*Marshall, who is slowly being dragged to the writing side, started writing this for fun a couple of days ago, and I saw it and said “I want it for my blog.”  It ended up turning into a short story, so I’m putting it here as a preview thingy, and in a week or so I’ll take it down and put up just the beginning and a link to buy it for 99c or something.  (He has written others and more complete stories, but since he wrote them under word count restrictions for school, he now needs to expand them.  If you groan loudly enough maybe he’ll actually get on that ;) *

DaVinci’s Facebook

I have spent a lot of time recently thinking over story ideas, and of the many, one of them involves the reincarnation of several key persons from history, through DNA manipulation. Obviously I won’t go into the details of this story idea, but while toying with it, it suddenly occurred to me: What if da Vinci were one of these resurrected great people? Even more questionably, what if he somehow got access to some of the modern technology that exists and got sucked into the void that is social media sites? For the purpose of amusement, recorded from his last days in the labs, to his last day on the internet, here’s what I suspect it’d look like if Leonardo da Vinci took on the modern world and updated everyone on his adjustment to it.

Day One
“Hello there! I’m Leonardo da Vinci! The scientists here finally let me use the ‘computer’, after winning a bet that I could learn English in a week. Little do they know, that I took aardvark of them, so I could learn more about where I am.”

“Opps, I meant ‘Took advantage of them’, apparently my English still needs some work.”

“I don’t know why everyone is calling me a ’lame fake’- Really, I am who I say I am! But ‘Leonardo da Vinci’ was already taken, oddly enough. I don’t understand why some many people think I’m impersonating myself, it’s very odd.”

Day Two
“Scientists just gave me an update: Apparently I’m a clone of a famous artist and inventor- Which confuses me, because I’m nearly certain I *am* the famous artist and inventor.”

“They’re releasing me to a paid-for living space tomorrow, they say I get to do anything I want, but for obvious reasons I’ll be under close observation, starting the minute I leave this facility.”

“Apparently I don’t get to do just *anything*. Scientists discovered I am using this site to interact with the world. They’re not happy. Will keep the world informed of any new developments.”

“Update: They’re yelling a lot. It’s really starting to interfere with my research into the world.”

“Update: Apparently I’m not allowed to multitask. They’re taking my computer away for a while until I listen to their ridiculous speech, will be back.”

Day Three
“Got the full speech last night, I’m allowed only limited research; they will be monitoring my use of the ‘internet’, as they like to call it. They release me soon, and announce my existence to the world. Apparently I’m a big deal or something.”

“So much has happened! There was a huge crowd waiting for me once I got outside. Some kindly gentlemen in black suits lead me to a long, black metal contraption. I couldn’t quite tell what was going on once I got inside, but it was some sort of cart of carriage, because when I got out there stood a large white house in front of me! It has very odd architecture. Not even sure this house is safe to live in- the roof is slated in two directions. If I die because those scientists put me in a death trap, you know who to blame.”

Day Four
“Woke up to discover that one: Now, just because the *scientists* told everyone I was really who I said I am, I’m getting thousands of followers and friend requests. And secondly: I have been given what they call a ‘Cell-phone’. They said it will allow me to contact whoever I want. But judging by the name, I think that ‘Whoever’ has to be in a jail cell first.”

“Just got food delivered to me- Awful, really, it’s the same sort of food I saw all the time back in Italy. I gave the nice gentlemen in black suits that delivered it to me a formal letter to the scientists letting them know I’d be going to the a nearby market and purchasing food for myself. They seemed very confused why I was giving them a letter to deliver.”

“I’ve thrown that cursed ‘Cell-phone’ into the garden. Damn thing kept moving about sporadically on its own and producing God awful imitations of church bells. I hope to get a letter back soon from the scientists explaining why they gave it to me.”

“I just got back from the market. Awful experience, wasn’t able to trade for any food- I even offered the fancy watch I was provided with by the scientists, but apparently the vendor wasn’t impressed by the wrist-bound contraption. I expect to hear from the scientists on this as well.”

Day Five
“Got a visit from the scientists this morning. They further explained the rules of modern society to me. For one, apparently that possessed contraption I threw in the garden the other day was supposed to act like that, and was the scientists way of contacting me. They also explained that if I insisted that I buying food at the market, I must have money. They instead gave me fancy paper. I don’t know why.”

“This device is wonderful! I can update everyone from it! It’s like a computer in my pocket! Amazing!”

“At the market currently- This is far easier, I can now convey my thoughts on a more active basis!”

“I’m trying to barter with the vendor again, this time using the fancy paper I was given. Apparently they only give you discounts on sales, and there’s no negotiating prices any lower. Pah, I refused to buy lettuce at such a high price.”

“I still have no idea how this fancy paper works. I just threw all the paper I had at him and walked off with my supplies. He wasn’t complaining, so I guess that’s how you pay for things.”

“I can’t find the cooking pot in this place. How the hell do I cook my food? Pah, I’ll just start a fire in the front yard and cook it there.”

“The ‘Fire Department’ apparently wants me to starve- Probably hired by the damn scientists. They sprayed my food and fire with some awful tasting white stuff, a seemingly endless amount coming from such a small red container. I will have words with the scientists about this tomorrow.”

Day Six
“It’s early in the morning, and I’m in another meeting with the scientists. They said something about using the large metal box in my kitchen the next time I want to cook. No clue how it works, and having opened it up, I don’t know where you light the fire.”

“Just asked, apparently you don’t throw wood into the large compartment of the metal box- Which I’ve just been told is called a ‘Stove’- You turn the knobs and fire magically arises from the metal plates on top. I asked that they send me another stove so I can further study the mechanics. They seem confused.”

“I’m getting settled in, starting to get back into the rhythm of things and have begun to peruse my hobbies once more. I’ve been given copies of my old notebooks and journals- They missed a few, but I guess they spent several centuries *not* checking under the floorboards of my old home.”

“Just got visited by the fire department again- You’re not supposed to throw wood on the fire produced by the ‘stove’ either, it would seem. The scientists are very unhappy, it would seem.”

Day Seven
“Daily meeting with scientists as usual- And as usually, very boring and unpleasant. I can’t wait until they leave so I can start tinkering again.

“Made something new today! It’s a redesign of my flying contraption! I’m going to revolutionize the world with this, it’s a completely new approach to transportation!”

“Opps, just found out that apparently someone beat me to it, just saw what was either a giant bird or a large flying contraption above my house. Will have to looking into its inventor.”

“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aviation_history Wow! Turns out that there are loads of these flying machines around! Who would’ve thought it’d come this far?”

“Update: I’m totally mentioned in the last link I sent. You’re welcome, modern flight.”

“I should find a way to capitalize upon my fame. Use it to advance my scientific needs and interests. Will figure out a way to utilize this tomorrow.”

Day Eight
“I feel very inspired, and I’ve got a new idea- It won’t advance my scientific progress, but I can still capitalize upon my fame with it.”

“Just talked to the scientists once more. They told me that they’d have a man come by later and install a ‘camera’- which they conveyed to me as a way to watch me without a person actually being there- and that it’d be installed up on the ‘telephone pole’ outside my house. I’ll have to deal with that later.”

“Standing in my yard right now, with a helpful sign I made from shelf of one of the bookcases, advertising the ability for people to be painted by me in exchange for a modern scientific book. Feel free to stop by.”

“Well, no one stopped by, except for the ‘Police Department’. There seem to be a lot of these departments. Apparently, other than some odd charges, I need some sort of license to do what I was doing. I’m a bit steamed, so I’ll stop by the store to pick up something to deal with that ‘camera’ issue I mentioned in a previous update.”

“The police stopped by again tonight. The darn wooden ‘Telephone-pole’ looks like a tree, but I’m still not allowed to cut it down. This society makes no sense to me.”

Day Nine
“Just got an update from the scientists: Tomorrow will be the last daily meeting, and then it’s limited down to weekly meeting. Thank God. Next, I hope it moves onto simply being no meetings.”

“Taking advantage of the change in meeting times- I’m working on new project to get me a bit more freedom.”

“Apparently the scientists read this stuff. I don’t know why they’re worried, I’m just inventing some new stuff- I thought that’s why they wanted me to be brought back. J”

“Need one of those carriages for my new project. The large metal ones, they keep rolling past my house. I will attempt to purchase one from someone, I just got more fancy paper from the scientists.”

“Just jumped in front of one of those carriages. The rider seemed very angry, for whatever reason. I threw some of the fancy paper at him in attempt to purchase the vehicle. Apparently he doesn’t understand why the paper is so valuable either, he just started laughing.”

“Purchase was unsuccessful. The ‘Police Department’ stopped by again, though. They seemed very unsurprised, this time. The gentlemen in black suits had to come and sort everything out for me, they’re very kind, but I suspect the scientists hired them, and that makes me suspicious.”

Day Ten
“In the last meeting. Apparently not supposed to be using my phone while they talk, they want me to pay attention to just them. My word, they are self-centered, aren’t they?”

“I requested one of those metal carriages, or car, as they call it. I’ll be having one delivered within the hour. Hopefully it’s large enough for me to store my equipment, and easy enough to study.”

“Luckily, it is indeed large enough. They call this particular version of the car a ‘van’… My word is this thing fascinating. It all works on a combination of simple machines, aerodynamics, chemical reactions and this odd stringy metal stuff, bundled in some odd material. Looking into the source of the metal strings now.”

“Found the source. I should’ve turned the machine off first, though. I touched the metal part of the large box the metal strings seemed to be getting their sparks from, and my word did that hurt! Not to mention that my clothes caught on fire.”

“The fire department stopped by again, and this time gave me one of those metal canisters I saw before. Apparently they think something else will catch fire in my presence. Either way, had a lovely discussion with a couple of the firemen while the other put the fire out on my workshop, one was even kind enough to direct me to a van with a red cross on the side, so I could get some new clothing. Knowing how this works, they’re the ‘Clothing Department’ or something.”

Day Eleven
“I’ve been up since last night researching these cars and how they work- I’ve got a couple of ideas of how to improve upon the system of the machine, and better yet, I’m getting a better understanding of what is apparently called the electrical system of the car.”

“Ouch, nope, need to remember not to touch the black box again.”

“Ooohhh, I think I’ve discovered a way to negate these electrical systems. It’s probably been done already, but I bet no one has done it using a car radio before!”

“Just turned on the radio to an interesting song, “Electric Boogie”- especially considering the irony in the fact that the button next to the ‘on’ button turns *off* all electrical system within a certain radius.”

“Scientists still read this, apparently. It’s just in case I start fires, should turn off the oven from a safe distance. J”

Day Twelve
“My project is almost done. Just need to find a large market to pick up some supplies from.”

“At the market I got my food at. The vendor there seems terrified of me. He sent me away- Probably for the better, can’t see anything that’s not food there. “

“After asking around a bit, I’ve come across this place called ‘Walmart’. Gigantic market, really. I asked one of the many men in vests to get me what I needed off my list, but he instead directed me to where to go. It’s going to take me a while to find what I need.”

“Well, I need that… But it’s a bit high up. I guess you have to climb for what you want on the higher shelves’. I better get some of the price knocked off for having to fetch these things myself like this.”

“Apparently *now* they’re willing to fetch me what I want. They got very panicky when I started climbing the shelves, for whatever reason. Ah well, at least I have the parts I need. Just need to get a couple of more things than throw my fancy paper at the vendors near the front.”

“Project is complete! You’ll all being hearing about tomorrow, and I think the scientists especially will be interested to know what I’ve accomplished.”

Day Thirteen
“It’s a good morning indeed. I will unveil my project later on today, but first, a celebration of my accomplishments! I’m off for a lovely walk and hearty lunch!”

“At lunch. Having trouble ordering wine. I’m trying to get wine passed around to everyone in celebration of my achievement, but I’m apparently not allowed to buy alcohol for miners. I had no idea mining was such a big deal in the modern world, the poor workers are forced by society to stay away from alcohol so long as that’s their profession.”

“Clarification: Apparently they mean ‘minors’, which classifies people under 18, but apparently you’re not allowed to order alcohol until you’re 21. This society has some funny ideas of when people should be allowed to drink or not.”

“Well, Good news and bad news. The good news is that everything seems to be working fine. My van is modified and ready. It has everything I need and then some. The bad news is that this will be my last post. When the scientists created me, they intended to release me to the world and see what great works I might produce. And trust me, I’ll still do this, and I have many inventions in mind, but I’ll be doing so on my own terms. This car is equipped with some of my greatest works yet, and ultimately, once I leave my workshop in this machine, I’ll be untraceable and lost to those damn scientists. I can’t say where I’m going or what I’ll even be doing, but I can never log back in and post here, because I know they’ll be watching for that. So farewell, my many readers, I’m off to change the world without a watching eye keeping me from true progress.”