I don’t know if you’ve ever watched the skit about the five minute psychiatric cure. I’m linking below. When our younger boy was going through a particularly trying time – ages eleven through fifteen or so. His brother was earlier, say between 10 and 14 – we made him watch this skit so many times that when he went to the counselor at one point and she told him to “just stop it” he perked up and said, “Or you’ll bury me alive in a box?” (THAT was a fun phone call from the school. Yes, it was.)
Anyway, if you don’t feel like watching through it, the five minute psychiatric cure is simple. The psychiatrist answers everything with “Stop it. Just stop it.” (The clincher is “or I’ll bury you alive in a box.”)
Today’s post is sort of like that. It is about all the things I’ve noticed keep people from writing fast and well. Well, I’m going to give you a cure for it.
Do you find yourself wondering if your story will ever be good enough?
Good enough for what? Good enough by whose definition? Sure, if you’re aiming for a particular house, they probably have a definition of good you have to meet. If you’re really invested in that… well, read the stuff they put out and then try to write that way. And then…
Write, just write it.
But what if you’re not aiming for a particular house, and you just don’t want to embarrass yourself?
Give it up. You’re going to embarrass yourself. The alternative is never to write a line. The stuff that seems brilliant to you now, will seem like dross in five years or five months (I hope, because that means you’ll have grown) and if you’re foolish enough to read it over, you’ll cringe. So you’re going to embarrass yourself. Never mind that. Write it. Just write it.
But what if you don’t know if there’s room in science fiction for ballet dancers who do brain surgery in null grav? Is the idea too silly?
As Ric Locke is fond of pointing out, given a nearly infinite – for our purposes infinite – market, there probably is someone interested in in whatever crazy sh*t you’re interested in, and probably crazier than anything you can come up with. In fact there probably are enough people to make you rich beyond the dreams of avarice. Write it. JUST write it.
But what if what I’m writing about involves some weird sexual thing and they think I’m pervie?
Is it needed for the plot? Does it add motivation to the character? Yeah, some people will think you’re pervie. BUT if it works for the story, they won’t really care. The “pervie” rumors will only make the story more popular. No? Oh, I could tell you stories of what’s rumored about some of the best sellers… Doesn’t hurt them at all. (I’ve thought of circulating a rumor that I’m into walruses, because of the publicity. But some misguided fen would get one to a con to please me.) If this is what you feel a need to write — write it. Just write it.
But what if my mom reads it?
Well… depends. You could not send it to her. In extreme cases, write under a pen name, and don’t tell her. Of course, my solution, of becoming a professional writer in a language neither of my parents speaks at all is a thing of beauty and only to be undertaken if you are particularly insane. However, look, if you’re an adult, whatever you think you’re writing that will shock your parents probably won’t. Chances are they’ve figured out you know about both politics and sex. So… Write it, just write it.
But what if my idea is too brainy?
See above. There are enough people who like their fiction nice and cerebral to make you wealthy beyond envy. Write. Just write it.
But what if no one likes it?
Oh please. Whatever you write – I guarantee it – will be any number of persons’ bestest most favoritest story ever and any number of persons’ most hated piece. You can’t avoid that. That is the fate of all fiction. So write it. JUST write it.
But what if I don’t want to write it?
Then stop telling everyone you want to be a writer. And stop whining.
But what if I don’t want to stop whining? And I don’t want to write?
Write it. Just write it.
Or I bury you alive in a box.
According To Hoyt 
Time for me to get started on that “Girl’s horse turns into the man of her dreams” story then huh?
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Been reading old Supergirl stories, huh?
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don’t forget to put on “Black horse and a Cherry Tree” while you’re writing it :)
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…I seriously want to figure out what that song is supposed to be about.
In the meantime, horse-turns-into-man-of-dreams isn’t at all a bad concept, I’d say!
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Yes indeedy….
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Y’know, it occurred to me just the other day that a Valdemaran Companion might simply be the adult stage of My Little Pony. But know, I ain’t writing that one. Bad enough to have thought of it.
Besides, I’m working on a story explaining how Winnie the Pooh was the long lost Care Bear. you’ll have to wait to find out what happens to Eeyore, but there’s some major /Fic for the Kanga/Roo shippers.
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RES — you know there’s a place you know where for people who think this stuff, right? As for the adult stage of My Little Pony — now my kids are gathered around my desk convinced I’m going to have a heart attack from laughing. YOU are baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
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My kid is totally into the current My Little Pony (which, though it is marketed to the preschool age, is apparently written with enough “meat” for tweens+), and yes. Yes, Companions are totally the adult stage. And I don’t mean having a Companion. I mean being a Companion. (The Herald is just for opposable thumbs; Earth Ponies don’t have the levitation abilities of Unicorns, I’m told.)
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Thank you.
For future reference: Do you also administer much-needed smacks upside the head? :D
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She does. She also applies pointy boots when necessary. And they HURT! ;-)
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There are reports that her “pointy boots” hurt dragons. (She’s never used them on me). [Nervous Smile]
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well, as you know, Paul, I have a weak spot for cats and dragons. So, you’re safe. :)
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Does that mean new shifter novel soon? *ducks and runs*
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Thank you for this post! I so needed it! For some reason it hit my right buttons! Strange that words written my other people never clicked, for what ever reason you covered all the excuse buttons in a way that did.
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This was the post I needed today, particularly the reminder that no matter how unconventional your work, someone wants to read it. Not that this drives my writing, but it lights my mood when I’m not ;)
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My mom already read my fanfic porn, even before I got bedroom scenes with my original stuff. And, ha, I read her stuff when she wrote a Regency. (Hers is much more tame than my fanfic. *beth buffs her fingernails on her shirt*)
Reading-and-then-writing fanfic porn is probably a fast way to get embarrassment out of one’s system, I’d say. Normalizes the whole thing pretty quickly! (Not all fanfic is porn, of course… But Rule 34 is in full effect!)
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I worry whether the story will be good enough for me.
M
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That never happens, Mark.
Write it anyway.
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Listen to Ric
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Sarah what happens when translate you novels into Portuguese? I think you already have one novel in Spanish?
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No idea and no. The only translated novel is in Japanese.
Actually I’d love for the first Musketeer mystery to get translated to Portuguese. It’s dedicated to my dad and he’d like to read it.
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Fantastic post. Just what I needed this morning. Thank you! :)
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Very refreshing. And timely.
My personal motto is “nothing real is ideal.” We have to give up the idea of perfection when we make things real, but the alternative is too sad to contemplate.
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