I meant to write a post about something else – three something elses. They came to me one after the other in the pre-dawn hours, when blog posts usually attack.
The problem is by nine am when I actually could sit down and write, I couldn’t remember what in heck I was going to write about.
We’ll start with an announcement – clears throat: A Few Good Men has been nominated for the Prometheus Award. Keep in mind, it’s not yet a finalist much less a winner.
Maybe I should talk about books and stories that are heart’s blood and favorite children.
This is something I’ve never fully understood – nor will I ever, I suspect.
I like everything I write – of course, I do. Okay, not strictly true. There was stuff I wrote that I can’t remember. Plain Jane is one of those. I wrote it in three days, and I can’t for the life of me remember what I wrote in it. I was very shocked going back to find out that it’s divided in sections.
BUT for the normal, not written in a rush because I need the cash, books, I sort of like all of them, more or less. At least, they do, as it were. I might not like the edits done to them, or the cover, or whatever, but I like the books.
And of course, I’m going to rise to the defense of any of my books, if you should diss them.
But in the end, most of them…
Okay, this is best explained by going back to when I was doing submissions on paper and to magazines more or less indiscriminately. Stuff would go out, stuff would come back, I’d send it out again, it was just what it was, no big.
And then I wrote Thirst. When Thirst came out it felt like an insult to the system, and I was crushed for a week, before I sent it out again.
Other stories have had the same effect. Ariadne’s Skein, which I never sold traditionally, and all of space operas, ditto, and then Darkship Thieves. These stories, somehow, were “Heart’s Blood” and “Favorite Children” and seeing them rejected felt like I’d disintegrate.
When Darkship Thieves was nominated, I held my breath, afraid it would not get it, and I tried to console myself in advance.
With Darkship Renegades, while I loved the book, I didn’t get that feeling of “I’ll disintegrate now if it doesn’t get it.”
Which, btw, is a stupid feeling to get. It might never have been nominated at all.
But Darkship Thieves having been nominated, I felt I’d be CRUSHED if A Few Good Men wasn’t, and now I’m holding my breath again – because that book is Heart’s Blood and Favorite Child.
Why? Who the heck knows. I’m donating my mind to science, but not till I die. So for now, it’s a big breath of relief that AFGM is nominated, then breath-holding for almost a year. (Unless it gets kicked out earlier.) And it’s not impugning the process or the people doing it, btw. They of course select what they think best. This is internal, a feeling of protectiveness and tenderness for the book. Which is also stupid, since books have no feelings.
I’m a writer and I’m stupid.
On that – we’ve just paid tuition for the boys, and we’re about to crash land. This is worsened by the fact I’m late on delivery for Baen. The reason I’m late is that I’ve been obsessing over … tight money. Makes no sense, does it.
I don’t want anyone to denude him or herself. I KNOW – good Lord, do I know – most of us are holding on by the edge of bleeding fingernails, and I haven’t even put up anything new in my subscriber page for a while, mostly because I’ve been stuck in a novel. HOWEVER, if you can hit the donate button, it is much appreciated. As I said, we have tuition to pay. There are things that need to be done, including moving – but right now we’re stuck because we don’t have the extra money to rent somewhere for the year or so needed to sell the house. (No, trust me. It’s impossible to sell a house with four cats in it. Particularly these four cats. And then there’s the guys. Even if they’re being good, messes pile up and you can’t show a house that’s a mess and not sell it at a huge loss, which we can’t afford. Or rather, it’s not impossible, but it takes ALL my time until it sells. Which comes to the same loss.) But until we can move, we’re operating at a loss, because… everything has gone up. And my income is delayed because of stress over income. Which, yes, yes, is mind boggling but I have already confessed to being stupid.
At least the indie sales are picking up, which means I MUST get off my duff and put more stuff up. That also has been affected by worry. But it will get one. It has to.
And I’ll resume putting things up in the subscriber area as soon as I resume processing stuff for indie.
For now I’m going to do battle with Through Fire. Just on the effort it’s taking, it should end up being Heart’s Blood, but weirdly that’s not how these things work.