*She publishes her stories as Stryder Dancewolffe.*
Shooting for the Stars, or why it’s important to have dreams that may seem unreachable.
by Stryder Dancewolffe
When I was a small child, but after I had been told I’d be lucky to live to adulthood; I decided that I would grow up and be a paleontologist. I was probably only eight or nine, and I came from a relatively down to earth family. I remember it being my mother that told me, though it could have been any number of the adults I grew up around, ‘You should get your head out of the clouds’.
I had already learned that I wasn’t allowed to disagree with the adults, at least not aloud. But, I also remember, that the first time whoever it was said this to me, I knew one thing. That I may dream of the stars, and maybe, maybe I would fail in my attempts to reach them, but at least, in trying, I would get off the ground.
Throughout my life, I’ve met people, or been with people, who have tried to convince me to be more realistic with my dreams, because I’m disabled, because I won’t live as long as other people, because I dream of doing things that even healthy people find hard to accomplish. Every time they say something that gets my back up, that frustrates me, that belittles me, that same calm voice rings in my head, encouraging me to keep reaching for those stars.
It has become my inner mantra. ‘I may not reach the stars, but in reaching for them, I will at least get off the ground.’
I have had many obstacles in my life, and my dreams have changed, as they often do, but those words, always give me strength, no matter what the obstacle in my way. I know, that in trying, I am one step closer than I would be if I gave up. To me, that says something.
I’m not trying to say that my little mantra will give you your dreams, I don’t even really believe that it will give me mine. It just gives me the strength to fight for them, to give value to the journey; to appreciate each tiny step I take, to value that I am moving, and that by moving, I am not standing still. Which may seem obvious, but it’s one of those obvious things that people seem to not notice. If you are not moving, it usually means you’re standing still; but so many people; spend their whole lives, standing in one place.
It is easy to say, that the things going against us are too strong, too big, too powerful. Easier to give up, to stop moving, or to never even start; to lie to ourselves and belittle our dreams, to accept the ‘truths’ my mother tried to tell me, and set our goals closer to the ground, easily attained. It is a lie, or a truth, depending on how one looks at it, that one must struggle against every day, if one is to reach the stars.
Whatever the obstacle; it can usually be overcome, given enough creativity and willpower; if you want to overcome it; and if it can’t be overcome, then you can even come to find the beauty in struggling against it anyway. Two of my biggest obstacles; are my struggles with my Id; and my failing health. My Id; I beat him regularly between my mantra and my experience in fighting with it; my failing health, falls into the category of things I struggle against that I know may defeat me, but that I feel is worth fighting against anyway.
The thing is, we all have obstacles, and I’m not any stronger or smarter, or braver than anyone else, I just believe in taking one more step. I may never reach those stars, but every step I take, that gets me closer to them; every step I take, before I fail, before I fall, before I die; is one step closer. I’m looking forward to seeing how far I get.
According To Hoyt 
Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp,
Or what’s a heaven for?
Robert Browning, “Andrea del Sarto”
For contrary position, see Genesis 11:5–8
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“I know, that in trying, I am one step closer than I would be if I gave up.”
That’s going up on my inspiration wall. Thanks!
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My dad used to say, when I asked him if I could do something, “You won’t know until you try.” I’ve never been afraid to reach. I’ve failed as much as I’ve succeeded, but I still keep trying. My goal, before I’m done, is to see that the world is a better place for my having been here, at least for some. Only God can judge if I’ve succeeded. That’s fine by me.
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Only God can judge if I’ve succeeded.
The Agent programs have a pretty good idea too. Just never forget. If you see you, you do what we do…run.
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ARRRGH…wordpress and it’s lack of edit ability can ruin on-the-fly snark. “If you see one, you do what we do…run”.
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Figured it out Scott – only because I am used to the snark ;-)
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Thank you.
My biggest obstacle writing is my disability and the disorder always hanging over my head. We know my time is limited (isn’t all of our time limited?), but it just makes me try harder.
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You have to do what you have to do, and sometimes that means damn the consequences all speed ahead. When it comes down to it, only we can make life happen the way we want it to unfold, and even then there are surprise twists and turns. Good post.
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I deal with a suppressed immune system because of the meds for my disease (Wegener’s Granulomatosis). I started writing prolifically when I realized that my time was short. Thankfully I will be passing the ten year mark in January. I hope to go a LOT longer.
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It seems, that my Pen name has been ‘corrected’ it’s actually Stryder Dancewolffe for anyone who was wondering. Thank you all for the positive comments, and I’m glad some of you have taken inspiration from this.
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Sorry. STOOPID spellchecker.
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Shouldn’a thet be stooped spellczechker?
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When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut. I guess failed in that dream, but finished up a career in the USCG as a rescue helicopter pilot because I started following it, in my own way. I found something while I was reaching for the stars that meant more to me than anything I might have done if I hadn’t started down the path. The 66+ people whose lives were saved on my missions might have been saved by somebody else, and probably would have been. But I get the memories, and I can settle for that. Let the dream lead you. If you don’t get where you expected, you might get someplace better, or just get someplace really good.
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My karate teacher, a few years ago when I was taking karate, explained (in so many words) that if you hit the bad guy with the absolute intent to kill, you might hurt him bad enough to get away.
Okay… so that’s not the same thing, but it sort of is.
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Your post was well written and moving,yet, somehow I can hear Tim Allen saying “Never give up, never surrender”? > This is not at all a dig at what you said, simply something I came away form the movie with. You said it much more eloquently. I don’t know how to say this exactly, just that you expanded a philosophy I believe in
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I too had dreams — of being an astronaut, or a pilot, or any number of things which required 20/20 eyesight; mine is 20/50 left, 20/150 right. Pretty-much any career involving knowledge of advanced mathematics; I have never run across anyone who could effectively explain to me how algebra is supposed to work (in fact, in my entire life, only one person who has ever tried to teach me advanced math has ever bothered to ask “Do you understand this?” — and the look on his face when I answered “No” stays with me to this day). In short: I am what I am today because any other possible paths were foreclosed long ago, with no hope of ever finding a workaround.
Which is why, when I read posts like this, I want to slap someone.
I stopped believing this “you can be anything if you try” nonsense before I cleared third grade, because it patently wasn’t true. As for “taking steps”: “Do. Or do not. There is no ‘try’.” And failure is still failure, no matter how it is dressed up.
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True, some limitations are game closers. But there are too many people who are willing call the game on irrelevant grounds.
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@CF But there’s a difference between someone arbitrarily deciding that you can’t do something just because that’s their opinion and trying something yourself and discovering that you can’t do it and then failing or even things that you simply cannot physically do. When I’ve been told to be ‘more realistic’ by someone else, they’ve often made a judgment on me without really understanding what I am and am not capable of, and they may prevent me from doing something I can do perfectly well and love doing.
Scenario 1: I was told to pick a more realistic major, but I struggled for three years to major in Japanese. I failed, but it was my own failure through my own effort, and even though I didn’t reach my goal, I am conversationally fluent in Japanese now. I didn’t not try because someone told me I couldn’t do it and to do something more realistic, and even though it’s a failure I did acquire useful (and fun!) skills out of it. The person who told me not to try knew nothing about Japanese, and I didn’t know enough yet to tell that I would fail at it. They happened to be right about my abilities without any actual knowledge.
Scenario 2: Now if I wanted to run a marathon, and someone told me to be more realistic, I might agree with them. I’m not physically capable of running, and this is readily apparent. :) In that case, their telling me to be more realistic isn’t upsetting because they have the information necessary to make a judgment call. They know, and I know, and we can both see that this isn’t within my capabilities. They would be right about my abilities, and they have the knowledge.
Scenario 3: Here someone doesn’t have the necessary information to make a judgment call, and they dismiss your goals out of hand. They don’t know anything about your goal, only that they wouldn’t consider it for themself, and they try to prevent you from reaching a goal that you may or may not be able to reach. They don’t know. You may not know. They’re not actually able to make that call, and they could prevent you from doing things that you’re entirely capable of but won’t know until you try. They would be wrong about your abilities, and they made the call without actual knowledge.
This last scenario is the one I feel was addressed in this post.
As for failure, even if you fail at something, you’ve learned along the journey more about yourself, more skills, had more life experiences. (I tend to learn more when I’m in the middle of royally screwing something up than when I’m sailing along easily.) Whether or not you rack it up as a total loss and something you shouldn’t have done depends on whether you feel you got something valuable out of the attempt, and that really depends on the person. Some things I really wish I hadn’t tried to do, but others, while failures, are easily worth what I gained from them. :)
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Usually, those who tell you your dreams are stupid are the ones who have no dreams themselves, so they tear down others and hope you won’t notice their lack of drive.
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Or, for the more charitable interpretation, they are trying to protect you from heartbreak and failure. Unfortunately, no matter how kindly meant, that’s like keeping a malamute in a small apartment without much exercise. Ships are safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.
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Failure is a regular part of life and learning. It shouldn’t be an end. It’s usually temporary, and can be overcome. Sometimes we try things that are physically impossible and fail. Sometimes we try something we’ve never, ever done before, and it takes several failures to accomplish the task. When I was a fourth-class cadet, I HAD to take and pass a physical education class. It consisted of four sports: boxing, wrestling, swimming, and gymnastics. My school didn’t have gymnastic equipment, and my attempts there were the first time I’d even been introduced to some of the things being done. I failed a lot before I mastered the equipment.
Swimming almost washed me out. I can’t float – my body density, even now at 66 years of age, is >1. Even with full lungs, I float about six feet below the surface. We had to master the dead-man float. I finally convinced my instructor that I couldn’t do it by sitting on my legs in 15 feet of water for a minute. I STILL can’t float.
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