In the old says – and probably still for the poor people trapped in that model – we got told ALL the time that a relationship with your agent or your editor was “like a marriage.”
(Sarah pauses for a moment to allow people to appreciate the rich irony of publishing professionals, possibly the group with the highest number of single people of any professional group were the ones offering this model.)
The idea, of course, was that as in a marriage, you were entering in an exclusive relationship with this person, with whom you’d work very closely, and they’d have your best interests at heart.
I regret to admit I fell for it to an extent. To the extent that I knew leaving an agent (I left three. Well, ultimately four.) was often attended by the drama and emotional turmoil of a bad divorce, including but not limited to the letter that told you that without the ex you were going to starve in the gutter (agent number one.)
I was reminded of this, recently, by reading a magazine article, (which I now can’t find) which claimed your relationship with your employer is “just like a marriage.”
I don’t know why this metaphor is so prevalent, but I wish people would quit it. Just because it’s something permanent and you might (or then again might not) be building something together, it doesn’t mean the relationship is like a marriage. And if you insist on viewing it that way, you’re going to get badly hurt.
In fact I think the continued pushing of the metaphor was supposed to project this image of “love and devotion” and hide the ugly facts behind it.
So, next time someone tells you whatever relationship (business, partnership, classroom, whatever) is like a marriage, here are some things to keep in mind.
1- Unless you’re living somewhere where polygamy is legal (in which case I’m so sorry) marriage is one on one.
Unless you’re your agent’s and/or publisher’s only client/writer (and if you are, how much pull does that company have) this is not like a marriage.
2- Marriage is reciprocal. Yes, yes, for those of you who believe in certain forms of traditional marriages, (and even for those who don’t. As my husband puts it, it’s always good to know who’s to navigate and who’s to steer) there are mutual duties and obligations, well defined and daily enforced. A spouse would miss the other spouse’s contribution if it disappeared
While you are bound to send books to your agent or editor (by contract) they’re not bound to read them as soon as they arrive, and they’re not bound to consider your career the most important thing in their schedule. This is what we refer to as an asymmetrical relationship.
3- Marriage binds your success/failure into a common cause.
Again, unless you’re your agent’s or publisher’s only writer, your publisher/agent can do quite well without you.
I think most employers also fail the test.
So what is the point of the whole “marriage” talk, and how does it work? Well, by making it sentimental and giving the whole thing an image of mutual faithfulness, life-long, the hope is that it will cloud your judgment enough you won’t see the power imbalance in the relationship. If you think that you have invested in a “relationship” and aren’t merely contracting with someone or leasing your copyright to someone for the purpose of getting your book seen by as many people as possible, you’re less likely to drop an agent who doesn’t send anything out or a publisher that messes up distribution or isn’t very prompt on the statements.
So, whenever you encounter that type of metaphor: “marriage”; “family”; “brotherhood” in a context that’s clearly not appropriate – business, politics, place of residence – it’s time to start wondering what people hope to accomplish by evoking such fuzzy, sentimental concepts. Then say you Don’t.
According To Hoyt 
While my agents have been good to me (at least the one I’m still in touch with, as he still hopes for that German mainstream historical from me), I’ve seen so many friends fall prey to so much abuse, horror and frankly vampirism from agents/publishers that I’m finding the marriage metaphor ironic.
Although, to be fair, I also have friends whose husbands/partners took all their money, were unfair, abusive and used emotional blackmail to get their will. So it ultimately depends, I guess, what standards you’re holding a marriage to.
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Aleksandr — that is the same conclusion I came to. “OMG, they mean THAT kind of marriage” :)
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Yep. One drawback is that you can’t call the cops on the abuser and the bruises are usually financial.
However, there ARE authors who then develop a very similar Stockholm syndrome-type behaviour. Fascinating.
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Yes. I’ve seen them all over the Passive Voice. Um… my prediction is that you’re going to see A LOT of police-calling in the next ten years.
BTW depending on how agent law, etc is enforced in Germany, you might be in a completely different boat if this is your GERMAN agent. I MIGHT still be willing to sign with a foreign agent to sell foreign rights — they seem to be about 10 (at least) years behind us. But I could be wrong on that, of course, it’s not first hand.
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Well, I noticed with interest the law suit versus Harlequin. (Weren’t those people agented? Wouldn’t preventing that situation have been an agent’s job?)
And yep, foreign rights are interesting. I have connections to a German agency, so if you’re interested, I’d be happy to make introductions. They are looking to negotiate “direct” with English-language authors for rights. Drop me an email at vashtan at gmail com?
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Will do this evening.
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(If that German agency works out nicely, I, for one, would love to hear about it…)
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This came instantly to my head after reading your first paragraph.
From “The King and I”
A girl must be like a blossom
With honey for just one man.
A man must be like honey bee
And gather all he can.
To fly from blossom to blossom
A honey bee must be free,
But blossom must not ever fly
From bee to bee to bee.
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I just assumed that they were referring to the Muslim style marriage, and the author was of course the wife.
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That would explain why so many authors seem to be stumbling in the dark, as if they can’t see very well. And why they keep getting replaced with younger, more pliable models . . .
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There are times when I am glad that I don’t get metaphorical symbology very well. This would be one of those times. Hearing that the relationship between Author and Agent being like a marriage, instead of invoking the mental image of such a thing and attaching importance to it, merely leads me to examine the ways that such a statement reflects reality and differs from it.
On the down side, there are a lot of things that other people understand immediately, when metaphors or other symbolic representations are used, that I have to have explained to me.
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your relationship with your employer is “just like a marriage.”
No wonder the institution of marriage is in trouble in this country.
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I’ve started seeing this a lot, since employment has been in trouble. All I can say is if your employer says that RUN.
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And also run – very fast – if the employer claims that the company is just like one big family. I’ve worked for a good few of those, and yeah, they were like a big family … but a dysfunctional, exploitative and chronically abusive one!
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Would that be better or worse than a company being an enormous clock?
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Thank you, Mr. Incredible!
*grins*
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You keep using that word but I don’t think that it means what you think that it means.
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Metaphors have power because they evoke certain feelings by comparing differing things and finding a commonality (yea, I started as a poet lol). Saying that– it is very dangerous to take that metaphor (like a marriage) seriously.
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Yes, but when it is not a metaphor one best take marriage seriously, which should include a serious dose of good humor.
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Well – CACS humor in a real marriage is necessary. I don’t find humor in work or publishing a necessary component. ;-) Especially when said work or publishing partner is trying to get away with your money.
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In the old days – unless you’re referring to an old motto, in the old sayings?
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what? I meant in the old days of publishing. Before Indie was an option.
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when I was in the Army, and handed in my resignation, the Department of the Army called to make certain that I meant it, and to find out if I was being forced out for something. The comment from the DA rep was that officers generally don’t leave. They stay in until the army releases them.
I was talking later with a friend who’d spent some time in Army HR. He said that the Army expected officers to stay until fired. Since, at the time, an officer had about a 40% chance of remaining on active duty until making O-4 (Major), that worked out very conveniently for the service, but not so well for the individual officers, who persisted in believing the myth that the people being released all deserved it.
This event, and a few others, convinced me that calling it a military retirement is disingenuous. It ought to be called the military retirement lottery.
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I ‘retired’ — or rather, since British generals usually imply a voluntary movement to the rear when they ‘retire’, I was extruded on the ae limit at the end of last term. —J. R. R. Tolkien
If this is how the U.S. military is using the word ‘retire’, I think they need a visit from Inigo Montoya.
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Maybe more analagous to the agent being the mistress that wants you to have only her, but she’ll keep seeing as many married rich guys as she can. Either way, best not to get involved.
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No, no, considering what agents do, I’d say that — with exceptions for the good ones (I gather there are still at least a few left, and know of one personally who I’d have gone with, 2-3 years ago, in a heartbeat*) — the proper analogy would be Pimp. After all, they’re looking for clients and selling their stable to those clients — and they’re more interested in keeping the clients happy and coming back to the overall stable, right?
(*Now, hearing publisher shenanigans, I would consider that agent to be a hostage in negotiations; I could walk away, but the agent would be harmed, which would make me sad.)
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It sure is like a marriage! One party is looking for cheap labor for menial tasks and ready access to personal gratification, the other party is looking for an indulgent sugar daddy and status derived from another entity’s accomplishments.
Oops – looks like I put on my cynical shoes this morning. They pinch the toes and rub the heel raw. I must have pulled that definition of marriage from the “Feminists say: marriage is legalized rape” file. Where do we go to order the “writers need agents like fish need pogo sticks” T-shirts?
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Cafe Press. And we can have a second one with a fish wearing SCUBA gear, or perhaps a lizard of some kind, sitting at a desk with a caption reading: “Indie Publishing, because some fish thrive out of water.” Or how about a shirt with a salamander at a computer: “Indie authors: the Best of Both Worlds.” And one with a dragon and an astronaut, both on surfboards: “Hanging 10 on the Human Wave.”
OK, I’ll go back to work now.
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I need to make T-shirts. Dan and I were talking about it and came up with a bunch of writer shirts, including “I like you just fine. But my pen-names have taken a vote and want you out.”
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I saw somebody at a party last week who had a t-shirt that said, “Careful, or you’ll end up in my novel.”
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Yeah. I gave one of those to Dave Drake, years ago…
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I have a soft spot for some of Dave Drake’s novels. I try to get my hubby to read them, but they are too much like Vietnam for him.
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One with a stock car, “Indie Publishing, the fastest car on the track” and of course for the sarcasm lovers, you can have a puppy and two kittens playing tug of war with a book, “All three of my fans love my new book!”
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I want the kittens and puppy ;-) T-shirt as long as it is v-shaped.
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Bearcat, I think you’ve just hit an idea that could make you millions… or at least hundreds. I’d like one of those kitten/puppy t-shirts, also. Size lg/regular crew neck.
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I would be all too happy to treat my employment as a marriage as long as when I’m laid off, the employer continues to pay me a high percentage of my previous salary until I either a. remarry (find another job) or b. die.
Until then, ALL employment is simply a financial arrangement: money for time. Kinda like that other profession: the oldest one.
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Even more like the oldest one if you’re expected to pretend there is an emotional component to an essentially financial relationship.
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You mean ‘marriage’ as in you get to wear white because we think you’re a kitchen appliance (or maybe just an appliance…) to do the work without reward and be junked when we get a new model ;-/. It’s always funny that those who do most denigrate marriage as desirable thing, use it as an example of a desirable thing.
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That wouldn’t be so bad if I got to wear stainless steel on my wedding day. *hides*
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A Chain maille wedding gown? Now that would be something. I think I’d go for something in a classic Japanese weave, worn over a satin chemise.
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Umm – I didn’t have a wedding gown for my first (and only) marriage– so ummm, clear my throat, how about a nice tailored suit (since I am getting matronly)– silk– red for luck. ;-)
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Cyn: how did you know my secret weakness is matrons dressed in red silk? Pse send pics of yourself thus attired.
;-)
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LOL – Sorry my hubby has the pic clutched to his heart. I can only pry it out of his cold dead fingers. Solly– solly– (and he ain’t dead yet).
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Probably just as well. At my advanced age, seeing pics of comely matrons in red silk would cause heart stoppage.
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I have to agree they need to stop with the marriage analogy. Using that analogy on me I’ve then been with my “current” wife 12 years this October 9th except she isn’t the wife I married. The one I married left me by selling my house to another woman who decided to keep me and says that my previous marriage would count with her. This wife however is a total skinflint and can’t seem to give me a raise worth anything.
“Marriage” sucks and I’m not even married.
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Another possible item for your list: although not everyone would agree this is true, God has a hand in marriage. Likening another relationship to that one tries to elevate the first in a deceitful manner while denigrating the second and denying its spiritual aspect.
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Marriage is a partnership where two people join to love, honor, and protect one another. It’s also the means where we ensure the next generation. Work is also a partnership of sorts, but it doesn’t have anywhere near the same level of interaction – call it a limited partnership, defined by contract.
From what I’ve seen of the publishing industry, the writer/agent/publisher relationship is much more like indefinite indentured servitude. No thanks.
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For a variety of reasons it is not one I wish to discuss outside this circle (reasons why ought be apparent) but rather than marriage the better metaphor for this relationship would be the plantation. The inflammatory structure fits all too well: Massa Publisher, Overseers, House & Field Hands, promises that Massa luv you and will take care of you if you a good …
Which leaves Indie publishing as the freeholders and tenant farmers.
Yeah – toss that metaphor on the table at the next company picnic. Might be wiser to use the Hebrew children in Egypt, although that leaves you with forty years wandering the desert. OTOH, it leaves the iPad & Kindle as stone tablets …
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I know a fellow who’s all business unless he wants something from me whereupon our abiding relationship is invoked. I think we both know how sincere he is and how much I believe him.
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Wow! You have contacts in DC? (runs.)
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