According To Hoyt

Bright Shiny Buttons

Okay, ladies, gentlemen and small fuzzy animals.  Vignettes are postponed till tomorrow, when there might also if Oyster has time, be a promo post.

This is the time in the blog where (Giovanni Guareschi readers will get this) I turn the picture of Heinlein to the wall, put my hands on my hips and speak in my own way.

Before we start, I want to point out this is my one and only post on this sh*t and that it is done ONLY to be my one and only post on this thing, because a) I have a job.  (Three, actually, if you count insty and pjmedia, but who’s counting?) b) I don’t have time to get into playground fights. c) Did I mention I have a job?  And a family? And friends?  All whom come before playground fights.

You know “why does it always have to be snakes?”  In my case it’s “why does it always have to be the attacking stupid?”  And more importantly why does the attacking stupid have to strike while I’m really busy, away from home and trying to finish work before a convention?

It never fails.  It’s like I send “I’m out of home and busy” beacons throughout the world and the stupid go “Oh, great time to have fight with my mirror and pretend it’s Sarah.”  It looks something like this:

The last time this happened it was because the VolksDeutsche Expatriate decided it was a great time to fight with me on the meaning of being American while I had cued up posts and was a space convention minding my own business.  He was all:

While I was all:

And he got so mad that he faked a tweet from me saying I’d punch him. Which is quite insane because a) I don’t tweet. b) If I ever threatened anyone in public, I’d threaten to have them have something silly happen to them, like being eaten by a komodo dragon.

Or maybe danced to death by a secretary bird:

But mostly I don’t threaten people, certainly not with anything physical, because my life is like this:

And if it weren’t, I’d rather it be like this:

It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a physical fight. I never want to be in another again. And frankly I don’t have much use for online fights again, because my life is mostly like this:

This time the sequence is, if anything, even more bizarre. On Tuesday Amanda Green asked me to swap days with her at MGC. It has occurred to me I should give people reassurance I didn’t forget I promised, long ago, to put up a Sad Puppies Permanent page to become a review and recommend site which might give indies (in all fields, not just SF a chance to shine.) Back then (I’m sure you can find the post if you look at MGC) I said we were bringing the movement in for a landing, decoupling it from apparent pursuit of awards (apparent? Yeah. More on that) and retiring the name with dignity to become a place to find books you want to read.

Now, when I put up that post, many months ago, I was very surprised at getting this reaction from a bunch of blogs supposedly on our side:

They were all like “why does she think we need a review/recommend site, when we already have this one.” So in the post at MGC I tipped my hat to the right, pointed out that yes, I read their reviews but we had different sensibilities. (Some of them, at least, draw the review line on the philosophy of the author. Eh, to each his own, right.)

My horribly offensive post is here: About those lost puppies.

Understand I posted this because I felt mildly guilty, the same way I feel mildly guilty about being late sending out books and shirts and stuff promised to fans, because this year has entailed a month of auto-immune attack for every two months well, and since I have more deliveries than UPS, when I’m finally well, I have to catch up on that month of lost work.

I did not feel guilty about a) not turning over Sad Puppies to someone else. Sad Puppies was Larry’s, then Brad’s, then Kate’s, and is now mine and next year will be mostly Amanda’s. We were in it from the beginning, and we have decided long ago that it would stay within the cabal, because none of us — all of us public figures to a degree or another — can afford to have something associated with our name taken down a crazy road without us having control over it. b) Not putting up a list for the Hugos — I was never going to put up a list. And I feel queasy about encouraging people to vote for an award that has been so thoroughly tainted. c) Not putting up a list for the Dragon. The Dragon is bigger than any of us. Some small names got in last year, but they were just because it was the first time. Right now I’m not big enough for the dragons, and I doubt any who covet it are either. d) I thought it was time to get out from between the fight of the Volksdeutshe expatriate and the guardians of chorfdom, because they’re all like this:

And I’m all like this:

THE POINT of the fight for the Sad Puppies was never to get the Hugos, to conquer the Hugos or to hold the Hugos in perpetuity. It was simply to show that the fight was rigged and in the possession of a small clique.

THIS was amply proven by Larry and Brad, and if more was needed, Kate did a double reverse maneuver and actually proved that even if you did EVERYTHING they wanted you to do from open nomination, to more than the slots per category, to actually attending conventions and being very very nice, they would still attack you if you weren’t one of the club.

To continue participating in the Hugos at all after that would be stupid. Like this:

We’ve proven the dot isn’t there to catch, you’re never going to catch it, if you caught it it wouldn’t be worth anything, and frankly those of us in possession of more than a back brain understood both that the fight was never really over the Hugos and that we were never going to catch it. And at some point, it was going to stop and come in for a landing, while we went back to something more productive, like this:

Because this is how we actually make a living, and this is what matters to us. (More about awards in a moment.)

We figured the Chorfs would be celebrating their making of the Hugo more selective with this maneuver:

Vile 666 would be throwing a party like this:

The VolksDeutsche Expatriate would be commanding his armies like this (Only with a photo of himself behind him):

And we’d be:

So, imagine my surprise when my post immediately attracted two commenters yelling at me for… well… actually I have no idea because most of it makes no sense. You guys can see the comments yourselves. There’s something about me looking down on people who don’t use the right oyster fork. You guys know my background and my question on this is… there’s a FORK? FOR OYSTERS? Why?

The other one apparently had something about me slandering other puppy-descended movements, which frankly… was news to me. First slander doesn’t mean what they think it means. Second, I’m fairly sure to slander them I’d have to mention them, and I don’t recall I have, except for Superversive, for whose anthology, Forbidden thoughts I wrote a short story. (It was as a press of that name needs to make it a rather more on-the-nose anthology than I’d have made it, but the point is I wasn’t the editor, the stories weren’t mine to choose, and it would be a funny world if my aesthetics were the only ones that counted, right? So, saying they have different tastes from me doesn’t count as a slander, right? particularly when I still wrote for them. Either that or I don’t know what slander means. Maybe I slandered them BY writing for them? I’m SOOOOOOO confused.)

What I do understand however is that the idea of bringing the movement for a landing was absolutely right, because in the middle of their bilge, these derp canoes made it a point of saying we should save our fight until we “push the SJWs out of publishing.”

This was so crazy I kind of glossed over it, until an alert reader answered that point and then I was like:

And then I was like:

1- This is EXACTLY what we were accused of by the left and the media. Do you mean you guys on the right believed it? Wow.

2 – This was never part of our intention, because we’re not crazy. Most of us are Americans who believe in freedom of speech. You’re allowed to write whatever you want to. And we’re allowed to point and laugh or simply ignore it.

3- How in actual heck do you propose to “push someone out of publishing”? Newsflash for those who live in backward European countries — there’s indie. Anyone can publish. Sure, you can destroy anyone’s readership, maybe (only you can’t if they’re on the left, unless you’re more left than they are) but how do you plan to make sure they don’t change names and publish again?

4- It is possible to block people from awards, which is what the left has been doing. But awards are THEIR game, because they’re a way to get tenure and better teaching salaries. What do they mean to us? Not a heck of a lot. So pushing them out of the awards would be a lot of work that gains us nothing, particularly since they’ve changed the rules so they can’t be pushed out.

5- If you somehow DID manage to push them out of TRADITIONAL publishing (which was never a Sad Puppies objective and which we DO NOT approve of), you’d not push them out of sales, distribution, or any of the other places now owned by the left, so you’re kind of like:

That’s what you want to do? Fine. We’ll:

You rock on. But we will be like this:

Because awards are a game of the left. And a game of authors with a great big following. My books sell okay, but I’m not yet where I could win a Dragon, or where it would do any good for my career, because you know what? Amazon rankings don’t lie. Someday, maybe.

Until then I’ll be doing this:

And you should too.

And Sad Puppies will be a review and recommend side, everything working out this next week.

You want to have a fight with establishment SF? We might even hold your coat. Depending on how sane you are.

BUT you can’t call it Sad Puppies, a name associated with OUR names and therefore of importance to us.

I understand you don’t approve of what I’m doing. I just fail to see why I should care.

This is my last statement on all of this. You guys carry on fighting Mirror-Sarah because I’m busy.