NSA File Capture Obtained By This Writer, At Great Peril

Posted on by Sarah A. Hoyt

Transcripts concerning the information feeds on Sarah A. Hoyt, found behind some dirty brown shirts and a toothbrush moustache in the NSA office closet.The pages are torn and obviously incomplete, but profoundly worrying for obvious reasons.

Capture Feed From Internet Pigeon Carrier Program, Jan. 28 1011

RelentlessAuthor [Sarah A. Hoyt]:  OMG.  It just happened.  I just killed John Ringo.

SubVert [Amanda Green]: LOL.  How?

RelentlessAuthor [Sarah A. Hoyt]:  I Red Kilted him in Darkship Renegades.

SubVert [Amanda Green]:Did you ask him first?

RelentlessAuthor [Sarah A. Hoyt]:  Of course, I asked him first.  He shouts “Live Free or Die!” before being shot through the heart.

SubVert [Amanda Green]: I have to see this.  Sounds hilarious.

Note from agent P. K. File aka Snoopy Poptart agent extraordinary for the NSA: Is Sarah Hoyt involved in killing for hire?  Knowing her proclivities why would she shoot JR after he shouted Live Free Or Die?  Does She hate New Hampshire?  And HOW did she get his permission first?  Please check vital status of NSA subject 458908796389, code file Baenbadboys, John Ringo.  Note Amanda Green’s handle.  Who is she subverting?  Consider adding to Baenbadgirls file.

Capture feed from Internet Pigeon Carrier, June15 2011

RelentlessAuthor [Sarah A. Hoyt]:  I was standing on the corner, minding my own business.

SubVert [Amanda Green]: SOCMOB?  You were SOCMOB?  For the love of heaven woman, don’t you know what happens?

RelentlessAuthor [Sarah A. Hoyt]:  Yeah.  It happened.  Suddenly this bad dude—

SubVert [Amanda Green]: OMG

RelentlessAuthor [Sarah A. Hoyt]:  Suddenly this bad dude was in my head, dictating a story.

As if I didn’t already have enough people in my head!  It’s getting crowded in there.

SubVert [Amanda Green]: Well, you’re going to have to let some out, and if this one is a dictator, let him out first.

RelentlessAuthor [Sarah A. Hoyt]:  I suppose so.

Note from agent P. K. File aka Snoopy Poptart agent extraordinary for the NSA: Note that the two writers appear to be speaking in some sort of private code, including SOCMOB.  What does some bad dude have to do with SOCMOB?  And what does it mean to have people in her head?  Is she keeping people locked up in her bathroom?  And which dictator is she speaking about.  Check for Kim Jung Un in her bathroom?  Perhaps a special feed in her shower?

Capture from email message from Sarah A. Hoyt to Toni Weisskopf

Hi Toni,

Attached find A Few Good Men.  I’m calling this the sister series to Darkship Thieves, Earth Revolution.  On the er… unusual nature of the protagonists, I know there might be some issues with relating to it from some of the barflies, but rest assured that if there are more in this series of revolutions they will be from different perspectives.

Capture from email message from Toni Weisskof to Sarah A. Hoyt

Hi Sarah,

As you know, I agreed that the Good Men needed to go down hard, but I’m not sure I meant the double entendre.  It’s good though.  Let’s plot a lot of other revolutions to follow.  BTW, when do we see Noah’s Boy.  It’s overdue, and I think it’s time to let the dragon fly.

Note from agent P. K. File aka Snoopy Poptart agent extraordinary for the NSA:  Note that SAH appears to be sending people attached to her file.  Find out if she has access to technology to reduce a few good men to bits and bytes [I told you guys that the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy was dangerous.  Stop telling me she went on a diet and is less vast. She’s still vast.]  What is the unusual nature of the protagonists, and why is she working on revolutions from other perspectives.  Also, note that TW is encouraging revolutions.  (Check on Good Men Going Down Hard?  GMGDH – code?)  What is Noah’s Boy.  “Dragon fly”? Is it a code?  Check dragonflies for implanted listening devices.  [I told you guys the VRWC had gone high tech!  Do you Ever listen to me?  Nooooo.  When you find microphones on dragonflies I want my promotion, you bastages!]

122 thoughts on “NSA File Capture Obtained By This Writer, At Great Peril”

        1. Shush! It’s a secret. The more people know about the Baen slide shows the more will show up. The day may come when Toni runs out of free books before everyone there gets one.
          fyi, the great and glorious Toni Weisskopf does a slide show presentation of Baen cover art at most Southeast cons. She brings along big boxes of Baen hardback books and gives them out at whim to folks in the audience who amuse her. I got mine for reminding her how a while back the Bar Flies got Ringo his Romance novelist award by taking advantage of an on line voting poll. Hey, they set up the rules and we just followed them. (It was for Ghost by the way in case anyone wondered)

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            1. The only time I’ve gone to an official Baen event, it was a Worldcon party. It was there that I relearned the valuable SCA lesson that it’s a lot less safe to stand behind fighters talking with their hands than pilots talking with their hands.

              I also learned the dangers of getting trapped in a gaming conversation with Ryk Spoor, which were less physical but also involved a lot of gesturing. :)

              It was a fun party, but next time I bring a helmet. :)

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                1. I think Millennicon generally counts… :) But yeah, we get a lot of Baen guests and Baen author readings in Ohio, but not so much of the Baen official events. And it would be nice to have meetup dinners or shooting range things or Air Force Museum visits or such, even without a convention.

                  (Yeah, when David Drake specially notes the atomic bomb stuff at the Air Force Museuma as spooky, and I’m just thinking of it as an unremarkable part of childhood… maybe we’re a little bit weird here.)

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                  1. I plan to attend Millenicon, we will have to touch base closer to time! And yes to dinner/range ideas. Right now I’m going to go sleep off the con crud though.

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            1. You’re not alone, pohjalainen. I can’t go, either. I can’t even attend the cons in my home town! At least I have a ‘spy’ that attends most of them and tells me about them. And no, I’m not talking about Sarah — she’s an OPEN agent, as we say int he business.

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              1. Well, I have to admit that I haven’t gone even to the one con in Finland, Finncon, more than once, and it has been held in my home town a couple of times after that. I think. But there wasn’t anything that sounds quite as much fun as that Baen thing.

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              2. I can’t go either– 1- it is during fire season 2- my immune system doesn’t do well on planes and — money is a factor as well. *sigh it sounded like a lot of fun.

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  5. First of all, when you are SOCMOB, the name of the person who inevitably approaches you is not “Bad Dude” but “SUMDUDE”.

    As in, “I was standing on the corner, minding my own business when sumdude walks up and …”

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  6. The scary part is, I expect real transcripts to be even dumber (though not nearly so funny).

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    1. Vacuuming up all our communications…I remember when we used to be able to say, with pride, that we didn’t stoop to such things.

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      1. Damn, so did I … Hey, NSA guy monitoring me – we had Cajun red beans and rice last night for supper, and we got leftovers. If you’re hungry, stop by about 11:30 and I’ll fix up a plate for you. You know the address. ;-)

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        3. Hm. If I ever get the money to visit over there, it will be interesting to see if I will have any problems. Considering I’m otherwise about the most boringly law-abiding person you might find, and look equally inoffensive (well, I do have one tat but who doesn’t, nowadays, and it’s in a place most times hidden by clothes anyway), if there are any questions it will because of associating with people like you.

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          1. Hand up — not one tat in the household. At least two because it is considered trayfe, and one because the significant other considers them, well questionable.

            Besides, really, imagine what they would look like when the skin is 80+?

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            1. What is trayfe?

              I have one tat, got it when I was 18, and could have picked a better one probably, it was not meant to be racist, but to show I was a rebel (rebel flag) nowadays it would be considered racist however, and having it alone will probably put me on some NSA lists, not even considering the fact I hang out with a bunch of anarchists and ne’er-do-wells online. At least it is covered by a short sleeved shirt.

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              1. Trayfe = non-kosher. Observant Jews are forbidden tattoos. Levitican laws, or interpretations of those laws or something like that. Or maybe it is a Number of the Beast kind of thing.

                Having never seen a tat I thought I would want to look at for the remainder of my life (frankly, most of them are the artistic equivalent of the kitsch for which Christian gift shops are rightly derided, and the few which are artistically worthwhile still don’t appeal to me) I have never bothered looking up the law in hope of finding a loophole.

                It is also why the Nazi practice of tattooing ID numbers on concentration camp inmates was particularly vile.

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                1. From what I recall, it’s one of those “the other tribes do this, so we won’t” identity things. Useful when you’ve been assigned to live in the crossroads of history from nearly Day Zero.

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                  1. IIRC, the “tattoos” were also more like ritual scarring with sometimes some ink– now imagine a Maori style tattoo done that way. (Came up in a Catholic discussion of the same subject.)

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                    1. Well, when you think about it, the general OT way to go (aside from circumcision and the permanent earring hole of permanent voluntary slavery) is to point Israel and all its goodies toward being “unblemished” and the best sort of creatures, highly suitable for serving God by being either priests, for the humans, or sacrifices, for the animals and crops. (And marking a human body was often closely associated with branding animal bodies, which I don’t think Israel was allowed to do either. They painted on their sheep ownership marks, I’m pretty sure.)

                      But this isn’t my area of expertise, and I’m probably wrong.

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                    3. A friend lived among the Maori for a year while her husband worked as their area consulting OBGYN. She choose to send her children to the Maori school, which the Maori originally thought to be strange. Because her children were in school with their children she was drawn into the woman’s community and, as she is the polite and respectful type, was found an acceptable outsider.

                      The Maori tattoo is earned, at least in the case of the woman’s facial markings. The family (extended) decides when the woman has reached the level — it is a recognition of status within the community.

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            2. No tats in this household either. I did see a woman in her late 60s with tats on her body and she was wearing a loose wife-beater. She was showing off the tats– *shudder

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              2. I was sitting in the bookstore where we hold our knitting group one evening when a young lady with golden hair came by in a soft green dress. When she turned in my direction I noticed that she had a large green and yellow butterfly tattooed on her chest. It s wing span reached from shoulder to shoulder. I couldn’t help but think that someday that butterfly will be more of a luna moth.

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              3. No tats here, either, but I might consider Molon Labe or Sat Cong. (Y’all know what the first means; the second is Vietnamese for “Kill Communists.”)

                Now, as for tats on others, I wouldn’t mind meeting a gal who had Maxwell’s equations for a tramp stamp. Whee! Physics slut!

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            4. Besides, really, imagine what they would look like when the skin is 80+?

              I was a teenager before I knew tattoos could be applied to anything but uncles and grandfathers that had been to war….

              The best one was on a guy who must’ve been about 80, a lawnmower on his arm.
              Every morning, after he shaved his face, he carefully shaved a path in the arm hair behind the mower…..

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              2. My one grandpa was both Navy and Merchant Marine, he had lots of tats, farm animals between the knuckles on the fingers of each hand (mostly worn off from removing hide while working on vehicles) eyes tattooed around each nipple, a heart with the name Pat on his forearm (nobody knew who Pat was, his wife’s name was Irene) others that I don’t remember, and one that I didn’t understand the significance of until I was older (a rooster in a noose on his calf, think about it).

                Yeah I was a little older (probably not a teen though) before I realized people other than former sailors wore tats, you just assumed when you saw a guy with tats he was former Navy.

                The best tat I ever seen was an old sailor with a dotted line tattooed around his neck, and the words ‘cut on the dotted line’

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                1. Now that the Navy has mostly quit using steam, the traditional machinist’s mate’s tattoo, a three-bladed blue propeller on each butt cheek, is no longer generally understood. Why, an old guy went back to the Philippines a while ago, re-visiting scenes of fun liberty times, and had the Filipina gal ask, “Why you have electric pans tattooed on you ass?”

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            5. Have seen, when I was young one of the women living in nearby old folk’s home for the deaf had one, a flower on her upper arm. She was in the habit of showing it off when the weather permitted, by wearing sleeveless shirts.

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              1. And I got mine when the husband of a friend decided to learn how to make them, he got his own shop a few years later (and a few years after that they got a divorce). It’s a small tribal, tattooed on their sofa. Good work too, even if I was one of his first subjects (which was one of the reasons why I picked a tribal, less likely he’d botch it…).

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          2. My brother has Calvin and Hobbes on his calf. I’ve always wanted a dragon but I haven’t found a design I want to commit to yet. I’ll likely get a shield knot at some point but no ink yet, darnit.

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            1. I have been threatening that if I manage to write a bestseller (well, I haven’t defined what a bestseller would mean for this purpose, I think lots of actual money besides getting on some lists somewhere so I do have some wiggling room even if something happens ;)) I’m going to get two more, a small griffin on one shoulder and straight snake on my left forearm, head pointing towards my hand. Symbolism and all that.

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    2. And then of course you have that alternative loved by fathers with teen age daughters everywhere, SOMPCMS (sitting on my porch, cleaning my shotgun). “So, you’re my Callie’s date for tonight? Hand me that bottle of Hoppe’s and let’s talk.”

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      1. True story: many years ago, I was in the living room of a friend of mine showing him how to field strip and reassemble his Garand rifle on the living room table when his daughter arrives home with her date.

        I’ve never heard the word “Dad” expressed with so many different emotional meanings at once.

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          1. Beloved Spouse and I are in long standing agreement that there will be no such tom-foolery where the Daughtorial Unit is concerned. Any lad bold enough to court her isn’t likely to be deterred by firearms and is on his own.

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        2. I heard this story from someone else, and the boy won points from the dad by being really interested in the re-assemble, and serious negative points from the daughter for the same thing.

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          2. My uncle tried a similar thing by showing off his sword and knife collection.

            Dear Husband converted him to a supporter by being almost as much of a sword geek as my uncle….

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        3. Grandma Gertie went about it all in an entirely different mode. When my mother got home from her date Grandma would take the young man back to the kitchen. There she would sit him down and ply him with food, say some fried chicken and biscuits. While his guard was thus rendered down she would involve him in friendly conversation.

          My mother was not exactly comfortable with arrangement for a number of reasons, including that she never sure if she got second dates on her own merits or for her mother’s cooking…

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  8. I’m worried about all these bad dudes in your head, Sarah. Maybe you should see a shrink. Or an exorcist.

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    1. No! Those are her Writing Demons! She needs those. Just needs a way to keep them a little more under control.

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      1. Beware of anyone who tells you that alcohol and/or drugs are needed for the containment spells. Everybody knows that all you need are a few feline familiars. Truly powerful writer tend to resemble crazy cat people.

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      2. “I say to you againe, doe not call up Any that you cannot put downe; by the which I meane, Any that can in turn call up somewhat against you, whereby your powerfullest Devices may not be of use. Ask of the Lesser, lest the Greater shall not wish to Answer, and shall commande more than you.”

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  9. In light of the above communications, please be informed, we have been notified that Noah’s Boy will be landing on our doorstep shortly. ;-)

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    1. I thought you were supposed to realize you were in the wrong song. Particularly if this happens in Winslow, Arizona.

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  12. I love the typical American response to knowing that one is being surveilled, which is to give the surveillors something worth surveilling, usually involving trying to confuse the %#&% out of them.

    Years ago, the floating SCA canton was called to a full dress fighter practice on the flight or hanger deck (varies according to who you hear the tale from), to give the Russians who were overflying something to report. In the version I heard, there was supposedly intel chatter for weeks trying to figure out what it was all about. (http://merryrose.atlantia.sca.org/archive/1999-02feb/msg00396.html)

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    1. Hey – it’s in our nature. A couple of years ago, I reviewed a book “Voices Under Berlin” – about the early Cold War days when US military intelligence managed to tap into the Russian phones.

      One of the plot lines concerned the efforts of the American military linguists to freak out the Russions watching them, by staging elaborate charades.

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    2. Hah, hadn’t heard that one. Love the SCA tales. Thanks.

      Lady Ilmakka (mostly kind of retired for the last decade, but I was quite active in the early years of the barony of Aarnimetsä)

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    3. Russian Political Leader: “So, comrades — there is the plan to capture capitalist nuclear aircraft carrier via boarding. Any questions?”

      [long nervous pause]

      Russian Admiral: “Comrade, have you seen these recon photos…?”

      [pause as photos are looked at]

      Russian Political Leader: “F***.”

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  14. I enjoyed that, Sarah. As someone who has several friends that WORK for NSA, and someone who has had access to what they produce, I can truly say “don’t worry”. The NSA is looking for patterns and connections. This nexus was probably evaluated and placed in the “ignore” file several years ago.

    I can truthfully say there’s a minor war going on in all the intelligence community over political uses of those agencies. This administration has tried to put the entire intelligence community to use collecting information on its enemies. The fight’s ongoing and constant, and has existed since at least 1947, when Truman “reorganized” the armed forces and did a few other things most folks don’t know about. Having spent 20+ years “on the inside” (also known as “behind the green door”), I worry less about what the NSA does than I do about what the EPA has been up to the last five years.

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    1. My take as well– although my experiences has been in the Navy and then as a contractor for the military in repairing certain types of equipment. I had as much access as the current idiot in the news. —

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    2. True, but saying the EPA is worse than the NSA reminds me of the quote mentioned the other day about Stalin being a softy compared to Lenin.

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    3. Drat! That means we can’t refer to the deep secrets encoded in our books (spread out over all thirteen published titles!) and boost our sales?

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        2. No, the one that reveals the encryption key to the Declaration of Independence and U.S. Constitution, allowing them to be properly decoded and interpreted for the first time in almost two and a quarter centuries.

          (Hint: they mean what they say according to the meanings of the words at the time they were written.)

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    4. Having worked with a few intel soldiers, many of which worked with and wanted to be hired by the NSA, I have to concur. Some make satellite payload controllers (me) seem normal (Others made damn good soldiers.).

      So, Josh, if you’re reading this, never say that I didn’t put in a good word for you.

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  15. Just to add a reference here. The standards for the “Internet Pigeon Carrier” are probably RFC 1149 and RFC 2549. Yes, these are real RFC’s.

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    1. And according to one of the guys I work with, it has actually been implemented (presumably just to show that it could be done). Ping times were atrocious, though.

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      2. But mine’s more interesting….

        *pictures Sarah crouched down behind a bookshelf, wearing a helmet that has a small paperback book in the band*

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          1. Primary specialty: Science Fiction wordsmithing; cross trained in snark and cat herding.

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      1. Thanks for the shortage of sleep last night, I only got like nine pages in, and haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. (there are 53 pages of this stuff)

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  17. I just got Darkship Renegades read about a week ago. Killing John Ringo was very funny, true, but it was also really distracting.

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      1. Sarah really should try harder next time. It didn’t take. In point of fact, I saw him several times over the weekend, and the burner marks seem to have completely healed over. Whatever he’s taking for it, I want a steady supply.

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      1. Being me, I started to try to decide if there was a better time to kill John Ringo, which is surely a personal problem. But nevermind me. I got distracted by the intersection of settings with the Daring Finds mysteries and shape changer books, too. Thing is, people love that stuff because it makes them feel privy to special information, like an insider, and anyone who doesn’t make the connections isn’t going to notice at all.

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        1. Wait, WHAT?!?!

          Now I have to find those dang books…. Addicted to the Daring Finds books, read them twice in a month or so and am going to give them to my little sister.

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          1. It’s the same town is all. And the murders at the aquarium are mentioned in passing.

            Plus, isn’t her fiance’s name Wolf or something like that? Which I kept thinking… is that a hint?

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                  1. …..

                    Damn it, Sarah, now I’m going to have to use my husband’s guilt-balance over finally getting a pistol when his back pay comes in to buy the series, do you realize that?

                    Ben reminds me of my little sister so much it’s scary, although he has better taste in men. (including psycho drama queen)

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          2. er… they’re all set int he same town and characters appear in the other series. Draw One In The Dark, Gentleman Takes A Chance, Noah’s Boy. Nick appears in Noah’s Boy (poor Nick. No wonder he takes to sleeping on Dyce’s floor.)

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            1. I “recognize” the owners of the George, and that explains why they seemed important for no apparent reason, but my library only has one of the Daring Finds books…they’re on the wish list…..

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            2. Oh now that is nasty, I just started reading Noah’s Boy. What about poor Ben and the mice? Or is Ben playing mummy on the sofa? And, why in the world can’t it be Fluffy II who gets the permanent scare?

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