with – I don’t remember what she said.  MIGHT have been Darkships for all I know.  It sort of slid over me – but then I found everything you ever wrote and the shifters are my favorite.”  And I thought “shifters?” and since I hadn’t written any shifters, the me dreaming was smart enough to read the description.

Then the book sold, and it had a terrible cover, and I thought my career was over and then… well, I don’t know if it was a prophetic dream, but it MIGHT happen.  And if it does and you’re the person who brought me the books to sign, smile, you’re on candid (dream) camera.

Well, last night I dreamed I was receiving an award for my “bestselling” YA SF series.  What made this dream notable is that a bunch of Baen fans had thought it necessary to show up at an award that was CLEARLY normally intended for teachers and librarians and such.  They stuck in a group and stuck out, and made colorful commentary, and I was highly amused.

Well, I don’t know if the books were Baen, but since the only YA sf/fan series I have planned (yes, it’s betwixt and between) is Tiltamouse, and I didn’t think that would win any awards, I thought I’d look at the book.

I did as soon as I got off the podium from getting the award.

Let’s just say that the idea is so stunningly simple and yet so odd that… well… it’s something I always wanted to write it, only I didn’t know I did.

And I tested it.  I told it to son over breakfast.  The reaction was “if you don’t write that in the first two weeks you have free I’ll never talk to you again.  I WANT to READ it.”

I won’t go into how weird this is for older son, much less younger son, so I’ll just say I’ve got more stuff added to my slate.  (The question is will he be willing to do cleaning and cooking so I have two weeks free?  Greater love has no son…)

So, apparently there’s YA SF (With aliens, yet!) in my future, as long as the other stuff dictates itself.  This might postpone Bowl of Red till January.

Do I think it will win awards or be bestselling?  I don’t know.  Don’t care.  I think it will be – son’s word – “kickass” and therefore I want to write it.  And if Baen doesn’t want it (I don’t know how they feel about YA right now.  This is maybe late middle school early highschool – kids all between 14 and 17) then I bring it out.  It’s that powerful.

BUT today none of that is going to happen.

Today I’m going to do overdue page proofs, and edit a story and if there’s strength (maybe after a nap) do an overdue short story.

I am however going to take it easy, because I don’t want to get sick again.  This year has been ridiculous.  I’d resent it less if it were really illnesses – you know, the black plague or even brucitis of the cleaning woman knee.  Instead, it’s these half baked things: sinus, ears, colds, stomach flu.  I mean, how impressive does that sound?

Part of it is stress – no, we still don’t know how we make it for the next six months.  I’m fairly sure we can make it after that, but those six months are a blank.  There are things we can do, but we’re going to be sailing mighty close anyway.  (Never mind.  Right now the most important thing is to write very fast and get both Baen and indie stuff up.) And even after the six months I don’t see the surplus to finance a move.  However – we’ll have to find it because most of our money is locked in this house.  Trying to figure out ways and not seeing them, stresses me.

But that’s not the worst.  There’s the HVAC situation (today I need to call and get an appointment – hopefully – set to do the work next week, after I come back) and other stuff that is too tedious or not mine to report, that is making me tired and unable to sleep well enough, which in turn affects everything, including my ability to exercise.  (I’m still walking 3 miles a day.  Okay, not this week, because ears, but normally.  BUT when I was doing well, I was also doing ½ hour either running or elliptical every morning before breakfast, and I’ve just NOT had the strength for that.  However, it needs to restart, because my ankles are starting to get weakened from not enough exercise, and I’m gaining weight again.)

So, if I can muster it, I’m also going to put the first two of the musketeer’s mysteries up on ebook today, then fiddle with the paper re-edition after I get back.

BUT right now, I’m going to shower and maybe take a nap before I do any of that.  Which makes me feel like a total wimp, but it’s about where I am right now.

So that’s the state of the writer, the state of her dreams, and the state of her lack of time.

99 thoughts on “What (Fever) Dreams May Come”

  1. So, you’re sick in the head? First writer that’s ever happened to.

    ;-) I took something for sinuses that had me queasy and the sudafed(TM) content resulted in a night of three hours’ sleep. Must take nap, lest I too get head sick.

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    1. [Channeling Rod Machado] You should only get nervous when you look over and the pilot gets out her St. Michael’s medallion, sets a horseshoe on the glare shield, puts on stained-glass sunglasses, and starts twirling her pope-soap-on-a-rope.

      Not that I have any of those things in my flight bag.

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        1. I’ll admit to feeling a bit of concern when the co- came striding down the aisle looking out the starboard side windows with a great deal of concentration.

          Of course, since this followed a loud bang, some flame and a great deal of smoke out engine way, I won’t say I was surprised. It’s also possible the precipitous (but controlled) leveling off and then decrease in altitude might have been a harbinger of the coming of the co-.

          Ah, Baghdad, lovely Baghdad.

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          1. I was on the runway, with the engines run up to full throttle and us in take-off roll when the number one engine explodes and begins shedding parts. The pilot got us stopped, and I ended up staying overnight in a luxury airport hotel in Frankfurt. Left on a different airplane the next morning. Guess they couldn’t change an engine out in less than 24 hours. I’ve flown a lot, in some places and in some aircraft a sane person would run from, and I’m still here.

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            1. Swapping engines is easy (for certain values of easy). Replacing damaged hydraulic and electric attachments, conducting structural integrity checks, changing out heat-damaged tires and brakes, that takes a little time. And then there’s the paperwork . . .

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              1. My mom was flying back from Europe, out in the middle of the ocean, when one of the engines went out on her plane. But it was the 1950’s and she was a kid, and it was one of those Pan-Am things with multiple engines to lose… so no problemo.

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            2. Yeah, I’ve done an Ankara to Baghdad run on what I’m fairly sure was not a safety certified aircraft. You know those buses you see in certain parts of the world, and how they, um, pack them? Interesting effect on an aircraft. Not to mention crazy Russian steward serving hot chai and cigarettes.

              And I’m still walking around. Flying beats walking.

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      3. That reminds me of one of Bob Newhart’s comic monologues, about the Grace L. Ferguson Airline and Storm Door Company …

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    2. “This is your captain speaking: I’d just like to remind all passengers that any landing you can walk away from is a good landing.”

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        1. Flight into Burbank airport, which has one of the more “interesting” approaches and departures in US aviation (it is deemed Not A Coincidence that the south end of the runway has a cemetery across the street…); to make matters worse, it is painfully turbulent on the way in. Result: The pilot makes what is called a “carrier-style landing” — he flies the airplane with the power on all the way to the ground, does not noticeably flare before landing, and uses every inch of shock-travel on the landing gear on contact. *Then* he has to throw on the thrust-reversers….

          [RATTLERATTLERATTLERATTLE*WHAM*ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR]

          Finally, some quiet — just the rumble of idling turbines. Then over the PA, we hear the Captain:

          “TAKE *THAT*, BURBANK!”

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          1. yep, did that twice in March…. and the downdraft coming over the sierras to the north end of the basin makes it ‘interesting’

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  3. I find myself wondering… Read somewhere, probably at Da Prof’s, that the ubiquitous They think that maybe gut bacteria can have an effect on obesity. Which makes me wonder if a megadose of antibiotics — the kind that clears out your gut bacteria and makes you grow more — might trigger that. And think what THAT might mean. Should I be eating probiotic yogurt?

    M

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    1. Mark, you’re doing a Sarah-dream on my 13 weeks column Saturday. I’ve been on a really kinda of massive probiotic for a week. I’m taking it with fruit juice (horrors! high glycemic index) and yoghurt.

      Lost 5 lbs and my morning fasting glucose is down 20 points.

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      2. And plenty of time for reading?

        To Mr. Alger’s point–The massive doses of antibiotics only kill off most of the stomach flora, it’s influencing what grows back that is the issue. Somehow you’ve got to get the flora from skinny people into the fatter people and keep it there. One method (and I shit you not)(pun intended) is fecal pills.

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  4. Well, now you’ve got the curiosity up. I’m kinda wanting to see this YA SF, as well. And I don’t read YA, generally. All that unresolved possibility up there. Please do resolve. Ya know, after a quick trip to the time store to grab some supplies.

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    2. Drat it, Eamon, you just hit me with an idea for another children’s story, and I need to be working on N2:TS. Curses, inspired again! :)

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    3. Well — I CAN and have written three books in a month… if I’m well. yes, published. One of them sells disgustingly well. No, I’m not going to tell you which. So time not as important as health…

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      1. When everybody gets done seeing the plane safely down, how’s’about directing spare brain cycles to health-and-wellness emanations? For the children. No, really! It’s YA…

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        1. I wrote 75,000 words in six days. I HAD to, the characters were driving me crazy. Took me three months to polish it to where I thought someone would actually want to read it, but I wrote it in six days.

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          1. See, I know that’s not something to necessarily be wished for, but I can’t help but be jealous. I just don’t have that kind of… Inspiration? (Though some might call it something else… Obsession? Compulsion?)

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            1. Me, too. Even though Sarah and others here have inspired me to try to write the story in my head, I’m lucky to get 500 words in a day.

              Of course, I don’t have characters clamoring to be let out onto the page, either. I have a broad plot and some vague ideas where I want to go and how to get there, but have to sweat the details.

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          2. 75,000 words in six days? That’s what John Ringo calls an off week. Of course, he works in super-cooled environment to attain such output.

            Point being, while your mileage may vary, what counts is going the distance.

            (One ought also note: John Ringo tells lies for a living.)

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        2. At night. My top writing speed is 30 to 40 words EDITED a day. I never thought this was strange till I mt other writers. BUT I need to be in top shape for that, because it does tire you PHYSICALLY.

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          3. Ow. The thought of more than ten thousand words in a day makes my wrists throb and my hands go numb. I bow before your endurance.

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            2. Speaking of tired . . . an hour at the gym, 2700 words. I’ll do better tomorrow. Today was broken by spates of domestic administration.

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                1. “Domestic Administration” implies the administration of domestic staff. Use with care and be prepared to provide supporting arguments.

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                  2. (I tell the cats and kids what to do all the time, often step-by-step, and am sometimes obeyed; my husband has actually requested a Honey-Do list.)

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                    1. You are a wonderful person to make a list.

                      My mother is extremely organized _for herself_, but not for other people. When I was a kid, all us kids and our dad would ask her to make lists for us, but she would always refuse, on the grounds that we should just look around and know what needs doing.

                      What makes it worse is that I’m pretty sure she’s got those tetrachromatic eyes, and expects the rest of us to be able to see the same stuff she sees without her eyes.

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  6. K I am not the woman with the books unless by that time you can sign e-readers ;-) Anyway, I will be looking forward to seeing the YA book– I have had a problem with no ideas the last week or so. Even my poetry, which is a given– I usually can write daily, is dried up. *sigh This has been the year of infections again for me. I am hoping that I’ll do better… plus we had a strange virus going around last month. I did have a few days there where I just didn’t have nothing– I couldn’t even cross-stitch. So get well– you are still doing more than some of us (me)

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  7. I guess the question is, will he live long enough for you to have two weeks free? Will any of us? Will the Solar System? Will the universe?

    ;)

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  8. May I suggest something to help deal with the expected aftermath of mega-broad-spectrum antibiotics? There’s a yeast-like thing called saccharomyces boulardii, available in capsules, that shows great results in preventing the usual melancholy effect on what, to be polite, I’ll call your evacuative functions. It’s particularly good at protecting against C. difficile, which, trust me, you do not want to experience–but studies strongly suggest a protective effect even against ordinary traveler’s distress, a/k/a Montezuma’s Revenge.

    Hope you feel better soon.

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    1. In addition to good yogurt, kefir, kimchi, sauerkraut, or any other cultured food. All of these should assist. And no: you definitely DO NOT want a C. Dif. infestation. That’s … difficult. A good friend dealt with that recently.

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  10. My understanding is that, after repeated rejections, the first Harry Potter young-adult book finally got accepted when a publisher had the paradigm-shattering notion of running it past an actual young adult, i.e. his daughter.

    While Marshall’s enthusiasm is a terrific indicator, he’s your son. In the spirit of due diligence, you might consider expressing the concept to other trustworthy, straight-talking young adults.

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    1. IIRC, it has been shown. Low cabin air humidity, circulation of exhalations of fellow passengers and air pressure (e.g., ears go pop) are all contributing factors.

      As are the microbial airborne assault troops deployed at the behest of Big Pharma which pays airlines to create demand for pain palliating products.

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  12. It’s the return of Telepathic Crosstime Sarah from Another Universe, making sure that you stay on track! Or your unconscious mind is really good at knowing what you want to write, is not above marketing campaigns, and has a very good sense of the kind of bad covers that Sometimes Happen. Or the good Lord is resorting to direct orders. :)

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  13. Get well soon.

    I’m somewhat amazed you can write as many and as involved blog posts as you do, and get anything else done too. If I write a long and involved post, it may take me half a day, and that’s without health problems or other distractions.

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  14. ” … I was at the Mission Palms (my favorite con hotel) in Tempe AZ (though that might just be it had been the last I’d been at) …”

    Also where a bunch of my buddies do a monster wargaming convention each year – Consim World Expo. (Where “monster” means a huge board wargame, Huge maps, thousands of counters, days to play, etc.) I missed this year but I know a couple of people were there this year that visit here …

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  15. I get weird fever dreams, too. The last few have been about fish zombies. I hate zombies. I have the feeling I’m going to have to write these ones before they’ll go away. *grumble*

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        1. Zombie alligators, or zombiegators, crawling out of the bayous to put the bite on you.

          They don’t stop except to do the zydeco.

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  16. Have you tried Dragon speech recog. for writing when you feel this way? I know it’s not the same, but you may be able to write that way when you feel bad, which will help with your stress and income which is a good thing. Yes? Try it, you may like it at least for when you don’t feel your best.

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    1. I can’t TRAIN the Dragon Naturally Speaking. I managed it once, but then that computer caught fire (no, I’m not making it up. Apparently vapor on motherboard) and so… well, never happened again.

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  17. Completely off topic, but Cruz just referenced TAANSTAAFL on the Senate floor. Just to say.
    And he’s still making sense.

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    2. Cruz impresses me, and I ain’t easily impressed.

      IMHO he is the (last?) best hope to reconstitute the Reagan coalition.

      The success of the CO recalls suggests that the kind of voter who was once a Reagan Democrat may still be out there, and winnable back.

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      1. I think a lot of people are getting quite tired of being managed by politicians that act like the worst stereotypes of a home-owners-association. “You must keep your lawn precisely at 1.8 inches, you must choose your house colors from the approved shades, you must have your trash cans hidden no more than 30 minutes after the trash is picked up,” and so forth.

        Won’t belong before they’re told where to put their ‘rules’, I think – preferably folded so there’s plenty of corners.

        Cruz may be the spark that ignites the revolution.

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          2. Stamp Act was passed in 1765. Took twelve years to get to the Declaration. And not a majority supported that, so…

            We do have (at least I still find myself fighting) this illusion that the entire length and breadth of the colonies was caught up in the American Revolution, when it was really a much smaller group that was actively engaged, with another group actively opposed to revolution, and a big squishy middle that could go either way and was just trying to get by and live their lives. We’ll fight this fight with the group and the tools we have at hand, dagnabit, and we can’t waste time waiting for everyone else to get off their duffs and engage.

            Speaking of which, I need to call one of my Senators today.

            Anyway, we’re not too far off schedule judging from that prior example. And to paraphrase a much wiser man than I, “Gentlemen (and Ladies), the event is in the hands of G-d.”

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  19. I got all excited for a moment, thinking you meant the Vampire Musketeers. (I read the first book last night yesterday morning, finally, since I was having trouble falling asleep… and then read the whole thing from between 8am to 1pm. So tired.)

    Not that I’m not interested in the Musketeer Mysteries, just I was like, “Iee I can find out what happens next”.

    Still looking for me to try my hand at a similar cover, btw? I don’t remember ever getting a response on that last email related to it, and then forgot until I was looking around for something to read yesterday morning and went, “oh crap”. So since it’d been so long, I didn’t want to start playing around if you’d found a cover artist. xD

    Anyway – get better. :x

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  20. I love dreams with plotlines, and since I read a lot, I dream in narrative a lot as well. I once won a contest with a story I’d written from a dream—basically a short story dealing with evil sorority elves. The annoying part about that win is that I was shooting for second place, which had money attached, instead of first, which had an “internship” with a big-name writer that never materialized, because big-name writers are BUSY, no matter their good intentions.

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